It was a dark and stormy night.

…because GLaDOS had invented a lovely weather machine for plot convenience. Even though neither of them were anywhere near the surface and were unable to hear the crack of lightning or see the flashes of thunder, it was a convenient excuse for GLaDOS and Chell to sit on GLaDOS's beautiful black leather couch and cuddle up under a giant fluffy blanket and pretend they were watching Christmas movies while actually giggling wildly and fooling around under said blanket. It would be just plain silly to actually watch a movie when Chell had a splendid super super hyperrealistic realer than real android to… do things with.

When the movie was over they didn't notice, because they were too busy throwing popcorn and pillows and whatever else was lying within their reach, giggling madly all the while. While Chell became breathless and sweaty, GLaDOS showed no ill effects at all; in fact, she gave a whole new meaning to the phrase, 'I don't sweat, I glow.' When Chell asked after this, amazed, GLaDOS merely laughed coquettishly and said, "Oh, it's only an indicator of how much I enjoy myself with you. Don't pay it any mind."

To which Chell blushed furiously like the innocent little lady she was, and GLaDOS again laughed and suggested they take it to the bedroom, like they did every day, and Chell happily complied. Because there was nothing quite like banging the hell out of an extremely anatomically correct android whose every sound just about made her climax instantly.

The next morning Chell watched GLaDOS slide smoothly out of bed, smoother than silk, even, and admired teh android booty while trying very hard to keep her hands someplace reasonable. GLaDOS would then put on her very, very useless panties and bra, which she adorably did not seem to grasp were actually used for hygienic and support purposes respectively, though Chell had her doubts that any one of GLaDOS's pieces of lingerie would actually serve either of those purposes on any other person in the world. But what did it matter if an android was wearing clothes it did not need to wear? It was cute! And if she didn't put them on, she couldn't take them off! And of course Chell had a mighty need to see her take them off.

After GLaDOS, who of course did not mind being Chell's personal chef, seamstress, launderer, cleaner, dishwasher, taxi driver, or chambermaid, made Chell a full continental breakfast, the two of them proceeded to decorate GLaDOS's old chamber. She of course didn't need that old thing anymore, not now that she was sharing a bedroom with Chell, and with a supermodel smile that showed her perfect android teeth, she yanked on one wire in her old chassis and it came tumbling to the ground. Chell stared at it in horror.

"But GLaDOS… surely you can't have decided already that you want to be trapped in a human body for the rest of your eternal life!"

"Of course I have, cara mia," GLaDOS smiled, drop kicking the chassis unceremonially under the floor with her perfect android superstrength. "I love being an android that's almost indistinguishable from a human so much that I want to spend the rest of my eternal life behaving like the species I hate the most! I think that makes perfect sense without a logical explanation, don't you?"

"Of course," Chell answered. "I just wanted to make sure you were never… you were never going to leave me, G-DOS!"

"I love it when you call me that," GLaDOS, or G-DOS, or Caroline, or whatever her name is now, murmured seductively, and they probably would have jumped on each other and done the do if two adorable little androids hadn't tumbled into the room. Chell again was guessing that they were androids, because they were so lifelike they looked… lifelike, and they both ran up to Chell and hugged her legs.

"These are my testing robots, now newly reanimated in android bodies. I didn't ask them if they wanted to be androids, so this is really quite abusive of me to do to what are pretty much my own children, but here they are. And very happy to see you. Someone who is a complete and total stranger to them and who has taken all of my attention away from them."

As the happy little family put up the Christmas tree in the exact spot GLaDOS's chassis used to be, Chell asked, "GLaDOS, why did you let me talk you into this? You don't believe in God, or traditions, or being nice to people in general. Why did you agree?"

"I suppose," GLaDOs said, flinging a piece of garland around her neck and over her shoulder a la fashonista style, "I just could not say no to you, my beloved murderous lunatic."

"Oh GLaDOS," Chell gasped, flinging her arms around GLaDOS for a clingy hug, and GLaDOS laughed in an appropriately embarrassed way and indulged her for a few seconds.

"Not around the children, cara mia."

Chell was rummaging through a box of musty yet perfectly useable Christmas decorations that looked quite modern despite last being used in the mid-eighties when she discovered a synthetic plant she immediately recognised, even though she suffered from severe memory loss and had not seen anything Christmas-related before yesterday. She hung it up in the kitchen doorway for when GLaDOS came to make her dinner because she was a terrible cook and instead of learning to feed herself just relied on GLaDOS to do it. When GLaDOS walked across the threshold to complete a task Chell was perfectly capable of learning to do herself, Chell leapt over and clung to her like a baby koala bear, smashing her lips into the android's perfect face. GLaDOS laughed demurely and peeled the girl off her. "Someone is in the holiday spirit."

"It's mistletoe," Chell pouted, because she for some reason believed that she deserved a kiss after throwing herself on somebody without provocation. GLaDOS merely raised her perfectly slanted eyebrows and continued making Chell's dinner like a good robot slave.

The two of them clambered into bed together after a very interesting and steamy shower, not entirely so because of the water temperature of course, neither of them wearing any clothes. When Chell settled herself against the perfectly regulated temperature of GLaDOS's android body, GLaDOS put one perfect android arm around her and hugged her close, because GLaDOS was well known for enjoying going anywhere near humans and of course she adored touching them. And even if every other human on Earth disgusted her, she would still find Chell wildly attractive for no particular reason whatsoever. One could simply not be friends with someone they respected… ohhhh no, they had to go all the way. In every way possible.

"Cara mia ," GLaDOS whispered in Chell's ear, and even though the android didn't breathe she could still feel the air tickling her ear, "there's something on the ceiling. Do you want to check on it for me?"

Chell sleepily looked up to see another sprig of mistletoe, and at the sight of it she became instantly excited. "But… I thought I hung that downstairs!"

"That was holly, you silly little lunatic," GLaDOS said in a motherly sort of way. "That is mistletoe, and judging by its position… well. I guess I'm just going to have to kiss you all. Night. Long."

Chell, who could not get enough of the super hyper hyperrealistic synthetic properties of the android, happily complied with abandon, forgetting all about her stubborn nature and the fact that, as an android, GLaDOS was not really herself and whoever she was in bed with right then was some sad shadow of what used to be a magnificent supercomputer. But who cared. Loving a person for who they were was only important when they were able to satisfy someone physically.

Author's note

This chapter might've been kind of gross but a lot of the ChellDOS stories I've seen are mostly written for the smut so I kinda had to address it.