Notes: I know this has taken forever and I'm really sorry about that but I kinda went off on a soccer cop tangent, like a really big one that is still happening a little bit , these past few weeks so yeah this took a while to actually force from my brain. Also I had a little trouble trying to figure out how this would actually go and then even more trouble bringing myself to write it, (seriously It's taken a month) I'm not really happy with it but hopefully it's okay. Tw: addiction, suicide attempt.

There Once Was an Answer Tied to a Bottle

Relief flooded through her as she left the police station. She had to wait a couple of days to find out if she'd be reinstated, but she hadn't been arrested for murder right then and there, so that at least was a weight off her mind. Whether she was reinstated or not she'd gotten away with it.

In the grand scheme of things that's all that really mattered. She could still protect them. That's what was important. The guilt about the shooting, about the lies, about involving Art in the whole mess, that still pooled in her stomach didn't matter. She had bigger things to worry about and now that they had the briefcase there was so much she needed to do.

She'd set up a meeting with the others. It was beyond time that they met Sarah, she'd done so much for them already and they didn't even know she existed. Well, Cosima had spoken to her on the phone that one time, but Alison, she had no clue and Beth had no idea how she would react. Probably with hostility. She always did when it came to clone business and Sarah didn't exactly fit into her ideas of acceptable company.

Sarah didn't exactly fall into Beth's idea of acceptable company either, but whether Alison liked it or not they were in it together.

When she got home Sarah was there waiting for her, briefcase sitting right on the table in front of her. God knows how she got inside but then she couldn't say she was surprised either. Of course Sarah would be able to get in.

'I hope whatever's in this bloody thing is worth it.' Sarah said with a wry smile.

Beth nodded as she moved further into the house, moving to change her clothes before they set off. Needing to put the reminders of the hearing behind her. Hoping that that the change would help her shed the guilt.

The guilt didn't matter, it was natural, she'd killed a person but it was necessary. She'd done it to protect them. Maggie Chen wanted them dead, she knew that. She wouldn't have hesitated to kill any of them and Beth had just done what she needed to. . She just had to keep reminding herself of that and maybe someday she'd believe it.

The ride out to wherever Beth was taking her was mostly silent, neither sure what to say, both nervous as to how this meeting would go.

'The suburbs.' Sarah broke the silence as they parked, 'you brought me to the bloody suburbs. You're kiddin', yeah?'

Beth made no reply other than a sharp exhale and shake of her head. 'We should go.' She said as she opened the door, 'they'll be waiting for us.' She didn't wait for confirmation that Sarah was following before she followed the path to one of the houses, making her way into her yard and to the door.

She waited for Sarah to catch up, briefcase in hand, before knocking the door. Here it was. Make it or break it time.

The door opened, and Sarah once again had to contain her surprise at seeing one of them. She didn't know if she'd ever get used to that.

'Beth.' Alison greeted, her eyes briefly falling on Sarah, her disdain evident before looking away, completely ignoring her as she opened the door to them and turned to enter the house.

'Alison.'

'Come in.' She said as she walked away.

They didn't linger outside any longer, lest someone see them. God knows how they'd explain it to Alison's neighbours if anyone one saw them. As she looked past Beth into the room she could see the other one of them was already there, perched on the edge of the couch, looking right at them.

'Shut it. Lock it.' Alison barked as they made their way further into the room not even turning to face them. 'Beth, can I speak to you for a minute. Please' Alison commanded as she walked towards another room. Beth followed without a word.

Sarah sat herself down next to the other woman in silence, setting the case down near her feet, not sure what else to do. She'd been hoping that Beth would take the lead on this. She at least knew the others, after all. She didn't even really know why they'd come here.

'Hi. I'm Cosima.' The other said after a moment of silence with a small wave. 'We spoke on the phone.'

'Right.' Sarah said as she let her eyes fall on the woman next to her and was once again silenced by the similarities between them. How the hell was she supposed to deal with this?

'You know you get used to it.' Cosima said, as if answering her thoughts.

'Really? Somehow I doubt that.'

Sarah slumped back against the couch as they waited for the other two to re-join them, hoping that Cosima was right and that someday soon she could forget just how not normal the entire situation was.

Alison rounded on her as soon as she shut the door. 'What were you thinking Beth, bringing someone like her into this?'

'Someone like her, Alison? She's one of us whether we like it or not, that makes her involved. And anyway, I was thinking that she could help us Alison. Help me.'

'I can help you Beth!'

'You told me to stay away. You said you didn't want to hear it. That unless it involved your family, I should stay away. Or are you forgetting that, Alison.'

'That never stopped you from ringing before.'

Memories of desperate, usually drugged fuelled late night phone call flashed through Beth's mind. Not that there had been many, but enough. Every single one had been ignored.

'Yeah, well maybe I finally got the message.'

Beth was surprised at the angry bitterness in her tone. She and Alison had never been close. Beth hoping to maintain some sort of semblance of professionalism, Alison choosing to stay as far away as she possibly could for the sake of her children. She couldn't blame her, she wouldn't want her family within a hundred miles of this mess either. She would have done exactly the same thing and she knew it, but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt that she didn't want to help her. Didn't want to know her. Even if it wasn't personal. If she would have done it to any one of them that contacted her. It still hurt.

She took a deep breath before she continued, 'Look, Alison, I need more than just money as help if I'm going to keep us safe. And she has. Helped, I mean.'

Alison stared at her, her incredulity plain to see. 'You know what.' She said shaking her head slightly, 'Do what you want, Beth. But don't say I didn't warn you.'

They walked back out into the other room to find Cosima and Sarah sitting in silence side by side. Sarah's sitting up from her slouched position and leaning forward, mirroring Cosima next to her. No matter how different they were, no matter how hard she tried to forget, there were always things like that that reminded her that they really were clones. It was their inescapable truth.

Beth sat on the chair opposite to the other two as Alison began to pace about behind her, her arms wrapped around her stomach.

'So.' Beth started after a few moments of silence, 'We need to figure out where we go from here. '

'I don't care as long as you keep it away from my life. From my family, my children.' Alison said as she moved into Beth's field of vision facing all three of them. 'I will not have them involved in this god damn experiment.'

She wasn't surprised. Alison had said this so often to her that the statement was redundant. Although, Beth guessed that it probably wasn't said for her benefit but for the new perceived threat to her family life sat on her couch.

'I second that. I wanna keep this as far away as possible from my daughter, yeah?'

Now that she had not been expecting.

Sarah had a daughter? Sarah was a mother? She didn't know what to do with this information. A wave of melancholic envy running through her, battling her overwhelming surprise. Sarah had a kid. A child. She thought they couldn't had kids. Resigned herself to it. She couldn't. Alison couldn't. Why was Sarah any different?

Swallowing her emotions, she resolved to sort through her own feelings later. Pushing away the memories, of stress at work, of choked sobs in the doctor's office, Paul's arms around her on that afternoon not too long ago. She hadn't know that she wanted children until she was told she couldn't have one. Right now though that didn't matter. Now wasn't the time for an outburst. Now wasn't the time.

She looked to the others to see how to react. To see how they were reacting.

The surprise was evident on both their faces, Cosima's curious where Alison's was soft. Her entire posture had lost most of the edge of hostility that it had been carrying only moments before.

'You have a child?' Alison asked, beating them to the punch.

'That's what I just said, weren' it'

'No like, you had a child. That you gave birth to?' Cosima continued the questioning.

'Yeah? Why are you lookin' at me like I've grown an extra head or something? Alison's got kids too.' Apparently they'd all been staring, not just her. That made her feel marginally

'Adopted.' Alison supplied quickly, 'I thought we couldn't have kids.' Alison said, turning to Cosima.

'So did I. with you and Beth both unable to conceive, I just assumed. ' Her voice raising with excitement. 'It's unprecedented'

'I don't care about that.' Sarah interjected. 'She stays out of it, okay?'

'Yeah. Yeah. Kids stay well away.'

She needed to change the subject. Needed to distract herself from this new information until she could process it. It wasn't the time.

'Can you work with what you've got, Cosima?' Beth asked.

Picking up the case, Cosima peered inside. 'Yeah. Yeah, totally. This should be more than enough to get me going.'

'Well then that's that. We keep our heads low and I'll keep a look out at work for any signs of trouble until we need to figure out our next move.'

Keep an eye out. Keep on top of things in case Katja's body makes an appearance. At least on the inside she'd be able to try to control the situation.

'There's someone outside.' Alison interjected before Beth could continue, moving swiftly towards the doors, gun pulled out from god knows where and outside before any of them had even processed what she'd said.

Moving quickly, they followed her out to find her, gun pulled, and before Beth could even register what was happening, Sarah was stood, hands raised, in between Alison and the man across from her. Why was Sarah protecting this guy?

'Whoa, whoa, whoa, put the gun down.' Sarah said, her teeth gritted. 'Look, he's my brother, okay? Put the gun down.'

Wait Sarah had a brother?

As Alison slowly lowered the gun, Sarah sprang forward, her palm solidly connecting with Alison's cheek.

'Don't you ever threaten my brother again.' She warned as Alison's hand rose to cradle her own cheek in disbelief.

The three of them could only watch as Sarah pulled him out of the garden and away from the house. 'I'll see you later, Beth.' thrown over her shoulder as she walked away. An afterthought.

'You following me now, Fe?' Sarah said soon as they had entered his loft.

'What is going on, Sarah? Those women…'

'I don't need you to babysit me, yeah?'

'I'm just trying to make sure you keep out of trouble this time, my dear sister. Or were you not serious about wanting Kira back.'

'No don't look at me like that. You don't get to say that after I tried to tell you what's going on already and you laughed at me.'

'When did I…'

'I saw a woman try to kill herself and she looked exactly like me.'

'Oh. Right. Well obviously now I know you were telling the truth.'

'Nice to know you got so much faith in me, Fe.'

Sarah moved to slump down on the couch, Felix coming to rest tentatively besides her. 'So…' He started.

'Clones.' She wasn't going to lie to him. He was her brother and if he wanted to know she was going to tell him.

'Oh come on Sarah. You seriously expect me to believe that.'

'You saw them, Fe. You really think I'm kidding.'

'And you're sure they're not just your long lost sisters or something.'

Turning towards him she looked at him with as much exasperation as she could muster through her exhaustion. The last few days finally catching up with her.

'Okay so clones.'

'Yeah, clones.'

'So how's that work? What's it mean? What are you doing with the others…'

'I don't really know, Fe. I think that's what we're trying to work out. I jus' shit got real serious, real quick but I have to stick with it, yeah.' It may not be the magical family she'd imagined when she was a kid, but this was her chance to find out where she came from. She couldn't pass that up.

'You understand why I can't just run from this.'

'Of course I do. It's just… clones, Sarah. I don't know what to do with that information '

'I don't know what to tell you. I… it's…' She threw her head back in frustration and rested it against the back of the couch as she searched for the words to try and explain any of it. While fighting to find the words, she realised that there was someone who could explain in better. The same person who'd explained it to her. So she'd take Felix to Beth, she could help. After all, she'd meant it when she said she'd see her later.

Sarah had a brother. Sarah had a daughter. Sarah had a family. Sarah wasn't alone like she was. Sarah didn't need her.

Sat on her couch, drink in hand, the night's revelations repeating again and again in her mind. Sarah had a family and she knew that she couldn't begrudge her that, but Alison had a family too and look where that got her. Alison stayed away to make sure her family was safe, what was to say that Sarah wouldn't?

Her family had to be more important to her than some woman she'd met at a train station, even if they were clones. They'd been through so much together in the past few days and they were still virtual strangers.

She didn't know why the idea of another one of them, of Sarah not wanting to know her hurt so much, but the idea that she may make the same decision as Alison had tears welling in her eyes.

One pill, two. Just to take the edge off. Maybe if the edges were soft it wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe the numbness would be better than burning in her eyes, the aching in her chest.

Sarah had a daughter. A living, breathing daughter that she'd given birth to. Even through the encroaching numbness she could feel the pangs of jealousy. She hadn't wanted children. She hadn't. Not until she couldn't have them. In the months after that day she'd resigned herself to that reality but here was Sarah and she had a daughter. Her own family. And Beth envied her.

Another tumbler of whiskey, another pill, another two, three, four, five, until she'd lost count. It didn't matter. Who did she have? No family, not like Sarah. Not like anyone would miss her. She doubted that even Paul would care, would notice all that much and he was supposed to love her.

A bitter laugh escaped her at that thought. Love? It seemed like most of the time he could barely tolerate her. Hell, most of the time he wasn't even there. What kind of relationship was that? He obviously didn't want to be there so what was keeping him?

She knocked back the last of her glass and lay down on the couch, as the waves of tiredness washed over her. Her limbs becoming heavy.

Maybe it would be better now.