A/N- Takes place in same universe as "All in Your Head, Not so Strange Bedfellows," and "May the Best Woman Win," where the concept is random people (conveniently whoever I want to feature in whichever story) appear on the TARDIS. That is the only setup you need to know.
Written because I heard the Bechdel test mentioned yet again, and then this idea amused me. Absolute fluffy silliness. Have fun and please review!
Rose, River, Martha, Amy, Donna, and Jenny were all wandering around on the system of Gune enjoying a girl's night out. The Doctors, Jack, Mickey, and Rory were all back at the TARDIS, trying yet another undoubtedly ill-conceived attempt to unwind the bundled timestreams.
They were all laughing at the mischievous antics of the TARDIS and how she had brought them all together when they otherwise would probably have never met.
"I don't know why we should be surprised, really. It's because of her I even exist," Jenny insisted, head falling to Donna's shoulder as the two women walked arm in arm.
"Me too, at least in terms of my genetic makeup. Well, that and… it was mostly her," agreed River, smiling fondly at the ship she so loved.
"How many different console rooms have you been through now, River?" asked Martha, intrigued by this woman who ran through time and space as easily as the TARDIS.
"Oh, I lose track, dear. She's still just the same old ship she was when I first saw her. Beautiful, enduring, and more than a little impish when she wants to be."
"So, exactly like my daughter then, eh?" teased Amy, nudging her and smiling.
"Honestly Amy, that still amazes me," comments Rose in disbelief. "I mean... you look so stunning. And, I know it's a timey-wimey issue, but that you," she gave her an approving nod, "can have a grown daughter like her," she looked at River, hands exaggerating River's hour-glass figure, "yet still look like this!" Her arm waved up and down, mimicking Amy's model-like body. "Let me just say, I hope if I ever have kids I'll look half as good."
Amy preened at the praise, flipping her hair behind her shoulder as she looked over at River. "Yeah, I did do a pretty good job, didn't I?" River rolled her eyes at her mother fondly, pulling in her to lay a kiss on her head.
"Well, don't let her fool you- I wasn't always as manageable and tame as I am now," River teased Amy, who along with Donna, snorted at that statement. River merely ignored them before continuing on. "I mean, there were certainly more than a few restless nights, the growing pains, the heartache..."
"Yeah, like when your body developed well before mine did or you ratted me out to Aunt Sharon because I'd broke into that old house on a dare."
"Well, you shouldn't have been lurking there," River smirked.
"You're the one who taught me how to pick the lock!" Amy argued, swatting at River's shoulder playfully.
"But you were supposed to be my example, Mummy dear. What kind of lesson would I have learned if I'd let you just get away with those types of things?"
Amy glared at her, causing Martha, Donna, and Rose to start chuckling at the bickering pair.
"Wish my mum and I could've done things like that," Donna stated, almost involuntarily.
"I don't- my mum would've slapped the fight right out of me if I even tried to blame anything like that on her. Then she would've yelled at the aunt who dared punish her daughter for just bein' a kid."
Martha smiled, remembering the never-subtle presence of Jackie Tyler when she'd been caught aboard the jumbled TARDIS for a short period.
"Well, to be fair, my mum would've probably told my why the house was locked up and then grabbed my hand to pull me away before I even thought to break in," Martha remarked, thinking back on her own cautious, occasionally over-protective mother.
"I just wish I'd had a mum," commented Jenny, not sadly, just factually. "I mean, I like who I am, all I've accomplished, and I can get into a fair bit of mischief on my own, but still- would've been nice to tease someone the way you do. Or don't," she shrugged, and both Donna and River rushed to put their arms around her.
"Don't worry, I have no problems with keeping you in line, young lady," Donna said sternly, but with a smile.
"And I have no problem showing you which lines are the best to cross," responded River with a wink.
The three of them laughed, before they stopped at seeing Amy and Rose's faces, equally delighted and dangerous smirks playing at their lips.
"What?" the two oldest women asked, before Martha looked up to where they were facing, her mouth dropping open in disbelief before changing to a grin.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" shouted Donna when she saw what they were all thinking.
"Wait- sorry, what's karaoke?" Jenny asked, unfamiliar with all the cultural knowledge being raised on Earth could have provided her.
Amy and Rose met Martha and River's eyes, and despite Donna's superficial protests, they grabbed Jenny's hand and giggled as they introduced the young Time Lady to an experience she would never forget.
Hours passed, the six women laughing and singing and rearranging themselves in different groups as they crooned (progressively worse and worse) to ridiculous songs on stage, the members of their group who were offstage cheering them loudly and dancing wildly to whatever song they were currently enacting.
Jenny, it turned out, became quite fond of the attention and freedom singing to a roomful of strangers provided her. And, though she didn't know many of the songs, she was quick enough reading lyrics and hearing musical cues that she was up on stage as often as any of the others.
Later in the evening, after a truly rambunctious rendition of Ain't No Mountain High Enough by River and Jenny dedicated to Amy and Donna, Amy got very emotional and sang a slightly off-key interpretation of Moon River, dedicated to, of course, her daughter. Then, dancing wildly as they embraced their inner divas, Rose and Martha sang a very feisty version of You Don't Own Me, ending up posing back to back and out of breath as though they were born to sing their lungs out, giving the performance of a lifetime. And, right after Donna belted out a very lively Don't You Forget about Me, all six of the women led the rest of the room in a very entertaining chorus of Girls Just Wanna have Fun, all of them dancing and clapping and truly having a very memorable evening together.
Back on the TARDIS, the leather-clad Doctor was arguing with the "scowling Magician" over the correct way to reverse the polarity, while Jack and Rory were following the brown pinstripe-wearing Doctor's instructions on how and when to manoeuvre the thermo-couplings. When the half-human Doctor and the bowtie-wearer scolded Mickey for the fourth time for using the wrong setting on the sonic screwdriver, Mickey finally had enough.
"I still don't understand why the girls got to go out and we're stuck here, with these five making our lives miserable," he moaned.
"Oh, Mickey, my man, it's good to let them have a night out, take in the town, get some fresh air..."
"Easy for you to say, Captain not a captain. You're just excited to have five of him on board with you." Mickey pointed with his thumb to the two men behind him.
Jack winked with a wide grin.
"You know, you could've at least asked River to stay." Rory's statement brought up the heads of the oldest four Doctors. "Come on, you know she'd be better than any of us with helping you," he pointed out, making the goggle-clad bowtie-wearer and his bespectacled predecessor look up at him with a glare. "I'm just saying, Doctor. It's not my fault she knows more about your ship than you."
"Actually, it is," the oldest Doctor snarked. "If someone knew how to keep his hands off his wife in the Time Vortex, my wife wouldn't be so..."
"River," his youngest-looking incarnation finished for him, everything he wanted to say encompassed in that one word.
The identical-looking Doctors sighed, giving Rory a scowl before resuming their respective tasks.
"Right. So, I assume you've always kept your hands off my daughter while travelling in the TARDIS?" Rory accused, while Jack and Mickey snickered knowingly. Even the youngest Doctor on board gave his future selves a cheeky smile.
"That's- that's different!" squeaked the Roman's son-in-law.
"We know the consequences of our actions, and we know the laws of time," his next incarnation defended.
"Yeah, that and you're wife's hot," Jack added unhelpfully.
"Wait, Amy or River?" Mickey asked for clarification.
"Both," Jack asserts with a nod of his head.
The youngest Doctor shook his head, mumbling something about "domestics" under his breath.
"Oh, Doctor- someone's just upset that they're not getting enough hugs," said Jack, ready to run up the stairs to rectify the situation.
"Never trust a hug," admonished the oldest Doctor, while the youngest one remarked that he had hugged Jenny and Donna when their team had won the group game they'd played just the day before.
"Yeah, but Donna'd rather be hugging Jack than Mr. Spock there," replied Mickey, handing the human Doctor the screwdriver when the bowtie-wearer handed him two separate wires to hold.
"You know, Doctor, I think that's your whole problem. You don't know how to handle physical contact."
"I do so!" argued several of them simultaneously.
"Well, he did snog Madame de Pompadour."
"And me," complained Rory grumpily.
"And me!" shouted Jack in glee.
"But also Martha," gritted out Mickey with a glower.
"That was a genetic transfer!"
"Not to 'er it wasn't!"
"Mickey does have a point, Doctor. You do tend to snog everyone who travels with you."
"Don't even think about it," Mickey warned, quickly holding up a hand to the Doctor nearest him.
"Rory happens to be wholly over exaggerating. Okay, so I may get kissed here or there, but most of the time there's an underlying purpose."
"Like when I needed a shock and Donna kissed me that one time."
"Please! That's as believable as Rose "just needed the Time Vortex" out of her head."
"She did!"
"Whatever you say, Docs. Whatever you say."
"My wife?" Rory reminded wryly.
"She kissed me! Doesn't count. I can't control how irresistible I am."
"No you can't!"
"Thank you, Jack."
"And neither can I. Which is why I was explaining to Jenny-"
"Stay away from my daughter!" every Doctor in the room suddenly turned full dad-mode on the immortal man. Not quite as terrifying as Oncoming Storm mode, but certainly close.
Rory and Mickey both looked sympathetically at the Captain.
"Wow. At least both Martha and Rose's dads liked me. Can you imagine the Doctor as a potential father- in-law?"
"No, but I can imagine him as a son-in-law," Rory reminded him, and several of the men, including the younger Doctors, seemed to assess him. He simply stood his ground, meeting the gazes of the oldest two Doctors, the younger one waving enthusiastically, and the oldest nodding respectfully before going back to his rewiring. "I have a sword," he explained simply, with a shrug.
"Jackie slaps," the human Doctor offered.
"Hard," the leather-wearer confirmed.
"Sylvia yells," the bespectacled-Doctor mumbled, taking a closer work at his younger incarnations' soldering.
"So does Donna," Jack pointed out.
"Welllll, yeah, their mothers might not be women to cross, but their daughters aren't exactly someone I'd be quick to challenge either," the human Doctor stated.
"Yeah, have you ever tried to change Rose's mind once she's made it up?" asked Mickey jokingly.
"Yes," came several replies at once.
"And Martha- only woman I know with the tenacity to walk the entire Earth," Jack replied proudly, making her Doctor and her husband smile. "Unless, of course, you were to dare River," he continued with a smirk.
"Or told Amy she couldn't," said River's husband, while the oldest Doctor agreed with a fierce chuckle.
"Well, I'm just glad I got Jenny ready-made. Can you imagine if we'd had to tell her to go to bed when she wasn't ready?"
"Probably charm her way into staying up with a smile, then convince us it was our idea all along," the half-Time Lord grinned at the thought.
"You know, it's probably good the women aren't here to hear this conversation," said Rory, handing his Doctor another set of thermo-couplings, which were somehow different (though he couldn't tell how) to the ones he was told to hold by Doctor who'd come before.
"Yup," agreed Jack wholeheartedly.
"Oh, who're we kidding? They're probably out there, talking to each other about us," complained the Scottish Doctor gruffly, waving a hand vaguely to indicate "out there."
"Our bad habits."
"Or good ones."
"How they know more about the TARDIS than us," groused the cool Doctor in braces.
"Ooh, or they're bonding over how ridiculous their husbands dress," Mickey told Jack with a chuckle.
"Oi!"
"Or, they're blaming us for this mess we're in," griped the youngest Doctor.
"Acting completely jealous with each other, as though it's our fault we've had companions before them!" protested the bespectacled Doctor hotly.
"I know! This "girls' night out" was probably no more than an excuse to moan about the men in their lives, now that they've got other women who understand them."
"It's always how it is! You know how women are."
"Yeah! We know how women are," they all agreed in masculine solidarity, nodding and pouting at women in general and all their man-centred conversations.
And, if she could show such emotions as thieves and strays, the TARDIS would be laughing at those silly, silly boys inside her. But instead, she kept her amusement to herself. Because she knows how men are.