A/N: Thank you all for the reviews and follows. I appreciate them so very much!
I don't own anything related to CBS or Hawaii Five-0. No copyright infringement is intended.
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The team made arrangements to have the memorial service in two days. Adam didn't have any family that they could reach, and Kono was just too emotionally distraught to plan much; so with her permission, Danny, Steve, and Chin handled the arrangements. Kono didn't know if she was relieved or angry that they took care of things. She wanted to help, but at the same time, she felt powerless to do anything.
They all understood her predicament, and encouraged her to participate as much as she felt able to. Danny could tell that she was hovering on the edge of frustration, however, when he noticed her trying to write something—Adam's eulogy, perhaps—and throwing draft after draft towards the garbage can. He knelt down in front of her and held her hands in his, while Steve flanked her on the couch. She had been at it most of the afternoon.
"Kono…hey, stop. It's okay. You don't have to do this right now."
Kono took a deep shuddering breath. "God, what if I don't say everything I want to say? What if I forget something? He deserves the best, and if I…" She closed her eyes in defeat. "Can I tell you guys something?"
Danny sat down on her other side. "Anything."
Kono stared down at her hands. "I really don't want to do this."
Steve nodded. "Of course you don't Kono…"
Kono held up her hand to stop him. "I don't want to do this, because this means that he is really gone. When we come together in two days, it will be because we are saying good-bye. I don't want to…I don't know how to say good-bye to my fiancé, damn it."
This time, Steve pulled her so that her head was resting on his shoulder. "Sweetheart, I'm not going to tell you that it's okay, because it's not. I'm not going to tell you that it'll all be over soon, because it won't. What I will tell you is that I'm proud of the way that you are doing the best that you can. I'm proud of your devotion to Adam. He would be, too."
Kono wiped a solitary tear from her eye. "Thank you both, and if Chin were here I'd tell him the same thing. I know that I'm not the best company right now, but you have to know how much it means to me to know that you are here, even when I can't do anything but cry. All of you have been my rock through all of this."
She suddenly paled as the baby did its best to remind Kono that he or she was there. She was suddenly hit with a bout of nausea that had her running for the bathroom. She barely made it to her knees before she was vomiting into the toilet.
She thought that she should be mortified that she had puked in front of Danny and Steve, but right now, she couldn't make herself care. All she could focus on was keeping her stomach inside her body where it belonged.
She felt the back of her hair being lifted and a cool cloth being placed along her neck, and she sighed in relief. After a few more minutes of dry heaves, she was finally able to sit back onto her heels, although resting her head on her arms was about as much energy as she could muster.
Danny pressed a bottle of water into her hands. "Just rinse, for now. Steve is making you some tea…hopefully it'll settle your stomach."
She nodded and shut her eyes, leaning back against the edge of the claw-foot tub. Danny placed a second cloth on her forehead, and she opened one eye to see him kneeling next to her, with a very sympathetic look on his face. "Do you think you're ready to try to move? We can head back to the couch."
Kono took a breath and let it out, trying to decide whether the baby was going to cooperate just yet. It was funny to even think the word baby. She hadn't really thought much about the idea of her being pregnant – right now, there was just too much other emotion taking up space in her heart. She knew that she would have to come to terms with it eventually. She absolutely wanted this baby, although it was going to be a huge life change for her. How could she not love it? It was a mix of her and Adam. But for now, she had other things to deal with.
Stuffing the emotion back down inside, she turned to her friend. "I think so." She pulled herself to standing with Danny's help, and slowly made her way back to the couch. Steve was just coming out of the kitchen with a mug in his hand.
"Here you go, sweetheart. It has ginger in it, so hopefully it'll settle things down."
She was surprised to feel the warmth from the mug…to her recollection, she hadn't felt much of anything lately, so the heat was a bit startling. She tentatively sipped at the spicy liquid, grimacing as it burned its way down her throat.
"Just try a little and see if it stays down. You don't have to drink the whole thing, but even a little will help." Steve sat back down next to her on the couch, while Danny occupied her other side. Kono didn't even think about it, but slid down so that she could rest her head on the nearest shoulder, which happened to be Danny's.
She managed a few more sips of tea before handing the mug off to Steve. It was barely enough to survive on, but if her stomach cooperated, she would try something else later on.
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Steve was cleaning up the kitchen, while Danny was keeping an eye on Kono. He carefully stood up to turn on a lamp, figuring they might need the light to help Kono chase the monsters away from dark recesses of her mind.
She had been dozing for the past fifteen minutes, but by the time he got back to the couch, however, he could tell that she was finally somewhat peacefully asleep. She had taken some more Tylenol for her headache, and had managed part of a small bowl of the soup he had made—bless his mother for teaching him the fine art of using the crock pot—and had fallen into a much needed sleep.
Steve stood in the doorway, smiling to finally see her resting. He figured she'd be more comfortable on her bed, so he gently scooped her up and carried her into her bedroom, while Danny locked up. He was a little shocked at how little she weighed. Had she always been this skinny? He was understandably concerned about the weight that she had lost, and with good reason. As he laid her on the bed, he lightly covered her with the blanket, frowning at the gauntness to her features. He left a small light on in her bathroom, knowing that she hadn't really liked the dark much lately.
After making sure she was settled, Steve headed back out to the living room and let himself out. He shared his concerns over Kono and she was really doing, as well as firmed up tomorrow's plans to Danny, who had slumped into the couch cushions. After Steve had left, and the house was quiet, Danny had finally realized how tired he was himself. He had chosen the couch, preferring to be closer to Kono's room, in case she needed anything. He punched his pillow a few times to fluff it up before flopping onto his back. He stared at the patterns dancing on the ceiling, the movement eventually lulling him into a light doze.
After an entirely too short amount of sleep, Danny was awakened by the sound of whimpering coming from Kono's room. He instantly knew what it was, and got up quickly. As he came through the doorway, he could tell that something wasn't right.
Kono was turned onto her side, clutching the spare pillow. The problem was clearly written all over her face. The moonlight was reflecting on the shiny path of tears trickling down her cheeks. He couldn't tell if she was having a nightmare, or was just dreaming of happier times, but either way, he was certain that her thoughts were with Adam.
Danny moved to the side of the bed and tried to reposition her so that she was a little more comfortable. He pulled the chair back over and sat down, his body language reminiscent of the previous night. He lightly brushed her hair out of her face, noticing how she calmed almost immediately under his touch.
He wasn't brainless. He knew that her subconscious thought that he was Adam. He wasn't angry or upset at that whatsoever. He just realized that she craved anything that reminded her of Adam. He honestly wished that he could take all of this away. Hell, he wished none of it was there to begin with.
Shaking those thoughts from his head, he looked down at Kono. She seemed to have settled back to sleep once more. Rather than have to make the trek again, he decided to just get his pillow and blankets off of the couch and camp in her room. He couldn't begin to imagine what she was going through, but he guessed that her mind was starting the long process of accepting what had happened, although he knew that she still had a long way to go.
Danny had just settled into sleep on the floor at the foot of her bed when he became aware of the sound of panicked breathing. He sat up and looked over to see Kono sitting upright in the bed, her arm wrapped around her ribs. He jumped up and hurried to her side, turning the bedside table light on. "Kono?"
She looked around wildly. "Danny? Where is he? He was here. Adam was here."
Gingerly, he sat on the edge of the bed. He was fairly certain that Kono wasn't completely awake, and he didn't want to be in her way if she suddenly lashed out. He spoke soothingly, hoping the sound of his voice would settle her once again.
"Kono? It's okay. You're at your apartment."
She clutched at the sheet, still looking around the room. "Danny, he was here. He was talking to me; trying to tell me something, and then he just left. Where did he go?"
Danny took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Kono, look at me." He waited until her eyes were focused on his. "Babe, you were dreaming. You're at home, in your own bed, okay?"
She shook her head, tears pooling in her eyes. "Danny, I'm sorry. It's just that…I miss him so much and…I could see him so clearly…" She took the tissue that he handed her and let him help her lay down again.
He turned the small light off and moved around to the other side of the bed; kicking his shoes off. He sat so that he was leaning against the headboard, pulling the sheet up so that Kono was covered. He shifted so that he was more comfortable, which must have made her think that he was leaving.
"Stay?" Her voice sounded so small, like a child who has forgotten how to trust.
"Of course. Now hush up and go to sleep. I've got to get my beauty rest, you know." He heard her breathing eventually shift into sleep, and let out a breath he didn't even know that he was holding. It was going to be a long night.
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Kono woke up disoriented. She heard a strange rumbling sound coming from next to her. She glanced around slowly; noticing the sleeping form of Danny sprawled on the edge of the bed. He looked reasonably comfortable, flat on his back and snoring softly.
Kono again had tears in her eyes, but this time her heart felt something other than icy constriction. She felt somewhat safe, knowing that Danny, Steve, and Chin were looking out for her. For whatever reason though, Danny especially had been her anchor through this nightmare. She didn't know how she would ever repay him for his kindness. She smiled a tiny wry smile. The Danny she knew would never ask for repayment. He did the things he did, because that was the kind of man he was.
Danny was the protector; the guardian…it partially came from him being a dad and a big brother. She knew that he often used his volume to prevent most people from seeing who he really was, but deep down, she knew that he was so much more than just the haole from New Jersey. He was one of the most loyal, trustworthy people that she knew. There was nothing that he wouldn't do for his friends, and she loved him for that.
She tried unsuccessfully to get out of bed without making noise. Her ribs seemed especially sore this morning. She effectively stifled a groan, but could not suppress the muttered curse that slipped past her lips. She was rewarded for her efforts by the troll-like bed head of Danny Williams as he sat up, trying to figure out where he was. It was not a pretty sight.
Danny jumped up to help her, self-consciously trying to flatten his hair with one hand. "Babe, wait. Let me help you, okay?"
Kono grimaced slightly before allowing Danny to tug her into a seated position. He helped her stand and made sure that she had her bearings before leading her to the bathroom. She closed the door to the small room that contained the toilet, the sink and the shower, leaving Danny to wait in the vanity area. Once she was finished, she poked her head out to check and see if he was still there. "I'm going to grab a quick shower, okay?"
Danny smiled and stepped forward to gather her into a warm hug. "I know that you aren't really hungry right now, but you've barely eaten enough to survive lately. Can I at least make you some toast for breakfast?"
Danny stared Kono down until she finally looked away. "Danny, I'll try. I promise to try, but that's all I can do, okay?"
He nodded, his face relieved. "Babe, I know you're doing the best that you can do. Just don't get mad if I sometimes want to make you try harder. I just couldn't take it if anything else happened to you or the baby, okay?"
She nodded her assent, and then moved to shut the bathroom door. He eventually heard the water start running, so he quickly moved to the guest room where he had stashed his things. Grabbing clean clothes, he darted to the bathroom to change and clean up. He figured he'd hit the shower after breakfast.
Once he was finished, he paused to listen for any sounds of distress coming from her bathroom. Hearing none, he moved to the kitchen to start breakfast. He pulled out some bread, fruit and yogurt. He poured some juice and started the kettle to make some tea. He rummaged through the cabinets until he found a box of assorted herbal teas.
He didn't want to overwhelm her with food, but wanted to see that she ate something relatively healthy. He heard the water shut off, and knew she wouldn't be long.
It only took a few more minutes before she slowly made her way into the kitchen and sat down at the table. He poured some hot water into a mug and placed the box of tea bags on the table. He fixed two plates with toast and fruit, and placed a peach yogurt in front of her. He wasn't sure if she even liked yogurt, but knew it was good for the baby.
She smiled her thanks at him. She knew he was worried about her, but she just couldn't seem to make herself care. She was trying, but there were times when it just felt like it was too much—like she would rather sleep forever than try to function through the pain.
They ate their breakfast in silence. Neither one felt like engaging in small talk; each one appreciating the gesture. After Danny was satisfied that Kono had eaten enough—if you could call half a piece of toast, three pineapple chunks, and four bites of yogurt, (but hey, who was counting)—enough, he helped her move to the couch again.
Once she was situated, he told her that he was going to jump in the shower. He left her the phone and another mug of tea, then darted off to get his things from his overnight bag. After a quick shower, Danny tossed on some clean clothes. As soon as he came back into the room, he could tell that Kono was hurting. She was never one to complain, so he simply handed her the Tylenol and her mug of tea.
He sat on the coffee table in front of her. "Kono, are you okay? Do you need me to call a doctor?"
She shook her head slightly. "It's not just the ribs."
He glanced at her; understanding in his eyes. "You're worried about tomorrow; about the memorial service."
She nodded. "Danny, I don't want to fall apart. I don't want to watch everyone watching me break down. I don't want to know how many people are going to attend just so they could say that they told me he was no good. I hate that I can't be stronger than I am, but…"
Danny reached out and lifted her chin so that she was forced to look into his eyes. "Kono, just stop. You need to hear this, and you need to really listen to me, okay? There is not one hard and fast rule of grieving that says that by the third day, you have to stop crying. Nothing says that you have to be a pillar of strength, worried about everyone else's feelings. Those people that are going to be there tomorrow knew and respected Adam. But you know what? They love you, too. They're not going to be focused on whether you cry or not. They're going to be celebrating the love that the two of you shared; that despite all of the factors working against you two, you had the kind of love that the rest of us only read about in fairy tales…not that I read fairy tales, mind you. You are going to be surrounded by your ohana – Steve, Chin, Max, Kamekona…me…we all are there for you, okay?"
She cracked a small smile, in spite of herself, which was quickly replaced by sadness. "Danny, when is it going to stop hurting so much?"
He moved so that he was sitting next to her on the couch, her head leaning on his shoulder. "I have no idea, babe. I really don't."