Numbness slowly took over my body after the stars appeared.
It was an effort to get myself into the house. Eating was an issue; I couldn't eat anything without it forming a lump in my throat so that had limited my eating to a minimum. It's not the first time that I have been let down, but Edward said he was special. That he would be there for me when I needed him.
So where is he now?
My mind goes to a mental image of him: laughing, having a good time with the blonde on his arm, and living his teenage years. He seemed happy in the close to reality of a fantasy, so why does he even feel the need to be around me? Was it self-pity, revenge on his nemesis or dare I say it lust?
Seven days slowly past. I had sort of gotten into this routine: attend school, at minimal, shower I hope that I'll sleep. I ignored friends, Charlie and for once I didn't mind that Jacob violated my body.
At least I would feel something.
Seth, being the naïve boy that he is, noticed nothing wrong with my attitude towards life or that I had rapidly lost weight in the time frame of just seven painfully slow days. For him I would put on the best fake smile I could and tell him that I was okay, happy actually. But Leah saw straight through the lie. She recognised my physical and emotional changes, just like when she lost Sam.
She comforted me in the days that I needed it and never brought up his name for the main purpose not to rub salt on my wounds. She understood me in ways that no one, not even my mother, could.
It's been seven whole days, seven whole days of pure hurt.
And I can't get away from the burning pain I lie awake
And the fallen hero haunts my thoughts
How could you leave me this way?
I understood in a way how Lea Michele felt; I guess we all do at some point of our life. This night and shining armour who appears like a dream to you will disappoint you in a way that is so gut wrenching and depressing that you wonder how you could ever survive without that person.
I knew I was still young and this was just a minor taste of life, but it hurts now. It hurts to think about him positively without going to the negative thoughts.
I lie on my bed, reading the classic Pride and Prejudice for the fourth time this week due to a lack of sleep. I enjoy the book because of how Elizabeth never depended on a man other than her father. There are times myself when I want to speak to my dad, about everything. But I know that once the truth comes out, we will never be the same again. That he and Billy will never be the same again. My dad has lost so many things in his life, he doesn't something precious to be taken away from him, like how Renee had taken me away from him.
I shut the book before the tears that are welding in my eyes turn into a full sobbing session where I'll cry over everything. I can faintly hear the soft clanking against my window, I hadn't been bothered but it at first but then it became persistent. I set my book down on my bedside table and got up to see what it was. I tried to opening my window as quietly as possible, Charlie was a heavy sleeper but the window itself was very loud and could easily wake up anyone in the house.
Once opened I peered through to see my falling hero, balancing himself on our garden tree. One hand gripping the tree itself the other was filled with small pebbles which was probably used to alert me of his appearance.
I moved out of the way to let him jump through. Normally I wouldn't believe that anyone could make that jump, Seth had broken his arm three times just attempting. But this was Edward Cullen and a person would never doubt Edward Cullen without reason. Once I gave him a chance to get in I took a good look at what had been missing from my life for the past week, but the results were not what I expected.
His eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot.
His lips with coated with some sort of alcoholic beverage
And he himself looked physically tired.
"Bellaa miss you so much." He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. And that was when we both broke down.
It started out with a few sniffles, but quickly transgressed to full on sobbing. His shirt was stained with my tears while he buried his face into my hair, letting the tears run down to my neck. We never spoke a word for a long time, but it was a comfortable silence. It was the one needed when you were at the first stage of closer. He released me from his arms but placed his hands on mine to lead me to the bed. We both fell into place quickly and just stared at the ceiling till Edward broke the silence. "I know you probably hate me and want nothing to do with me. And there's no excuse that I can give. I can't tell you that I was busy because that would be a lie. Nor can I tell you that I didn't want to be around you because that would be an even bigger lie. The only thing I can tell you is that I was scared. I was feeling things for you that I had never felt with anyone else and that scared the shit out of me. I didn't prepare myself for these feelings when I got involved with you and they suddenly hit me like a shit load of bricks. I ran away because I was scared, I ran away because that was the only thing I knew I could do. But I was wrong, I have been hurting for so long being away from you and I couldn't take it anymore. But knowing what I did to you, I knew that it would take a long time before I ever forgave you. So I'm here to start off with saying I'm sorry. I know I'm not the smartest or the bravest, but I do care about you and it hurts knowing that I'm the reason that you probably won't trust a guy." He gave a few more sniffles before there was complete silence.
I reacted in the one way that I wanted to. I looked him in the eyes and whispered two words.
"Hold me."
He said nothing, just wrapped his arms around me and brought me once again to his shirt and did exactly what I asked.
And for the first time in a long time I felt like I was going to be okay, that not matter Jacob did to me, Edward will be there for me.
As my friend
As my lover
As my hero.
Song- If you say so by Lea Michele