A/N: Thank you for the follows and reviews. I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply to all of you - I've been back to the teaching world this week, and now students start back tomorrow.
I don't own anything related to CBS or Hawaii Five-0. No copyright infringement is intended.
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Danny and Grace headed towards the mall, intent on getting Kono's get well present. He couldn't help but smile as he listened to his daughter chatter on from the back seat.
"And we should see if they have a surfboard and towel…'cause that's just like Auntie Kono, right? She loves to surf, and she's really good at it. I can't wait until she's feeling better, because then she can take me surfing again. Do you think she'll want to, Danno?"
Danny chuckled as she never even stopped to take a breath. "I'm sure she'd love to go surfing with you, Monkey…just as soon as she's feeling up to it. Listen…until she's feeling better, Uncle Steve, Uncle Chin and I are going to take turns staying with her, because we want to make sure she doesn't get too sad. But I'll have my cell phone, and you can call me whenever you want to. I'll still see you on our days together, though, so don't you worry."
Grace nodded, her face thoughtful in the rear view mirror. "Danno?"
"Yeah, babe?" Danny was concentrating on the traffic and missed her worried expression.
"Do you think I could come and see Auntie Kono? I don't want her to be sad either."
Danny pulled into the mall parking lot and turned to face his daughter. "I'm sure she'd love that, but it might take a little while before she wants some company." He wasn't sure just how much to tell her, but knew Grace's inquisitive nature would keep her asking questions. He decided to give her the bare bones information about why Kono was sad. The rest of the story was Kono's to tell when she felt up to it.
"Sweetheart, you remember Adam, don't you?" Grace had only met him once, so Danny wasn't sure how much she remembered of Kono's fiancé.
"Umm…kind of. I think I remember him coming to Uncle Steve's house with Auntie Kono once, but I don't really remember that much about him. He was her boyfriend, right? He was really tall."
Danny nodded, remembering the barbecue that Steve had about six months ago. "Yesterday, Uncle Steve and I got called to a case where a man had been killed. Once we got there, we found out that it was Adam who had been killed. We had to tell Kono, and she got very upset and had to go to the hospital to make sure she was okay."
Grace's eyes were horrified. "But Danno! Does that mean that Auntie Kono is all alone now?"
Danny unbuckled his seatbelt and hurried around to the backseat, immediately pulling Grace in for a hug. "No, Monkey. Remember ohana, right? Kono is really sad right now, but we hope that over time, she'll see that she's not alone. She has all of us to help take care of her. And right now, you're being the best friend you can be for her by bringing her a present. It'll be something that she can hold on to and realize that you are thinking about her."
Grace squeezed her dad tight, sad for Kono that Adam was gone, but proud of her dad for making sure Kono was taken care of. "I love you, Danno."
Danny would take those words from his daughter every minute of the day if she'd let him. "I love you too, Monkey. Now let's go build our bear, shall we?"
Grace nodded and the two headed into the mall. After about an hour, however, Danny was torn on his stance that a bear would be the perfect gift for Kono. Grace was having the time of her life, stuffing and fluffing and blow drying Kono's bear.
He, on the other hand, was about ready to shoot poor Evelyn. He knew that she was just doing her job, but if she asked him one more time if he'd like to experience the 'magical Build-A-Bear experience for himself', he would not be responsible for his actions.
"Danno, come quick!" Unbeknownst to Evelyn, his daughter had just rescued the poor salesgirl from what would have been a torturous end to her existence had she not backed away from him very, very slowly.
"Be right there, Monkey." It didn't matter that Grace was standing five feet from him, staring at a rack of bear outfits. He made a big show of rushing to her side.
He gave her a quick squeeze. "Thanks for the save, babe. Now…what's all of this?"
Grace had a huge grin on her face. "Since we made Mr. Bear a boy bear, I think we should put him in some boardies, and get him a surfboard to go with them. That way, he'll kind of be like Auntie Kono but the boy version.
Danny loved how thoughtful she was being with all of this. Grace had insisted that they put a heartbeat inside the bear, so that when Kono squeezed his paw, she would hear it. Danny hoped it was the right thing to do and would give Kono some comfort.
He also got a chuckle out of the different outfits available – and he was suddenly struck with an idea for gifts for the rest of the team. "Hey Grace? What do you think about…?"
Grace's giggle was the only answer he needed. Steeling himself against what was sure to be a very painful experience, he turned to where the dark-haired employee was hovering nearby. "Hey, Evelyn? Looks like we're going to need a few more bears to complete the 'magical Build-A-Bear experience'…"
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By the time he got back to Kono's, Danny was in much calmer spirits than when he left. He had left the bears with Grace for the time being, as she wanted to be the one to give them to their respective owners. She had even kicked him out of the store once the payment options were in place, because she didn't want him to see what kind of bear outfit she had gotten for his own bear. She had taken the words "What do you think about getting bears for the team?" to include him, and who was he to disappoint his daughter?
After locking up his car, he walked up the walk and tapped on the door. It didn't take long before Steve had pulled it open and was standing back to let him in.
"How's she doing?" Danny was trying not to hover, but he was worried about his friend. She had shattered so completely, he could only hope there was enough of her left to put back together.
"She's been asleep the whole time. Chin's in checking on her now, but I know she needs the rest." Steve shut the door behind them and motioned Danny towards the living room, while he stopped and grabbed some beers and pulled his cell phone from the charger. Steve always knew that Danny was a stand-up guy, but watching how he stepped up and was taking care of Kono gave him new insight into the kind of man Danny truly was.
He couldn't help but feel like it was Rachel's loss that she couldn't see past her own fears. Danny was one of the good ones, and if she couldn't see that, then she didn't deserve him. In fact, he often felt like she and Stan deserved each other.
He brought the three Longboards into the living room and sat Chin's on the coffee table. He handed Danny his, and clinked the necks of their bottles together in support. "Here's to Kono. I'm so damned proud of her. After all of this shit that's been thrown at her, she's still standing. Bruised and a little broken, but still standing."
Danny took an appreciative swallow of his beer and nodded. "She's been a fighter, that's for sure. I just hope she's okay."
Steve looked at him quizzically. "How do you mean?"
Danny shrugged a shoulder. "It's just a lot for her – or anyone – to handle, I guess. Losing Adam was bad enough, but then finding out about the baby and being so distraught about not getting to share that with him? It just sucks, I guess. I wish that telling him hadn't been taken away from her, you know?"
Steve nodded. He did understand what Danny meant. Kono had been gypped of that special moment with her fiancé, and there wasn't really anything any of them could do to get it back.
Danny continued, after spending a few seconds staring at his hands. "I really hope tonight was a turning point. I mean, some days she seems like she's doing better. But other days, she's like a ghost…a shell of herself or something. It's just so not her, if that makes sense."
Just then, Chin came back into the room. He looked drained, and was grateful for the beer that Steve held out for him. "Thanks, brah."
"Is she still sleeping?" Steve settled back against the cushions of the couch.
Chin nodded and took a drink. "Yeah…she was pretty restless for a few minutes, but settled down. I just sat next to her, but I guess it was enough to reassure her that she was okay."
Danny was relieved to hear that she was resting, at least somewhat. "Hey…I know this may sound weird, but do you guys think that you – or we – could get into Adam's place? I was thinking earlier that Kono might like a few things from there. I remember when my grandfather died – I loved that my dad grabbed me a couple of flannel shirts that belonged to him. When I was really missing him, I would wear one of them and feel closer to him. I was just thinking that it might be something that would make her feel better by having?"
Steve smiled and nodded his head. "I'm sure we can get in, and if there's an alarm, Chin can take care of it."
Chin saluted the two with his beer bottle. "That's actually a great idea, Danny. Do you want to go with us or stay here with Kono and Steve and I can take care of things?"
Danny thought for a moment. "Why don't you guys go this time, and I'll stay with Kono. Just get a few things that she might like…a few shirts…maybe some pictures? Then, when she's feeling better, we can take her over and help her bring back what she wants to keep for her and for the baby. We'll just need to make sure his house stays secure until then."
Steve sat forward with his elbows on his knees. "I can talk to the Governor. He can tie the estate up in red tape for a while…buy us some time. But that sounds like a plan. We can go tomorrow and let you know when we're on our way back here."
After finalizing their plans, the three men sat in silence for a while, each lost in their thoughts. Chin was caught up in memories of Malia, and the regrets he still had over wasted time. Steve was remembering friends who were no longer with him – Freddie, in particular. Times like this often brought about flashbacks, and Steve hoped he would have no issues tonight.
Danny was more caught up in the here and now, but was still floating on the edges of Kono's grief. He hadn't known Adam too well, but hurt desperately for her loss. He just wanted to see her come out stronger on the other side, but for now, it was like a land mine that she had to navigate through. He just hoped he was a good enough guide to see her through.
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Kono woke up the next morning feeling like she was hung over. Her throat was raw, her eyes were swollen and her head was pounding. And yet, she felt different. She wasn't good, by any stretch of the imagination, but for the first time since Adam died, Kono felt like she just might survive.
She still missed Adam with everything that she had, but she also knew that she had to keep on living. She couldn't keep curling up inside herself…that would not honor the memory of the man she loved. He would want her to go on living, no matter how difficult it was. Adam was her everything; the least she could do would be to figure out a way to keep herself from sinking so low into a dark pit that she wouldn't be able to get back out.
Living would become her personal challenge. Kono Kalakaua had never walked away from a challenge, and she was not about to start now. She'd figure out how to take baby steps, but she would do this. She had to do this. It wasn't just her any longer. She had a baby to think about.
Groaning slightly, she rolled to her side and started to sit up. Once she was sure she had her balance, she stood and headed to the bathroom. She started the water in the shower, and waited for it to warm up. Her ribs were feeling a little better, so she thought maybe the hot water would feel good.
She stepped into the warm steam and sighed. The water felt so good on her aching muscles that she spent a long time under the heat, enjoying the feel of something other than emptiness. By the time she got out, her skin had regained a little color; her cheeks flushed.
She got dressed; opting to wear her favorite yoga pants and a t-shirt that Adam had left here one night. What she wouldn't give to have a few more of those around to curl up in. When she came out of her room, she was met by the unmistakable aroma of hazelnut coffee—her favorite. She was so glad that her body hadn't rejected the idea of coffee, like it had with the teriyaki she had once loved. She didn't even care that it was decaf...her brain hadn't figured it out yet, and she wasn't about to tell it. Wandering down the hall, she found Danny in the kitchen, cutting up some fresh fruit.
He looked up as she came into the room, happy to see that she had some color back. Everything, from her eyes to her hair to her skin, had been so lifeless lately. He was glad to see that she looked stronger than she had before. He smiled as she sat in front of the steaming mug of decaf coffee he had placed on the table.
"Hey, babe. How are you feeling?"
Kono smiled a tentative smile. "I guess I'm okay. I think I feel a little hung over, actually."
Danny nodded at her with compassion in his eyes. "So, how are you really doing? And I don't mean the 'I'm going to just say what I hope he wants to hear' speech. How are you holding up?"
She wrapped her hands around the mug, soaking in its warmth. "I'm not sure. I feel a little better than I did, and that's saying a lot." She paused, trying to gather her thoughts. "Danny…I…" She hung her head, clearly uneasy with the direction that the conversation was headed.
Danny moved to take a seat next to her. "Kono, it's me. You can tell me anything. You know that, right?"
She nodded before looking into his eyes. "Danny, I'm so sorry. I owe you – and Steve and Chin – such a huge apology. I was so wrapped up in my own grief, that I never even thought to ask how you guys were doing, or what was going on at work. It wasn't that I was only thinking of myself; because frankly, I just didn't care what happened to me."
Somewhere during the conversation, Danny had reached over to cover her hand with his. "Kono, it's okay. I promise. You have to understand something. Helping you actually helped me…us. I think we would have all gone crazy if we were on the outside unable to do anything but worry about you. And the idea that you didn't care what happened to you makes me even more glad that we were here for you. If you couldn't care, then I'm glad that we cared enough for you. We're family…you have beat that into my head since I got there. Now, it's time for me to show you that I've been listening. Does that make any sense?"
This time, Kono was the first one up. She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around him, feeling him squeeze her arm in support. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, but she knew that it felt good to be helping Danny for a change.
During breakfast, Danny was pleased to see that Kono actually ate a little bit on her own, with no mock threats or begging on his part. After they had cleaned up the breakfast dishes, they decided to go for a walk. Kono hadn't really been outside since she'd been home, except for the memorial service. They headed towards the beach a block from her house, stopping to sit on a bench near the sand. Kono delighted in feeling the breeze on her face, although she couldn't squelch the nagging feeling of guilt coming from deep within her.
Danny leaned and nudged her with his shoulder. "Kono? You okay?"
Kono glanced at him, her eyes troubled. "I'm just…I can't help it, but I feel guilty."
Danny looked confused for a moment. "I don't get it. Why would you feel guilty?"
Kono absentmindedly played with the hem of her shirt. "I know it's stupid, but I can't help but feel guilty that I'm enjoying being outside at the beach, while Adam…"
Danny nodded slowly. "You feel guilty for enjoying the simple things, while Adam isn't around to enjoy anything, right?" Kono agreed with a slight nod of her head before resting her head on his shoulder. "Kono, that's pretty typical. Dr. White had given me some stuff to read while you were in the hospital, and it said that it is normal to feel guilty about everyday things. You just need to give yourself a break. Adam wouldn't want you to lock yourself away from everything. Adam loved the life he had with you…that's why he took some of the risks that he took. He wanted the two of you to live. He would want you to start living again. If not for yourself, then maybe you start living for him…and for your baby."
Kono sat, deep in thought. She knew that Danny was a smart guy, but she had no idea the depth of him…he rarely let anyone see that side of him. Unable to think past Adam right this minute, she simply wrapped her arm around his bicep and took a deep breath, letting the ocean air fill her lungs and chase the stagnancy away.