Author's Note: I had so much difficulty writing this chapter, and I have absolutely no idea why. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I'm kind of half on vacation 150 miles from home, or I had limited access to a computer and my phone was being the stupid, shitty piece of shit that it is and wouldn't let me open any Google Docs, or that I had to go to a funeral for one of the two people in my family who died within a month of each other, or that I had to deal with my brother because he kind of had a breakdown and started doing some serious self-harm and I'm just too far away to be there for him, or maybe it was all four of those reasons or some combination of them, but this chapter was very hard to finish. Also, probably because first-time writer's block. I honestly don't think I've ever had to deal with writer's block before. I had to ask my friends what I should do for this chapter. So bad. T-T But I did read a new book yesterday called Proxy (ALL OF YOU GO FIND IT AND READ IT, IT'S SO GOOD, I DIED), and my friends gave me new ideas, so I think I'll be okay. Despite the difficulty I found in writing it, I'm really happy with this chapter. Just the way it turned out, I think.
Important news, I'm going to be gone next week with absolutely no access to anything electronic, so I can't reply to reviews, I can't reply to PMs, and I can't write at all (although I am bringing a notebook, so I might have to revert to... [dun, dun, dun] wait for it... pencil and paper for a while [I'm so sorry, please forgive me]). I'm going to a Summer camp called Camp Hammer (it's a Christian camp and I'm not religious but I'm going with my cousin whom I rarely get to see so it's worth it) and it's really fun and I actually got a lot of writing done in another story last year during it, so I think it'll be okay. Just don't expect me to have anything to do with the internet from Sunday, 4th to Saturday, 10th.
More notes. My bro's okay now, in case any of you were worried about him. Also, did you guys notice I changed the summary a bit? And I'm not sure if any of you look, but sometimes when I fix a lisp I missed or just a straight up mistake I made (like "how stiffened" in this chap XD), I usually change up the Author's note a bit, too. One more thing, I'm gonna give a giant, huge, big shoutout to FFF (guest), who rarely misses a review which confuses me because you can't follow on guest so I think she just stalks this story 24/7, but I don't care because she always has really sweet, nice things to say and, honestly, leaves some of my favorite reviews and sometimes I read them when I feel sad and then I don't feel sad anymore whatshhIdidn'tsaythat. I'd love to talk to her more, but she always reviews on guest and I can never reply :( So, FFF, if you're reading this, you should feel proud because I always look for your reviews whenever I update and they always make me happy ^-^ (Also, the Tumblr URL you left me broke because of FanFiction so just throw me your username or something and I'll drop on by.)
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAH I JUST REALIZED, this is a really bad chapter to leave you guys on and I'm laughing so hard about it XDD Ahahahhahaha sucks for you! I am so not sorry.
*ahem* ...Chapter Thirteen, enjoy and review please! ^-^
"Alright, KK, it'th' about time you got up off your lazy ath' and quit playing video gameth'. Get dreth'ed — nith'e," Sollux barked, exiting the room. "We're doing th'omething tonight."
"Are we going somewhere?" I asked, saving the game of Civ IV I'd been playing. "Because if we are, a little warning would have been nice."
"Well, here'th' your warning now!" he called back. Growling to myself, I walked to the closet. It took a couple minutes to pick out a nice, dark burgundy button-down, and black skinny jeans with a silver wallet chain to go with it. I figured it was a nice enough outfit for wherever we were going, casual and comfortable enough that I wouldn't look overdressed if that were the case and nice enough that it would fit in with a crowd. Just as I was about to change, Sollux yelled from the other room, "Go take a shower, KK."
"Why?"
"Becauth'e I th'aid th'o. Hop to it."
"Fuck you, I don't need a shower!"
"Yeth', you do. Go shower."
"No."
"KK."
"Fuck, fine." I sighed heavily, turning into the bathroom and starting the hot water. I don't need a shower... do I? I wondered, raising my arm and sniffing. I didn't smell horrible, certainly not bad enough to warrant a shower, but I knew better than to argue with Sollux once he'd set his mind on something. Since he was dead set on making me shower, I decided he was going to have to wait for me, too, so I turned the water down a bit so the heat would last longer and resigned myself to a long, self-indulgent shower. Somewhere around half an hour later, Sollux banged on the door and yelled for me to get out, which I figured I probably should in case I made us late for wherever we were going. Walking back into the bedroom with a towel around my waist, feeling very clean and very warm, I found Sollux changing. I followed his idea and dressed myself, and he tugged me close for a long, sweet kiss when we were both clothed.
"Mmm what, you're not going to shower, too?" I asked.
He kissed me again and said, "I doubt there'th' any hot water left after yourth'. Beth'ideth', I don't need one."
"Neither did I," I pointed out.
"Yeth', you did, and I'll ekth'plain why in a minute if you don't get it."
"Don't get what?" Instead of answering, he took my hand and led me into the dining room. On the table in the dim room lay two sets of silverware, two lit candlesticks, and two plates opposite each other, both with thick, juicy tri-tip steaks with mashed potato and broccoli sides. I couldn't help the astonishment in my gaze.
"I didn't want you getting curiouth' and coming out while I wath' cooking," he told me, pulling out the chair behind one of the plates for me. I took the seat and quickly closed my mouth, hoping he hadn't seen it hanging open.
"Sollux, this is... I thought you said we were going out." It was all I could manage.
He chuckled, sitting across the table. "I never th'aid we were going out. I th'aid we were doing th'omething. You deth'ided we were going out."
I had to commend him for being so sly. "Well, I'm glad. Did you just decide to make us a nice dinner tonight, or is there a reason behind it?"
His grin was instantaneous. "Firth't month, KK." I stared back. It was our one month today, which I guessed was a pretty decent milestone, especially considering no one else knew.
"Oh." He stuck out his tongue and lifted up his hands in a heart, to which I snorted and nearly fell out of my chair laughing at. "You are the biggest fucking dork I've ever met," I told him, still laughing softly to myself.
"And proud of it," he replied, winking. I snort laughed again and continued eating. Sollux really was a great cook; he had a natural talent for it, and the food was superb, cooked just the way he knew I liked it and seasoned just as perfectly. It wasn't long before both our plates were cleared. I'd even managed to convince him to let me feed him a forkful of mashed potatoes, which I found cheesy and romantic and he was undeniably sweet for letting me.
"Sit up," I coaxed, hoping he'd indulge me in yet another classic romance move. He leaned forward across the table and I stretched up to meet him, ignoring the door opening for favor of tasting his lips again. Did I ever mention how good he tasted? There was a little spark that was pure Sollux, much like his scent. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on that defined him so perfectly. I let my mind focus on finding that little spark of flavor, not thinking about how he stiffened or about the clack of high heels against the wood floor of the kitchen or the jangling of keys as they were set on the counter.
"Hello, boys! I just thought I would drop by and — oh!" That got my attention. That sounded like Kanaya, I realized. I pulled away and snapped my eyes toward the voice, which was indeed Kanaya's. It took me a minute to sort out exactly what had made the past few seconds feel so wrong. Kanaya just walked in. Okay. I just kissed Sollux. Okay. Kanaya saw. Okay. So... wait. Kanaya saw. Not okay. Definitely not okay. That is not okay at all, in the slightest. Shit. "Am I... erm... I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"
"Yeth'," Sollux snapped bluntly. I would have hit him if I didn't think I'd miss without looking away from Kanaya, and that wasn't going to happen.
"No, no, you're not. A-At all," I managed weakly. "But, uh... what—" Hard swallow. "—wh-what are you doing here?"
"I was just dropping by," she told me, her face a bit red, "because I hadn't spoken with either of you since Karkat's birthday and I was wondering how things were going, and I had assumed that you would be doing nothing except destroying each other in video games on a Friday night, but I, um, obviously assumed... i-incorrectly and I... um..." She trailed off. It was one of the few times I'd ever seen her flustered about anything. The only other time was at a party in high school; we were playing Spin-The-Bottle, and her first spin had yielded her best friend Vriska. She told me later it had been her first kiss, as well as the event that later sparked a powerful crush toward the blue-eyed brunette. I neither commented about nor replied to her admission of preference because by then I'd determined and accepted my own attraction for those that shared my gender, though I wasn't really comfortable with it at the time. I never worked up the courage to confide in her, but hey, there's no time like the present, right?
"Honestly, I feel like I'm intruding, I shouldn't have come by unannounced in the first place, a-and I really do think I should be going now," she stated, a note of urgency tainting her tone. Too many thoughts, not one of them good, chased each other around in my head, all demanding attention and none receiving it. My attention was instead trained on her quickly gathering her purse and keys from the counter.
"No, Kanaya, no, wait!" I shouted too quickly, standing up so fast that my chair nearly fell over. Sollux followed suit much more slowly, pushing his chair back in when he stepped away. Realizing how desperate I sounded, I corrected quickly, "I mean, you only just got here, and we've just finished dinner, so why not stay a while?"
She paused and shot me a withering glare. "I don't know, you seemed a bit busy, Karkat, the both of you did. Busy with each other. Not that it's any of my concern exactly what kind of friends you are, but—"
"Shut your fucking mouth!" Sollux snarled, taking a step towards her. She backed away and I watched, stunned. "You can th'ay whatever the hell elth'e you want about me, but when you th'tart th'uggeth'ting that I have any intereth't in KK other than him, I think I need to make it at leath't two hundred perth'ent clear that that ith'n't the cath'e." Another menacing step in her direction found my arms wrapped harshly around his middle, all before I even knew I'd moved.
Yanking him back, I whispered words just as harsh as my actions meant for his ears only. "Don't you lay a finger on her." He steadied himself against the table and I added, my tone softer, "Let me talk to her, okay?" The hint of a snarl still burned on his lips as he nodded. Turning to Kanaya, I was concerned to find her backed into a corner, clutching her rose-pink, leather purse so tightly her knuckles were white. "Kanaya...?" I began, hoping she wouldn't say what I feared she would. She didn't. Instead, she let the unbridled terror in her eyes tell me anything I could need to know. I took her hand and led her into the bedroom, closing the door after us.
She nearly broke down in tears right then and there. "I thought he was going to hurt me!" she choked out, hugging me tightly.
"I wouldn't have let him," I assured her, dropping my voice. "And no matter what he would have done, you know he wouldn't have meant it. I mean, you do know that, right? He hasn't been taking his meds very much lately, and he's starting to worry me. Whatever. Just calm down and let me, I don't know, clear things up I guess? Yeah, that sounds about right. Let me clear things up." She did as I said, sniffling and seating herself on Sollux's bed. I took a seat next to her and began, "That really was an uncalled-for remark, you know. About 'what kind of friends we were.' Really, Kanaya, do you think either of us are the type for 'friends with benefits?' A couple years ago, Sollux — maybe. But now? Nuh-uh. Not with me. Especially not after we've known each other this long. Those things are supposed to be kind of emotionless after all, aren't they? Like a no strings attached kind of thing?" I shook my head, betraying how little importance the question held.
"Anyway, we aren't really... just friends anymore. On my birthday, I might have kind of gotten a little bit wasted. Maybe. Only a tiny bit. But that's not really very fucking relevant except that alcohol makes people fucking stupidly honest and, long story short, I finally worked up some balls and told someone who actually means a damn thing that I'm—" I paused, refusing to let my voice break. "—told him how I really felt about him. At first I was afraid he would turn me away, but then he kissed me back and — wait, fuck, I didn't say that, alright?" The "accidental" slip-up was part in attempt to lighten the mood, which I guess worked, considering the quiet giggle that followed.
"Um... yeah. So, uh, from then on, we kind of worked things out and we're together now. But, please, Kanaya, and I'm really serious about this, please don't tell anyone. Not Nepeta, not-not Vriska, o-or, like, someone I don't know, nobody, not even in confidentiality. I know I can trust you to keep our secret, but you know how people around here are... and I have... a more involved issue with them, but I think I'll be okay on that front from now on. Just so long as we're kept a secret."
She'd been listening in silent fascination, her chin resting in her hand throughout my confession. "You can trust me, Karkat. I wish you'd told me sooner, though, so at the very least I wouldn't be as utterly shocked as I was tonight. I did not think that either of you had any interest in each other, especially considering that you have only had girlfriends in the past."
I hesitated to bring up Trevor, eventually deciding that she didn't need to know. "I'm bi, Kanaya, not gay. Girls are nice, too. But I've had a crush on Sollux nearly as long as you've had one on Vriska, probably longer. I guess I also did a pretty goddamn good job in hiding it. Him, too. I thought he'd never talk to me again after I told him, let alone want to get with me. Surprised the actual fuck out of me."
She suddenly broke out in a grin and threw her arms around me, tugging me into a close hug. "I'm so happy for you." Her voice was unsurprisingly tearful — you wouldn't guess it of her, but she was just as much a sucker for romance as I was. Not necessarily as much as far as romance movies and novels go, but she was a romantic nonetheless.
I hugged her back until she pulled away, smiling at her as we stood up. "Never mind your relationship, I feel that I am intruding in any case. Coming here tonight was a bad idea. I should have called or... something beforehand. That being said, I am going to leave if you don't mind."
"Are you sure?" I asked, trying to clear the air. "We really did finish eating, and I'm not sure what Sollux had planned for the rest of the night, but—"
"Karkat, you said your relationship began on your birthday. Today's the twelfth. That also makes today the anniversary of your first month together. Despite what you may say, I am most definitely not welcome, and if you don't know what Sollux has planned for the evening... well, I doubt it's anything I'm likely to be included in. You should enjoy your night together, and that means that I should be heading back home." She hugged me again and exited the bedroom. I followed her and found Sollux on the couch, looking out the window at nothing. Furrowing my brow in concern, I saw Kanaya out and returned to the living room to sit next to him. He didn't even so much as look at me as I curled up under his arm.
I cleared my throat loudly. "Sollux...?" Still no reaction. "Kanaya knows about us. She's cool with it."
Nothing.
"Sollux?" I repeated, louder. He didn't even so much as tense up, even slightly. "Are you okay?"
Nothing.
"I didn't know she was going to come tonight. I wasn't expecting anyone to. I didn't, like, invite her or—" Shit, no, stop it. This isn't my fault. This isn't anybody's fault. Kanaya just happened to be there at that moment. We just happened to kiss when she walked in. It's not anybody's fault. "Sollux?"
Suddenly, he spoke, still looking out the window. "Do you think she hates me?" I stopped. Oh. I get it.
"No."
"Do you think she's afraid of me?"
"No."
"Do you think—"
"No. Whatever you're about to suggest, no. She doesn't hate you. She's not afraid of you. She's okay with us being together. She already knew about my preference in gender... or, lack thereof," I added, hoping the little white lie would improve his mood, "so I'm sure she doesn't care about yours." It didn't do much by way of mood improvement, so I tried another tack. "Um... okay, this is gonna seem like a really asshole-ish question, and I guess it kind of is, kind of 'cause I'm an asshole and kind of 'cause of the question—" He finally looked at me, the hard line of his mouth breaking into the shadow of a smirk. "—but have you been taking your meds lately?"
His vague smile fell, and the look he gave me could have been anything from offended disgust to suspicious fear — or probably both. "Maybe." I raised an eyebrow at him. "What if I haven't? I'm doing juth't fine without them."
"Really?" I returned, hating how instantaneously the accusation rose in my voice. "Remember earlier, that thing that you said to Kanaya? Excuse me, that you said to threaten her? And you said that mere seconds after being the dorkiest idiot in the world. Or... oh, let's not forget the night of the Fourth, how you went from 'wonderful, affectionate boyfriend' to 'snappy, angry douchebag' at the mention of a name? Ooh, what about just a minute ago, when you went from this sad, lonely lookin' asshole who thought he'd just lost a friend to a snappy, superior douchebag at, again, the mention of a single word?"
"Yeah, fuck off, KK, that had nothing to do with my mental health, you dipshit."
"Do you really think you would have threatened to hurt Kanaya if—"
"Yeth', I really fucking do, becauth'e no one, not her, not fucking anybody, getth' to th'ay that I only want you for—"
"Do you know exactly how little I care? Can you tell just how few shits I give?! I know what you want me for. It does not fucking matter. You don't just do that, you don't just threaten people for saying something, you don't hit people or make like you're going to, you can't do those things, and I know you, Sollux, I know that you wouldn't do those things, except that there's some stupid, fucked up part of you that wants to do them, that thinks it's normal to want to hit people, and you're supposed to take these fucking pills so that you don't want to do those things, but you aren't and it's really not okay because you're scaring the people around you and you're scaring me and you need to fucking take those fucking pills because I'm starting to get really fucking worried about you again!" I was completely out of breath and practically screaming by the time I'd finished.
Sollux pushed me onto the far cushion and brought himself to his feet, turning without a word to walk into the bedroom, shutting and, to my surprise and instantaneous terror, locking the door behind him. I leaped over the couch and slammed my whole weight into the door and pounded on it with both of my fists and furiously rattled the knob and yelled at him through the thin layer of wood, screeching until my voice cracked and flat out begging him to open it. Within thirty seconds, the fear had gotten to me and I was left curled against the bottom part of the door, tears of utter hopelessness streaming from my eyes as sob after sob tore from my body. There's only one fucking thing he would be doing that would require locking the door. One thing that he could be doing that he would need to lock the door in order to keep me from stopping him from doing. He's killing himself in there, I thought helplessly, slamming my skull against the door over and over and fucking over, and hugging my knees tighter to my chest with each passing second. I yelled at him. It's all my fault. He's killing himself and there isn't fucking anything I can do about it.
No yeah, still not sorry at all. I hunger for reviews :33
Also... if anybody's interested, like at all (I'm not gonna get upset if no one does, I just think it would cool), I would absolutely love some fanart for this fic, especially this chapter. I think if I got just one drawing of Sollux making a heart at Karkat with his tongue out, I would die and never ask you guys for anything again (I lied, I'd still probably ask you for reviews and shit). So yeah, if any of you are so inclined, feel free to saunter over to your art program or dredge up that sketchbook of yours or whatever and just kinda... doodle or somethin'. c: Thanks, love you guys, be back in a week!