"There's a girl in Edward's room!" The loud screech woke me up abruptly. I didn't recognise where I was at first, but once my eyes adjusted to the darkness I realized that I was still in Edward's room. The door swung open and I quickly threw the cover over my head.

Nobody can know.

I wouldn't go around bragging that I dry humped Edward Cullen. It wasn't achievable, hell he's probably only doing this because it's no string attached sex.

"See, she's still asleep and I can't deal with a pissed off bitch because you woke her up." I felt like I had been stabbed in the stomach.

Bitch. Is that what I was to him? Nothing more than one of his cheap play toys that he can discard when he's done?

"Dude, just tell us who the chick is and we'll leave you and you flavour of the night alone." That voice I recognised as Emmett Cullen.

Emmett is your average quarter back. Bulging muscles that look like they can stand on their own and still choke you to death, wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box, loud with no filter for his mouth and of course he had Rosalie Hale, head cheerleader/model/ice queen/blonde bombshell.

The Hales and Cullens never socialised with others except for Edward's selection for the time being. Even Jessica Stanley has been a selection, but she was not virgin.

Rumour has it that she lost her virginity at thirteen to Eric Yorkie, Mike's best friend when he's eyes wondered to pictures of porn stars in the latest playboy edition that she found under his bed. They are one of those on/off 'couples' and when Jessica had a chance to be with the bad boy of Forks, she dropped Mike like a hot potato and told him she fancied older men, only to come back a week later to Mike, declaring how much she missed him and never wanted to let him go.

For teenagers they grew up really fast.

"Just get the fuck out of my room you two." Edward's voice sounded rough and irritated. The door was quickly shut and I hesitantly peered from under the blanket. We stared at each other silently before he finally spoke, "come on you need to get home." I got up and walked to the door. Before I could touch the handle, Edward pulled me back. He stripped off his jacket and threw it over my head to hide my face from his family members. Probably ashamed of what happened earlier, gosh I'm an idiot thinking that he could actually like me. We walked down the stairs to his car before anyone had the opportunity to identify my face or ask Edward questions. When we reached the car I pulled the jacket off, tossed it in the backseat and simply starred out the window.

Trees flew by

Lights came and went.

No words were spoken during the car ride. The tension in the air was thick and couldn't be cut with anything, so we both keep quiet. Edward made no effort to speak and neither did I.

We finally reached my house after what felt like forever and I would've gotten out of his posh car if he didn't say the words that build me up slowly then will knock me down when I least expect.

"You are different, more different than any other girl I've met. I know you heard the conversation and I just want to say that I don't think you're a bitch. If anything I am, I mean I play hot and cold with you but you still think of me as this good guy."

"You are a good guy Edward." I start, "You may not think it but you are. You could've said no when I offered you my virginity, you could've been a complete asshole ad told me the truth: I'm not pretty enough to even be in the same radius as you. But you listened and helped me in ways that you might not see a right but I see as protecting me." I hear him mutter something and I wait for him to repeat it louder, but he doesn't so I get out and thank him for the ride home. He hands me a CD and tells me that if I like foreigner I would love these guys. I nod and walk to the door.

Ignoring Charlie's rants to tell him where I have been, I quickly move to my room and open the CD case.

Nirvana

I had heard about them before from Leah but never experienced them myself. I slip the disc into my old school computer and press play.

I am greeted with the loud, grudging stringing of the electric guitar followed by the raspy voice of Kurt Cobain. It's an adrenaline rush through my veins listening to it, but at the same time a calming stimulation to my body. I noticed that something dropped out of the case, a letter. The writing on it is elegant but slightly sloppy.

Nirvana: a place of perfect peace and happiness.
When I saw the CD it reminded me of you, I looked over at you one day after school. I drove past and saw you sitting outside, reading a book that no one your age would read and I realized that at that moment, there with you, was my Nirvana.

I'm not a nice guy. I've tried to show the world multiple times, but your heart sees the good in me that I, myself haven't seen in a long time.
You make me want to be better so that one I can finally feel like I deserve you, heart and soul. So that is my goal and you are my inspiration.

Yours
Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

I want to cry.

Those words are so strong so overwhelming that I want to scream in pain, rejoice in the truth and declare to the world Edward Cullen's feelings for Isabella Marie Swan.

But that will never happen. No one can know, his rules for his safety.

I read the note over and over when I realized something. The ink of the writing is faded out and the paper's creases look permanent. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I come to the realisation.

Edward Cullen wrote this long before he rescued from Jacob Black's clutches.

"Cool CD." Leah and Seth both comment as they enter my room. "Where'd you get it? They don't even make these copies anymore." Leah says, looking intently at the case before playing it. "A friend gave it to me.

"Since when do you have friends that aren't us?" Seth says ignorantly, slumping onto my bed. Leah stops dead in her tracks and looks at me with a look in her eyes that makes me gasp.

She knows.