TRTSS44: Tales of Ranma Who! – By Ocramed
Disclaimer: R1/2, SM, Trek, DW and other properties belong to their respective owners.
Note: This is a multi-genre story. C&C are welcomed.
Special Note: This story takes place during the events of the Seventh Series of "Doctor Who".
Part 8: "Invasion of the Snowmen!"
England, London: Late Victorian Era.
As it was usually done, Lord Ranshin Rantsu, the Japanese Ambassador to Great Britain, and his wife Lady Usashinko Rantus, a well-known socialite, were out on the ice, doing some ice skating. However, this time, they were not alone…
"I can skate just fine, Ranma," said Miss Akane Tendo, a family friend of the Rantsu. Unknown to most people, Akane, while looking for her bone-headed fiancé Ranma Saotome, ended up in the past, where a much older Ranma Saotome, under the alias "Ranshin Rantsu" was living out his life with his wife Usashinko Rantsu, who was really Usagi Tsukino, the once-and-future "Sailor Moon". With Ranma and Usagi both lost in the past, they're desire for each other grew, and, in spite of having mixed feelings, and, in spited of having loves back in their home era, decided to get married. And, should they return to their original time and place, the couple will make the decision to either stay together or divorce. But, for now, the Rantsu will stay together, though the sudden arrival of Ranma's fiancée certainly complicates matters…
"Yeah, I'm sure," Ranma said, as he skates circles around Akane. "But can you skate as well as I can?"
"You know, I can't WAIT for us to get back home," Akane said, as she steadied herself. "Oh, and when are you going to help me deal with THIS?"
Akane stuck out her now enormous chest, thanks to a detective case Ranma was working on…
"I don't see what the problem with these," Ranma said, as he cops a feel. "They look fine to me, Akane-"
SMACK!
"Ow!" Ranma cried out, after being slapped.
"I got bitten by a…a…BOOB-PIRE!" Akane yelled, referring to an incident where a busty vampire lady was biting victims into becoming her minions, involving mostly women, but some men as well. Thanks to Ranshin and his personal physician Dr. Arthur Conan Doyle, the pair cracked the case, and stopped the vampire from getting revenge for her lover, Prince Vlad Tepes, also known as "Count Dracula". Unfortunately, Akane had almost turned into a "boob-pire", a name that was stuck in some journalistic circles…
"Look, I told you that even though we stopped the infection from spreading in your body, but the physical changes will have to be dealt with in a normal way," Ranma said. "Besides, you don't see Usagi complaining about the changes."
"That's because she likes being a floozy," Akane retorted.
"Whatever. Look, just workout more, and you'll be fine."
"Humph…"
Meanwhile, Usagi was building a snowman, with some of the neighborhood children, when a young woman calls out.
"Excuse me?" said the young woman.
Usagi turned to see the woman. She was young, in her early twenties, with raven black hair.
"Yes?" Usagi asked.
"Maybe…a carrot will look good on that thing, Mum?" the woman replied.
"Well, it can't hurt," Usagi said, as the woman took a carrot from her basket, and hands it off.
"Here," the woman said, as she hands the carrot off to Usagi. "That should make her look good."
"Why 'her' and not 'him'?" Usagi said, as she put the carrot into place.
"I like 'her' better than 'him'," the woman said with a broad smile. "As my own mum and dad once said, 'Girls just want to have fun', you know."
"Well, that is a sentiment that I agree with," Usagi said with a smile of her own.
"Yeah," the woman said, as she bows her head slightly. "Well, good day, mum…"
"Wait," Usagi said, as she called out. "I didn't catch your name!"
"I didn't 'throw it'!" the woman said, as she trudges away in the snow. "But the name is 'Clara'…'Clara Oswald'!"
And, with that, Clara leaves the park for her destination…
"Hmmmm," Usagi mused, as Ranma and Akane trudges forward, to stand behind Usagi.
"What's going on?" Ranma asked.
"Hmm?" Usagi replied. "Oh, nothing. It's just that, well, that girl seems familiar…"
Ranma looks at the departing girl, and frowns.
"Huh," Ranma replied. "You know, I feel the same way…"
"So, another floozy of yours?" Akane said sarcastically.
"No, but I get a sense of déjà vu," Ranma said. "I can't help but feel that I should know her, as if we had met before…"
"Well, we can muse back home," Usagi said, as she gathers her things. "Besides, we're supposed to have dinner with Doyles, remember?"
"How can I forget?" Ranma said.
"I still can't believe that YOU and this personal doctor of yours inspired the 'Sherlock Holmes' books," Akane replied.
"Actually, I'm not the only one in London to 'play detective', Akane," Ranma replied. "There is cadre of us that inspired Arthur's stories."
"Oh?"
"Yes. We pretty much take turns if we're around London, especially if I have to do 'League of Extraordinary Gentlemen' business."
"Really?" Akane said in disbelief.
"Really. In fact, you can come along as our guest for dinner."
"Are you sure that's wise, Ranma?" Usagi said.
"Why not?"
"Well, every time you get together with the others, you and HER get into an argument for SOME reason, and then a fight break out between you two."
"Hey, I can say what I want to say, thank you very much," Ranma said. "Besides, if the Princess is actually correct about something, I have no problem amending my remarks."
"Ha!" Akane said.
"What was THAT for?" Ranma asked.
"It took a long time for you to kiss me," Akane said. "In fact, you're more stubborn than I am."
"HA, yourself," Ranma replied. "I am QUITE capable of dealing with matters in a mature manner…"
Hours later…
CRACK!
"Ow!" Ranma yelled.
"THAT is for calling my marriage to my mate, a sham, My Lord," said the Silurian princess Madame Vastra, also a London-based private detective, after she slammed a Ming vase on Ranma's head.
"If it's not recognized by the government, it ain't real," Ranma said, as he rubbed his sore head. "And I don't even care, considering who I am."
"Yes, the one who can't keep his pants on long enough without bedding a helpless woman?" said the Doctor, who, in this time, was also a London-based detective.
"Since when have you been so…judgmental?"
"Pot meet kettle," said Jenny, maid and mate to Vastra, as she served after tea and cakes to everyone.
"I want an apology, My Lord," Vastra said.
"Fine," Ranma said. "I apologize for thinking that women being with other women can't be married, even though, in this time and place, no such thing is possible. Happy?"
"It's a start," Vastra said, as she accepted a cup of tea from Jenny. "By the way, whatever happened to that girl Gwyneth? You know, Jenny's cousin?"
"Still doing work for Torchwood," the Doctor said.
"Even after living in the 21st century, she certainly likes to hold onto her Victorian sensibilities," Strax the Sontaran said with a chuckle.
"Quite."
"Well, the next time you see Jenny, she should visit her only blood relative," Jenny said. "I miss her, so…"
"The thing is, history records Miss Gwyneth as having 'died' some time ago," the Doctor said. "Not a very easy thing to overcome."
"Even for a Time Lord?" Dr. Doyle asked.
"Even for a Time Lord."
"Doctor, so, Ranma and I are alive in the so-called 'Modern Age'?" Usagi asked.
"Yes, but do not ask me how," the Doctor replied.
"Oh, good," Ranma said. "I got another hundred years to go…"
"I still don't understand why you can't, you know, time travel back to the future," Akane said. "I mean, you do have access to a time machine."
"Access, yes, but Ranma and Usagi both have roles to fulfill," the Doctor said. "In fact, you two have to stay together in order for some of your children to be born."
"Huh, you don't say," Ranma said smugly, until he got a glimpse of Akane's not-so-pleasant expression. "Um, okay…"
"Changing subjects, since we are all here, what do you all think of the rash of these…Snowmen attacking the public?" Arthur asked.
"Well, it has to be alien, since the Frost Giants and others of their ilk are not around," Ranma said.
"Not to mention that there is clearly a telepathic link between some of the snowflakes," the Doctor said. "Now, we should investigate the situation further, since I don't think this era could handle aliens not accustomed to the present Earth culture."
"Doctor, in my time, there are aliens who are still not accustomed to Earth culture," Akane said. "A fact that will exacerbated in this era if these so-called 'Snowmen' are indeed a threat," the Doctor said.
"Should I bring the others into this?" Ranma asked.
"No, not yet, although this era's Torchwood should be kept in the loop, as a precaution," the Doctor said, just as he clapped his hands. "Now, who is in the mood for an evening stroll…?"
Later, that night, after the detectives, affectionately called "The Sherlock Holmes Society" by those within Scotland Yard, were broken up in pairs, Ranma disguised himself as a common hooker named "Rachel Smith", with Akane keeping watch from a distance…
"Hello," Rachel said, as she shows off her cleavage to a passer-by, while speaking in a cockney accent. "Wanna give it a go-"
SMACK!
"Ow!"
"Why you have to be a pervert so much?" Akane yelled.
"I'm in disguise, you uncute…YOU!" Rachel said, as she wrapped her shawl around her body tightly. "I mean, I took down Jack the Ripper with this look, you know!"
"Well, Madame Vastra said she was the one who did the deed."
"No, she took down some copy-cat, not that the guy will be missed," Rachel said. "Now, all you have to do is keep watch, while I work the scene. Hopefully, that'll draw attention to these aliens or whatever. Can you do that at least?"
"Whatever," Akane said, as she huffs. "As long as you don't do anything stupid or perverted, I'll do my part."
"Good," Rachel said, as she takes out a small bottle of perfume, and dabs a swab just underneath her chin. "With this stuff, mixed in with my natural feminine scent, I can produce a type of pheromone that will make it easy to give off hypnotic suggestions."
"Why can't you use your telepathy?"
"Shows you what YOU know," Rachel said. "If there is indeed an active telepathic network at work, then the last thing I want to do is call attention to myself. Worse, I could prove to be susceptible to telepathic attacks or something…"
Rachel then lifts up her cleavage.
"Now, to get to work," Rachel said.
Akane shakes her head in disbelief. She loved Ranma dearly, but sometimes, she is not sure exactly who Ranma was anymore…
Eventually, Ranma and Akane's investigation paid itself off, when they rescued a couple from attacking…snowmen.
"RRRAGH!" the Snowmen roared.
"Ai-yeee!" said one woman, as her gentleman tried to ward off an attack.
"My, god!" the man said, as he stuck out his walking cane, only to have it bitten.
CHOMP!
"Goodness!"
Suddenly, jagged shards of ice shot out from the ground, forming a barrier between the Snowmen and their intended victims.
FWOOSH!
The Snowmen turned around to see Rachel using what appeared to be a martial arts form that was similar to the kind used in Kung Fu.
"Water Bending," Rachel said with a grin. "By the way, look up."
"Huh?" said one of the Snowmen, as Akane came down upon with "Mallet-sama".
"Ha-hahhhhhhh-!" Akane yelled before she strucked.
WHAM!
The speed and impact of Akane's blow was enough to disrupt the telepathic field that gave the snowmen their sentience.
"Whew, that was fun," Akane said.
"I'm glad that it was fun for you," Rachel said, as she knells unto the ground. She then took what appeared a small jar, and began to scoop up a sample of the snow…
"What are you doing?" Akane asked with annoyance.
"Doing some detective work," Rachel replied, as she takes the samples, seals the jar, and then puts the jar in her handbag. "But I will need to go to a 'higher power' in order to discern the properties of this sample."
"You mean, you're going to a church?" Akane asked.
"Um, NO," Rachel said. "We're going to the TARDIS, of course…"
Later, in the TARDIS, Ranma and the Doctor was performing an analysis on what they know, while the other London-based detectives continued their investigation of the matter. The TARDIS itself was hovering overhead on the grounds of the Rantsu Mansion, but was generally invisible from view from the streets…
"Okay, so, we know that some of the snow consists of living crystals," the Doctor replied, even as Ranma was peering through a special microscope. The Doctor had recently changed the interior of the TARDIS to be a bit more Spartan, with the emphasis on blues, whites and silvers.
"Correct," Ranma said, as he jotted down his notes, without looking up.
"And we both know that sentient beings can 'fuel' these snowmen, using a form of empathy."
"Also correct," Ranma said, as he looked up from his work. "Doc, what about what Vastra discovered?"
"Ah, Dr. Walter Simeon of the Great Intelligence Institute," the Doctor said. "Interesting fellow, and one who is very interested in psychic phenomenon."
"So, we should confront this guy."
"Without cause or reason?" the Doctor said.
"Yes, exactly," Ranma said, as he creates an overlay of the telepathic network that was discovered, and places it on a map of London. "Doctor, what do you see?"
The Doctor puts on his glasses, and reads the map…
"Well, we certainly have to pay Dr. Simeon a visit after all," the Doctor said.
"Oh, by the way, what about her?" Ranma said, as he motions his head towards a bound and struggling woman.
"Mmmmph!" the woman said.
"Oh, I forgot about the intruder," the Doctor said, noting the fact that the woman he had rescued earlier had followed the Doctor back to his TARDIS. He then walks over and pulls off the gag.
SNATCH!
"Hey!" the woman said. "You can't go around kidnapping women!"
"You did intrude on private property," the Doctor said. "Now, you wanted to involve yourself in this…affair, so, I need to ask you some questions."
"Are you for real?" the woman asked. "You two are not going to…do stuff to me or anything?"
"The Doctor and Ranma may be many things, but gentlemen to the end, they are," Usagi said, as she enters the TARDIS.
"Hey, it's you!" the woman said.
"Hello, Clara," Usagi said, as she took off her gloves.
"Wait, how do you know my name?"
"I talked to your previous employer, from 'The Rose & Crown', where the Doctor first mentioned meeting you," Usagi said.
"Well, that's good and all, but what about me?" Clara asked.
"You can go home, of course," the Doctor said. "However, as a favor, do keep an eye out on the strange and unusual, concerning ice and snow?"
"Well…I guess I can manage," Clara said, as Ranma untied her. "But no more tricks, yes?"
"Well, no more than what a magician can manage…"
Over the next few days, Clara was good as her word.
In her other life as a governess, she discovered two things.
One, Dr. Simeon had paid a visit to the residence of her employer, British Army officer Captain Henry Latimer, and had inquired about a family pond that has never melted, right after the previous governess had drowned in it. And, two, a frozen-like golem of the dead governess was now terrorizing the family, thanks to the fears of the children in Clara's care.
"Ahhhh!" screamed Francesca, Captain Latimer's daughter.
"Everyone, get to the roof!" Clara yells, as she directs Francesca and her younger brother Digby to the roof of the house.
"But this is MY house!" Latimer said. "I have to defend it!"
"YOU ALL HAVE BEEN NAUGHTY!" said the ice governess.
"Think of it as a strategic retreat," Clara said.
"Right," Latimer hastily agreed.
"I'M COMING FOR YOU, YOU NAUGHTY CHILDREN-!"
KRISSSH!
All eyes turned towards the source of the shattering, even as Ranma withdrew his fist.
"Miss me?" the Doctor said cockily.
"Typical male bravado," Clara said with a grin.
"What is the meaning of this?" Latimer asked.
"The meaning is clear," said Vastra, as she and the other London detectives entered the room.
"We are out-manned ten to one," said Strax, as he carried his rifle, ready for a fire fight. "I like those odds."
"Oh, great," Akane said sarcastically. "We get to fight more Snowmen."
"Never underestimate an opponent, even if they are made from snow," Jenny said. "I learned THAT from Lord Rantsu."
"What are you, Ranma's cheerleader?"
"No, I am," Usagi said, as she and Doyle carried what looked like something out of a steampunk novel.
"Ah, you brought it," the Doctor said.
"Brought WHAT?" Latimer asked.
"This device will cancel out the telepathic network," the Doctor said. "In effect, I will use the same properties as my sonic screwdriver to create the effect."
"Well, Doctor, that is fine and good, but that will only protect THIS house," Dr. Doyle said. "The rest of London might not be as fortunate."
"And this is where the real plan of action comes in," the Doctor said, as he turned towards Ranma, as he gathers the pieces of broken ice governess. "Obviously, the real prize is these crystallized ice shards that Dr. Simeon wants."
"So what?" Clara asked.
"So, I will take Vastra and Ranma to Dr. Simeon's institute, where we will end this nonsense," the Doctor replied, as he straightens his bow-tie. "After all, I have a holiday to enjoy…"
Confronted by the Doctor and his companions at his institute, Dr. Simeon is revealed to be a puppet of the collective intelligence that was displayed in his primary lab…
"No!" Dr. Simeon said, as he struggled from Ranma's grip. "You can't! He's my only friend-!"
"A friend who seeks to rid the world of people is not a friend," the Doctor said.
"Sounds to me that this dude suffers from arrested development syndrome, Doc," Ranma said.
"What do we do, Doctor?" Vastra asked. "The psychic field that this…'Great Intelligence' is creating is reflecting the fears of the people of London!"
"That is the beauty of low-level psychic fields," the Doctor said, as he brings about another box, one that was attached to electrodes, which were attached to an old fashion receiver. "It doesn't discriminate…"
Right after the Doctor activates the device, he brings up a clear jar containing a memory worm…
"WHAT?" the Great Intelligence said, as it began to reflect the brainwave of the memory repressing worm. "WHAT…WHAT…"
And then, there was no activity within the clear globe.
"What did you do?" Dr. Simeon asked, as Ranma lets go of the Mad Genius.
"Apparently, the Great Intelligence forgot his intelligence," Vastra said.
"He…he was my friend," Dr. Simeon said, as he collapsed on the ground. "He was my friend…"
The Doctor sighed. Regardless of the situation, even he realized how a loss of a friend can affect a person…
With the end of the crisis, it was time for everyone to enjoy the holidays. Well, not for everyone…
"You're MARRIED?" Clara said.
"Well, yeah," the Doctor said over eggnog.
"But I liked you!"
"And I like you, too, but I didn't mean to lead you on."
"Humph," Clara said. "Just like a man…"
She walks away a bit, and then she turned to look at the Doctor.
"And you could have had my soufflé, too…"
"'Souffle'?" the Doctor said, wondering why the name of an egg-like dish sparked a familiar memory...
"Yes, Doctor," Clara said with sad eyes. "Yes, you could have..."
And, with that, Clara leaves the dining room.
Meanwhile, Latimer, who was overhearing the conversation, straightens his vest, and then walks from the fireplace, and out of the living room. But as he passed by the Doctor, he turns towards the Time Lord.
"Thank you, Doctor," Latimer said with a knowing smile, before exiting the room.
"Well, Doc," Ranma said, as he stands next to the Doctor. "You did good."
"But I AM married," the Doctor said. "Unlike YOU, it would have been improper for me to date multiple women."
"I date multiple women?" Ranma asked.
"YOU DATE MULTIPLE WOMEN?" Akane yelled, as she was hefting Mallet-sama. "Ranma, you, pervert!"
WHAM!
"Ow!"
"Oops," the Doctor said. "I forgot that I was referring to the future Ranma, not the Ranma of today."
"Well, he had that coming anyway," Vastra said.
"THANK you," Akane said, as she drops her mallet. "I could use a drink by now…"
Tbc.
Author's Note: Wish you all a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!
Next Time: "The Bells of Saint John!"