A/N: I just wanted to thank you for the kind words. I just need to remember to be kind to myself, and whatever I end up feeling this week is okay. This chapter jumps ahead in time about halfway through, but I needed to move things along. Thanks for the reviews and follows...I really appreciate them.
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Danny was a shell of himself over the next few weeks, and nobody blamed him. Losing his grandmother had not only knocked him for a loop, but he had to try to put all of his own sadness aside, so that he could be strong enough to guide his daughter through the ups and downs of her grief.
Grace had taken it very hard; blaming herself for wanting to spend the night at her friend's house, instead of logging into what would have ended up being her last Skype session with Nonna. Grace had it in her head that her Nonna would still be here if she had just made the time to chat with her.
"Danno, it's all my fault. Mommy said that Nonna wanted to Skype, but I wanted to spend the night at Haylee's house. I thought there would be more time…I didn't know she wouldn't have any more time!" Her tears nearly tore his bruised heart in two.
"Grace, stop. I need you to listen to me, okay? It's not your fault. You wanting to go to Haylee's house did not cause Nonna's heart to quit working."
Grace shook her head emphatically, anxiety-fueled denial guiding her thoughts. "But maybe she was sad that I wasn't there. She always told me that talking to me was the best part of her day. What if I made her sad and her heart got sick?"
Danny remembered Nonna telling him that talking to him was the best part of her day – she had a way of making each child feel like he or she was the most treasured gift in the world, and had no doubt that each and every grandchild and great-grandchild had heard the same reverent words.
"Baby girl, no. You absolutely did not cause this. You have to believe me. Sometimes people get sick. Sometimes hearts just can't work any longer. But there was nothing that you did that made this happen. If anything, I bet Nonna was happy that you were having fun. That was one thing she always told me – how proud she was of you that you were such a good friend to so many people. She loved how much you cared and accepted people, and it didn't matter whether they were different from you. Not every kid was like that, and you made her so proud to be your Nonna."
Grace had flung herself into Danny's arms and just sobbed. She knew that people died, but was really struggling with losing her Nonna. Nonna had represented stability for Grace. Regardless of what was going on with her parents during their divorce, Nonna was never too busy to talk to her on the phone or via Skype. "I miss her, Danno!"
All Danny could do was rock her back and forth, and do his best to settle her down. He was nearly vibrating with his own anger and sorrow, and if he could have hit something right then and there, he probably would have done so.
He had talked to Rachel, knowing that she had loved Nonna as well; and was surprised that she had agreed to let Grace fly to New Jersey with him for the funeral. Danny was only going to be gone for a few days, but it meant that Grace would miss school. Under the circumstances and seeing how devastated Grace was, Rachel wholeheartedly agreed.
Danny cleared his throat as he stood by Steve's desk. "I…uh…I only need a few days. We fly out tomorrow, and should be back Wednesday night. Nonna didn't want a big gathering, so it'll just be family."
Steve's eyes were soft. He knew how much this was tearing Danny up inside. "Danny, man. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. If you need more time, it's yours, okay? Just call me and let me know."
Danny nodded and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I will. Thanks."
Steve knew that Danny had been strong for everyone else over the past couple of days – it was his nature. But still…his heart hurt for his best friend. He stepped forward and gathered Danny into a tight hug.
Danny's voice caught, as he tried halfheartedly to get Steve to let go, and tried desperately to keep the sobs from tearing out of his throat. He had lost control with Kono the night he had found out, but hadn't let that happen again. Feeling Steve's strong arms surrounding him, Danny felt protected; and for the first time in a few days he was able to just forget about everyone else and allow himself to feel, as painful as that was.
He dug his fingers into the back of Steve's shirt, mortified that he lost control like he did, but not completely caring any longer. As his tears bubbled up and out like boiling water he could only hold on and ride out the storm. When he thought he might finally be finished, he tried to take a deep breath, but found that all he could manage was short staccato breaths that hitched every so often. He worked to get his breathing under control before finally stepping back and wiping at his eyes.
"Sorry." Danny slowly let another breath out, and felt a little steadier than he had.
Steve just squeezed Danny's shoulder. "No apologies, Danny. Not with me."
Danny nodded before slowly trudging wearily out of Steve's office. Chin gave him a quick hug before letting him go to his office, needing to grab a couple of things before he left to pick up Grace.
Kono was waiting inside for Danny, hoping to catch him before he left. She smiled softly, seeing that he was a little shaky still. "I put a couple of things into your carryon bag to help get you there and back. I took your tablet and loaded a few movies and games on there for Grace, if she felt like it. I also put a few books for both of you. I put a blank journal in there – it meant the world to me when I read Adam's journal. It felt like he was there. I thought that maybe Grace would like to write about her Nonna – put a few of her favorite stories or memories down on paper."
Kono knew that Danny hadn't thought much past packing for the funeral, but knew that the flights would be long and arduous before they actually could actually get any decent rest.
"Thanks, babe. I really appreciate that." Danny hugged her close and breathed in the scent of her coconut shampoo. When he first came to Hawaii, the smell of anything tropical just drove him nuts. But over time, he had started to associate certain scents with different feelings, and right now, he allowed the sweet smell to calm his nerves.
"Please give Grace a hug from me, okay? And let her know that whenever she wants to have a girl's day, just let me know.
Danny smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "I will. I have no idea what she'll feel like doing when we get back, but I promise I'll tell her." With that, he grabbed his suit bag and his carryon and made his way to his car, and then to pick up Grace. He hated this trip with everything he had, because he just wasn't ready to say goodbye to his Nonna. She was the matriarch of his mom's side of the family, and Danny knew that he would miss her something fierce.
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The next few months passed fairly quickly for everyone. Danny and Grace had managed their trip to Jersey with fairly limited fallout. Grace had loved Kono's gift of the journal, and had written in it nonstop since she left. She had started from her most recent memories of Nonna, and with Danny's help, had started to work her way back through her childhood.
Writing about her Nonna had taken some of Grace's worry away. This was the first person Grace had known for any length of time who had passed away, and Grace was worried about someday forgetting her. Being able to write about her had been such a sense of relief, because now, she knew that those memories wouldn't be shoved out of the way by more current memories.
Kono was mostly staying on her own, now. She felt like she was strong enough emotionally to manage whatever came her way, but she also knew now to reach out to the guys if anything ever was too much for her right at that moment. Her pregnancy was developing without issue. She was still on the low side of normal for weight, but Dr. Lau wasn't too concerned.
At 33 weeks pregnant, Kono was having a hard time sleeping. She was pretty tiny to begin with, and baby boy was taking up quite a bit of room. He loved to stretch, regardless of the fact that there wasn't a lot of space for him to do so. She found herself short of breath, which was an odd feeling for her. Dr. Lau had reassured her, though, by reminding her that her burgeoning belly was literally shoving everything out of its way, including her lungs.
It may not be conventional, but Kono had found that resting her upper torso on a surfboard while she was floating actually took some of the pressure off of her lungs. She wasn't about to question it, though, when she could finally take a deep breath.
She was seeing Dr. Lau every two weeks, but was supposed to start weekly visits next week. Kono did well with reassurances, and based on what she was learning at every appointment, she was feeling fairly confident about the rest of her pregnancy. She knew that her son was active enough if she went by her kick count diary she had started.
She was nervous about the actual birth, but it was more the unknown that had her freaked out. None of her friends had given birth, so she couldn't talk to them. Her parents had made it clear, that by 'choosing' Adam, she had chosen to cut them out of her life. It hurt, not having her mom share in this journey with her, but Kono was equally stubborn, and didn't feel like she should be forced to make a choice about who she loved.
She was currently annoyed though, because felt like her body was trying to betray her. Kono had always been athletic, but her whole center of gravity was off, and she had nearly face-planted one day coming around the side of her desk. She had received some information on their latest case and simply moved too fast, almost falling. Steve was coming into her office while she was rushing out. Had it not been for his quick reflexes steadying her, she might have found herself on her back, stuck like a turtle who couldn't flip over.
She had already been benched from active duty, so to speak, so to have to slow down while on desk duty was utterly frustrating. She knew it wasn't for long, but having that choice made for her – even if it was the right choice – was making her grouchy.
Steve was working on paperwork in his office, while Chin was upgrading the software for the smart table. Danny had been on his phone for much of the afternoon, and Kono was curious as to what was going on. Danny didn't look upset, but he had been making more of an effort to hide his phone call from anyone walking nearby, especially her.
Danny just grinned whenever she caught his eye, and Kono was even more convinced that something was going on. She almost felt like the butt of some joke or something, and it was tipping her mood in the absolute wrong direction. She knew Danny wouldn't cave no matter how much she glared at him, so she tried to stay nonchalant and not worry about it.
She was glad that there were only about twenty minutes left in their day. She was uncomfortably grouchy by now, feeling like Danny was keeping secrets from her. She liked to be in the know, and it was starting to piss her off. She needed to get out of there and clear her head so that she wouldn't say something she would regret later.
Before she could get too far, though, Danny stopped her. "Hey…are you up for some dinner tonight? Steve said he was grilling."
Kono knew that she was being ridiculous, but she still was annoyed at being left out. "Nah…I'm not up for much company tonight, I guess."
Danny stared at her, trying to figure out her frame of mind. He couldn't quite get a handle on what was going through her head. "You okay?"
Kono shrugged one shoulder. "Just moody…one of those nights." She felt like a petulant child, and knew that her emotions were all over the place. Being exhausted wasn't helping matters any – she knew that.
Danny stepped the rest of the way into her office and leaned up against her desk. "What can I do?"
Kono felt bad – she knew that Danny only wanted the best for her. "I don't know what's wrong with me today, Danny. Maybe I'm just tired."
Danny smiled softly. "Why don't you just swing by Steve's with me for a little while, and then I can drive you home? We can have a movie night or something mindless – see if you can't get a little sleep."
Kono finally relented – she really didn't want to be alone tonight, if she was being honest with herself. "I guess…maybe for a little while."
Danny grinned and hugged her gently. "We'll stay as long as you want, okay?"
Kono nodded and grabbed her things. Danny had picked her up this morning – her car was in the shop for an oil change. In no time, they were headed down the road towards Steve's house. Kono rested her head against the headrest and shut her eyes – she was so tired it was almost painful.
Before long, Danny was gently shaking her shoulder, signaling that they were there. Kono drowsily opened the car door and made it to the front of the car, waiting for Danny. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders, and she let him lead the way up the walk until they reached the door.
Danny let himself into Steve's house, as he normally did. It wasn't until they stepped foot into the living room that she realized something was off. She couldn't see all the way outside, but noticed quite a few people milling about the lanai.
She turned to Danny with a confused look on her face, but he just grinned and winked. "Come on, Kono. Let's not keep people waiting, okay?"
She felt herself being propelled towards the lanai, and no sooner were they through the door, when a roaring "Surprise!" had her stepping back. Danny standing behind her with his hands on her shoulders was the only thing that kept her from landing on her butt.
Grace ran up to her and gently hugged her before grinning up at her. "Happy surprise baby shower, Auntie Kono! Danno let me plan it, but he helped me sometimes."
Kono just stared around the lanai and yard area and couldn't believe how many people were there – all to celebrate her son. As her eyes filled, she was filled with a sense of peace, knowing that no matter how much crap she had gone through to get to this point, she and her son were truly loved…it was the epitome of what ohana really meant.
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