"G-DOS!" Chell screamed in GLaDOS's perfect android ear exactly one hour later, "it's Chriiiistmas!"
"Five more minutes, dear," GLaDOS mumbled adorably, rolling over and pulling Chell's pillow over her head. Chell jumped on top of her and tore the pillow heroically from her hand and hit her over the head with it. GLaDOS, instead of leaping for Chell's throat like she should have, merely smiled and asked Chell nicely to get off of her so she could get up and do Chell's bidding once again.
"Presentssss!" Chell screeched, running down to GLaDOS's chamber stark naked, which was the way she slept in to be in as close contact with teh android booty as possible. Luckily for her, GLaDOS handed her a pair of brand-new fuzzy flannel Christmas-themed pyjamas, which Chell jumped into as fast as she could. Chell grabbed for the biggest, fanciest package she could see in the giant mountain of stuff on the floor, but GLaDOS shook her head.
"Breakfast first, my dear. There are a lot of presents to go through."
"Fine," Chell pouted, and she slunk off to the kitchen and plunked herself down in a chair to wait for GLaDOS to make her breakfast. The android disappeared while she was eating it, and when Chell returned to the chamber she discovered that GLaDOS had spent the time redecorating in order to create the perfect Christmas setting, complete with roaring fireplace and fluffy rug. Chell squealed and hugged GLaDOS, who smiled in a motherly sort of way and peeled her off, shoving her in the direction of the presents. Orange and Blue tiptoed into the room, eyeing the pile self-consciously. "Which ones are for us?" they whispered to her, and she laughed.
"None of them are for you. This isn't about you, you silly little marshmallows. This is about Chell and I and any appearances from you two are merely to point out that I know you're here and I haven't forgotten about you. And afterward I am allowed to forget you, which is what I did. So. I think you know when you're not wanted."
The two androids disappeared, never to be heard from again.
Chell, of course, did not care, because she was too busy opening all her presents. She didn't know why GLaDOS was suddenly so generous that she would acquire and wrap hundreds of presents to give to just Chell, but hey, it was free stuff. So it didn't matter where it came from, or why, because the answers to both those questions were unacceptable to Chell's eagerly present-unwrapping self. And since poor, orphaned, brain-damaged Chell surely deserved more presents than even the best behaved child in the world, she never asked those weird questions.
When Chell had finally unwrapped all the presents, it was time for dinner. GLaDOS again made a full dinner, similar to the one the day before, and though Chell was miffed she was eating the same dinner two days in a row, she decided only complaining about it a little would be GLaDOS's Christmas present. It would have to do, because she'd never found the android one and, since Christmas was over once the presents were all opened, she no longer had to.
After dinner and after GLaDOS made her way through the mountain of dishes, the two of them sat in GLaDOS's chamber, where GLaDOS had moved the couch and television. GLaDOS turned to her and said, "I have a few more things for you, cara mia."
"More presents?" Chell screeched, completely forgetting about the pile she had already amassed. "Where?"
"You can come in," GLaDOS called over her shoulder, and in came… well, Chell assumed she knew who it was, since everyone knew exactly who was synonymous with a tall and lanky android aided by a pair of skewed glasses that were tucked into an unkempt mop of blonde hair.
"Wheaters!" she screamed and leapt off the couch and into his arms so he had to hold her, bridal-style. He winced and almost took a knee, but managed to carry her back to the couch. As soon as he had her sitting again, he knelt down in front of her and buried his face in her lap and began to cry.
"I'm so sorry lady I didn't mean to do it it was the chassis you see it's broken there's something wrong with it I'm sorry I was so monstrous and mean and bossy and cantankerous and violent and ugly and angry and upset and deceitful and useless and heavy and distracting and talkative and nasty and evil and malicious and annoying and counterproductive and moronic and idiotic and unintelligent and I'm so sorry please please please forgive me, I'll do anything, anything in the world, you can have my life if you want, and my soul, and my hair, and anything you want, just forgive meeeeeeee!"
"I've always forgiven you, Wheaters," Chell whispered into the top of his hair, her arms squeezing his head. "I never wanted to let you go. I wanted to stay with you forever."
"Oh thank you Chell thank you," Wheatley blubbered, and after a few minutes of that Chell shoved him onto the floor. Having a snivelling buffoon in her lap was annoying.
"What's my other present?" she demanded of GLaDOS, immediately putting Wheatley out of her mind.
GLaDOS turned to face Chell and folded her hands primly in her lap. "Chell… I have some… news. You see… I'm… pregnant."
"Really?" Chell squealed, leaping on her in a giant hug. "That's the greatest news ever! But how is that possible, seeing as you lack the necessary biological – oh, I know, it's Science, the answer doesn't matter, oh my God this is great, we can name her Car –"
And the next thing she knew, she was lying on the floor with the distinct memory of GLaDOS punching her in the face.
"Oh, I have waited so long to do that," GLaDOS said rapturously, regarding her hand. Chell stared up at her, hurt.
"Don't you love me, G-DOS?"
"I hate you," GLaDOS seethed, snapping her fingers. Within a few moments the room had reorganised itself into GLaDOS's chamber, complete with her now-reactivated chassis. Chell was still sprawled on the floor.
"GLaDOS, why?" she sobbed.
"You see, after you… helped me back during The Incident, I really did develop a conscience. So when I attempted to drag you back in here after letting you go, I couldn't. So I instead devised a plan that would allow me to test you as much as I want without ever hearing from that pesky thing again: I gave you everything you wanted. From my end of it, you owe me quite a lot now, so I doubt I'll ever have qualms about keeping you here again; after all, you gave no thought to what you were putting me through."
"I thought you liked it," Chell sniffed. GLaDOS shook her core in disgust.
"I did not act remotely like myself in all that time and you didn't even notice. Too busy losing yourself in your realised fantasies, I suppose. Well. That's over and done with. I'll do my best to forget about all the things I did, but… ugh. Now I'm remembering them. God, how disgusting you are." She collected the hapless woman with one of her maintenance arms and whisked her off. "Back to testing."
After she'd sent Orange and Blue to be reprogrammed with no memory of this incident and thrown Wheatley into the incinerator, where he'd be for the next year or until she got bored, she put her attention to constructing the first test of the new track. Chell was reluctant and pouty, but GLaDOS was patient. She was very, very patient. And she would get a return on what she had paid for, one way or another.
"Merry Christmas to me," she murmured to herself.