Author's Note: Do you even fucking know how much shit I had to learn to write this fucking chapter? I had to learn about fucking Oklahoma guys. I had to research the movie/documentary thing Bully to find out where Kelby lived to find an incredibly homophobic community that would justify Karkat's terror of coming out. Then Tuttle, OK was too tiny to have a shitting college, so I had to find a college I could justify sending them both to, and the nearest was DeVry in Oklahoma City. Then I had to mentally map out the area perfectly so that I could make sense of Karkat's anger. And then I had to find out what fucking pizza places there are in Oklahoma City because I was dead-set on them attempting to get pizza. Then I had to get directions from the pizza place, which I've never been to before, so forgive me if I got the method of ordering or whatever wrong, to the address I mentally set for them to see how long it would take to walk back. And I still need to find the hospital (EDIT: I've only just officially set the hospital. I'm at Chapter Nineteen) to see if it justifies Karkat being able to have fallen asleep in the car on the way. This is far more effort than I've ever put into a fic. No, that's wrong. You don't understand; this is far more effort than I've ever put into anything. I don't work this hard on my homework. I hope you pricks are happy. Enjoy your fucking chapter. Bitches. (JK I love you guys. You make me feel like a real author! ^-^)
Tl;dr, I had to do more research for this chapter than I've ever done for anything ever, so enjoy your knowledgeable chapter. Also, sorry if I got anything wrong. I'm obviously really trying not to.
Speaking of research, astrapophobia, also known as astraphobia, is the fear of lightning and thunder, in case you were too fucking lazy to Google it yourself.
Okay, normally I wouldn't do this, but I'm gonna give you guys a song for this chapter. It's by possibly the most amazing singer I've ever had the fortune to listen to and actually talk to. Just go to jasoniscariot on Bandcamp (URLs work the same way as Tumblr) and play "And So He Screams." Don't listen to it from the beginning of the chapter, though. Start it when Sollux gets home. And also listen to the rest of Case's songs because they're beautiful and intense in the best way.
Also, sorry for the wait. I meant to have this out a few days ago, but there's something wrong with my laptop, so I had to type a lot of it out on my android using a very temperamental Google Drive app. Also my laptop's broken. I'm having my boyfriend update for me because he's wonderful, so all of you leave a review thanking him. Love you, Lucas :) Also, thank Kristina because she was a huge help, too. I have the best friends.
Fun Fact: I actually made the Captor-Vantas family in The Sims 3. They're both beautiful except for Sollux's hair.
And finally, I leave you with Chapter Five. Enjoy and review, please~
The next day was uneventful. In my boredom, time seemed to stagnate, frozen and entirely unbreakable. The only certainty I had that it wasn't stopped completely was the consistent rise and fall of the sun. I didn't say anything differently to Sollux than I normally would have, despite what I'd witnessed the previous night. He didn't act any differently to me than he normally would, despite what he'd done the previous night. It led me to believe that was something he'd done before. I had to admire his bravery in having done it even once, although it was slightly disconcerting that I'd slept through it in the past. At the same time, it was undeniably sexy and I found myself hoping he'd accidentally wake me up in the middle of the night with a quietly whispered nickname.
Regardless of the interest of the one night, time crawled incessantly and so began weeks turmoil involving sitting uncomfortably on my mattress, playing Minecraft and Grand Theft Auto and The Sims 3 whenever I could get away with it amidst literal piles of school work, while my roommate watched TV-for-nerds in the living room and brought me meals. In other words, normal everything except I was bed-bound. It was hell to get to the bathroom when Sollux wasn't around, and I cursed my inability to sleep in anyone's bed but my own every second of every agonizing minute I spent just climbing up and down to and from the top bunk. The stress from having to do mountains of work I hadn't learned yet was overwhelming, but I managed to deal with it without going batshit insane or stir-crazy or any of that shit. Though, I had to admit, being homestuck was starting to get to me. I practically had to beg Sollux to let me leave the house, but he flat out refused, and, for as much of a selfish, independent asshole as I was, I knew leaving alone was a horrible idea. In the third week of my bedridden recovery, when I could start to walk around without something to hold on to, I'd finally pestered him enough that he agreed to us having dinner at Hideaway Pizza.
"What do you want?" he asked, still looking at the menu.
"Uh... I don't know. Just get a large of whatever you're getting."
"Okay, well, I'm getting juth't plain cheeth'e, th'o if you want any toppingth', you're going to have to th'ay th'omething about it."
"Nah, cheese is fine."
"'Kay." I saw him glance at me out of the corner of my eye. I looked back at him and he said softly, "How's your side holding up?"
"Sollux. I'm fine. Don't fucking fuss over me, alright?" I growled, hoping, wishing, praying he'd stop making a big deal out of it.
Rather than heeding my silent pleas, he scowled. "I know you say you're fine, but I also know you well enough to know that you'll say you're fine even when you are the exact fucking opposite of fine, KK."
I sighed. I sighed because he was right and the argument was pointless and we both knew it. "Well, I'm fine right now, so you can just fuck right the hell off and buy me pizza, dammit."
He chuckled a bit but didn't reply because it was his turn to order. Soon enough, we were sitting across from each other in a two-person booth with a number on the edge of the table, chatting while we waited for our pizza.
We ended up with just a large cheese and a soda each. Sollux was ranting about some game he played earlier, going over the various ways he could improve it if he wanted to. "Why don't you improve it, then?" I asked, taking a sip of my Mountain Dew. I knew he could. He was better at coding and technology and shit like that than I could ever be, even though we were in the same class and he tried to get me to believe that I wasn't as shit at is as I was. I still was, though. It was a simple, irrefutable fact.
"I don't know. Th'ome combination of th'chool and not having the proper th'oftware and every th'pare th'econd of my time th'pent taking care of the newly crippled ath'hole I call a roommate," he snarked back. I frowned indignantly.
"'Scuse me for a broken rib, dude. You should quit taking care of this crippled asshole and just fix your shitty game if it's that big a deal to you."
"Oh, right, and leave you marooned on your bed? You'd be begging for food come nightfall. Fat chanth'e."
"I've gotten on and off of that thing without your help plenty of times. You're not—"
"Why?"
"'Cause I had to take a shit?" I offered with a growl. "Oh, no, I just felt like walking around and climbing ladders and other physical activities like that that make complete sense in this situation."
He rolled his eyes. "I meant why didn't you call me for help?"
"Yeah, Sollux, I'm totally gonna call and have you ditch class to help me get to the bathroom. Fat chanth'e," I mimicked.
"Maybe I like making sure you're okay, ath'hat. A little conth'ideration would be nith'e." His voice dropped and he looked away, a bit crestfallen.
"'Oh, hey, Sollux, just called to let you know I gotta take a dump. Hope you're having a great day, okay, bye!' That what you're looking for?" Crush or not, he had no right to act like I was incompetent. If taking him down a few notches meant snapping that attitude out of him, who was I to say no?
He just glared at me. "Yeah, KK, that'th' ekth'-fucking-zactly what I want. Shoot me a call after too, tell me how it went. I wanna know all the nath'ty details." He sighed, letting his head hit the table in defeat before straightening up. "I juth't want to make sure I'm not gonna come home and find you path'ed out on the goddamn floor, not breathing becauth'e you fell off that idiotic ladder and th'tabbed your fucking rib into your fucking lung! Th'o yeah, th'orry I worried. You obviouth'ly have every lath't fucking thing under control in your dainty, delicate little handth'. Juth't keep on crawling down that wonderful path life has laid down for you like no one elth'e on thith' fuck-forsaken planet ith' worth giving half a fuck about like you alwayth' do, becauth'e that'th' juth't what everyone needth', ith'n't it, juth't a little bit more anger—" Whatever he was about to say was cut off when my fist connected with his cheek from across the table.
I froze for a minute. He may have sounded condescending and acted like an ungrateful, whiny shit about helping me while I was injured, but he really did care. He just had a strange, infuriating way of showing it. But whether he cared or not was of little importance to me when his words stung as much as they did. I pulled my fist back to my side of the table and balled the other hand up as well, leaning on them both as I held myself up. Sollux's head whipped towards me and a small part of me wanted to apologize. So much more of me, however, had lit a roaring fire of rage, and I let that take precedence. I dropped my voice to a violent whisper and asked with a sneer, "How'd that 'dainty, delicate little hand' feel, dipshit?"
His eyes smoldered in fury while I pushed myself out of the booth, making sure to swipe the keys from the table before I stood. "Enjoy the pizza, asscunt. I'm going home. Have fun walking!" I shouted cheerily from the door, a transparent grin on my face. I managed to actually buckle myself in before the guilt hit me — and it hit hard, something reminiscent of a wheelbarrow full of cement falling from a scaffolding five stories up.
I tried not to think of how cold it was outside, or how long he'd have to walk in it without a jacket if he didn't get a ride home, or how pissed he'd be at me, or how he'd probably end up crashing at Feferi's place because he wouldn't be able to stand looking at me because I'm a fucking asshole. Those are the things I tried (failed) to not think about as I drove home. Along with the pain in my side, the distractions almost left me on the curb a few times.
Still, I managed to get home in one piece, mind heavy with regret and knuckles sore from clenching the steering wheel so tightly. I squinted down the dark sidewalk in the hope that I'd see Sollux walking up it, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew he couldn't have walked so far in less than ten minutes.
I went back inside, still starving and now alone on top of it. I sighed, walking to the kitchen and pulling out a box of cereal. Going back to my room, I tossed the box on Sollux's bed and heaved myself into it, grabbing my laptop and moving some files around so the save game I wanted would show up. I grabbed the Grand Theft Auto case and put the disk in, waiting for the Sims 3 launcher to pop up. I had to hide my favorite family in case Sollux ever got curious and went rummaging through my games. That was definitely something I didn't want him to find.
I played nearly an hour of the family I made of Sollux and me and steadily ate away at the Lucky Charms throughout, so I wasn't surprised when I reached my hand into the bag for another handful and found only crumbs. Growling to myself, I prepared myself to stand up and throw the box away when I heard the front door open. I hastily slammed my laptop shut and tossed it on my bed as quickly as I could without hurting myself too badly. Then I pushed myself to my feet and, snatching up the now empty box of cereal, walked as unsuspectingly into the kitchen as I could manage. His voice stopped me halfway across the room.
"Good night for a walk, don't you think?"
I forced myself to keep walking as I answered. "A bit chilly."
"Oh, yeah. Juth't a bit. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you, KK?"
"Aheh, no, I can't say that I would." I unintentionally yawned, but it gave me an idea. "Jeez, I am tired, I think I'm gonna hit the hay."
"Oh, are you now? Need th'ome help climbing into bed, or — oh, no, wait, you can do it all by yourth'elf. Th'orry." He paused. "I forgot."
I whipped around. "Alright, Sollux, look, if you've got a fucking problem with me, why don't you just fucking say it instead of making snide jabs at me like I'm too oblivious to notice."
"Alright, yeth', KK, I have a fucking problem. My problem ith' that I care about you. My problem ith' that I give a shit if I come home to a dead roommate becauth'e he wath' too fucking th'tubborn to ath'k for help, becauth'e he careth' more about hith' pride than he doeth' hith' life. When are you gonna th'top caring what I think of you and ath'k me to help you inth'tead? I don't want to loth'e you, KK. Ath'king me to help you with th'omething ith' not going to lower my opinion of you, no matter what. I'll alwayth' be your friend, even when you act like a th'elfish prick. There'th' my problem." I was stunned. Frozen in place. Everything he said made sense. Everything he said made me feel like an even bigger piece of shit than I knew I already was.
Instead of letting him know that, however, I forced my numbed legs into action and stalked into the bedroom, climbing slowly up the ladder. I was under the covers by the time he entered the room. I listened silently as he slumped down in his mattress. His heavy sigh met my ears as he switched off the desklamp and pulled his covers over him.
Minutes passed. My mind, hating me like it does, felt this was a wonderful time to dissect exactly how shitty a friend I was: I kept secrets when he told me everything. I lied to his face while he was sometimes brutally honest. I sincerely doubted I deserved as good a friend as him. He was considerate, kind, handsome, careful, everything I... wasn't. I felt like such a piece of shit for hitting him earlier, and even worse for keeping a huge secret after I'd told him I wouldn't. So I decided to do something about it, and doing something started with apologizing. I was laying on my left side, which hurt like a bitch but made breathing slightly easier, so my voice was kind of muffled by the wall when I spoke. "Sorry, Sollux." He did nothing to indicate that he heard me, so I cleared my throat and tried again. "I'm sorry."
He growled. "Not likely."
"I really am."
"What are you th'orry about? Becauth'e I'm having a real hard time finding any honeth'ty or genuine meaning in your wordth'." My heart sunk somewhere into my stomach.
I swallowed hard. "I'm sorry that everything you said was true."
The bed creaked underneath him and I wondered what he was doing. "What do you mean?" he asked hesitantly, his voice just a little bit closer.
"I am a selfish prick. I do let my pride get the best of me, and I hate to admit to myself, much less anyone else, that I need help with anything. I don't say anything about it because I care what you think about me, and I care what you think about me because I don't want to lose you and I really care about you... a-as a friend," I added as a second thought. "I'm sorry I'm such a shitty friend. I'm sorry I lied to you about so much, and I'm sorry I'm still lying, and I'm sorry I'm such a fucking pussy because I can't work up the balls to tell you something I've known for years and never breathed an honest word to you about. And I'm so fucking sick of it, you know that? I'm so fucking done."
"KK, I—"
"No," I cut him off. "I need to say this now." Rain I hadn't noticed until now beat down on the roof and the window, and a flash of lightning colored the room white for an instant. Sollux gasped below me and a twinge of regret stopped my mouth. Oh shit. Sollux has astrapophobia. He's scared shitless right now, isn't he? "Sollux...?" Rather than replying, he whimpered softly. "Sollux," I repeated, a new urgency in my tone, "you need to come up here. I can't get to you right now." Thunder cracked and he whined again, practically leaping off his bed and gripping the ladder with every ounce of strength he had. "Come on, Sollux, just climb up. It's nothing you haven't done before," I murmured soothingly, looking down at him from the edge of my bed. He nodded and swallowed so hard I could hear it as he vaulted himself up the few footholds. He almost cracked his head into mine, but I managed to wrench myself back before he did.
When I recovered, I looked ahead to find him on all fours, looking down and panting slightly. His eyes widened and he clenched the sheet between his fingers when another flash brightened the walls. Wordlessly, I put a hand on his shoulder. He instantly pushed himself forward and nestled into the curve of my arm. The thunder rolled and he curled into himself. I didn't say anything; I didn't need to. This was hardly something we hadn't done before, and I doubted it wouldn't be something we'd do again. So I held him like I'd done countless times before, and I secretly reveled in how nice it was to hold him. He doesn't need to know yet, I decided. Not tonight.
Review, pretty please with a cherry on top~