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Also, as always, I don't own anything here other than this little storyline. All glory, laud and honor belong to Joss Whedon and the wonderful minds at Mutant Enemy.
Chapter 15 Nice
"Buffy, luv, wake up." Spike said softly as he brushed her hair back from her face.
"Hmm?" she murmured as her eyes fluttered open. He was leaning over her, but still lying on the bed.
"It'll be dawn in about an hour." he said, sadness in his eyes.
Her eyes popped open. "You shouldn't have let me sleep for so long." she chastised him.
"You needed it. I can sleep today away, you can't."
"But our time is almost over." she had tears forming in her eyes.
"Just for tonight, we'll see each other again soon." he assured her.
"When?"
"I don't know." he admitted, "But I promise it won't be long. Trust me?" he smiled at her.
"Yeah." she said, realizing she truly did.
"You don't know what that means to me." he kissed her gently. "These last couple of nights... This time we spent together..."
She cut him off with a kiss. Not wanting him to profess any feelings to her she wasn't ready to reciprocate. Knowing if she hurt him she wouldn't forgive herself. But he wouldn't be put off so easily. He pulled back and his eyes moving over her face.
"I need you to know, this is more than just sex for me." he said earnestly.
She nodded slightly, "I know, for me too. I don't know what..."
He kissed her tenderly. "That's all I need to know right now." She felt the tension slip away from her and it must have been visible, because he smiled at her.
"When do you have to go?" she asked, the words catching in her throat.
"I have long enough for what you have in mind." He said with a hungry look lowering his lips to hers. The kiss was again tender, though it built into something more.
Buffy knew right away that this was different, this wasn't rushed sex, like she had sought from him their first night, both out of passion and her fear that if she stopped to think about it she would chicken out. Nor was this the playful sex they had enjoyed after her initial fear was gone. This was driven by emotion, not lust. It was two people creating a connection that went deeper than the physical. This was making love.
His hands on her were gentle, but his caress was as arousing as the teasing had been, maybe because he knew her body so well, but she suspected it was how he had touched her soul. As he slid into her, their eyes met and she couldn't look away. Their fingers intertwined, their hips rocking, bringing them closer to completion. His face softened, his arrogance and swagger, which she had begun to realize were just a mask, melted away. He looked vulnerable, younger, and earnest. Was this his face before he was turned? But it wasn't looking back through the years that made her marvel. It was what she saw in his eyes, the intensity of the emotion both thrilled and scared her. Rapture overtook them, wiping away everything except the ecstasy of their bodies and hearts.
As her breathing returned to normal she felt him slip from within her and his fingers slowly unlinked from hers. Her fingers were stiff from how tightly she had held onto him, and she knew if he had been human she would have crushed his hands. Her head was against his shoulder, flexing her fingers she wrapped her arms around him. Not ready to face him now that she knew the depth of his feelings for her. She worried what he had seen in her eyes, had he seen her fear? How would he interpret it? She wasn't even sure why it scared her. Maybe because he would be hurt if her intensity hadn't matched his. But she still wasn't sure what name to put on how she felt about him. Did that uncertainty show? Was he expecting more? Or did her eyes reveal more than she herself knew about how she felt?
He seemed in no hurry to face her either. They just lay there entwined, her breathing the only movement. What do you say after that? After someone has let you see into their very heart? She didn't want to say anything to hurt him, having seen him looking so vulnerable. "William?" she whispered.
He jerked back at the name and looked at her, shock showing on his face. "What did you say?"
"William. Was that your name, back before?" she asked.
"Yeah. How did you know? Did Angel tell you?" he looked guarded, not sure where this was leading.
She shook her head, "One of the Watcher diaries. It called you William the Bloody. But I didn't know if that was your real name or just some nickname you had picked up." She tilted her head, "Why don't you use it?"
"I'm so different now, it was so long ago..."
Her fingers caressed his face before she brought them to his hair. "What color was your hair then?"
"Brown, not too dark." His hand gently caught hers, and he brought her fingers to his lips, kissing them lightly. "Why all the questions, pet?"
"You brought up when you were human earlier and I was just trying to picture it."
"Wishing I were human?" he asked, his tone light, but his eyes hardened and the grip on her fingers tightened, almost imperceptibly.
She realized he assumed she did and that it hurt him, more than he was willing to show. The arrogant mask slipped back into place and she hurried to convince him otherwise. "No, that wasn't what I was thinking at all."
"Really?" He scoffed.
"Really. I was just curious. You know so much about me, I wanted to know more about you. Human you, vampire you, everything."
He released her hand and shifted to sitting, putting distance between them. "You weren't thinking how much easier this would be if I were human?"
"No, actually I was thinking I would have brok..." she began, but he cut her off as he pushed himself off of the bed onto his feet.
"So you're trying to tell me that wasn't fear I saw in your eyes? God, despite everything that's happened since LA you're still afraid I'll hurt you." As he spoke he turned his back to her. She wasn't sure if it was because he didn't want to see her expression or if he was trying to hide his own.
She had done what she had feared. She had hurt him and the pain she knew she caused him seemed to be reflected back on her, like a hand constricting her throat. She strained to speak and her voice came out as a whisper. "You're right. You did see fear." She hadn't gotten up, she was still on the bed, speaking to his back. His shoulders hunched as she spoke as if she had hit him in the gut. "But I wasn't afraid you'd hurt me. I was afraid I'd hurt you. In your eyes, I saw so much conviction in how you feel. What if I can't live up to that? What if I'm never sure?" Sobs were punctuating her questions. He turned and looked at her. "What if..."
He came back to the bed and wrapped his arms around her as her words were lost to her tears. "Bloody hell." he cursed softly. "You don't have to worry about hurting me. I've got a pretty thick skin." But she knew that to be a lie. "You have too much else on your plate, I won't add to it by being all dainty." She chuckled a little at the thought of the Slayer of Slayers being dainty. "I'd just ruin the doilies and what-all." he added. Making her laugh some more.
She pulled back, wiping at her tears. "Do you remember everything about our first fight?"
"Don't you?" He asked.
"Yeah, and I don't remember most of my fights in such detail. It just always stood out."
He looked cocky, "What can I say, I'm unforgettable."
"At least the look on your face was when you saw who hit you upside the head with the axe."
"You got to keep bringing your mum into this, don't you?"
"She's coming home today." she said sadly.
"Don't make your mum out to be the bad guy in this." he said astutely.
"I know, I've already put her through a lot. Like I said, you were right about how worried she was about me while I was gone all summer."
"That's what mums do. The good ones at least." He looked at the clock. "I've got to go."
"Now?" she asked although she knew the answer.
"Yeah, for one thing I have to find my clothes, plus it's a ways back."
"A good-bye kiss?"
"A see-you-soon kiss." he corrected and lowered his mouth to hers. What started out as a quick kiss she turned into more by grabbing the back of his head and holding it there. When finally he broke it off he said breathlessly. "Very soon."
"Soon." she agreed.
He stood to go, but turned around in the doorway. "Where were you going to take the new slayer on patrol?"
"Oh, um, how about the waterfront area? You weren't going to go house hunting there were you?"
"Not my first choice."
"Okay. We'll hang around there. Be careful."
"You too." He blew her a kiss and left.