Chapter Seven: House Call
"Kiiro, wake up." a voice interrupted her sweet dreams of days spent in the ocean.
"No...too early..." Kiiro turned away from the voice, shoving her head into one of her many red pillows.
"It's almost noon."
"...too early." she burrowed into the blankets. "It's Sunday..."
Said blankets were yanked off of her, she heard them hit the floor.
She groaned and sat up, in the world separate from her plush, four poster bed, framed by the burgundy silk curtains, stood Kyouya in normal clothes, a black jacket and pants. He raised an eyebrow, presumably at her unicorn pajama pants.
She stretched over to her bedside table, where her glasses waited for her. She looked back, now with clear vision, making sure she wasn't seeing things, "Kyouya...?"
"Yes?" he crossed his arms.
"Who let you in my room?"
"Your father gave your staff the instruction to let me in whenever I happen to wander here." he explained with a smile.
"What do you mean 'whenever'?" she hopped off her bed.
"I believe he expects me to check in on you."
"Ah!" she huffed. "More importantly, why are you here now?"
"I'll tell you when we get in the car." he shrugged.
"Car?" she tilted her head.
"Yes. Now, hurry up and get ready." he smirked, making his way to her door. "Oh, and by the way, nice pajama pants."
Kiiro frowned, very much embarrassed.
She dressed in a pink houndstooth skirt with black tights and pink pumps. She wore a gray t-shirt with a glittery pink heart on the front, beneath a knee-length charcoal jacket. She was able to apply minimal pink make up before she was rushed into Kyouya's car.
"So that's what you dress like outside of school." Kyouya appraised her. "Not bad."
"Same to you." she grinned. "So," she buckled in. "...where are we going?"
"Haruhi's house." he replied simply.
Kiiro's grin widened, "Really? I have to admit I'm a bit excited." she began to wonder what it would look like. She had never been inside a commoner's home before. "Wait...why?" she turned to him.
"Because Tamaki and the Twins are going." he crossed one leg over the other. "And they're more excited than you seem to be. And their excitement can be disastrous." he smirked. "I can try to keep Tamaki calm but, I'll have my hands full with that. I'm enlisting your help with the Twins."
"Oh." she nodded. "And why should I help you, Kyouya?"
"Because you owe me." he shrugged.
"I owe you?" she knitted her brow. "For what, exactly?"
He leaned in closer, "For that night at the beach."
Her face reddened, thinking back.
"Unless you'd like to pay me back some other way?" he blew on her ear.
She shivered, "N-no! This way's good."
"Good."
She glared at him, which only earned his smirk.
"Oh, we're here."
She stepped out of the car, "Hi~! Kir-chan~!" Hani greeted.
"Hello, Hani-senpai, Mori-senpai, Tamaki and Twins."
They all stood in front of a small apartment complex.
"So this is where Haruhi lives?" Kaoru questioned.
"It's pretty big." Hikaru added.
"There's a lot of doors~! Maybe there's lots of rooms~!" Hani threw his hands up.
"No, this is called congregated housing for commoners," Kyouya corrected. "Each family gets a few square meters...at the most..."
"Kyouya..." Tamaki practically growled, removing his sunglasses. "What the hell is this? All these people? Especially those doppelgangers! I called you not those-!"
"Oh yeah?" Kyouya shrugged. "Since it seemed you didn't have the guts to come here by yourself, I thought the more people you had the better it would..." he stopped, taking the Twins by the shoulders, pushing them away. "I see... Let's leave now kids..."
"No way, Kyouya-senpai!" they fussed, squirming.
"Ah!" Tamaki pulled them back. "I'm sorry, please forgive me!" he apologized quickly. "Ugh, can't cry over spilt milk, in exchange you guys must remember! This is a "just dropped in coincidentally while passing by" type of spontaneous visit!" he pointed at the lot of them. "This is definitely not for researching the Fujioka family's living standards! Furthermore, this timespan is also when Haruhi's rumored-to-be-gay father will be home as well. Words like "miserable looking", "looks teeny", "poverty struck", or any others are strictly forbidden!" he frowned. "Especially you Twins over there. By any chance, linguistic behavior that makes Haruhi or her dad think, "I wish they'd go back home." is-!"
"Go home right now!" yelled a familiar voice from behind Tamaki.
They group looked behind their King, to see Haruhi in a cute dress, holding a bag of groceries. Standing behind her was a group of strangers. They had unknowingly drawn a crowd.
"Your plain appearance rules!" the Twins thumbsed up.
"Haruhi!" Tamaki jumped.
"Get lost." she ordered darkly. "Fuck off."
"Ack! Haruhi is saying really bad words!" Tamaki wailed. "This is entirely your fault!" he accused of the Twins.
A middle-aged woman came up to Haruhi and whispered something in her ear.
Tamaki greeted her immediately afterward, "Lovely to meet you at last, Madam. My name is Tamaki and I am a close friend of Haruhi's." he grinned.
"Oh my lord!" she exclaimed, blushing, already won over by his trademarked charm.
'So much for reeling in Tamaki...' Kiiro thought, glancing at Kyouya.
"Is Haruhi's place number 203?"
Kiiro followed the group upstairs.
"Wait! Where are you going without permission?!" Haruhi shouted, running after them. "I'm telling you this ahead of time. You're only going to take a look for a moment. Take a look, then hurry up and go." she pushed through them and unlocked her door.
"Haruh-chan~! Cake present~!" Hani held up a box. "They're strawberry and chocolate~!" he grinned.
Haruhi looked down at him, Kiiro could see her resolve diminishing, she turned her head, "Then just eat that and go home, please, if it's only for tea."
'He planned that.' Kiiro grinned, thankful that they would be able to see Haruhi's apartment.
She opened the door to a cozy, little, normal apartment.
"Looks poverty struck." Hikaru stated first and foremost. Tamaki pulled at his face.
"Hikaru..."
"There are two rooms, well, if it's for a commoner dad and daughter, I guess..."
"Right if it's for Haruhi's size..."
"Well, I think it looks nice." Kiiro smiled.
"It's a very cute room right~?"
"You don't have to go out of your way to praise it..." Haruhi said flatly.
"Haruhi, do we have to take our shoes off~?"
"Yes, please."
Kiiro removed her pink pumps.
Haruhi frantically started rummaging around. She laid out six pairs of slippers and one pair of straw boots. Tamaki was crying as he put the boots on.
'No doubt fantasizing about Haruhi being an indentured servant.'
"I'm telling you now, that's only something my Dad's client bought as a present while on a trip." Haruhi clarified.
The club made their way into Haruhi's living room, after taking the slippers off, 'That was useless.' Hikaru bumped his head on the doorway, Mori, learning from the twin's mistake, bent forward about two feet to fit, 'He's too tall for this place.'
Everyone did some exploring of their own, looking through the shelves, the closets, the bookshelves, except for Kiiro, who more or less followed Haruhi around as she scolded them for being rude.
'My job done for me.' she smiled.
The Twins found their way into one of her closets, "Haruhi, there's a bunch of girly clothes in here, is this your Dad's hobby?"
"Boys, try not to be so rude." Kiiro half-heartedly said.
"What're you guys doing without permission?" Tamaki yelled. But then he picked up some of the clothes and told Haruhi what he thought of them.
"Haru-chan~! Haru-chan~! Sorry, can I use your bathroom~?" Hani held up his hand as if he were in school.
"Sure, go ahead, it's this way."
"Excuse me~!" Hani hopped off toward the water closet. "Uwaa! Teeny! Scary!" he ran out to where Mori was.
Tamaki then proceeded to show everyone how to sit at the table, "If you sit with your knees to your chest, it takes up less room." he said proudly.
'He warns everyone not to be rude and he goes doing things like this.'
"Oy, Haruhi," Kaoru waved his hand. "We brought some of the tea that our Dad bought while in Africa, if you want to make some."
"Here, take it." they offered.
"Ah, thank you."
"It's perfect for milk tea. You got any milk?"
'Ah, how unusually nice of them.'
"Yeah, if it's milk...I might have some." she thought, wandering into her small kitchen.
Tamaki looked distressed and pulled the Twins aside to scold them for humiliating Haruhi, "What did you do that for? Are you trying to embarass Haruhi by giving her something like that? Look at her! That look of suffering, like she doesn't know what to do with herself!" he whispered harshly, pointing to where Haruhi had her back turned to them.
"Ha-Haruhi, sorry. We didn't mean to be a bother." Kaoru pleaded. "If it's any trouble you don't have to make it."
"Really? But...tea's already done."
'That was quick.'
"Ah...really? It's okay then."
Tamaki let out a heavy sigh, "The commoner's wisdom saved us by the skin of our teeth," he murmured, "We... If we're not extra cautious, we might make the mistake of our lives at the most unlikely place."
'They're so dumb.' Kiiro thought as she accepted her cup from Haruhi. "Thank you, Haruhi."
"Then, we have to assume our common sense is meaningless here!"
'When did they get common sense?' Kiiro observed, amused by their distress.
"Just one sentence uttered without a second thought might wound Haruhi's heart. In other words, in this battle..." he trailed off.
"Let me guess, the first one to humiliate Haruhi loses?" Kiiro asked, sipping her tea.
"Ack! Hush, Kiiro-senpai!" the Twins whispered, flailing.
"Haruhi can't hear you!" Tamaki held a finger to his mouth.
"I don't understand why you need to call this a battle, but still, good luck." Kyouya read through the book shelf.
'So much for keeping Tamaki under control, Kyouya.'
"I'm sorry all of the cups don't match." Haruhi said as she finished laying out the cups.
"Haru-chan~! Choose a cake~!" Hani grinned sweetly.
"Oh, I can choose first, that's unusual."
"Frankly we're sick to death of eating something like tha-" Hikaru cut himself off, frightened that he might upset her.
"Hmmm. Then..." Haruhi made an obliviously cute face. "S...strawberry."
"Then, Haruhi, Mori and I will be strawberry~!" Hani announced. "Everyone else just eat what you want~!"
Kiiro took one of the chocolate cakes.
"You like strawberries?" Mori's rare voice asked Haruhi as he rolled a strawberry onto her plate.
"Yes, thank you." she smiled.
Tamaki and the Twins proceeded to flail uselessly and soundlessly, presumably kicking themselves for not being able to give Haruhi strawberries as well.
"The cake's just making me hungrier~!" Hani frowned.
"It's already past lunchtime."
"When are we having lunch?" King, Hani and the Twins asked, stuck in their own happy world.
"You people really lead an infinitely carefree life."
"Well," Kyouya stood, taking a golden card from his shirt pocket. "Since we came over unexpectedly, we'll buy." he offered.
'Hell just froze over...' Kiiro raised an eyebrow.
"How about we order something you like?"
"That's okay," Haruhi refused. "To have Kyouya-senpai pay..."
'She sees the possible consequence of it...' Kiiro chuckled.
"It's just the money we earned from auctioning off your notepad." his glasses glinted.
"Okay, that makes more sense."
"That...money is ultimately mine..." Haruhi muttered. "Then, there's a pretty good sushi shop nearby. I'll call them since I know the owner there. They're pretty upscale, so everyone should like..."
Tamaki straightened up, he quickly wrote a note to Haruhi, she read it and promptly threw it away.
'What was that about?'
"I know!" Haruhi said angrily.
"Daddy was worried that you might be humiliated!" Tamaki squirmed under her evil look.
"Haru-chan~! Haru-chan~!" I wanna eat food that Haru-chan made~!" Hani said sweetly.
"Ah, I can make it but...even if I start cooking now, it'll be a while."
"I can wait~!"
"Then, I'll have to go back to the supermarket..." Haruhi thought aloud, she wandered ro the front door to collect her bag.
"We wanna go too!" the Twins hopped up.
"Me too~! Me too~!"
"Well, who knows, it might be a good thing to experience."
"I guess I'll go too, then." Kiiro stood. "Twins to look after." she shrugged.
After minimal protests from Haruhi, the gang was headed to the commoner's supermarket.
On the way out they passed a very beautiful woman.
'...err man.'
"Was that...?" Kiiro trailed off.
"Where are Tamaki and Haruhi?" Kyouya asked as he watched the crossdresser recede from view.
Upon reentering Apartment 203 they found the long, red-haired man standing on Tamaki's back as he wailed and blubbered.
"Oh my, what a huge insect we have here," Haruhi's father growled, his lovely faced marred by anger. "Why do you keep calling my daughter's name so indiscriminately, huh?"
"Tono, what are you doing? I thought you were up to something since you weren't coming down..." Hikaru grinned, with a practiced laugh.
"Just as I suspected, it was Haruhi's Dad that passed by us downstairs..." Kaoru gathered.
"Hikaru, Kaoru, salvation from the heavens!" Tamaki exclaimed.
Instead of coming to his rescue the Twins only took advantage of the situation, stepping all over Tamaki to greet Haruhi's Father, "What's this, so you finally molested Haruhi? Hahaha. You're such a dolt." they mocked him in his misery. "Hi, we're Haruhi's closest personal best friends, the Hitachiin Brothers!" their scheming smiles gleamed. "We're really sorry, this idiot's such a womanizer. He's just a pheromone machine that has molested more women than there are grains of sand on a beach!" they held out their hands, having triumphed over their poor senpai.
'It's an all out attack..." Kiiro raised an eyebrow.
"Molest...?" Haruhi's Father seethed with visible rage.
Their slumped King rose up. "I! No!" he protested. "Who are you calling a molester?! I...honestly..." he bowed. "I honestly consider your daughter as my own daughter!" he declared.
The trio was silent before, much to Tamaki's dismay, the Twins broke out into laughter.
"Hahahahahahaha! So you are the Host Club I've heard about so much?" Haruhi's Dad placed a finely manicured hand to his lips. "You're all such handsome princes, who should I choose from among you? Just call me Ranka~!"
The group sat around the table again, with the exception of Tamaki, who sulked in a closet.
"It sounds like a word game~!" Hani announced.
Ranka blushed, "A real coincidence, isn't it, Mitsukuni-kun~?"
"How does he know our names?" the Twins asked flatly.
"Third years, Haninozuka-kun and Morinozuka-kun. First years, the Hitachiin Twins, Hikaru and Kaoru. And, ah, you must be the Art Director, Second year Kiiro-chan, right?" he named them all off. "I've heard all about you~!"
"Huh? From Haruhi?" Kaoru looked appropriately surprised.
"Everyday, by phone and email, from Kyouya-kun~!" Ranka clasped hands with the raven-haired boy.
The rest of the club, including Haruhi, were still with shock.
"This is the first I'm meeting him personally, but he's much more handsome than I've imagined~!" Ranka fawned.
"No, no." Kyouya deflected with a genuine smile. "It's Ranka-san who's truly beautiful. For providing those valuable photographs in the past...thank you."
'So that's where they came from?' Kiiro thought back to their break at the beach.
"Kyou...ya..." Tamaki muttered eerily from his closet.
"He left his precious daughter in our care." Kyouya's evil glint returned despite his unaltered facial expression. "Aside from notifying him, isn't it our natural duty to report regularly as a basic courtesy? By all rights, that should be your job, shouldn't it? Huh?"
Tamaki jumped.
"You're such an incredible club president~! My, my, but, Kyouya-kun is only the vice-president~?" Ranka said pointedly, watching Tamaki squirmed. "You sure have an utterly incompetent president~! He must be busy going around molesting women... I wanna see him at least...'
"No, no..." Tamaki curled up.
'He's great.' Kiiro smiled.
"Hold on, Dad!" Haruhi protested, "This is the first I've geard of your connection with Kyouya-senpai!" she crossed her arms in a statement of outrage.
"My, my, but you never tell me about your school life~!" Ranka pouted.
"And senpai! Stop cultivating mushrooms in someone else's closet!" Haruhi turned her anger on Tamaki, who was indeed surrounded by mushrooms...somehow.
"Haruhi, you, you..." Ranka stammered. "Even your angry face is sooooooooo cute~!" he bounced up to embrace his straight-faced daughter.
"He...he really reminds me of someone..." Hikaru stated.
"No wonder Haruhi's so good at handling Tono..." Kaoru agreed.
"It's a wonder the two don't get along." Kiiro added to the Twins's conversation.
"Ah, where are you going?" Ranka frowned as Haruhi broke away.
"To the supermarket." she said without much fanfare. "I'm gonna go shopping by myself. I'll be right back so everyone just stay here and stay out of trouble." she directed as she left.
"Ah, Haruhi! Us too!" Hikaru shouted after her.
"Forget it. Once that girl makes up her mind, she won't listen to anyone else." her father sighed dramatically, "I want to respect her independent attitude but, I wish she would rely on others from time to time. That girl, she decided all by herself to apply to Ouran Academy, and she even went through the enrolling process alone. I would have preferred that she went to a school with a cuter uniform. If it's a scholarship, then St. Lobelia or something..." he wilted.
There was a collective cringe from his audience.
"Lobelia's a little... There's a strange club there..."
"That's an understatement..." Kiiro shrugged.
"And I went through so much trouble giving birth to that girl, but she has absolutely no interest in her appearance..."
'But... What? Definitely like King.'
"Still I dressed her up adorably until Junior High. But one day...when she cut off her hair with her own two hands..." Ranka hid his face in his hands.
"We totally understand your feelings!" the club pouted.
"That's why I really appreciate you all," he went on. "She seems to be having a good time in school in her own way. And, she does seem like a boy sometimes, but you still take care of her. Isn't that right, Tamaki Suoh-kun?"
Tamaki's face lit up. Happy to finally be recognized.
"I heard you mistook Haruhi for a boy until the very end?" he raised an eyebrow at the blond. "And even worse you hit her on the head, too?"
King got up, running out of the apartment crying, "I'm a worthless human being!"
"Ack! He's running away!"
"But, more importantly~! Would you all like to do something fun with me...?" Ranka asked in an alarmingly smooth tone.
They were presently stalking Haruhi, and Tamaki, who had apparently caught up with the girl.
"For some reason, they're in "Gruff Mother" and "Cry Baby Son" mode..." Ranka tilted his head in confusion.
"But, what the hell is Tono up to?" the Twins asked. "Baby-roleplaying?"
"Well, he is pouting like a child." Kiiro examined the two, as Tamaki walked slowly and sulkily behind Haruhi, who paid him little mind.
"I think the more important thing is..." Kyouya started. "What kind of roleplay are we doing in the first place?" he sounded a tad disappointed in their choice of activity.
"It's a stalking roleplay, Kyouya-kun~!" Ranka grinned. "But, in fact...I just wanted to walk the streets with a bunch of handsome princes in tow!" he said, looking more than a little over the moon. "I'm sure Kiiro-chan can appreciate that want, right~?" he smiled.
"Uh...sure, Ranka?" she smiled back.
It was the first time Kiiro had ever been in a supermarket, she thought she wouldn't be so amazed, but it was a little bit amazing, and more than a little bit overwhelming. There were so many people and so many things and almost everything was on sale. She couldn't keep from oogling.
'Curse my rich genes...' she felt horribly arrogant.
But, in spite of her efforts to remain unaffected by the bewitching commoner fare, she still found herself looking through the trashy magazines, "Oh, these are all so interesting..."
All of the hosts were doing a terrible job at stalking, every moment they were almost caught by Haruhi and Tamaki.
"Do something about them." Kyouya nodded to the Twins as they excitedly ran around the store, nearly running into the two stalkees.
Kiiro sighed, assuming her scolding voice, "Boys, Ranka said we're playing the "stalking game" so don't interfere."
"But.." they protested like unhappy children.
"Go...look at candy."
"But..."
"Now."
"Okay."
"I did something." she turned back to Kyouya.
"Good."
And then Kyouya's staff, Tachibana, Honda and Aijima, showed up, dressed in suits and sunglasses, and extra conspicuous.
"That's not interfering?" Kiiro asked him in disbelief, "And you made me scold the Twins."
"Hn."
'I should be scolding him.' but she didn't say it, lest she earn the anger of the Shadow King.
"So, this is everyone's first time in a supermarket~?" Ranka asked loudly.
'Haruhi definitely heard that...' Kiiro wilted. 'They don't play the stalking game very well...'
"DAD!" Haruhi growled upon seeing the group. "Just what in the world do you think you're doing? Please stop this! You were supposed to be stopping by the house to change your clothes! What about your work?!"
"But, but, Daddy was so worried~!"
Needless to say the Host Club made a scene.
'As per usual...'
"Everyone out now!" Haruhi ordered. "I'll be right out behind you after I pay for these!"
They all finally ate lunch, 'Actually it may as well be dinner at this point.', back at Haruhi's house with their feet under a kotatsu, 'These tables are so interesting.', and, all in all, it was fun.
"Thank you for lunch, Haruhi!" Kiiro added happily as they left.
As they were getting back in the car, Kyouya asked, "You had fun, didn't you?" he eyed her grin.
"...Yes, actually, besides being drug out of bed early..." she looked at him from the corner of her eye.
"It was almost noon." he shrugged, "Don't complain." he added with a smirk.