A/N: This is going to be my standard opening for a while. The pain is still too close. I want to apologize for the long wait on some of my stories. I recently lost a good friend of mine and fellow fanfic writer and the loss was much harder than I anticipated. It really stunted whatever creative power I had and left me in a state of much sorrow. It's hard to realize just how much people influence our lives and our passions until they are no longer there. For the next while all my stories are going to be dedicated to her.

AJ. I will miss you. I will miss you and your laughing encouragement more than I can ever say. This one is for you.

Special thanks to Razorgaze as my Beta, and Hummergrey for her constant friendship during this sad time. You both render me speechless with your skills, friendship and dedication. Please check out their fics. The links are in my profile page. And thank you to everyone that has sent me private messages or positive thoughts in the reviews. Those help so much. I can't thank you enough.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OC's. I am not making any money from this. Please do not sue.

Chapter 5

I could run.

The thought flashed across my processors so quickly that I nearly acted on the notion before I caught myself. Bumblebee was an Autobot and a rather powerful one at that, which was reason enough to flee the situation in the first place. Add to the fact that he was Samuel's guardian and any sane processor would have suggested a strategic retreat in short order. It was well known that 'Bee would kill to protect his human. And if he caught hold of a 'Con that had even thought about causing harm to his charge…

It was one of the nightmares that every 'Con had on this planet. Optimus wasn't the only boogiemech that a Decepticon feared hid under his recharge berth.

It would have been smart to run. And yet my feet were rooted as if into the earth. I kept thinking of Charlotte, of that scant few hours of talking and eating and laughing. I thought of the memories I had tasted in Sam's mind before his femme had walked in on us. The taste, the feeling of true contentment and love and friendship… I had experienced it through his memories and now through my own with Charlotte.

I didn't want to be without that again. I had finally made a friend, someone that liked me for me, not because of what I could give them. I didn't want to run from that, because if I ran from the Autobots now, I would run from them for the rest of my existence on earth. And that meant I would give up a lot of friends like Charlotte. It seemed too much sorrow even for a spark like mine to bear.

The Camero roared to a halt against the curb, the driver staring at me from across the passenger seat. Blue eyes, too blue to belong to a human, gazed at me from a lean, nondescript face. He knew what I was, that much was evident in his optics. The question became, did he know who I was, and if he did, what he intended to do about it.

"Get in," he said, his holoform leaning across the passenger seat to pretend to open the door.

I could still run, I thought. There was still time to start over somewhere else. I didn't have to prove anything to anyone. I was a neutral now. I wasn't even sure if I carried the same energy signature of before. I really didn't have to get into the car.

I found myself sliding onto the leather seat anyway, silently reaching across for the seat belt as the door closed on its own. 'Bee spun his back tires in an over-exaggerated squeal, a perfect sound to be heard on campus. It might have stood out wrongly if he hadn't. And why not? Sitting in the cab of his alt mode was an attractive male and an attractive female. Why shouldn't he try to impress her?

It was all for show, of course. The moment we cleared campus property, the somewhat smile on his face faded. "What is your designation?"

I stared straight ahead, wracking my processors to come up with the Ancient Cybertronian protocols of surrender. Surely he would honor those, right? "Where are you taking me?"

"That depends on your answer."

I flicked a glance at his holoform before staring back at the open road. Not many cars roaming the night this close to campus. Most of the stores and shops and places to consume nutrients closed down around 10:00pm at the behest of the university, or so Charlotte had said. It was the main reason we had decided to call it a night instead of going shopping right away. Something about promoting students to study instead of party all night.

Though, in my estimation, that completely backfired. The lack of something to do at night promoted more frat parties than studying.

And none of these random computations were bringing me any closer to an answer for my would-be captor.

I took a long intake of air, preparing my systems for the worst. "I don't have a designation," I stated. "I am a neutral in this war."

"Neutral," 'Bee echoed, turning down a small side street that led into the middle of nowhere. "What is your clan, then?"

"I don't have one."

The holoform raised an eyebrow. "An independent neutral?"

He sounded like he didn't believe me. I wouldn't have believed me, either, had I not, well, been me. But it was the truth. A small smile touched my lips at that. It was a lot easier to tell the truth than I would have expected. The Decepticons had turned the word 'truth' into something ugly and vile. Here, among the humans, speaking to this Autobot who would very likely end me this night, I couldn't help but feel a lightness of my spark. If was going to be offlined tonight, at least I would do so with a clean conscious.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Hound was waiting for us in the clearing of a little wooded area. He stood in his bi-pedal form and I tipped my head to the side, trying to figure out if I was pleased to see him. We had had a run-in before, he and I, both scouting for our respective sides in this idiotic war. My weapons and armor were better then, before being stripped down to become 'Alice.' Hound and I had exchanged volley after volley of plasma fire, trying to end each other.

Then, it had seemed so important… so right and just to see him reduced to slag. And all for what? A world now devoid of life, a veritable Pit that held more dead than it had ever held hope. The energon in my tanks churned, shame overwhelming my spark. I had assisted in that, and whether or not I had done so as a drone or as a willing participant, my hands still dripped with the spilled energon of innocence.

I hoped that he would recognize me. I sincerely did, even though I knew that it wasn't likely that he would. Our exchange had been in the heat of battle, and anything—even fallen comrades—had become shields to hide behind. If I had to live the rest of my life with this knowledge, this self-aware guilt for what I had been programmed to do, I did not want the new spark in my chest.

Bumblebee had barely come to a halt before I was removing the safety belt and attempting to exit his alt mode.

"Wait," he commanded, his holorform reaching over to touch mine. "What just went through that processor of yours?"

I tried to shrug off his hand. His touch was as gentle as Charlotte's had been and yet this time it did not bring me comfort. If anything, it brought me more pain. How odd, that the same gesture could bring drastic differences in emotions from me. He was scanning me, of that I could be certain. He had registered the shift in my energy levels when I had caught sight of Hound.

"You know him," he tried again, the fingers on my shoulder closing, holding me firmly but gently.

"Yes," I admitted, my voice without emotion. I didn't want to show him what I was feeling, not yet at least.

'Bee pursed his lips, shaking his head. It reminded me so much of Sam. "Not good enough, neutral. I need to know more before I allow you to come in contact with my friend."

"The battle of Iacon," I whispered, keeping my optics focused on the earthen ground just outside his window.

'Bee nodded, as if that explained almost everything. "I understand," he replied, squeezing my shoulder in a very human expression of comfort. "You do not need to go into details at this time regarding… that. Understand that we need to confirm who you are, and if you are indeed a neutral, such standing will be accorded to you and passed on to the Decpeticons as well."

My optics flared at that, and the fear that ran through my systems must have been palpable. Primus, I could not let either of them transmit that information to the Decepticons! They would know I was still onlined if they didn't already. And what of my creator, Thundercracker? How would he take the news that I had betrayed the Decepticons all for the friendship of a short-lived organic fleshling?

All because of one ill-fated kiss!

It felt like my cooling fans were insignificant in comparison to the heat wafting off my parts. I was, for lack of a better term, panicking. Had I been human, I would be close to hyperventilating. I couldn't go back to the Decepticons. But I couldn't stay as a neutral, not if it meant my designation needed to be broadcast to my former faction.

"N-no," I think I managed to get my suddenly glitchy vocal processor to expel. "No-no, please. I beg you. Don't do this. Please. Don't broadcast that. Just let me go. I will swear any oath you require. Please. Don't…."

"Easy. Easy, calm your systems," 'Bee was trying to tell me, concern replacing the sternness in his holoform's eyes. His hands held me tighter, cupping my face and trying to force my optics to focus on his. "Stop. You will put yourself into stasis if you keep this up!"

My holoform faded, my control slipping. All I knew was that I had to get out of this place. I had to protect my new spark. And if I couldn't do it under the banner of neutrality, I would have to do it on my own.