I'm blind from the tears that fall like rain
So lost ever since you went away
Sometimes our lives forever change
My heart's never gonna be the same'
Cause you came
And you gave me, a place
Place to live, where to play
Why you take it away?
15 weeks and 6 days pregnant
Thursday December 15th
It has been exactly one week since the dinner at Damon's house and my revelation. I have been cautious around him, trying to act normal, so he doesn't catch on. It's not like I can explain. I don't even know what this feeling is yet, or what to do with it so I need time to think it over. He still comes over every day. I am just more distant and I am sure he has noticed but I never planned on this, so I need all the time I can get.
I have been reading my pregnancy books more often and the baby is the size of an orange and can now move all its joints. It is becoming more human everyday and just the thought of that, would scare some people, but it makes me smile like a goof. Downside to progressing in the pregnancy is more symptoms, the worse one being my libido.
It would probably be amazing, if I had someone to release my frustration with but I don't. I am stuck forever in sexual-tension-land. Not happy. And it's not like I am alone long enough to do anything myself. I am constantly hovered over. I swear my dad, asked Damon to watch over me when he's working and Damon asked the same of my dad when he goes home. I swear it. Maybe he even asked Jeremy. Wouldn't be surprised.
It's the end of the day and I am heading to History which I usually don't like because I have that class with Katherine and all her 'friends'. If I had to choose what class to drop it would most definitely be this one. Even over math. Though she usually ignores me so it is normally fine but that doesn't mean I don't hear her 'whispering' behind me or giving me weird looks. I go to sit in my seat and she is already there behind me. I sigh like any other day, taking my jacket off and setting it around my chair then sitting down. Of course luck of the draw, her assigned seat is right behind me. I am just thankful, she doesn't kick my chair or pull my hair. Though I am sure she would if Jeremy or Damon didn't threaten her. Which I know they did.
The class goes well and the bell rings signaling the end of the day. Thank god. I get up, put my jacket on and head out the class. I stop by my locker, grabbing my books and then make it out to the parking lot.
I have another appointment today. Just a small checkup. Nothing monumental yet. That comes next time with Damon's family.
When I get out there I see my dad. We planned on meeting in the parking lot then heading over in separate cars since my dad had to work this morning and couldn't drive us to school. But I don't see Damon's car yet which is weird.
"Hey, cupcake." My dad greets me in a hug.
"Hey." I say looking around. "Have you seen Damon?"
"No." He said looking around too.
"Hmm maybe he got held up in class." I say.
" Yeah, we can wait a little, but then we have to go." My dad informs.
I nod.
I hope he comes out soon.
Ten minutes later he is nowhere to be found and we have to leave. I call him a few times and he doesn't answer. I feel myself shaking. Where could he have gone? I saw him at lunch and everything was fine. Is he ditching me? I breathe in and out. He wouldn't do that. No. Maybe he will meet us at the clinic. If not. I don't know what to expect.
The ride there is silent because I know my dad is having the same thoughts as me. We are both freaking out on the inside but don't say anything. It just seems odd for him to miss an appointment or even be late. He's so supportive of this child and already loves it. Nothing has ever suggested he wasn't into it. I hope while we sit in the waiting area filling out forms, he will burst in any second. But he doesn't.
"Elena Gilbert!"
I sigh, trying to contain my tears as I walk down the hallway.
"We will just need your weight."
I nod and step on the scale.
"So you are 115 pounds." She writes down.
I've gained some more weight.
Damon would have been proud.
Why am I thinking like that. I'm just making it worse. She leads us to the room and I sit on the exam table, both me and my dad still silent.
"Elena he could just be late…" My dad says after awhile.
I shake my head. "He would never miss it. He bailed on me, dad…when I needed him most." I let out the tears that have been threatening to fall since the car ride.
"Elena…don't hate him, yet. Something could have-"
"Dad you don't understand" I snap, feeling my hormones take over. "He would never miss it. Ever. What could have come up between lunch and now plus make him not answer my phone calls? Hmm?"
My dad gives me a pitiful look because he knows, I am right but he is trying to protect me. Which I know now, any parent would do. I feel so alone. I have my dad. But I need Damon. He is the other half, in this mess with me. I need him. He keeps me sane and cracks jokes when things get too heavy. I can't do this without him. But obviously I might have to. Even if he calls and says sorry, I can't forgive him for this. Who misses an appointment to see their child? Like if he called and had a legitimate reason I could understand. But to not answer my calls and bail is a whole other thing. If he wants to talk to me after this too bad. God, I am so stupid for falling for him. I feel like an idiot.
Just then the doctor comes in.
"Hello, Elena and Grayson." Dr. Klein greets us.
I pull myself together and force a smile. "Hi."
"Where is Damon today?"
"He is gone. Just gone."
We get done with the appointment and everything is fine and the same. Baby was bigger and seemed to be asleep and healthy. I got new pictures, however, just for me and my dad this time. If Damon wanted one, he should have been there. I don't even feel sad anymore. I'm pissed. Well maybe a little sad but I want nothing more to do with him, at least for the next few hours. Otherwise he'd probably feel the wrath of a pregnant woman and nobody one wants that. Though he deserves it.
Before I saw my baby during the ultrasound, I was sad and hopeless, but after I saw him or her, I was furious. How could he bail on it? How could he miss something like this? It just makes me so mad. It's not like I can just walk away!
I angrily open my side of the car and slam it shut. My dad gets in and I can tell he's walking on eggshells around me. Scared that I will start crying or lash out. Who knows. He is right.
"Do you want to go home Elena or-"
"Yes, home. I don't want to see him right now." I say angrily. "Or ever."
He sighs, not knowing what to say and then nods. We head home in silence.
I look down at my phone and see nothing from him. I sigh and turn off my phone.
When we get home I run into the house before my dad and head straight to my room. I need to be alone. I also need a drink. Though instead I am stuck angrily writing in my diary.
My dad calls me down for dinner and I want to just stay up here but the other half of me wants to eat everything. Letting out a deep breath I get up and head downstairs. When I get down there, my brother is surprisingly here. Normally I would be happy he is here but not today. He will pick up on my mood in an instant and it won't be long till he finds out. Which will not help Damon's case. Wait.
What am I even doing. Who cares if he gets beaten up at this point. Why do I keep defending him? Ugh.
I reach the table and see we are having brown rice and chicken breast. Ugh. Today is not a day I want to eat healthy food. I just want to stuff my mouth with fried twinkies.
I plot into my chair and begin eating without a word.
"Lena, what's your problem?" Jeremy asks hesitantly.
"Mind your own business." I mutter.
He drops his fork. "Damn it! Are people at school harassing you again?" He demands.
"No! Just drop it, Jeremy." I groan.
"Dad, you know don't you?" Jeremy asks.
My dad looks back and forth between us and then nods.
"Damn it, someone tell me now!"
"Jeremy, just drop it okay. It's not something that she wants to talk about right now." My dad tries to calm down Jeremy.
Of course that doesn't work.
"Just tell me!"
"Damon missed the appointment today okay?!" I yell. "And he isn't answering my calls. Happy now, Jer!" I scream and drop my fork, loosing my appetite and head upstairs to my room.
I know I can count on my dad to calm Jeremy down. Jeremy has learned the past few weeks to back off about this situation, so hopefully since that's been put to the test, he now listens to it. I hope.
I try to do my homework for the day and get about half way through when I can't stop thinking. I lay back on my bed and choke back more tears. What made him do this? I am suddenly dying to know. What made him miss an appointment and ignore me? I mean there had to be a reason. Something had to have happened after lunch for him to get scared or run. Or both.
There is only one way to find out.
I get up abruptly and head downstairs. My dad and Jeremy are watching sports and I ignore them putting on my shoes and jacket.
"Lena, where are you going…?" My dad asks hesitantly.
"You know." I say before grabbing the car keys and heading out. Thank god I recently passed my drivers class. Otherwise it would be awkward to have my dad or brother drive me. This needs to be done alone. I have to do this.
I get in the car and head to his house. I feel my rage build up again on the way over. He has no clue what's coming.
I finally pull up into his driveway and I can see his car and that his parents are there. Well then.
I get out and slam my car door. My hormones are building my rage so high I feel like I could punch him or worse. I knock on the door excessively until it opens up revealing Helen Salvatore.
"Oh, hi dear! What can I do for you?"
I smile as politely as I can, but I am sure it comes off as cold. "I need to speak to your son."
"Oh…is there something wrong dear?" She says letting me in.
"Yep." I say and go straight for the stairs.
"His door is the third on the right." She calls after me.
Bingo.
I rip open his door. And it's a sight I will never forget.
Clothes are littered across the room, along with numerous empty beer bottles. Damon is sitting up in bed squinting at me, obviously naked underneath.
But that's not what gets me.
He has a blonde girl next to him passed out cold, who is also naked.
Wow.
"Well Damon…this explains you missing the appointment" I say coldly stalking over to the end of his bed crossing my arms.
"What the hell? Me?" He exasperates. "You think this was me? That I wanted to miss the appointment?" He yells.
"Well obviously, because you weren't there! And you didn't meet up with me and my dad in the parking lot, like you were supposed to!" I scream back.
He sits up now, obviously more awake. "Elena, are you fucking serious!? You texted me to meet you in the back of the building and that you and your dad would be there. I waited there for 10 minutes and then called you but my phone decided to die, so I went back to our normal spot but you weren't there either!" He yells. "Care to explain that?!"
"What the hell are you talking about!" I scream. "I never texted you that! Stop lying, Damon!"
"Yes, you did! I thought it was weird that you wanted to meet there, but I went with it anyway and you weren't even there!"
"Okay enough with that, because I didn't text you. Why didn't you meet us at the clinic then? And care to explain why you have some slut in your bed?" I glare menacingly.
"Elena, you have been weird and distant lately! I thought it was odd but then you bail on me at school and it clicks!" He hollers, standing up now, stark naked. "You don't want me in the child's life do you? It was all a joke. Everything. You played me huh? So yeah I went and got drunk and had fun!" His eyes glare. "So what! We aren't tied together. We aren't dating. Get over it."
"Oh I am over it, Damon. Trust me. I would like to see you try, having a life, with your child. And yes I will stop you! I mean, look at you!" I gesture to him, my voice breaking. "You're getting drunk and sleeping with random girls! You are about to be a father, Damon, what the hell!" I yell.
I can see his face drop as reality sets in.
Too bad it's a little too late.
"Elena, you texted me…." He says softy.
"Screw you, Damon! Don't bother talking to me."
Before he can say another word I slam his door shut and run down the stairs. When I reach the parlor, Helen is looking at me with concern etched in her eyes.
"Elena…."
I shake my head. "I'm sorry." I whisper before heading out the front door and on my way home. As I'm leaving the driveway I can see Damon running after me, with just pants on. Little does he know, he's chasing something that doesn't want to be found.
I pull into my driveway. I know my dad will be mad, I've never driven alone before but I think he also knew, I needed to do this. I had to know why. And now, I know. I fight the tears and get out of the car and head inside. When I open the door, Dad and Jeremy are still watching sports but stop it when they see me.
"How did it go?" Jeremy asks monotonously.
"Horrible." My voice cracks.
"Do you want to talk about it?" My dad asks.
Surprisingly I nod.
I tell them everything. From the fight to me starting to fall for him. I want no more secrets. I am done. They take it in well and look at me sympathetically. Probably wondering, what I did to earn all this drama? I know they just want me to be happy. I want that too and maybe I will look back on this part in my life and remember how strong I was. I have to stay strong. Not just for me anymore, but for the baby as well.
"Just please, don't let him in. I know I eventually have to talk to him again, just not anytime soon." I plead.
They nod.
"Thanks for listening and supporting me. I guess in the end, all I have is family." I smile at them.
"You always have us, Elena." My dad says seriously. "Don't forget that."
"Yeah, and if I see this punk, I will kick his ass." Jeremy winks.
I glare at him. "Please don't. I might be pissed at him but I don't want him to end up in the hospital."
"If you say so." Jeremy shrugs.
"Well, I am off to bed. Night." I breathe out and head to my room.
I turn my phone back on wanting to call a certain person. We have both been so busy with our Salvatore's that, we haven't spent as much time together. I click dial and wait for her to answer. Which I know she will. I hardly ever initiate a call so if I do it is usually a emergency.
"Hello? Elena?"
"Caroline" I say as my voice breaks.
"Elena, sweetie, what's wrong?" She says frantically.
I sit on the phone and tell her everything for the next hour. I take my time and tell her how I slowly started falling for him, which she says she knew all along. Smart ass. I also tell her how good he's been, that is until today and I tell her detail by detail of today's horror fest. She gasps at all the right parts until I finish.
"Oh my god, Elena." She whispers. "I am so sorry."
"It's fine Care, I knew, it was too good to be true." I say wiping a tear away.
"No. Elena, it is not fine! He should have met up with you anyway and not have overreacted like that! But I can see it from his point of view, why he did that. I mean come on, he likes you a lot too, Elena, and don't deny it" She says before I can interject. "But think about it. It probably seemed too good to be true for him too and then you were acting weird from getting all googly eyes over him and then you didn't meet him. It probably scared him and made him think you didn't want or need him. I am not saying what he did was right but I am also saying don't give up on him yet. Besides what about this text? You said you didn't send it but…yet he got it…it's all too weird." Caroline says.
"I know! I don't get the text thing, which is why I think he's lying." I say passionately. "I mean I looked in my phone, Care. There was no outgoing text to him. He had to have been lying." I try to make her see reason.
"I don't know. From what you told me he seemed confused as to why, you said you didn't send it. Again I don't know, Elena. But I will pick you up tomorrow morning, okay? I know you need space from him. I get it."
"Thanks, Care." I say genuinely. "Also, how's it going with Stefan? You haven't been at lunch lately…want to tell me something, Care?"
I can hear her giggle through the phone. "Yeah, we make out a lot. He is basically prince charming. He is my own personal Ryan Gosling. I think I love him" She admits.
"That is amazing, Care!" I say. "I am really happy for you"
"Thanks. Well, I got to go. I will see you tomorrow. Love ya." She says and hangs up.
I love her. We have all been distracted lately. Caroline with Stefan. Me with Damon and my pregnancy. And Bonnie…with…I don't even know. She has just been busy lately. Probably studying.
I let out a long breath and get up to go take a shower. Everything is falling apart. If he would have shown up at the clinic I would have forgiven him. Easily! But instead he talks about this 'text' he got and gets drunk and has sex with some random chick. That hurts more than I am willing to let on. I thought just maybe….he liked me. But I was wrong. He doesn't like me. Like he said, it was all a joke. A lie.
I get out of the shower and do my nightly bathroom routine. When I walk out of the bathroom I can hear voices downstairs.
"Just let me speak to her! That is all I need!" A voice begs.
He begged.
I listen outside my door for more.
"No! Listen…she needs time. You broke her trust and her hormones definitely aren't helping the situation….." My dad laughs lightly. "Just give her a few days, okay?"
"You don't understand, Grayson….I need to speak to her."
"I'm sorry Damon. Like I said, come back in a few days or try talking to her at school. But please hear me out when I say she needs some time. Just to think things through for her and the baby. Just give it time."
I can't hear anymore because they got quiet but then I hear the door shut and I know the conversation is over. I walk back in my room preparing myself for sleep. Am I doing the right thing?
16 weeks pregnant
Friday December 16th
Stupid alarm. Stupid drama, making me wake up. Stupid day, for not having more hours for me to sleep. Yep.
I am tired. Very tired. I couldn't sleep much and I am exhausted. I drag my feet to my closet and find my maternity jeans. I don't like wearing them much or at all because it just reminds me of how fat I am getting but I can't wear yoga pants and leggings forever. I find a basic black t-shirt and a sweat shirt to go over. Going for lazy today. I don't care anymore. At this point I am going to high school to learn and graduate so I can go to college and support my child. Not to impress anyone. I pull on my converse grab my bag and speed walk downstairs. I am running a tad late. I look out the window to see if Caroline is here yet, won't surprise me if she isn't but my heart stops. Damon's car is in the driveway. Nope. I am not talking to him yet.
Ugh.
Why is he here!?
Just then Caroline's car pulls up and I quickly open the door and head outside. It's kind of awkward because Caroline's car is right behind Damon's and I am obviously going to choose Caroline's but still. Awkward. Just as I am about to open the passenger door I hear Damon get out of his car.
Damn it.
"Elena!"
Ugh. I turn around to see him running to my side.
"Please just let me talk…"
"No Damon…I need time. Leave me alone!"
I see his face fall, my words obviously hurt his feelings. I shake the feeling of guilt in me and turn away from him.
I get in Caroline's car and before I even have the door shut she takes off down the road. Good friend.
"Thanks for getting me out of that, Care." I smile.
"No problem."
We pick up Bonnie on the way to school and it feels like old times. No boys. Just us girls. It feels nice. Screw boys. Who needs a man? Pfft. I don't…. I think.
We pull up into school and we are already running late. School starts in 5 minutes. We scramble out of the car and head into the school.
"Well, I will see you at lunch, guys." I call after them.
I knew, Damon would try and talk to me today, I mean I'm not stupid but I'm going to do my best to avoid him. Besides Caroline and Bonnie said they'd help. It's only till I sort things out and calm down. Because right now, all I feel is rage. I need to calm down first. Damon doesn't approach me but I know he saw me walking across the hall. He is listening to my wishes. Giving me time. Though I know, it's killing him. I sigh and go to my first class of the day trying to forget this horrible drama.
Lunch finally comes around and I hope Damon sits with his friends. I keep ranging from angry to hopeless. Mainly angry though. Hopeless that I feel alone again and angry that he would do that to me. I can't keep the kid from him though. I know for a fact he would fight me on it. I only said, I would stop him from seeing it because I knew it would piss him off. That is the only thing, I regret saying. I would never take his kid from him. Though I did have a point. He needs to mature and man up if he wants to be a father. It's not right to sleep with random woman. Our kid does not need to see or hear about that.
I reach the lunchroom and spot Caroline and Bonnie and quickly make my way to them.
"Hey guys." I say and sit down.
"How are you doing, so far?" Bonnie asks with concern.
"A lot better than I thought. I am going to talk to him eventually, it is the mature thing to do. Even though I would rather do far worse things" …. to that beautiful face of his, I finish off in my head.
I don't have much of an appetite with everything going on so I just go for an orange juice. Caroline and Bonnie give me stern looks but I ignore them. I cannot eat. If I ate right now, it would be all over this cafeteria. I look around during lunch for Damon but he isn't anywhere in here. Maybe he skipped or is outside, I don't know. I try not to care, although I do anyway.
At least school's easier now. There's a girl a grade above me, who cheated on her boyfriend and so the other girls have taken to fawning over the 'hot' guy and now everyone kind of hates her and calls her a slut. I don't think it's right at all. Actually it's pathetic. I don't know why people can't just move on. But at least now, I don't get weird stares. I am just a normal girl, in school. The pregnant one. No biggy.
Interrupting my thoughts, the bell goes off and we get up to head to class. It's weird to think I am now sixteen weeks pregnant and almost halfway through this pregnancy. I can't wait for the birth. Not looking forward to the pain, but meeting him or her….I get butterflies just thinking about it.
According to my baby book, at sixteen weeks some woman can feel the baby moving. Hasn't happened to me yet but I am extra cautious now. Pros to this week. Stronger nails and hair. Bigger boobs. Yes, that's definitely a pro. Cons, back aches, 'pregnancy brain' aka I will start to not remember things. Sounds fun. Worst thing is, that's not even all of it. Pregnancy seems all cute until you get the symptoms.
I head to class and as I'm walking down the hall I see Damon coming towards me from the other end. I know he sees me but I look down and keep walking. Call me immature blah, blah, blah, but I can't face him yet. I feel stupid for falling for him. Stupid for thinking he changed, yet again. Stupid for trusting him. So on and so on. And most of all, I'm hurt. I am hurt he missed the appointment and I am hurt I caught him in bed with a girl, the day after I admitted my feelings for him. This whole thing is a mess.
I continue walking, keeping my head down, when he grabs my forearm and drags me to the side near the lockers.
"Damon! Stop!" I struggle.
"Elena, I will give you space. I will." He says as his voice breaks. "But please, know that I thought you left me. That I was abandoned like I was, when I was a kid…I know that still doesn't make it right and I know I fucked up. But you can't hate me forever, right? I would hate if what we had, was gone forever."
"I just need time. Okay? Then we can figure out this…big…mess" I sigh.
He looks into my eyes and puts his hands on my face caressing it. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something but then closes his mouth and nods.
I head to class after our confrontation and try to get my mind off of it. I can't help but feel guilty. I feel like something about this is off. Am I missing something? I shake my head and focus on the teacher.
The day passes through agonizingly slow. I feel like I have been here for days. When the bell finally rings, I thank god and quickly run out. I need to get out of this school. I feel like it's closing in on me. I speed walk out to the parking lot and wait for Caroline.
I'm walking to Caroline's car when suddenly Damon is in front of me. He's so fast. Sometimes I swear he's a vampire.
"What? I thought you were giving me space." I say annoyed.
He pauses before answering. "I am…" He shoves his hands in his pockets. "I just wanted to make sure you had a ride home…" He trails off.
I sigh. "Yes I do, Damon. Caroline is driving me now. So I have to go." I tell him turning to leave.
"Wait!" He calls after.
I groan and turn back around.
"…Are you drinking your shakes?"
I stomp my foot.
Yes.
I stomp my foot.
"Damon! Seriously!" I raise my voice getting irritated.
He rolls his eyes. "Yes, Elena I am serious."
"Fine then. Yes, I am drinking them. I gained a few more pounds. Can I go now?" I say impatiently.
He forces a smile and nods. "Yeah…yeah…talk to you soon…"
I smile and get into Caroline's car. I get into the passenger seat and we head out.
"Where's Bonnie?" I ask looking around.
"After-school something-or-other. Though I don't believe it. She's definitely hiding something. No worries though, she will spill soon. I mean it's Bonnie. The girl told us she started her period five minutes after it happened." Caroline rambles.
I laugh.
I look out the window and notice we are on a different road.
"Caroline…where are we going?" I ask hesitantly.
"The grill. Meeting Stefan there. You don't mind, do you?" She pleads. "You guys should get to know each other anyway." She adds.
I nod. "Yeah, fine. But mainly because I'm starving and don't have Damon to cook me anything." I grumble.
She smiles proudly knowing she got her way.
We pull up to the grill not much later and see a lot of other high school students. Doesn't surprise me. It is the town hang out. I almost forget it's a restaurant sometimes with how much people hang here.
I get out of the car, anxious to eat. I haven't had greasy food in weeks.
Weeks!
We enter the grill and see Stefan waiting at a booth.
"Did you tell him, I was coming?" I hiss.
"Yep. He's fine with it. As long as he sees me." She says dreamily.
I roll my eyes at her dramatics. We reach the booth and Stefan stands up and kisses her full on. Yeah. I am definitely a third wheel.
Well it's better than moping at home with nothing to eat. Besides I didn't eat lunch today. I can eat a cow. Literally.
I cough.
"Oh, sorry" Stefan smiles and they sit across from me.
"How are things going, Elena?" Stefan greets.
"Honestly? Horrible." I sigh looking at the menu.
"Trust me, I heard. My brother yelled about it for hours. Then this morning he was moping and yelled at me, for staring at him." Stefan exhales.
"Well, I am sorry for that but what he did was horrible." I say straightly.
Stefan nods. "I agree. It was horrible and wrong. But I know my brother, and I know he deeply regrets it. I know you guys can get past this though. He is impulsive and crazy sometimes but he is also fiercely loyal and dedicated." Stefan defends.
I nod agreeing. "He is. And I think he would make a great father I just need this weekend to think things over. Then maybe, on Monday after school we can talk things out." I shrug.
"Good idea. He doesn't need the wrath from a pregnant lady." Caroline says cheerfully.
I glare at her.
I order a burger and fries even though, again, they commented on how I shouldn't eat unhealthily, especially with my current weight gain problem. Why I don't gain weight from burgers and fries is beyond me? Damon explained it once. Something to do with nutrition blah, blah.
We are now talking freely and laughing. I for once in 24 hours forget the stupid drama that has plagued my mind. Stefan is a great guy and just seeing him with Caroline I know he is great for her. Perfect even. She wants the prince charming and white knight and he is exactly that. He bends over backwards for her and worships at her feet, which is something Caroline needs. Personally it would drive me crazy but for them, it's perfect.
"You guys, are so cute together." I say after they whispered something to each other.
They both smile. "You need to get a man, Elena Gilbert! I am tired of seeing you mope about being single. Go out there and get a man!" She pep talks.
I laugh. "Caroline…I am pregnant. What guy would want to take that responsibility? Yeah…I won't be dating for a long time…" I chuckle.
"You've got my brother whipped. I'm sure, all you would have to do, is say the magic words and he would follow you around like a lost puppy." Stefan jokes.
I snicker. "Yeah sure. After last night, I don't think so."
"I said my brother likes you, not that he's smart."
Suddenly the room is filled with tension. I don't want to talk about how Damon likes me. I am trying to sever my feelings for him, which might I add, is already hard as it is. But when he says stuff like that, it gets my hopes up and it hurts.
"Well anyway…" Caroline laughs trying to think of something to change the subject. "Are you excited to be an uncle, Stefan? That's so hot you know….you being an uncle." She smiles and bites her lip.
I roll my eyes and look away. Can you get any more PDA than this? I find that would hard to achieve.
"Mhmm, I am excited. And you can be the sexy aunt…" He smiles leaning in.
"Hey!" I call out. "Tone it down, or drive me home." I say irritable.
My libido is at an all time high. So now, is not the time to display sexual affection.
"It's almost five, we should all get home and do homework or whatever we need to do." Caroline says quickly.
"Caroline, its fine. I know you two are going to pick up where you left off." I wave my hand gesturing to them. "I'm fine at home. I am fed and somewhat happy. I will probably just pass out." I say getting up. Which is almost like a chore now.
"Okay, thanks Elena." She smiles.
"Trust me. Thank you." I mutter and grab my purse as we leave.
The ride to my house is awkward because Caroline is driving and keeps looking over at Stefan who's in the passenger seat. Meanwhile I am holding on for dear life, because she keeps drifting out of the lane.
"Eyes on the road, Caroline!" I finally say.
She mutters a 'sorry' and we continue on. Oh lord, get me out of the vehicle.
We pull up and I can tell they are both antsy to get alone time. I roll my eyes at how crazy teenagers are. Though I am one. But I don't feel like one anymore.
"Use a condom." I holler at them as I get out and shut the door.
"We will!" Caroline yells out her window and drives away.
Wow.
I shake my head and head into my house.
It's dead quiet.
I thought I was alright but I'm not.
I miss Damon. A lot. I miss his presence and his home cooked foods. I miss his jokes and our friendship.
I miss him.
I know, I am overreacting but as I slide down my front door, I let out a sob. Am I doing the right thing, pushing him away? I miss him terribly, how can that be right, if it hurts so much?
I wrap my arms around myself and let all my sobs out. He will always be there for his kid, I know that. The look on his face when I said he needed to shape up, said it all. He is in it, for the long run. But what about me? Am I being absurd liking him too much? What if, what I think is true and he really only started noticing me that day on the beach? I hope that isn't that case. Because even when I am still pissed at him for doing that. He is right.
I am not tied to him.
And even though I am that mad at him for missing the appointment and sleeping with a girl and ignoring my calls, I still have feelings for him, but I can't act on them. Not anymore.
I have to look out for my kid. And I don't want him or her to grow up in a broken home with parents fighting all the time. I can't have that. I won't have that. So even though I am falling deeply for him, I need to ignore it.
Maybe it will fade over time?
But I have a feeling it won't.
Review for next chapter?
Thanks to Anna for being my beta and to Rita for helping me and not lying how good the chapter is or how bad.
Was this random? haha been preparing for it for awhile, a few more chaps of drama but bear with me. They will be happy sooner than you think ;)
**Spoiler: Some Damon pov with figuring out something big.
Just watched tvd and im so sorry for uploading this fight after the tvd one. damn. i swear i didnt know that was happening. Whoops. Dont hate me. Painful day, damn.
Dont worry they will be fine. I know they will. Also i know its weird to have 2 days in one chap i usually don't do that but change is necessary. let me know how you liked that. I still wanted to add the dates. its important to me to do that. This year is from 2011 if you were wondering.
xo.