A/N: Someone messaged me wondering if Kono shouldn't be farther in the grief process - all I can say is that grief takes time, and looks different for different people. When my dad died, I had days where I felt somewhat human, and then days where I couldn't get out of bed...and that continued for months. We're going to see Kono have good days, and bumpy days...but regardless of what kind of day she has, I thank you all for the comments.
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After their lunch wound down, Danny packed Grace and her things and headed off for their night together. Grace had immediately grabbed Kono for a hug, squeezing gently around her middle and placing a soft kiss against her belly. "Bye, baby. I'm Grace, by the way. I'm going to be your friend once you get here. Be good."
Danny just grinned as he tried to follow her conversation, but she was so wiped out from an afternoon of playing in the surf and sun that she was a bit loopy. All of the adults were inwardly squealing to themselves though, as they heard Grace trying to bond with Kono's baby. It really was quite adorable.
Kono kissed the top of her head, and passed her off to Chin and then Steve for their good-bye hugs. Grace giggled as Steve swept her up into his arms for a ride to the car, while Chin helped Kono gather her things so that they could go back to her house.
While Steve was helping buckle Grace into her seat, Danny stepped over to Kono and wrapped her up. "You going to be okay tonight?" Danny knew that Kono had had a few breakthroughs, but was still grieving. Even though Chin was going to stay the night, Danny couldn't help but worry a little bit.
Kono sighed, knowing that she owed it to Danny to be honest. "I'm going to have to learn how to get back on my feet someday, right?"
Danny stepped back and smiled, understanding – he thought – where she was coming from. "Well, Grace wanted me to tell you that we're bringing breakfast tomorrow. She's got a late start at school, so I don't have to have her there until 10:30. She insisted that we bring malasadas for everyone. Steve already said he'd be over by about 9:00, if that sounds okay with you."
Kono nodded in agreement. "We'll have the decaf waiting for you guys. Maybe bring some juice that Grace likes…as you know, the baby hasn't been a fan of juice the past few days, and I had to toss everything that even resembled it."
Danny grimaced as he remembered Kono's last attempt at drinking a glass of mango-guava juice blend. It was a hideous color the second time around, to say the least. "Still rebelling, huh?"
Kono made a face. "Yeah…I'll just stick to tea. Or maybe make a smoothie or something." She had discovered that ice-cold fruit slushes had done wonders to settle her stomach lately, especially if she blended in a few pieces of crystallized ginger.
Danny nodded as he gave Kono's arm a squeeze. "Text me tomorrow if there's anything specific you want, and I'll bring it over. Okay? And promise me – if you need me for anything, you'll call me. I mean it…I know Chin has things covered, but if you're worried about waking him up or whatever, then you call me."
Kono blinked the tears from her eyes. Danny was such a good friend to her. How was she supposed to pay him back for that? "I will, Danny. I promise."
He waved as he got into the car, ready to take his baby girl home. She had asked if they could get the tent out and curl up inside with snacks and the laptop and watch Finding Nemo. Danny had seen it more times than he could count, but it had currently rotated to the top of Grace's favorites list, so of course he would oblige her request.
As Danny's taillights grew smaller in the distance, Steve walked with the cousins back to Chin's SUV. Another round of hugs had Steve heading back to the lanai to finish cleaning up the grill, and Chin and Kono heading back towards her house.
Chin was happy to see Kono smiling and more relaxed. She was still holding her bear, and Chin was even more thankful to Grace for figuring out how to give Kono what she needed. Leave it to a child to come up with the most simplistic form of therapy – a tangible hug that Kono could keep nearby.
The drive home was done in silence, but there was a distinct decrease in the sadness that had been present on the drive over to Steve's. Chin kept a subtle watch over his cousin as he pulled into the driveway and turned the ignition off.
Kono quickly unbuckled and climbed out of the vehicle, but waited for Chin to catch up. She knew that Bailey would most likely need out into the yard, but she hoped Chin wouldn't mind coming on a walk with them. "Are you up for keeping me company? I want to take Bailey for a walk down to the beach."
Chin smiled as they headed up the walkway. Bailey was crated, but the second she heard the key in the lock, she started barking for someone to come and let her out. "She missed you, cuz."
Kono pushed the door open and immediately headed for Bailey, who was practically climbing the metal grate of her door. "Okay, okay…just a minute." Kono quickly had the crate open and giggled as Bailey took off like a shot through the house. Even Chin laughed as the puppy tried to stop, but ended up skidding into the doorway leading to the kitchen.
Her sudden stop didn't deter Bailey from her mission, which was to remind Kono that she was there and to encourage her to take her outside.
It took Kono a few moments to corral the puppy into stopping so that she could clip the leash onto her collar, but before long, the three were heading down the walk. It only took a few minutes before Kono felt the shift in the breeze, signaling that they were approaching the walkway that would lead them to the beach.
Kono always felt a sense of excitement as she stepped out onto the sand. This wasn't her normal beach, but given everything that had happened, she wasn't too upset about it. Since Danny had brought Bailey into her life, Kono had wanted to find a space that was appropriate for both of them, and she had been lucky enough to find a pet-friendly beach not too far from her house. It wasn't usually crowded, either, which appealed to Kono's sense of privacy these days.
Once they broke free of the tree line, Kono unclipped Bailey's leash and let her run. This time of the evening, there weren't too many other people with pets on the beach, and the ones that were there were on leashes. Kono loved this beach because it had fencing from entrance to exit, in case an exuberant dog was to take off. Bailey never seemed to run far, though – she preferred to stay with Kono.
The cousins found a spot of sand near the shoreline and sat down, keeping Bailey in sight. The puppy was having the time of her life splashing along the waterline. She would need a bath when they got back, but Kono didn't mind. It was worth it to see her having so much fun after being left alone for much of the day.
Chin glanced at Kono, happy that she seemed to have turned a corner, but worried because he knew that there was much more underneath the surface. He reached out and lightly touched her shoulder. "How are you doing, cuz? I mean, really…not what you think I want to hear?"
Kono sighed. A part of her knew that this conversation had been in the works for some time. She was dreading it in the sense that she never wanted to let her older cousin down, and if he found out how she truly had felt, he would be so disappointed.
"I'm better, I guess. It was…I was…" She blew out a breath and turned to watch the water, frustrated at her inability to even start the damned conversation.
"Hey, Kono…whatever it is…it's okay. I promise you. I get it, alright?" Chin was sympathetic to her struggle. She was inherently a private person, and he was pushing her to share something deeply painful. Grief was like an infected wound…if you didn't get it out, it would fester until it did irreparable harm.
"Did I ever tell you about the months after Malia died? I was such a mess." Chin hoped that she would take his lead and start to unburden herself of what was weighing her down. For as much as he could see her improvement, he knew that there were so many more layers to her grief that she hadn't even tapped into yet.
Kono spent a few moments just letting handfuls of sand flow through her fingers; the repetition calming her nerves. "I didn't care, Chin. I just wanted to be with Adam."
Chin cocked his head to the side, a little unsure of where she was going. "What's that, Kono?"
She spared a glance before turning back to the task at hand. If she tried to look at him and admit what she had done, she'd never go through with it. "For a time, I wasn't sure if I wanted to even live. I just wanted to be where Adam was. I was in such a dark place…I wasn't sure I would ever find my way out."
Chin reached out and took Kono's hand. "It's okay, cuz. I really get it." He waited for her to meet his gaze before nodding. "There were days when I couldn't imagine a life without Malia…and I didn't want to be in one without her."
Kono's heart dropped. "God, Chin. I'm so sorry. I never knew you were struggling like that. What kind of cousin does that make me?" She was furious with herself for not doing more to make sure Chin was okay. A squeeze of her shoulder stopped her ranting, though.
"Kono, stop. You didn't know or see it, because I didn't let you know or see. I couldn't…that part of my grief was mine and mine alone. At the time, it's what I thought I had to do. I know now that it wasn't really the healthiest thing for me, shutting everyone out like I did."
Kono wrapped her arm around Chin's waist and rested her head against his shoulder. "Just like, I know that you're not letting people see that part of you, either. Yeah, we've seen you grieve, but that dark place was kept unlit from the rest of the world. I understand, Kono. I truly do. It's hard to share something like that. But I promise you, you don't have to hide from me. You don't have to hide from any of us."
Kono wiped at her tears, letting Chin's words fully sink in. She nodded and absorbed the feel of him rubbing her back; his touch grounding her to the here and now. During that dark time of her early grieving, she had felt like she was so far down into that proverbial black hole that she wasn't sure she would ever get out again. But inch by inch, she had climbed up the rope that her ohana had thrown to her. She wasn't all the way out yet, but at least could see a little light at the end of the tunnel.
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After a good twenty minutes of playing, Bailey finally crashed, using Chin's lap as a pillow. As she stared at the sleeping puppy, Kono felt lighter…not quite as hollow as she had been feeling since Adam's death. Talking to Chin had helped her see that what she was feeling, and the way she was reacting was very much a normal part of grief. She just needed to give herself a break.
She shivered a little, the breeze cooling as the sun headed for bed. "You ready to head back?" Chin's voice was quiet, wanting to keep their peaceful bubble just a bit longer.
Kono nodded, knowing that it was time to go back home. She stood, and then smiled as Chin gracefully stood up while keeping Bailey in his arms. The dog simply licked Chin's arm and rested her chin against the inside of his elbow.
The two cousins walked back towards Kono's house, enjoying the view of the setting sun. Kono had a tiny flicker of warmth deep down inside of her, remembering how many sunsets she and Adam had enjoyed together. More often than not these days, thinking of him brought a smile to her heart. There were times, especially late at night, where she felt the pain of losing him in an actual physical way, but at least those times weren't every moment of every day any more.
Bailey perked up as they approached the walkway leading up to Kono's door, and by the time Kono had the door open, the puppy was raring to go again. Kono just laughed as Bailey immediately headed for the kitchen, knowing that dinner would soon be on its way.
Kono hated to be the bad guy, but Bailey was a mess and she needed to get her clean before they could do anything about her dinner situation. She quickly headed for the guest bathroom, where the dog shampoo was kept underneath the sink.
She heard Chin getting their dinner ready, so she quickly lifted Bailey into the bathtub. Using the detachable showerhead, she made quick work of shampooing the puppy and rinsing her off. As soon as the water was shut off, Bailey shook, sending droplets of water flying everywhere and making Kono giggle out loud. "I guess that was payback for delaying your dinner, huh, babe?"
Bailey just let out a yip as Kono wrapped an old towel around her and picked her up. Sitting on the floor, Kono set her in the vee between her legs and gently dried her off, laughing as the puppy squirmed and wriggled around. She was a dog who certainly loved her bath time.
Satisfied that she was dried enough, she opened the door of the bathroom and grinned as Bailey took off at a dead run; one destination in mind – the kitchen.
Following her out, Kono quickly took care of Bailey's food and water, and grabbed a beer from the fridge for Chin, while adding a bottle of water for herself. Her stomach was quite nauseous, so she decided to hold off on eating dinner for now. She tucked her feet underneath her legs as she sat on the couch, angling herself so that she was facing Chin.
Chin took an appreciative sip of his beer before setting it on the end table next to his plate. "This probably is going to be a stupid question because I really don't know the answer; but have you felt the baby move yet or is it too soon?"
Kono smiled softly. "I haven't yet – but I'm actually looking forward to that. I think that'll make it seem more real, you know? I asked Danny once and he said from what he remembered with Rachel, that it might be another month or more, still."
Chin nodded, his expression kind. "Do you have any pregnancy books? Or is it just the pamphlets from the doctor?"
Kono shrugged one shoulder. "I haven't really felt much like going out and shopping – so I haven't bought any books or anything." She looked a little dejected and so Chin quickly reached out and grabbed her hand.
"Hey…Kono, look at me." He waited until her eyes were on him. "There's nothing wrong with that, cuz. Nothing at all. It's understandable that you wouldn't have felt up for shopping. So maybe tomorrow, we can go to the bookstore and get a couple of books that you can look through if you want, okay? I know Steve and Danny and Grace were coming over for breakfast, but how about after Grace goes to school, we go shopping, and then if you're up for it, we can go over to Adam's house?"
Kono nodded, her eyes damp. Stupid hormones. She couldn't get her throat to work enough to even respond, but Chin seemed to understand her sudden nervousness. "You don't have to do this alone, ipo. We'll give you space, but you won't be alone. I promise."
Kono simply leaned over and wrapped her arms around Chin's neck, absorbing his strength. She didn't care that tears were now rolling down her cheeks – she was just grateful that Chin got it, and she didn't have to try to brush off her fears.