What were you thinkin'

When you lost my trust?
You had it all now
You're left with nothing

16 weeks and 1 day.

Saturday, December 17th

Today is Saturday. I can think things through without waking up at the crack of dawn. Damon seemed genuinely sorry yesterday for his actions and I believe that he is sorry but what's stopping him from doing it again? How can I know I can trust him, with me? Scratch that, our kid. I don't want our kid seeing that kind of behavior. I won't allow it. Though my gut says he didn't mean any of what he said and that I should forgive him. But my mind and heart say I shouldn't. You could say I am conflicted.

I have been lying around in bed since I woke up around noon and it is now almost three. Caroline and Bonnie have called to see if I was okay and whether or not we could do something all together but I told them, not now.

They understood.

Damon sent me a text , at around six am, of course I was still asleep but it made me feel safe and protected.

The text said: Elena I get why you are mad but just know when you're ready to talk, I will be here- D

I thought if I thought about the situation, it would make me feel better, that I could move past this or clear up things, but it's actually making it worse. Before I would have had Damon to distract me and assure me everything would be fine but I can't rely on him now. I have to count on myself to be positive and it's hard. Almost impossible.

Maybe it's a good thing I'm going through this. I'm realizing I need to be here for me. That I need to take care of myself and not have Damon take care of me, though it is nice.

I can't find the will to get up or eat. I lost my appetite. I know, I know, I should eat. My dad is working today, he's on call and Jeremy was here making sure I had someone but I told him I was fine and made him stop hovering over me so he could go hang out with his friends. So I have no one to tell me to eat, which is bad. When I'm sad I don't eat. I eat when I'm happy, which I guess is kind of reversed.

Though I have come to a realization. I shouldn't be as mad at Damon as I was or is. He didn't cheat. He can do whatever he wants. It was my feelings for him that hurt me the most. Not him. Though, I do wish he could have made it to the appointment but who am I to take away his second chance?

Doesn't make me any less sad. I feel like I have been crying for hours but I haven't. I am just emotionally exhausted and I can tell the stress is taking its toll. My body feels weak and tired. I could sleep three days and I would still be tired.

I should get up to eat or drink but instead I stay here, in bed. I stay here doing nothing. Thinking.

I feel like I am going to be doing a lot of it this weekend.

Damon POV

I have been pacing my bedroom for hours. God I am an idiot. I had everything. Things were going fine and I screwed it up. I still can't wrap my head around the text. That is all I have been thinking about for hours. I didn't want to worry her and let on that I think someone is playing us but I think someone is.

I understand her need for space I mean I practically fucked a chick and threw it in her face, god…

Nothing excuses it.

Nothing.

I was weak and vulnerable and thought I had lost her and my kid. I lost it. I snapped. I thought she didn't want me in her or the kids life and that was too much for me to bear. So I did the one thing that helps me cope.

Sex.

Which has bit me in the ass more times than I can count.

Some think, I just want to make things right, so that I can have a good life with my kid. But that's not the problem. I am in-freaking-love with Elena. That is my problem. I have to make things right with her too because it's not some stupid teenage boy crush. Over dinner at my parents house I realized how domestic it was and how everyone got along. It was perfect. I sound like an idiot. Damn, Lorenzo would laugh at me, if he ever heard my thoughts right now.

Klaus, Kol and Tyler all dropped me, when they heard I was going to be a father and that I'd do the right thing by Elena and be responsible for my actions. As if there was another option. Not much of a loss, they were a pain in my ass anyways.

And Jeremy…Ha.

Maybe we could be close, one day. Maybe. Though, I don't know if he could ever forgive me for knocking up his little sister in high school. But you never know I guess.

Back to the issue at hand.

I'm an ass.

She didn't send the text. I missed seeing my kid. And I fucked a random chick.

Points for me for royally fucking up.

I haven't seen Jeremy since me and Elena's fight but I am sure it won't be pretty. God here I am trying to impress Elena all the time, and see if she loves me and now I am back to square one.

Or negative twenty.

I will never forget my mom's reaction when she found out what happened….

"Elena!" I call after her but realize I'm naked.

Fuck.

I look around my room for my pants as the blonde starts waking up.

What was her name? Stacey? Billy Joe? Don't know. Don't care.

I spot my pants in the corner of the room and quickly put them on. Ignoring the calls of the blonde, I run down the stairs skipping steps.

"Elena!" I call again look around the living room and parlor, but all I see is the front door wide open and my mom staring blankly out of it.

I look back and forth confused of what to do before I bolt outside to chase after her.

"Damon!" My mom calls behind me but I ignore her.

When I am outside, I notice her driving down the driveway.

I run after it, waving my arms, to get her attention, for her to stop.

She doesn't.

Fuck.

I groan and rub my hand over my eyes, before stomping back inside.

When I'm inside I slam the door shut and stare blankly at the floor.

"…Damon, what happened?" My mom whispers.

I sigh and rub my hand over my face again and plop onto the nearest couch. She follows me and sits across. Here comes more disappointment.

"I missed an appointment today, then went to a bar, got drunk and brought a girl home." I mutter. I'm too ashamed to look at her in the eyes.

"Why did you miss it hun?" She tries to keep her voice leveled.

"I got a text from her saying to meet in the back parking lot, so I went there because I was going to ride with Grayson and her. But they weren't there." I say my voice breaking. "I thought…." I breathe out, trying to calm myself down.

"You thought, they left you" She finishes.

I nod.

"Well did they?" She asks with some hope.

I shake my head. "Turns out, she never sent the text and they were waiting for me in the front parking lot, like always. Now everything is fucked up." I groan putting my head in my hands.

"Damon, you're an idiot." My mother sighs.

"I know, Mom, but I don't need to hear it from everyone." I grumble.

"No I don't think you are an idiot for what you're thinking about. I think you are an idiot because you don't see how much the girl likes you. You're an idiot because you thought she would ever leave you."

I lift my head up from my hands and look at her.

I basically told the woman that she's nuts. Elena doesn't like me. She puts up with me, for the baby. I see the occasional smirk or blush from her, but liking me? Come on.

After that talk I practically drop-kicked the girl out of my bed and house. My mom didn't even bat an eye. She is use to me doing this and blames herself. What she kept badgering me about is how I'm a idiot and that I need to make it up to her. So it's safe to say, I have been held up in my room avoiding her.

But I need to go downstairs and get ready to leave. I want to get to the bottom of the text and I have a feeling who it is. And if it is that person…well, they have a world of hell coming.

I quietly open my door and make my way downstairs. When I reach the kitchen to get my morning coffee I groan. My dad and my mom are at the island eating and look up when I come in.

"Oh Damon, you done avoiding me?" My mom says innocently.

"Ha, ha, Mom." I say sarcastically and start making my coffee.

"Damon, your mom told me what happened last night. You need to talk to Elena and-"

"I know you guys!" I snap. "She asked for space, so I am giving it to her. Now please, give me space in the meantime." I breathe out.

"Did she say when she will talk to you again?" My mom asks.

I shrug. "She hinted after the weekend."

"Well, I hope she talks to you on Monday, because Tuesday, is the start of winter break." My mom says lightly.

I sigh. "Yep, so let's just hope I can get out of the doghouse by then." I smirk and put coffee in my mug and head out of the kitchen to avoid any other 'bonding activities' and lectures.

When I get in my car, I think the best place to start, is at the grill. The high school practically owns that place.

When I get there, the place is packed as usual, you would think people would find something better to do. I get out and head inside, bracing myself for the unknown. I walk and look around for her.

Bingo.

She's at the pool table trying to flirt with Mason. Some things never change.

I smirk and head over there. Oh how she will be surprised to see me. Or perhaps not.

"Boo." I whisper and her ear.

She jumps a little, but turns around.

She smiles.

"Well, well, took you long enough. Was starting to get worried." She says huskily.

I freeze.

She knows.

She did it.

Why the little….

"Let me guess…you did something stupid after I sent it and she caught you and isn't speaking to you." Katherine guesses.

I glare at her. "Are you proud, Katherine? Is this what you wanted? God you are such a bitch." I breathe out and run my hands though my hair.

"Damon, she deserved it. You were mine, first. She needs to know that. Besides, it proved that you are the same old Damon. Yeah I heard, Damon. The girl you slept with? She's on my cheer team. So if you think for one second, she didn't brag about it all day yesterday, you are wrong." She smirks.

I growl and put my arms on either side of the pool table blocking her in, but it doesn't phase her at all.

"Mhmm, Damon. I love it when you're rough." She breathes.

"Hey man, get off of her." Mason comes up next to me tugging my arms but I don't move an inch.

"Listen you little, slut." I say directly in front of her face. "Going after Elena, bad move. Now you better back the fuck off, before I grab Jeremy and we make your life a living hell." I say coldly.

I let her go and she genuinely looks scared. Good. Mason goes up next to her, rubbing her red arms.

"Get the fuck out of here, man." Mason shouts.

"Oh, I will. By the way, control your bitch, next time." I smirk at him before leaving.

When I get outside, I'm hit with reality.

Katherine fucked with us.

I knew she was obsessed with me but I was always in denial that she would do something like this. Obviously, I was wrong.

I want to run to Elena and tell her the news but it doesn't change everything.

I still slept with that girl.

I should have never thought Elena would do that. She always told me she was glad I was there for her but that never entered my mind at the time. All that I was thinking about was that she'd left me.

I will make it up to her. Even if it is the last thing I do.

Elena POV

I just woke up from a four hour nap and I am still tired. Freaking pregnancy. It's almost seven pm and I haven't moved much. I did throw up about, three hours ago? I don't know, I lost track. Stress and not eating is getting to me, I guess.

I am laying in bed, when I hear the front door open. My dad is home. He was here all day. I heard him coming in every now and then to see if I was okay this morning, but when I woke up and looked outside, his car was gone. I don't know where he went but I don't want him coming in here to check on me. I feel worse.

I groan and roll over not wanting to have to deal with anyone.

"Lena?" My dad calls from the hall.

I ignore him, hoping he will go away.

I hear my door creak and know that he is in my room now.

"Go away." I moan.

"Have you been here all day?" He asks shocked.

I nod.

"I have spaghetti from Amelia's downstairs." He coaxes.

I shrug.

"Elena, have you eaten today?" He scolds.

Him being a doctor I know I can't lie to him about it. I never could. Growing up with a doctor as a father is both good and bad. Good, because if I am sick he will know what to do and what helps. Bad, if you want to do something or get away with being sick to go out because he won't stand for it.

I shake my head.

"Did you at least drink something? Like your shakes?" He asks with hope.

I shake my head again.

He sighs. "Elena, you aren't just eating for you. If you are starving, so is your kid."

Great, now I feel guilty too.

"Dad, I know." I croak. "I just don't have the appetite to." I explain.

"Well, you have to try come on." He says nudging me.

I groan again knowing I won't win and stand up.

Whoa.

I feel really light headed and I almost fall over but my dad catches me.

"Whoa, Elena. Careful there. We need to get food in you, come on." He says leading my downstairs.

Great this whole 'pregnancy' thing is really starting to become a hassle. Now I am too tired to function and can't walk without being dizzy. Fun. Screw the pregnancy-glow and it being magical. Pregnancy, is in reality horrible.

We reach the kitchen and the island is filled with Italian food but the only thing that sounds good in that whole table of food, is garlic bread. Mhm.

I go to reach for the garlic bread but my dad slaps my hand. I glare at him.

"What?" I gasp.

"You need protein. Go for spaghetti, at least it has meat in it."

Ugh.

I grab a plate and fill it up with spaghetti but I bet you I can only eat a quarter of this.

I sit down to eat and I can hardly put food in my mouth. Maybe I am coming down with a flu? Whatever it is, I do not want to eat, but I manage to force myself to swallow one bite and I try my hardest not to throw it up.

Jeremy suddenly walks through the front door.

"Hey Jer." My dad greets. "Thought you would be out with friends." My dad says eating.

He shrugs. "I'm home now." He says getting food and sitting down.

"So, how was your day, Jeremy?" My dad says casually.

"Hanged out at the grill." He says digging into his food. "Oh yeah! And Damon was there for a bit, then he, Katherine and Mason all got into a fight." Jeremy informs.

What.

That gets my attention and I turn to him. "What about?"

He shrugs again. "No clue, it just got really heavy and there was a lot of tension. Definitely got everyone's attention."

I wonder what it was about….

The conversation after that differs to other things. I manage to eat almost half but couldn't do anymore. My dad looked at me with concern but let me go back to my room. I work on some homework, its not like I have anything else to do.

I decide to take a shower. I look at my naked body in the mirror and notice how big my bump is. Very noticeable now. I can hardly pass for fat anymore. I sigh and get into the shower.

When I get out and wash my hair I notice a ball of hair in my hands.

What the hell.

I pull on my hair and more come out. Oh my god.

Its not just a little bit of hair, it's a lot.

"What the hell?" I whisper as I keep pulling more and more dead and loose hair from my head.

Without wanting to worry my dad I put the hair in the garbage and comb out my hair again. It's probably from stress, I just need to avoid this crappy drama going on and I should be fine, I tell myself.

I am trying to go to bed but I keep tossing and turning. I can't get my mind off of him. Or anything in fact. I finally give up and sit up. I grab out a pen and paper, doing the only thing I can do, when I over think.

Write.

But instead of a letter to my diary or to myself, I address it to someone new. Someone I haven't met yet, but who I'm dying to do so.

Dear Baby,

I feel weird writing to you but I know I have to do this. I want you to read this some day and know how much I love you. You might not have come into this world the ideal way but just know one thing. I love your father, and I love you. That's ideal enough for me. I don't know how old you will be when reading this but I hope I am raising you right and you are happy. Just happy. That is all I want. You are only a little baby right now in my tummy but someday you will be big and grown up and you'll have dreams and aspirations and I can't wait to see that. I don't know where Damon and me will stand in the future but just know, he loves you so much right now and I am sure you are a daddies little girl or boy in the future and will have him wrapped around your little finger. Right now things are hectic but you will have a great family someday. With Jeremy, Grayson and Damon's family, not to mention Bonnie and Caroline who are your aunties and will probably spoil you rotten. You will be well loved. Of that I am sure.

Love, Elena.

I sigh reading over the letter. I hope he or she reads this one day. Everything coming from the heart. I might be going through a hard time but the one thing that keeps me going at the end of the day is my baby. And Damon. Oh Damon….I realized after that letter, that I have forgiven him. I'm not mad at him, anymore. He made a mistake and I am sure he regrets it. Though I am too tired and stubborn to call him. I'll text him soon…..I'm a coward. I can't face him.

Groaning I let my head hit the pillow and fall asleep instantly.

16 weeks and 3 days

Monday December 19th

"Elena."

"Elena."

"Elena."

I groan, slowly waking up. I can hardly wake up though, sleep keeps pulling me back under.

"Lena, last day of school before winter break." My dad's voice pierces through my sleep.

Ugh.

"Go away." I groan and sink deeper into my pillow.

"Elena, come on. You need to go to school….And graduate hun." He coaxes.

"Dad, I don't feel good today." I mumble.

Hoping he would leave me alone now, so I can sleep and try not to throw up but I was wrong.

"How do you feel bad?" My dad says as he turns into Dr. Gilbert.

"I am so tired, I could sleep for a year, my back hurts, I am dizzy, nauseas and have a headache." I rant off. "So, can I go back to sleep now?" I grumble.

"Awe hun that doesn't sound good. How about I stay here and watch over you…. He trails off.

"Dad, I am fine. I am basically just going back to sleep." I mutter.

"No. It's okay, Honey. I'm staying here. When was the late time you ate cupcake?" He scowls.

I shrug.

He sighs "Go back to sleep." He says as he gets up and leaves.

Thank god.

Yesterday was a horrible day. I couldn't keep anything down and slept. I hope today will be a little different but I don't know yet. I think it's the flu. It just needs to pass over then I can be back to normal. I feel bad for leaving Damon there at school alone when I told him I would talk to him after the weekend. But he'd understand. I haven't talked to him since that day at school. He's sent me texts throughout the weekend asking if I was alright but I didn't want to lie to him and tell him, I was sick, he would freak out.

I sigh knowing, I should text Damon. So, I pull out my phone and send him one.

Don't worry. But I'm not going to school. Don't feel good and I am super tired. We will talk soon though I promise.-E

When I wake up I groan and run to the bathroom to throw up…Nothing. There is nothing in my stomach. Great. I need some water. I go downstairs but feel really dizzy and hold onto walls as I go.

I go into the kitchen and see my dad making something.

"Hey." I croak crossing my arms.

"Hey cupcake, making some stew for you…" He smiles.

I smile and nod heading over to get a glass and fill it up. I need to force myself to drink something. I don't feel thirsty but I am pretty sure I am. And for me and my babies sake I need to try. But before I even bring it to my mouth I get a rush of dizziness and suddenly my vision goes black. I hear a glass shatter and then I hear and see nothing.

Damon POV

I stare down at her text in my first period and I don't know if I should go over and make sure she isn't dying or not. I am dramatic I know. But she always tries downplays things so I don't know whether to check on her or not.

Shit.

What do I do?

I sigh and finally decide to stay here. She would probably smack me if I went over and I don't need to rock, the already damaged boat.

I sent her many texts over the past few days with no reply but now it makes sense. She's been sick. And instead of freaking out that she didn't text me, I put trust in that she wouldn't do something that would hurt me, like cut me out. She told me, we would talk and I need to trust her. Even though it's a bitch, but trust is earned, and I need her to be able to trust me again.

Freaking high school. I can't wait to graduate next year. I freaking hate this place. I tap my hands impatiently on my desk trying to pass time. I need to see her.

Basically all I did the past few days was read baby books even though Lorenzo kept trying to get me to do something, I read and read the damn things. Let's just say I know anything and everything that could happen. It makes me want to wrap her in bubble wrap

At-fucking-last lunch rolls around, I walk to the lunch room, trying to spot her anyways but nope. Definitely isn't here. I sigh and go outside to meet Lorenzo. He's leaning against the wall smoking.

"Hey, man." I sigh and lean against it with him.

"Baby lady text you back yet?" He smirks.

Oh the guy thinks he's so funny.

"Nope" I say popping the 'p'.

He laughs. "Trust me, you two will work it out."

Yeah let's hope….

Breaking the silence my cell phone rings. Hoping it's Elena, I pull it out of my jeans pocket but only to see that its Grayson. Huh…

"Hello?" I say hesitantly.

"Damon, listen, don't freak out but Elena's in the hospital. She passed out…"

What the fuck.

I run to my car ignoring Lorenzo's calls.

"What the hell, Grayson!? Why? Why'd she pass out. Is the baby okay?...!?" I panic and already on the road, breaking many speed limits.

"Just get here okay. Soon" He says and hangs up.

I inwardly curse and bang my hand's on my steering wheel. I feel my hand's throb from pain but ignore it.

I just pray her and my kid are okay.

And Safe.

Oh god…

Review for next chapter?

Lots of page breaks and POV changes but they were necessary. Shorter chap but also shorter wait so...haha

Next chap will most likely be a longer wait, because i am writing a one shot for christmas and it needs my time and attention.

Thanks to Anna banana for beta'ing and Irta for being pure amazing.

**Spoiler: Elena and Damon get deep and talk. xo.

Some of you were concerned if Damon cheated and if Elena would forgive him cause what he did was bad. But i was going for 3x14 when Elena hurt him and he lashed out by sleeping with Rebekah. They weren't dating then in the show and aren't dating now in my fic so he has the right to even if its not 'right'. its what Damon does tbh haha gotta be OC. Plus in my fic they are idiots and don't know each other likes one another.

Until next time. xo.