Forks was still the same.

Same old plebeian, moist bark of the same old trees.

Same people living in the same unappealing houses.

Same old police officers.

In New York, everyday was different and interesting. Weather it was Bob the homeless guy living in the park across my apartment streaking through the park, belting out Crazy by Gnarls Barkley or just Caius taking me out to shows. Wicked, West Side Story or my favorite, Chicago

There was always something to do.

Unlike Forks where I sit in the same booth that I had when I was fourteen eating the same dessert that my dad would order without my consent. The silence is uncomfortable, but familiar. Charlie would always be too busy digging into the peach cobbler that he would be oblivious to what I was doing, playing with my food and trying to cover up bruises.

I'm brought out of my thought when Charlie grunts, indicating he wants my attention. "So when were you planning on telling me that you were coming back to Forks?" I shrug, "You haven't spoken to me in ten years other than 'happy birthday' and 'merry Christmas'. We have nothing else to say to each other Charlie."

He stiffens at the formality of my voice. "Charlie?" he spits. "I am your father; I should be treated like one."

That makes my blood boil. "A father would have been there for his child when she was raped, regardless of who it was that raped her. A father would have called every once in a while to find out how his daughter was. You lost the title 'father' when you chose Jacob, the boy that abused me since mom left instead of me, your own daughter. Sue Clearwater was a far better parent than you could ever be." I stand up to walk away, throwing a couple of bills on the table to pay for my share. Charlie wanted nothing to do with me for years, should that's what I'll give him.

None of my time, breath or energy.

Jacob Black was staring right at me.

My palms felt clammy, my heart was racing so fast and for the first time in my life I needed a drink desperately.

I pushed myself abruptly from the table from the seat where I was placed for the rehearsal dinner and went straight to the bar. "Give me the strongest drink you have. Don't tell me what's in it, I'll figure it out for myself tomorrow morning when I ruminate it." The bartender chuckles and leaves to mix up something.

I feel his presence around me but ignore it. I look nowhere else but at the bourbon bottle in front of me. "Bella you can't avoid me forever."

I turn, avoiding eye contact to walk out but he grabs my arm. Normally in this situation I would be flinching and screaming for help, but this is different.

He is different.

He is merely holding my arm, not painfully. I look into his eyes and see the same look he gave me after he raped me which I can now recognize and understand

It is sorrow and regret. It's the emotions he would want no one to see yet he is letting me see it as an apology. I pull my arm out from his grip. "We can talk outside." I walk to the patio of the venue, Jacob behind me. He pulls up two chairs and offers me one. He takes a deep breath and speaks. "When I was eight I saw you for the first time. Your hair was in two sloppy braids that your dad attempted to do, you had your first tooth missing but to me you were still beautiful. I asked if I could play with you and you were skeptical but agreed."

"You broke my favorite Barbie." I comment, he nods and continues. "You looked like you were about to cry and that made me so mad, not at you but at myself. I made you upset and that fucking sucks. I hit you that first time because my anger controlled me. I remember going home and crying my eyes." He grabs the drink out of my hands and gulps it down."Sorry, it's just hard. Anyway I knew after that you were terrified of me and when I tried to take to you would flinch away and once again I was controlled by my anger. The sexual stuff was because I thought that if we did something that intimate, you might actually attain feelings for me, you know like in the movies."

"So let me try to figure this out. You abused and raped me because you wanted me to reciprocate the emotions that you felt towards me?"

"Actually the rape bit was because I saw you with Edward. I saw how you looked at him and I knew from the way you looked at him and how he looked at you, that you loved each other and I knew then that all hope was lost for me. I could never compete with him, because I knew you preferred a gentleman than an abusing pervert. And for what it's worth after you left I took anger management and therapy classes. I also take my anger out on a bag, not the girl I love." I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding in. "Did you ever meet someone?"

He lets out a chuckle, relieved that I'm not yelling out like a lunatic at him. "Yeah Vanessa is great. She knew about my past but she still gave me a chance."

"Is she here?"

"No, she's in Berlin with her husband and kids."

"Oh Jacob I'm so sorry, I didn't know." He shrugs and finishes up the drink. "I said she gave me a chance, I never said we lasted."

"Seeethhhh….." I groaned from the toilet seat. I had woken up this morning with a strong urge to just bring up I had eaten in my entire life. My head was pounding and I felt awful. Seth came in and picked me up to carry back to bed. "No offense Bella but you smell awful, like worse than the time Leah was pregnant."

Pregnant…

"Could you bring Leah here please?" he nods and calls Lee. Two minutes later she is sitting on my bed with her little girl, Madison. "What's wrong?"

I sit up, but take a while to answer because the room is spinning rigorously. "Maybe you should lie down again." I nod and lie back down. "Lee, how did you know that you were pregnant?"

"Well you just know I guess, you feel sick yet everything in your sight. I don't know it's just a mother's instinct to know." I stay quiet for a minute, taking in the information. "I think I need a pregnancy test…or three."

"Leah I can't. What if it comes out pregnant? I don't know how to be a mother, other than Sue I never had one."

Leah laughs lightly. "Why would you be so anxious? A baby will just bring you and Caius closer together."

That when the tears start pouring out. "What if it's someone else's…Someone in love with a beautiful woman that can and will make him happier than I ever could?" I sob, sliding down against the tiles of the bathroom. "I know that if I tell him, he'll leave her and resent me. I'd rather have him be happy with someone else than miserable with me."

"Bella, Edward loves you, but is a responsible man. He will do what's right for everyone." I sniff, "How do you know I'm even talking about Edward."

"Because Edward is the only one that you will ever talk about like that. Now are you ready to go look?" I nod and walk over to the sink to see my future.

Positive or negative, I'll deal with this the right way. I might not have my happily ever after, but someone should. Even if it kills me.