Bridges are burnin'
Baby, I'm learnin'
A new way of thinking now
Love, I can see
Nothing will be
Just like it was

"Pfft I did not run out on you…" I scoff.

"Oh didn't you? We were just getting to-"

"Okay I get it!" I hiss.

He smirks as if he is proud of his damn self. I inwardly curse at myself for ever sleeping with him. What the hell was I thinking? Having sex with him at 15 years old on a beach? What the hell? Am I brain dead? I've never been more angry at myself.

"Ooooh I get it, you want to forget it ever happened. That's fine by me. I don't do serious relationships," he adds seriously before turning cocky again. "But, you have to admit, our bodies reacted very well together and if you ever want to do– "

"Don't you dare say do that again!" I almost yell. He has no idea what effect that night had on my mind as well on the rest of my life. There's no way I would ever want to do that again. "That night was the worst mistake of my life! More than you know." My voice shakes at the end, almost giving me away. Damn me for being so emotional.

His eyes turn sad for a moment before his arrogant smirk reappears. "Okay okay." He holds his hands up in surrender. "I'll find someone else to booty call." He grins before turning back around.

I shake my head as he leaves. I just had to pick him as a baby daddy didn't I? Way to go, Elena.

I made it to English five minutes late and got, yet again, another glare from Mrs. Knight. I try to pay attention to school the rest of the day, but let's face it, my life is flipping a 180. I have a lot to think about. And I have to tell someone soon before I go insane. I feel like I'm bottling everything up and that the longer I don't tell someone, the more likely I will be to never tell anyone. I'll probably be six months pregnant with a huge belly before I do anything about it. Then, a scary thought pops into my mind. I haven't been taking care of myself. Aren't you supposed to eat healthy and take vitamins when you're pregnant? And here I am eating greasy food and drinking pop like no tomorrow. But does it even matter if I'm going to just get it aborted?

Right there I realize I'm in denial. Could I ever kill this baby? Even if it is half that asshole, I could never go through with it, I think I just told myself that to make me feel like I'm not trapped, but let's face it, I am.

I'm having this baby.

As the bell rings signaling school is over, I let out a cry and leave the classroom as fast as I can. I go outside to meet Caroline who usually drives me home from school or to her house, whichever. I walk around until I see her in her red Prius, dancing to music in her car waiting for me. I smile in greeting at my best friend as I walk to the car and hop in.

She turns to look at me with a smile. "So, where to?"

"Uhm can you go to the…drug store I need to get some things…" I trail off.

She is immediately suspicious."Are you sick or something?"

"Not really. I just need…woman stuff" I curse at myself at the hole I just dug myself into.

"Oh you're on your period? Say no more." She smiles knowingly.

I almost want to laugh at this situation. I am far from my period. At this point, I would die of happiness if I got my period.

When we arrive at the store, Caroline says she is going to go check out their makeup and magazines. Thank god. I nervously walk the aisles looking for it. I reach the medicine section and see pregnancy tests. I haven't taken one yet but I know anyway. But hey it couldn't hurt… I grab a pregnancy test and some vitamins and put it in my basket before going over to grab my 'tampons'.

I rush to the counter, wanting to get this stuff before Caroline sees me. As the cashier is ringing things up, she gives me a weird look. Judging. Great. It's already starting. I tap my fingers anxiously, wanting her to hurry up before Caroline sees me buying prenatal vitamins and a pregnancy test.

"Your total is $32.44." She sighs giving me a glare.

I reach into my wallet and pull out some cash. Thank the heavens my dad pays me weekly. He calls it insurance. He wants to make sure I have money to buy drinks and food when I'm out with my friends. I bet he never thought I would be spending it on pregnancy stuff. She starts putting it into a clear plastic bag and my heart stops.

"No – wait!" I panic.

She looks more annoyed than ever. "Yes ma'am?"

"..C-can you put it in a brown paper bag?" I mumble.

She sighs and takes it out of the plastic bag and into a brown one. I nod to her before walking around to find Caroline. I find her still looking at makeup with a concentrated frown on her perfect face.

"Something wrong..?" I ask, coming up beside her.

She sighs before grabbing two things on the shelf and showing them to me.

"Should I go with midnight or onyx mascara?"

I laugh at my best friend's antics. It just seems so ironic she's worried about what color of mascara to choose that look the exact same while I'm holding a bag of pregnant crap. Life is a beach.

"Elena, this is serious! I wear makeup every day so it has to look good!" She exclaims.

I breathe in and out to control my laughter before saying. "Midnight, you don't want it too dark.."

She smiles proud in my response. "Nah I'm going with the onyx, but thanks!"

I roll my eyes. I want to strangle her sometimes.

We drive to my house and I wave bye to her before running upstairs. I have a full bladder so might as well take the test now though I know the answer so clearly that I feel stupid doing this but just taking precautions. I rip open the box and forget the instructions because, come on, I've seen enough movies to know what to do. You pee on the sick and if it has 2 pink lines you're pregnant and if it has one you're not. Simple.

I sit on the toilet and start peeing on it. Once I'm done I wrap it in some toilet paper and wait. I go back to the box that is on my bedroom floor and look at the back. It says wait 10 minutes. Letting out a big breath I put the box in my trash and crash on my bed and wait.

I decided earlier today to keep it. And to be honest I don't want it any other way. I've never believed in abortion. I mean people can do whatever they want, but personally, I could never go through with it. Also, I am not strong enough to carry a baby for nine months and then get rid of it. So adoption is also out of the picture which, leaves me with one option: becoming a mother. It's obviously not something you plan to happen in high school or this young. But I have to make the best out of it for the child. It didn't ask for this. I suddenly start to love the tiny little being in my stomach. I smile.

That's the first good thing to ever come out of this whole debacle.

I realize it's been 10 minutes and nervously get up. Though I have nothing to be nervous about I mean about many non pregnant woman miss their period, have morning sickness and eat more? It's so obvious. I walk into the bathroom, unwrap it from the toilet paper and look at the results.

Two pink lines.

I knew it. Not too much of a big surprise but it makes everything so much more real. This past week, I've been in denial. I was probably going to tell everyone when I was nine months pregnant and having the damn baby on the toilet. I can't be like that. But it's hard. I'm looking out for someone else now. How can I do that if I can barely look out for myself? But it's time to tell someone. Anyone. Or everyone. My dad will be home from the hospital around 6:00pm and make dinner so ill try and tell him and Jeremy then. I can't just tell my dad and not Jeremy I mean Jeremy knows something is up as it is and I can't keep this a secret forever. But this isn't going to be pretty.

After doing some homework, thinking, doing more homework then more thinking it's finally 6:00pm and I can hear my dad opening the front door. I feel my hands shake, my heart race and my palms getting sweaty. I suddenly feel a lot of anxiety. Like I can't breathe. This stress is taking its toll. The past 3 hours I was waiting for my dad to come home was filled with crazy thoughts. I mean, come on, how many teenage mothers make it to college and get a decent job? And what about dating? How the hell am I suppose to find a guy that loves me when I have a kid with another man? I try not to cry again. I love this child already. I can feel it in my bones. I love him or her. But ….for myself, and I know it's selfish, but this is going to ruin my whole life. I don't even have a job or a driver's license yet! I want the best for my kid, not a mom who has no job or car no boyfriend/dad for a father figure all while still living in my dads house. I know I could never go through with adoption, but for the baby's sake, it's the best….

"Elena, I'm home. Come help me make dinner, Hun" He calls. I let out a shaky breath and then walk downstairs, trying to control my hysteria.

I help my dad make Chicken Parmesan and he is talking like a crazy person, probably trying to cheer me up, but nothing can cheer me up at this point. I almost wish I can hold this baby right now and kiss it and mother it… But right now, I'm alone. After some father-daughter bonding, dinner is ready and Jeremy joins us. Can I do this? Can I tell them? I feel my heart face again and suddenly I can't breathe.

"Elena, you okay?" My dad asks.

Snapped out of my obsessive thoughts I turn my attention towards my food, which I can't seem to get enough of lately.

"So… anything new going on between any of you lately?" My dad asks conversationally but it's far from conversationally to me. To me it's him saying 'tell me Elena!'

"Nope, nothing for me," Jeremy says before taking a huge bite of chicken.

My dad turns to me, smiling. "Elena, what about you? Learn anything in school?"

I try to control my breathing before answering. "Nope, nothing new," I put on a fake smile which they seem to buy. Whew.

Anyone want notes on how to coward out of telling your dad and brother that you're pregnant at 15 with a man you met twice before? Talk to me.

The whole dinner I want to scream and yell at them what's happening to me and how I feel so alone but I can't seem to find the words. Once were all done we clear our plates and go our separate ways and I know I missed my window. I'm a coward. Why do I choose now to be a coward? Why couldn't I be a coward that one hot summer night….

...

The guy's name is Damon. Though everyone knows that. He is considered the hottest guy in the school but I always steered clear of him because bad boy is not my type.

Until now.

Our hips are moving to the big bass of the music, the sun is setting right now so it has a beautiful glow. I'm drunk and carefree and feel so alive. Suddenly he leans down and presses his lips to my neck and then starts sucking giving me a hickey. Sober Elena would have slapped him and told him to fuck off because he shouldn't be marking something that's not his. But I couldn't care less right now. And it feels so good….

His hands run up and down my body. "Let's go somewhere," he says huskily in my ear.

I feel myself nod.

Before I know I,t we are running across the sand towards the deserted side of the beach. We are both laughing from feeling so much freedom. He stops after a few minutes then turns towards me. I gulp nervously, looking at his intense stare.

"Take your clothes off." He says.

What? That's all he says? He just expects me to shed my clothes like one of his flavors of the week and fuck him right here?

"Yeah, right." I scoff turning my head away from his intense stare.

"Oh come on, you want this. Get the stick out of your ass and have some fun." He exclaims.

"Fun?" I ask. "You call fucking like feral bunnies in the sand with someone you don't even know fun? Not to mention this is a publ-"

"Stop right there." He holds his hand up to silence me. And I scowl at him. "That's your problem. You're thinking too much. Besides I heard you fucked Mason not too long-"

"Yeah, because we hung out first!" I yell. I feel my anger and stubbornness rising due to the alcohol amount in my body but all I can think of right now is to tell him a piece of my mind. "I just met you! Seriously, Damon, we have gone to the same school since 2nd grade and only talked like twice. My point is I like to get to know someone before I fuck and chuck them."

"Why? That makes no sense!" he says exasperatedly.

"I know it doesn't but it erases some of the guilt I have for doing those things" I yell.

"God you're so irritating."

"So are you!"

Suddenly I'm in his arms and I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. Screw guilt. I'm finding freedom tonight.

I lay in bed and let my thoughts get to me again. No one has ever infuriated me like him before! He just pushes that certain nerve and I wanted to pummel his face while devouring him at the same time. How is that possible! That night on the beach was well…something else.. It wasn't just one magical time and boom I got pregnant it went all night long in various different places.

I shake my head from those memories. It's the past and now I'm going to be the mother of his child. But I don't want him to know. I don't. He is very immature and irresponsible that I don't know if a child would be enough to stop or even slow down his behavior. His problem was never the law per say. Though I won't hold that against him. His problem is his attitude and his outlook on life. He thinks everything is his way or the highway. Which it isn't. I know I'm stubborn and have a lot of pride but at least I can admit when I'm wrong. Like how wrong and stupid I was for sleeping with him. God I don't understand that! Seriously, Elena? Are you trying to be a moron? I roll over in bed and try to get some sleep. But all I can picture is my crumbling life.

It's finally Saturday and I am suppose to go shopping with Caroline and Bonnie I get up and put on a floral sundress and a jean jacket before heading downstairs to wait for Caroline to pick me up. I'm suddenly starving. I know Caroline said we would eat out but I need food now. I quickly go to the fridge to search for something somewhat healthy and find a container of chicken ceaser salad from the other night. That seems healthy. I basically eat it in under 2 minutes as if I inhaled it. Suddenly I hear a car horn and know its Caroline. I quickly clean stuff up and head outside. I get in the backseat when Caroline in the front and Bonnie in the passenger seat.

"Hey Elena! Today is going to be so much fun we haven't all hung out on the weekends together in awhile!" Caroline says chirpily.

I smile for her. My dad gave me a couple hundred dollars to buy new clothes today. With his amazing hospital job he gets paid pretty good money and I basically can get anything I ask for. With good reason of course. But if I start acting like a spoiled brat he will take it away. And I'm glad for that. I don't want to become one of those people. With some small talk in the car and laughing and singing to random cheesy pop songs we arrive at the mall and get out to start our shopping.

"Remember grab the cutest clothes but also watch the sales." Caroline says firmly.

Bonnie laughs. "I think we know how to shop Caroline. For heavens sake you taught us when we were 4."

We all laugh and walk into the mall. With all our different fashion senses we take turns going in each others favorite stores. My main goal shopping today is to get loose clothing and clothes loose around the waist. Also to get bigger pant sizes for later. I can't wait to gain weight….

This time it's my turn and I go into one of my favorite stores that is not too expensive but isn't all about tight clothing. I walk over to their dresses and pick a few to try on.

"Why so many dresses?" Caroline scowls. I know what she is thinking. It's almost winter and I am not a dress person. But I obviously can't tell her the reason.

I shrug. "Trying something new"

She looks at me suspiciously knowing I'm probably hiding something but moves on. After trying on several things I walk from that store with 5 dresses 10 shirts and a skirt. Not too bad. As we are walking through the mall I feel a wave of nausea hit me. Oh no!

I clamp my hand over my mouth trying to fight it but I am unlucky. I am lucky however to be not to far from a bathroom.

"Excuse me" I manage to say to them before dropping my bags and heading to the bathroom. I manage to make it to the sinks and not the toilets which is still a miracle. I'm so lost in throwing up that I didn't hear Caroline or Bonnie enter and when I'm done I look up into the mirror to see them exchanging concerned looks.

"I'm fine" I say, a little annoyed because I know what's coming.

"Why are you throwing up Elena?" Caroline crosses her arms accusingly

"I don't know Caroline! Does anyone really know why they throw up? Just drop it." I say while washing my hands.

"Are you pregnant?" She blurts out.

I freeze my hands in the sink and think how to respond to this.

"What? No…." I say resuming my hand rinsing.

"Are you sure?" Bonnie asks this time.

I swallow. I'm not a good liar but I have to be now. I know it's immature but I just can bear to think of anyone know right now when it's still so fresh even though I really need someone to talk about it with. I'm all over the place with this pregnancy. Always changing my mind. Is that a symptom? Damn…

"Yeah. Just probably a flu. I'm fine." I say before grabbing my bags and leaving them their in the bathroom.

As we walk further down the mall to see what stores we want to shop at I notice I'm really hungry. And feel like I could eat a horse.

"Hey lets take a break and eat. I'm starving" I announce.

They both give me a weird look and I curse at myself for being so careless.

"You just threw up and probably have the flu and you're hungry?" Caroline asks skeptically.

"There's nothing wrong with that" I snap.

They are both taken aback by my attitude but I could careless at this point. I'm hungry and grumpy. I know that's not an excuse but I need some space and they keep hounding the issue.

We find a diner near the mall and are looking at the menu. I try to stay strong and order a salad to be healthy and all. But hey I was healthy this morning it can't hurt….

"You guys ready to order?" The waitress asks.

Caroline looks around at all of us and me and Bonnie nod our heads.

"Yeah we are."

"What can I get for ya?"

"I'll have a teriyaki salad and an iced tea." Caroline says and hands the waitress her menu.

"And ill have a BLT with a diet Pepsi" Bonnie says and hands in her menu.

They all turn and look at me. "Uhm I'll have your breakfast combo with extra sausages, 2 extra eggs sunny side up and a side of toast with a chocolate milkshake." I say and hand in my menu but I realize that Bonnie and Caroline are staring at me with their mouths open. I never eat a lot never have and here I am ordering a meal worth enough calories to feed me for 2 days. But they don't say anything.

I have to tell them sometime obviously. I mean its going to come out. But I just feel like now is not the time.

"Hey, there is a party tonight at Stefan's we should all go." Caroline says excitedly.

Oh hell no. Not Damon's brother's house. Besides the whole point of a party is to drink which I am in no condition to.

"Sounds good" Bonnie says.

"I….cant" I say lamely.

"Ugh why Elena! This better be good" She says pointedly.

I gulp. "I-My dad wants to spend time with me tonight since he knows I have been feeling down" I lamely come up with.

They both immediately have sympathy cross their faces probably thinking I'm sad over my mom. And yeah I still get depressed about it a lot of times but I crossed that bridge awhile ago.

"Well me and Bonnie will have fun for you" Caroline smiles.

I smile then the waitress appears with our drinks. We small talk but there is obvious tension since my vomiting incident. Finally our food arrives and I once again inhale it. Yum.

We all finish our meals and sit for a little bit and talk. The tension is erasing more and more and I couldn't be more grateful. We laugh at a joke Bonnie said and as I'm laughing I feel the wave of nausea come back again. Seriously! It's almost evening. Morning sickness my ass. I clamp my hand over my mouth and run to the bathroom without a thank you in reply this time. I empty my stomach into the toilet over and over again and I'm sure that delicious meal went to waste. Damn. Once I'm done I make sure to rinse my mouth before heading off to face them.

They are talking when I walk up, hopefully not about me and I set down across from them again.

"Hey" I say innocently.

"Again Elena? Maybe you should see a doctor." Bonnie says.

"I'm fine. Trust me I know I am." I say firmly.

"Are you sure? Cause one minute you're barfing everywhere the next your ordering a meal for a family" Caroline says.

I sigh. "Look you guys I am perfectly fine alright? Just stress and stuff getting to me its normal trust me okay? I know my body. I am fine." I assure them.

They are hesitant for a minute before nodding.

We all pay for our meals then climb into Caroline's car.

"You sure you don't want to come to the party with us tonight?" Caroline hopes.

"Yeah" I sigh. "I'm sure but thanks anyways maybe….sometime soon" I smile knowing ill probably never go to another party again unless it's a birthday one.

They drop me off and I head upstairs to my bedroom and fall on my bed. I think of all the lies I went through today with the dresses, puking, Stefan's party. I just seem to be digging a deeper and deeper whole with no way out. I just want to run away. I rub my belly knowing there is a human in there and just hope everything goes smooth sailing from here on out….

Long chapter haha. i told you i would do it. The first few chapters will come out fast-ish then it will slow down to maybe once a week or less. Nothing to do with me being busy but i want the story to be good and have good detail. xo.

THANKS TO ALL THE REVIEWS LAST CHAPTER 15 REVIEWS? WOW. XO.

Please review and tell me your thought please they help me for next chapters on what to work on.

I have the story all lined out on what is going to happen. cant wait to share. (:

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