A/N: Thank you to those who have taken time to review. I really appreciate it.
I don't own anything related to Hawaii Five-0 or CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.
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The sun refused to shine on the morning of Adam Noshimuri's memorial service. The clouds were dismal and gloomy, much like the atmosphere inside Kono's house. Chin and Steve would be meeting them at the cemetery, and as he focused on the events of the day ahead of him, Danny felt like he was walking on eggshells, trying not to tip the scales of Kono's mood any farther towards sad than they already were.
At this point, Kono was completely consumed by her grief. Right now, she hated herself for not being able to do anything but feel the anguish that accompanied every moment of her day. She was so wrapped up in her own sorrow that she barely thought about the rest of her teammates. Somehow, she would make it up to them.
Kono and Danny dressed in silence, each one lost in their memories of Adam. Danny's thoughts were regret-filled, as he wished he had taken a little more time to know the Adam that Kono knew – instead of tolerating the Adam that he thought he knew. He paced in the living room, anxious for Kono to finish getting ready; anxious to put this day behind him. Kono paced in her bedroom, dreading today with all of her might, not entirely sure that she could go through with it. She was starting to accept the fact that Adam was gone…but it made it that much harder. That meant that she didn't have her hopes to hold on to any longer.
Most of the time, she still felt like giving up. She spent the majority of her days on the verge of torrential tears, although she was getting pretty good at hiding it from people. She just didn't want everyone worried about her, on top of everything else. People had their own grief to bear; they didn't need to spend their time wondering if she was okay.
The first thing that she saw when she came out of the bedroom was Danny, pacing in front of the window. He had tissues sticking out of the pocket of his uniform, which brought a sad smile to her face. He was always looking out for her.
She approached him slowly, noticing the way he immediately opened his arms to her. For a moment, she felt awkward, but entered the sanctuary of his embrace gratefully, trying to absorb as much of his strength as she could. He seemed to hold on to her a little longer than normal, his own nervous apprehension coming to the surface for just a moment.
They rode in the car in silence, neither one in the mood for small talk. They approached the cemetery, thankful to Steve for making the security arrangements. Only those who had Kono's best interests at heart would be allowed at the service. The service was private, and anyone entering through the lone gate had to be cleared by HPD security. They had decided to combine the memorial service with the funeral, as it would have been too much of a risk to schedule them separately. There was no telling whether the Yakuza would try to make another statement.
There was a tent surrounding Adam's grave, with rows of chairs placed alongside. No one without prior clearance would get close. Steve had done this, allowing Kono to have the chance to say good-bye without prying eyes gleefully watching for the fallout.
Kono took her place next to Danny, and Chin and Steve on either side. They both were in uniform, out of respect for her. She didn't really care now, but knew that it would matter to her later. Her parents had made their choice not to attend, their lack of respect for Adam quite clear. The casket was closed, as Adam was in no shape to be seen following the Yakuza's carnage.
The service was brief, although anyone who wanted was given the opportunity to pay their respects to Adam, and show their support to Kono. Kamekona went first, and though his comments were concise, they were heartfelt. Adam had always shown great respect for local businesses, and supported Kamekona often. Max even tripped over a few words in appreciation of the man who valued his quirky nature without ridicule.
Chin was somber as he spoke of the regret he felt that Kono and Adam's story was cut short. His words may not have been very long in length, but they came from the heart; a sentiment which Kono grasped onto with all of her might.
Steve approached the podium and talked briefly about the happiness that Adam and Kono had shared, making the crowd smile in spite of their grief as he shared a story about the time that Adam had tried to teach Kono to cook. The resulting call to the fire department had yet to be lived down.
As he returned to his seat, he nodded at Danny to take his turn. The blonde slowly approached the podium with a lump in his throat as he caught sight of just how lost Kono looked. He swallowed hard, regaining his composure. Taking a deep breath, he began. "I'd like to thank you all for coming today. It means a lot…"
He glanced over at Kono, noticing that she had her head down. Chin had wrapped his arm around her shoulders, while Steve had reached across and was holding her hand. "Adam Noshimuri was a good man who fought to break free from his past. People say that he would do anything for the people he loved, which is true. Kono, he was a very lucky man to have had you in his life – I know that you made his world a better place. It's not fair that he was taken so soon, but his legacy will live on, and I know that the Noshimuri name will be an honorable one again."
Danny looked briefly at the casket before returning to his seat. Before sitting down, he knelt in front of Kono, wiping away the tears that were trickling down her cheeks. She looked up at him with a watery gaze. He had to lean in to hear her whisper.
"Danny, I can't do this."
He held both of her hands in his. "Sweetheart, no one will make you do this, but I'm asking you to do this. I don't want you to look back and regret not getting a chance to say what you wanted to say. Please?"
She bit her bottom lip, trying to calm the raging sea inside of her. Finally, she looked at her friend. "Go with me?"
He stood up and held out his hand, pulling her into a tight hug. "Of course, babe."
He slowly led her to the podium. He made sure that she was okay before stepping to the side, but he didn't return to his seat. Kono needed him, and he was going to make sure that he was there for her.
Kono stood with her head down, seemingly lost in her thoughts. Finally, she spoke softly. "First of all, thank you all for coming. It's comforting to know that Adam had so many people who cared about him." She paused to wipe her eyes. "To say that our relationship was different would be an understatement. There were so many obstacles in the beginning; it's hard to pick which was the biggest. Adam's past did not define him, and I'm grateful for that. I know that many say that people can't change, but Adam did – he truly did what he needed to do to make a better life for him and for me, at the expense of what his blood family thought of him. I'm not entirely sure how we got to where we were, but when all was said and done, I know that I was lucky enough to have met my soul mate."
She looked out past the crowd. She took a deep breath before continuing. "I called Adam my guardian angel. Knowing that he was in my life made me feel so safe and protected; like nothing bad would ever happen to me again. He made me a better person, as many of you can attest to. He was my strength; my hope and my love. He was the other half of my soul, and I miss him so…I miss him…"
Kono could no longer continue. She was overcome by her emotions and stood openly sobbing at the podium. Danny was beside her in a heartbeat, while Chin looked ready to pounce. Danny quickly pulled her into a protective embrace before leading her to her seat. She felt a tissue being placed into her hands. She wiped her eyes and felt Chin gather her into a light hug. She cried again as he whispered, "Adam loved you with everything he had. You made him happy, Kono…so very happy."
With that, Kono turned into Chin's embrace; Steve lightly rubbing her back. After a few moments, Kono was able to compose herself enough to finish the service. As things finished up, the men escorted Kono to the front, where they each took a rose and placed it on the casket. As they filed out to the back of the tent, the other mourners followed suit.
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Kono barely was aware of the people who came to console her. She was somewhat detached at that point. Danny kept a close eye on her, while speaking to Chin and Steve. Satisfied that all was in order, he moved to her side. He took her hand, startled at how cold she was.
"Kono?" When he got no response, he moved directly into her line of sight. "Rookie?"
Slowly, her eyes focused on him. "Danny?"
He drew her into his arms, lightly rubbing her back. "Are you ready to get out of here?"
She nodded against his chest. "Can we please go home now?"
Wordlessly, he led her to his car, nodding to Steve and Chin, who were still talking with Duke as they left. They motioned that they would be along shortly. Danny drove back to Kono's place quickly, knowing that she was hurting. She hadn't complained of any physical pain, but he knew that her heart was breaking.
He parked the car and led her into the house. He helped her to the kitchen table, and handed her a bottle of water. He started putting water into the kettle to make some tea but stopped. "Do you need any Tylenol?"
Kono shook her head as she absently rubbed a hand on her stomach. "I don't think so. I'm kind of numb right now, I guess."
He bent down and hugged her from behind. "I'm really proud of you, Kono."
She barely reacted to what he said. "I'm going to go change now."
God, she sounded so hollow. He watched her walk slowly down the hallway, and then managed to put a few things away in the kitchen before walking to the guest room to change. Once he was inside, he heard her door open, but took his time, figuring that she needed a little space.
Kono made her way to the couch and sat down. She picked up her water bottle, picking at the label before taking a tiny sip. Restlessly, she absentmindedly fingered the charm on her necklace. She remembered the night that Adam gave it to her like it was yesterday.
It had been a particularly grueling day, and Kono was completely wiped out. She and Adam were supposed to meet at his office later that night before going out, but she was just too drained. She called Adam to cancel on her way home.
Naturally, he was disappointed, but was more worried about her well being. She worked too hard, and sometimes had very little time to just relax and unwind. Tapping his pen on his desk, a plan started to take shape in his mind. Smiling, he worked out of a couple of details until he was confident that things were perfect.
Kono had just put on her most comfortable sweats when her cell phone rang. "Hello?"
"Open the door…dinner is getting heavy."
Kono hurried to unlock the door before ushering Adam inside and shutting the door behind her. As soon as she heard the takeout bag being placed on the table, she launched herself at one very startled Adam Noshimuri. He grunted as her lithe form landed in his arms. He wasn't expecting 'airborne' Kono to come flying out of the darkness. He grinned as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He spoke softly into her hair. "Did you miss me?"
When she could safely speak, she stepped back to look him in the eyes. "Adam, you didn't have to…" Her words were cut off as his mouth covered hers. Kissing her gently, he made her forget what she was planning to say.
After oxygen became a necessity, they reluctantly broke apart. Adam smirked, his brown eyes sparkling as he watched her try to steady her breathing. "So, I'll take that as a yes."
Kono matched his grin with one of her own. "Yes, Adam, I missed you." She stepped back into his hug, seeking the comfort that his arms always provided her. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you."
Adam simply held her where they stood, swaying to the synchronized beating of their hearts. Stepping back, he held her at arm's length. "Are you okay?"
She sighed and nodded. "Today was just a really rough day. There were kids involved…it just got to me. Can we just crash?"
He led her to the couch, sitting so that his back was against the arm; Kono nestled in front of him, wrapped in his embrace. They stared at the flames from the candles on the shelves, soothed by the random patterns cast onto the walls and ceiling.
Adam suddenly whispered, "Close your eyes."
Kono turned to gaze into his eyes. "Adam?"
"Just close your eyes. Please?"
Kono could never resist when he said please. The way he said that one simple word practically made her toes curl. With a small sigh, she sat up and closed her eyes. She didn't have to wait for long before she was rewarded with a kiss on her cheek.
"You can open your eyes now."
Kono opened her eyes and was greeted by the sight of a small package that he held in front of her. Curious, she raised one eyebrow at him. "What is this?"
He grinned like a little boy. "Go ahead and open it."
She turned towards him and opened the box, blinking furiously to stop the tears from falling. "Adam…"
He could not help but smile as she pulled the delicate chain from the box. "In your line of work, I thought a guardian angel couldn't hurt." She fingered the small silver charm before gazing into his eyes.
"You're my angel…as cheesy as that sounds…it's you, Adam."
He leaned in to kiss her softly. "It never hurts to have a backup." Pulling her into his arms, Adam whispered into her ear. "When you wear it, we'll both be close to your heart, right?"
Shifting so that she faced him, she placed gentle kisses to his forehead and temple, murmuring, "Absolutely."
Adam took the chain from Kono, saying, "Here. Let me put it on."
He fastened the clasp before looking into her eyes. "I'll always be with you, Kono. You don't ever have to feel alone again."
Kono was startled from her reverie by a loud pop from a car backfiring outside, and accidentally dropped her water bottle. She made her way into the kitchen to find a rag to clean up the mess. Placing her hands on the edge of the counter, she dropped her head and closed her eyes. She could feel her emotions churning to the surface like a wave.
She couldn't take it anymore and finally unleashed the storm that had been brewing. She grabbed a plate from the sink and threw it, relishing the crash that it made against the wall. She grabbed another plate, hurling it towards the first. She seized another; and another, not stopping until her anger had abated somewhat.
Danny had run into the room after the first crash, ducking as he nearly got hit by the flying ceramic. He stopped, knowing that she needed to get it out of her system. After a short time, he took a couple of steps towards her cautiously, not wanting to spook her. He heard her strangled sobs as she tried to catch her breath, one hand covering her mouth, the other on her stomach. She finally noticed Danny watching her.
She looked around, stunned. "I…I think I dropped a plate."
Danny moved quickly and quietly to her side. "Yeah, I guess you did."
Kono bent over as if wracked by pain, her sobs tearing through her. Danny caught her as she started to sink to the floor. He sat behind her, holding her close. Tears trickled down his cheeks as she poured out her fears—fears that she had kept locked deep down inside. What was the last thing she had said to him? Had she told Adam that she loved him? Was he alone when he died? Did he feel any pain?
She cried until she finally could not cry any more. Her eyes were swollen, her nose red. She had gagged futilely into the trash can as the emotional upheaval did not sit well with her stomach, but she hadn't had enough of anything to bring back up. Her sobs slowly turned into deep shuddering breaths, until they were finally replaced by an occasional sniffle.
He stood up and carefully picked her up, carrying her into her bedroom and setting her down on her bed. He moved to sit next to her, covering both of them with the blankets and turning out the light. It was late afternoon, but it was dark enough in her room to hope that she would be able to rest.
Kono whispered a raspy, 'thank you' before finally relaxing enough to shut her eyes and sleep. For the first time since the nightmare began, Danny knew that Kono eventually would be okay. She had finally started let go, and would at last be able to start the healing process.
Once he was sure that she would stay asleep, Danny headed back towards the kitchen. That was where Chin and Steve found him as they let themselves into Kono's place.
"What happened?" Chin and Steve stood in the doorway, staring at the destruction in front of them.
Danny took a deep breath. "She finally broke."
Steve could see the pain on Danny's face and knew it had been rough. He was glad that Kono had Danny with her – Steve knew that he would support her the way that she needed. "Are you okay?"
Danny looked quickly at both Steve and Chin. "Seriously? It's not about me right now."
Chin stepped through the shards and placed a hand on Danny's shoulder. "Kono doesn't let many people in, especially when she's hurting. She told me why she couldn't have me so close right now, and I respect that…I even get it. This whole situation has my head in a place I thought it had left behind, but it's stirred up a lot of buried memories. But Danny, for whatever reason, she let you in. So watching her shatter like she did had to be brutal…and as your friends, we're making it about you for a little while, okay?"
Danny blew out a breath and hung his head. "I feel like there is something more I should be doing."
Steve squeezed the back of Danny's neck in support. "It may feel like it Danny, but Chin's right. Kono's doing as well as she is because of you. You may not see it, but we do. Now, why don't you get out of here for a little bit – maybe go and see Grace? We'll stay with Kono."
Danny had invested so much of himself into helping Kono that it felt a little like betrayal to even think of leaving, but he knew that Steve and Chin were right. He needed to step back for a little while and focus on his daughter. She filled him with goodness faster than anything on this island ever could. "Sounds good…maybe a couple of hours?"
Chin nodded. "We'll take care of things here – take all of the time you need, brah. Go and clear your head, and we'll see you when you get back."
Danny glanced back towards Kono's room before taking a deep breath and heading out to his car. He drove the short distance to Rachel and Stan's on autopilot, having no real idea how he got there. He pressed the button at the gate, and it immediately opened for him to pull into the circle drive.
Before he could get out of his car, the front door to the house was open and Grace was running towards him. He hurried to get the door open and was ready to catch her when she jumped.
"Danno! I missed you!" Grace had her arms and legs wrapped around her dad, and all he could do was hang on for dear life. Breathing in the scent of her coconut shampoo grounded him in a way that he couldn't explain.
Rachel had followed Grace outside, and was standing next to the car. "How is Kono holding up?"
Danny must have looked surprised because Rachel was suddenly frowning at him. "Oh for goodness sake, Daniel. I'm not heartless."
Danny shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I just didn't think you would be concerned – you don't know her that well."
Rachel relaxed, nodded in understanding. "I'm still sorry for her loss…it has to be rough."
Danny ran a hand up and down Grace's back. "Yeah, it is. She got some news while at the hospital, which hopefully will give her something positive to focus on once the shock wears off." He knew Rachel figured it out when she pointed at Grace with a questioning look.
Danny nodded with a soft smile as Grace pushed back to stare at her dad. "Danno? Can we get shave ice? And you said hospital. Is Auntie Kono sick? We should get her a present to make her feel better."
Danny loved how giving his daughter was. "Yeah, Monkey. Kono got some really bad news and is very sad right now. She had to go to the hospital to make sure she was okay, but she's home now. I bet that she would love a get-well present from you. Do you have any ideas?"
Grace thought for a few moments. "We should build her a bear. I think she would like that."
Danny groaned but he wasn't serious. If Grace wanted to build Kono a bear, then they would build Kono a bear. It would not be the first time in his life that he caved and did something that caused him emotional trauma for the sake of his daughter…nor would it be the last.
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