Two Steps Back
Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic will dive into MPREG, so I'll be using my go-to MPREG explanation like I did in When We're Older aka the Reddin gene. The gene is based on the Reddin character from the 1994 movie Junior. You should really watch it if you like mpreg. It's a good movie, I promise (I also don't have any rights to it either!) I also don't really own anything mentioned in this except for the crazy storyline so... I OWN NOTHING. The title is inspired by a Paula Abdul song called Opposites Attract by the way.
Warning: Mentions of a hate crime. Also slight sexual situations in this chapter. Nothing much on either account, but I thought I'd warn you anyway.
"That is bullshit, Figgins, and you know it!"
Kurt closed his eyes and rested his pounding head against the wall, his ears trained on the shouts coming from the principal's office as his dad, Carole, and both of the Berry men went head-to-head with the leader of McKinley High. It had been hours after the incident with Blaine, now about an hour after school had ended, and Kurt was still there waiting for his parents and Blaine's to finish their fight with the faculty about what happened that afternoon.
"There's absolutely nothing we can do, Mr. Hummel. My hands are tied!" Figgins stated and at his words, Burt exploded.
"That's what you always say when you know damn well that there's tons you can do!"
"Not one of the faculty saw Azimio Adams bullying Mr. Anderson-Berry. We can't persecute a student based on what other students tell us. One of the teachers had to have witnessed the incident and no one did."
"No one ever witnesses anything around here! That's why bullies are getting away with murder! You're letting them do what they want while innocent kids are being attacked! Who else could've come after Blaine with a dozen slushies?! The football team did! It was the same guys who were messing with him last year and that Adams kid is their ringleader... and you're letting him get away with it!"
Burt kept going to bat, his voice raising with each word that slipped from his lips and deep down, Kurt felt proud that his dad was fighting for him, Blaine, and their baby. However, the more he thought about it, the more he wondered if his dad would've fought for him a few years back when those very same boys were picking on him so terribly. He probably would've if you'd told him.
"Kurt?"
"Hmm?" He opened his eyes, blinking the burning sensation back as he looked over at Finn and found his brother standing there with a cup of steaming hot coffee from the Lima Bean. Graciously, he took it with a nod and put the cup to his lips, sipping greedily at the hot liquid. "God, I totally needed this. Thanks."
"You're welcome. I thought we'd be here a while and you looked like you could use a kick."
"I could use a stronger drink than this, but this'll do for now," Kurt mumbled, drinking another large gulp, cringing when it scalded his tongue.
"You should drink a little slower before you hurt yourself."
"-'m good. The pain distracts me from wanting to go hunt Azimio down and murdering his ass."
"Yeah, I get it." Finn took a drink of his hot chocolate and slid down the wall to take a seat on the floor outside of the office, his eyes focused on Burt and Leroy, watching as the two parents threw their arms into the air as they argued with Figgins. "Do you think anything will be done?"
"Fuck no. They'll let Azimio and his idiot friends walk like they always do and they'll be able to play football and all that other shit they do other than bullying people. They've done it for four years; they're not gonna stop them now."
The rest of the time spent in the hallway was spent in silence, Finn tapping out a rhythm on the floor with his fingers while Kurt loomed outside of the office doors. Inside, the voices of Burt and Leroy boomed through the thin walls and Kurt wondered if his dad was actually getting through Figgins' thick skull. But then the door swung open and Burt stormed out into the secretary's office, red-faced and furious, and Kurt knew right then that nothing in that school was ever going to change.
"Dad?"
"C'mon bud. We're getting out of this shithole. Finn, get up. Let's go."
Behind them came Carole and the Berrys and they all looked worse for wear, like the battle with Figgins took a lot of out them... and honestly, it did. Because when they first got to the school that day, they were met with a pissed off Kurt and a completely unstable Blaine. Blaine was sent home with Rachel with strict instructions to rest once he got cleaned up and Kurt was stuck at the school, forced to spend an hour pacing the building as he struggled to let the anger seep out of his pores before he actually harmed something... or someone. Now though, knowing that absolutely nothing was going to happen made the anger lick back at his soul again and he wanted nothing more than to beat the living shit out of Azimio and his stupid friends.
Because he hated every single one of them. Because they hurt Blaine and they deserved to be hurt in return.
"Kurt," Hiram said softly, his hand touching Kurt's shoulder as he looked at his son's best friend. "Thank you for being there for Blaine today."
"I wasn't-"
"You were there for him more than you know." The man sighed and for the first time in forever, Kurt could see how tired Blaine's parents were. In the months he'd known Blaine, he'd seen the Berrys more than a dozen times and while it took them a while to open up to the boy that knocked up their son, they gradually came around and it wasn't until now that Kurt saw how much they dealt with day after day. After Leroy lost his job and they had to move, they struggled. They struggled watching their kids have trouble in school, they struggled being gay parents in a small, narrow-minded Ohio town, and now they were struggling with the same shit that they dealt with before they moved - issues with Blaine, issues that their son just couldn't control. In that moment, Hiram looked haggard, older, and Leroy didn't fare much better.
And it was all because of what went down that day.
Because Blaine was hurting; Blaine had been harmed once again. The Berrys dealt with something like that before, years ago when Blaine had been brutally attacked at his old school. Today could've been so much similar if it weren't for the fact that Azimio found out about the baby. Azimio could've seriously harmed Blaine just to teach Kurt a lesson, but thank god, he didn't. But still, despite the fact that Blaine's wasn't seriously injured, he was still psychologically hurt. The attack on him that afternoon had been brutal, terrifying, and it had been hours before anyone could get him calmed down.
And now there they were, leaving the school after losing yet another battle with an idiot school principal.
"What-" Kurt started, squeezing his cardboard coffee cup tightly. "What's going to happen now?"
"We're gonna go home and check on Blaine and talk about some stuff. You can come over tomorrow if you want, but tonight we just need to sort things out as a family first."
That hurt. Sure, he and Blaine weren't together, but hearing Hiram say that they were going home to talk things over without him really made a dent in his heart. He loved Blaine, even though he'd never admit it, but despite his bruised feelings, he knew he didn't have any say in what happened now, especially since Blaine (and their baby) was in danger. He might be able to throw in an opinion later on, but tonight, it was all down to the Berrys.
"Can you tell Blaine to call me?" He asked quietly, looking up at Hiram and Leroy as the two men took each other's hands on the way to their car. Leroy nodded and then they both went on their way, bidding goodbyes to Burt, Carole, and Finn before they headed out, leaving the Hudmel family standing in front of McKinley.
"What are we going to do?" Finn asked, stepping close to his mom to wrap an arm around her shoulders. Carole just looked at him and then back to the Berrys, watching sadly as they drove out of the parking lot and off to what was probably a very hectic household.
"I don't know, sweetheart." The woman breathed, shaking her head. "I really don't know."
::::::::::
"Look boys, the faggots are here. Whatcha doin', queers?"
Blaine looked up, eyes widening as he turned his head to the side and found himself face-to-face with a couple of the school's best (and biggest) athletes. The looming guys stood outside of the gymnasium, angry glares on their faces and sinister smiles spreading wide as they took in Blaine and his partner standing there all by their lonesome.
"What? Scared, Anderson?"
"It's Anderson-Berry," Blaine whispered, shaking his head as the hair on the back of his neck began to stand up. The chill in the air tickled his bones and he sucked in a deep breath, crossing his arms over his chest as he turned away from the guys behind him and squinted at the dark parking lot. Zachary's dad was on his way and would would be there any moment; they could go home as soon as he got there and everything would be okay.
Any moment now, he told himself, rubbing his hands up and down his cold arms. Zach's dad will be here and we can leave. Any moment now...
"Blaine, watch out!"
A flash of pain traveled up Blaine's spine and he fell to his knees, gasping as agony tore through his bones and made him cry out. Behind him, he could hear a yelp and a bunch of cursing... but it didn't sound right.
In fact, nothing sounded right.
The person who yelled his name didn't sound like Zach. The tone was off, higher and more whimsical than Zach's actual voice. This voice sounded familiar, yet wrong. Wrong because that wasn't Zach's voice. It wasn't Zach screaming his name, it wasn't Zach yelling at him to run.
No.
He blinked his eyes open, pulling himself up off of his knees as he turned to look at the people he could hear arguing behind him.
No.
It definitely wasn't Zachary standing there anymore; instead, it was Kurt being held back by Karofsky and a few of the other guys who bullied them at McKinley. Dave looked conflicted, like he didn't want to be there, but he still held on tight to Kurt as the rainbow-haired boy shrieked and fought back.
"Blaine, run!"
"I can't," Blaine choked out, trying his hardest to move his feet. However, he was stuck, frozen to the asphalt like his legs were sinking in quicksand. He couldn't budge, no matter how hard he shook or pulled, and Kurt kept on screaming.
"Run, Blaine! Goddamnit, run!"
"I can't!"
"You have to save her! Run!"
Her?
Blaine looked down, eyes widening when he took in his clothing. He was wearing a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants, something much too casual for him usually, but when he took in the hoodie, he realized why he was wearing it.
The baby. "No."
"Faggots shouldn't be reproducing," a voice said in front of him and Blaine's entire body turned to ice. He glanced up, tears filling his vision when he spotted Azimio Adams standing before him, crowbar in one hand and the other balled into a fist.
"Please don't. You don't have to do this."
"You should've kept it in your pants, Hummel." Azimio hissed, uncurling his fist to wrap that very hand around the crowbar. He swung it back slowly, dark eyes locked on Blaine's teary ones as he readied himself into position to swing... right at Blaine's stomach.
"Please don't-"
"Blaine! BLAINE!"
Azimio swung.
::::::::::
"NO!"
Blaine screamed, shooting up in bed frantically as his arms waved around for a moment before they wrapped around his rounded belly. He curled into the fetal position, bursting into tears once he realized that he wasn't back at his old school getting beat up and that he was at his home in bed, and he was okay. Beside him, the bed shifted and he felt himself being pulled into someone's arms, tightly squeezed against a familiar chest as he bawled and trembled in their arms.
"I- I thought they w-were going to h-hurt her-"
"No one's going to hurt you. You're fine, Blaine. You're okay."
"Kurt?"
"I'm here. Shh, calm down. It's okay."
"Kurt-"
"Shh, it'll be fine. Just breathe." Kurt held him a little tighter, fingers stroking the hair at the back of his neck as Blaine clung to his smoky jacket. The scent of cigarette smoke strangely calmed him and he sunk further into Kurt's embrace, pressing his face into his friend's visible neck, skin to skin.
"I- I thought-"
"You're fine. it was just a nightmare. Nothing's wrong. You and the baby are okay. You're home. You're safe. I'm here now and nothing's going to happen."
"I thought-"
"Shh. Breathe, Blaine. You're going to make yourself sick."
Blaine nodded reluctantly, tucking himself in tighter as Kurt hugged him a little more, the fingers at the back of his neck trailing down to rest against the small of his back. The other arm curled around Blaine's lower back and pulled him closer, allowing the smaller teen to fold against Kurt, bodies nestled close as Blaine finished crying it out. For several minutes, they sat tucked together like that, Kurt wrapped around Blaine as he struggled to calm his friend down and after a while, Blaine's sobs finally turned to sniffles, his tense body succumbing to exhaustion eventually. He slumped against Kurt and sighed when the other boy helped him lay back down on the bed, their bodies still pushed together but now stretched out on the mattress.
"You okay now?"
"Y-Yeah. I think so."
"Do you need me to get you anything?"
"No, just... don't leave me, please?"
"I'm not going anywhere, Abs. I'll stay right here. All day, no matter what."
Blaine closed his eyes, smiling when one of Kurt's hands traveled up to cup his cheek and brush away the tears that wet his face. Thumbs wiped away the wetness before they stroked his jaw and then disappeared, instead going to cup against his stomach where the baby kicked.
"Is she kicking?"
"Yeah."
"I can't wait to feel it."
"I can't wait for you to feel it either," Blaine whispered, breathing in slow as he started to fall back asleep. Kurt stroked his belly, fingers trailing over his belly button, and after a second or two of silence, the other teen began humming, his voice soft and beautiful. "Kurt-"
He quit humming. "Get some rest, Blaine."
"She likes your voice. She's moving a lot right now."
"is that so?" Even with his eyes closed, Blaine could feel the smile in Kurt's words and he smiled too, laying his hand over Kurt's as his friend went back to humming, eventually slipping into singing, his gorgeous voice lulling Blaine back to a much-needed sleep, one free of nightmares and instead replaced with dreams of him, Kurt, and their daughter walking around hand in hand.
::::::::::
As expected, the school didn't do a damn thing about Azimio outing Blaine's pregnancy.
Kurt, Rachel, and Finn came back to McKinley to find the student body whispering about the newest, juiciest gossip involving one of the school's most notorious bad kids and the new "rich" boy who had just transferred there a few months prior. Every whisper in the hall consisted of things about Blaine's morals - how could the new kid get knocked up that fast? It was less than two months and BOOM pregnant just like that - or things about how the baby could possibly be a product of something less than stellar. (The first person who mentioned the word rape got verbally lashed by Santana Lopez and after that, those rumors died down real fast.)
But still, the words kept on flowing and Kurt found himself struggling to keep calm day after day. There were days that the other kids were ruthless, saying mean things about the Berrys being a bad influence and how Burt must've been a bad dad to let Kurt sleep with whoever he wanted. On those days, Kurt fought hard to not punch anybody out, especially since the asshole jocks spent a lot of their time following him around and saying shit. Their words were beginning to chip at his nerves and while he held it together as best he could, he knew he was going to snap eventually... but who knew when that was going to be?
However, despite the constant anger and disgust at having to be at a school where bullies reigned supreme, Kurt did his best to stay out of trouble - it was a promise he made to his dad. He swore he'd try to keep on track and stay straight so that he'd not have any other blemishes on his permanent record. Colleges were picky about that stuff, especially the ones he thought about going to, so his best bet was to remain behaved even though he'd rather be beating the living shit out of Azimio for what he'd done.
As for Blaine... weeks went by and Blaine was gone, now on homebound with a tutor that came in every day to keep him on track with his studies until the Berrys figured out a way to get him back into school or get him transferred somewhere else. There was talk of Dalton again, but they both realized that they couldn't afford sending him back there no matter how tempting the idea was. Burt suggested maybe finding a school for pregnant teens because he knew there was one nearby that catered to several of the schools in the area, but Blaine shot that idea down, preferring to be alone mostly, so until a better option came, homebound it was.
"How's school?" Blaine asked Kurt one cold afternoon at the end of October, a few weeks after the incident with the football team. He was sitting on his bed in a pair of shorts and a loose t-shirt, his feet and legs covered in long socks that came up to his knees.
"If you're cold, why don't you wear pants?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow as he took a sip of his latte. Blaine rolled his eyes and stretched out, kicking one leg over Kurt's lap as he laid back.
"I get hot sometimes. It's easier to wear shorts than to deal with pants, so that's why I'm wearing them. Also, my legs have been itchy. Everything's been itchy really. I feel like there's ants crawling on my skin."
"I'm sorry. Have you been putting lotion on?"
"Yeah. It doesn't help, but whatever. Anyway, back to my earlier question... how's school? Are they still talking about me?"
"Unfortunately. I almost hit a guy today because he kept on asking me if this was my first kid."
"Screw that guy. They don't know you. Screw 'em."
"Fucking pricks see me as a whore and I've slept with less people than they have. That's what pisses me off. I'm the whore, yet there's tons of them wandering around with lists longer than Puckerman's rap sheet."
"That's a long list," Blaine said quietly, leg twitching when Kurt began to rub at his feet.
"Fuck yeah it is." The pierced boy pressed his fingers into the heel of Blaine's foot and smirked when his friend moaned. "Your feet been bothering you lately?"
"Everything- oh yeah, right there... down a little bit. Yeah, there." Blaine groaned, tossing his head back a bit when Kurt rubbed a particular spot on his foot. "Everything's been aching lately. She's growing really fast."
"I'd say," Kurt said softly, looking up from Blaine's socked feet to the swell of his stomach. He could barely see his friend's face over the roundness of his belly. "Six months along and you're only going to get bigger."
"Don't say that! I already feel like a cow."
"You look fine. Shut up," Kurt grumbled, smacking Blaine's ankle playfully before he pressed his thumbs against the arch of his friend's foot. Once again, he must've hit a sweet spot because Blaine moaned sinfully and the sound went straight to Kurt's crotch.Shit.
"Kurt? Why'd you stop? You okay?"
No. "-'m fine. Give me your other foot." Ignoring the increasing tightness in his pants, he began to rub Blaine's other foot, biting his lip whenever Blaine made a tiny grunt of appreciation whenever Kurt's magic fingers kneaded out a tight spot in his foot.
"God, Kurt... your hands," the younger boy breathed out and Kurt couldn't take it anymore. He let go of Blaine's foot and stood up, turning away from the pregnant teen as he began to busy himself with anything he could think of so that he'd cool down enough. His fucking dick had pitched a tent in his pants and all he could think of was to not let Blaine see it. "Kurt? Why'd you stop? Was it something I did?"
"N-No. My hands started cramping. That's all," Kurt said as he shook out his hands, trying his hardest to make Blaine believe that he wasn't freaking out over the boner he was struggling to hide. "I'll rub your feet again in a minute," he mumbled. "Just give me a second."
"That's okay. You don't have to- oh crap!"
Kurt jerked his neck around, turning just a bit to see what in the world got Blaine to stop talking (the baby?!)... and that's when he noticed it: Blaine had a bit of an issue too. Red in the face, the dark-haired teen pushed himself into a sitting position and covered his flushed cheeks with his hands.
"Oh my god. This is so embarrassing. God, Kurt, I'm so sorry. I just... these hormones. They hit like nobody's business sometimes and I-" He froze when the bed dipped. Shakily, Blaine removed his hands from his face and looked up, surprised to find Kurt sitting across from him, blue eyes lust blown and focused on him. "Kurt?"
"I... can help with that."
"You don't have to-"
"How much does this happen?" Kurt whispered, eyes flickering from Blaine's face to the obvious erection that strained his shorts.
"I don't... I mean, it... a few times. It's happened a few times. I just... fix it myself. I mean-" He looked down at his socked feet and then back up at Kurt, shaking his head as he stared at his friend. "You don't have to do anything, you know. It'll go away after a while and-"
"Do you want me to?"
"God, Kurt... you can't just ask me that," Blaine whined. He leaned back on his elbows and closed his eyes, confused as to all hell with what Kurt was doing. Just a few weeks ago, they'd discussed their "relationship" and what it entailed and while Blaine really wasn't happy with what was said, they were just friends, nothing more. Yet here was Kurt, eyes wide and propositioning Blaine with something that he'd dreamed about for months now. It felt foolish to shoot down the offer because god Blaine wanted it so bad... but then again, it probably wouldn't mean anything to Kurt and Blaine wasn't sure how he'd feel about that. "Kurt-"
"I won't do anything if you don't want me to."
"You know how I feel. How can you ask me that?"
"Do you want this or not?" Kurt asked, his eyes wide and pleading and god, if Blaine knew any better, Kurt was asking for permission because he wanted it too. It was so odd, so strange, and yet the look in his eyes read want and Blaine couldn't deny it, even though he was scared for anything to happen lest his heart get broken again.
"Please."
Nodding, Kurt leaned forward and gently brought his hand to the waistband of Blaine's shorts, dipping his long fingers beneath the fabric until he brushed his fingertips against the tight band of Blaine's briefs. Above him, Blaine's breath came out stuttered, nervous, and Kurt leaned sideways, pressing his lips against his friend's thigh. "It's okay."
"I'm not scared."
"You're shaking."
"Forgive me if this is the first true sexual experience I'll have that I'll actually be sober enough to remember," Blaine teased, swallowing thickly when Kurt pulled his cock out of his pants.
"I'm-"
"Sorry, I know. Stop apologizing. We both made mistakes."
"But I-"
"Kurt, please."
Kurt silenced, closing his eyes as he wrapped his hand around Blaine's length and pumped it gently. He took a deep breath, steadying his nerves, and then arched forward, sinking his mouth down over the head of Blaine's cock. Immediately, his friend gasped and then moaned, legs dropping further apart as Kurt's head bobbed up and down on him. He continued his motions, sucking and bobbing, one hand holding Blaine's leg while the other stroked the boy's dick. Blaine was whimpering, hands pawing their way through Kurt's blue hair and within minutes, he was gasping outloud, coming hard into Kurt's mouth as the other boy sucked greedily and swallowed, making sure Blaine was done before he pulled off with a pop. Smirking, he kissed the tip of Blaine's cock and sat back, "I hope your dads didn't hear that because you're kind of loud."
"God, Kurt... I-"
"You're welcome."
"That was so much better than my hand. Shit."
"Yeah, blowjobs are ten times better than masturbating. I'm glad you liked it."
Blaine sighed, legs falling to stretch out on the bed. He closed his eyes and breathed in, one hand going to rest against his belly while he clutched at one of Kurt's with the other. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"Do you need me to-"
"Nah. I'm good. I will need to use your bathroom though."
Chuckling, Blaine opened his eyes and let go of Kurt's hand, pushing himself back into a sitting position. Kurt had already tucked him back into his pants, so he was set to do whatever now, but at that moment, he really wanted to cuddle and he almost thought about asking Kurt about it, though he paused on that idea when Kurt stood up and began walking towards the bathroom, tugging at his tight pants.
"Did you-"
"Come? Yes. That's why I need your bathroom."
"If you need a change of clothes, there's bound to be something here you can wear. I mean-"
"It's okay. I just need to clean myself off before this shit starts to dry out."
"Okay."
Blaine watched as Kurt disappeared into the bathroom and once he was gone, the younger boy flopped down on the bed, one arm stretched over his belly while he pressed the other over his eyes. He wasn't sure what was going to happen now between him and Kurt, but deep down, he hoped that things would maybe change for the better, even though past experience told him differently.
And when Kurt came out of the bathroom (looking flustered like he'd done something completely stupid) and mentioned that he should probably get home, Blaine knew that things weren't ever going to happen, no matter how much he willed it so.
::::::::::
Despite the very intimate situation that happened between them, nothing changed between the two boys even though Kurt knew Blaine wanted it to. After the blowjob ordeal, things weren't exactly strained, but they definitely weren't easy either. There were days when Kurt wouldn't hear from Blaine for hours after he'd texted him something and then he'd find out from Finn that Blaine would just be sitting there staring at his phone while they were all hanging out at the Berry house, even though not once had the younger boy bothered to message Kurt back.
There were also days when Kurt would stop by, only to hear that Blaine wasn't home, that he was out with Hiram somewhere... and then Finn would mention that Blaine had been at the house the whole time. Granted the boy was up in his room napping, but still... he was there and whenever Kurt came around, it was like Blaine disappeared.
"You heard from Blaine lately?" Burt asked, settling down in his armchair, beer in one hand and the tv remote in the other. Kurt was stretched out on the couch next to him, arms crossed over his chest as he stared up at the wall.
"No. He won't pick up the phone."
"Something happen?"
"No... not really."
"Not really? That sounds rather... particular."
"Nothing happened, dad." Kurt grumbled, tossing his arm over his eyes to shield out the overhead light. He could hear his father moving around in the chair and then the stations started flipping, random bits of noise filtered through his ears as Burt changed the channels to find something to watch. "...Dad?"
The channel changing stopped, "Yeah, bud?"
"How did you know you loved mom?"
Burt blinked, looking over at his son with curious eyes. "What's this all about?"
"I just... when did you know?"
"Well," the older Hummel started, his voice catching a bit. He took a swig of his beer and continued, "Your mom and I had been dating for a while, a few months maybe... and one day she was talking about going to the county fair. Just going on and on about it. Your mom loved the ferris wheel and I... well, I hated that damn thing. But I took her anyway because it would've made her happy, you know? And I did care about her then - I just wasn't sure if it was love. Anyway, so we went and she dragged me on that damn wheel." Another pause. "Your mom kept rockin' that stupid seat the whole time too. I was freaking out and she kept on rockin' it, laughin' away like it was nothing."
Kurt smiled. He remembered his mom's love for amusement parks and whenever the fair was in town, she'd drag him and Burt to it so they could ride the rides and eat their weight in sweets.
God, he missed his mom.
Burt chuckled, taking another gulp of beer. "On our way up to the top, she rocked that damn swing so hard that I thought I was gonna fall out and I must've looked green because she stopped and began babyin' me something fierce. Oh, Burt, I'm sorry! Oh, I didn't mean to!" He laughed, his voice badly imitating his late wife's soprano. "Then we stopped, just stuck there at the top of the ride. Now, Lima's not all that, but that night, it looked so beautiful with all the lights and everything... and there, sittin' up there with your mom... she looked so pretty that night. The prettiest girl there and I told her that... and that's when I knew I loved her. Because not only was she fun and beautiful, but she was also caring and just a gorgeous woman inside and out. I'm pretty sure I loved her from the get go, but that was the moment I realized I truly loved her."
Tears spilled out of the corner of Kurt's eyes and he wiped them away discreetly, sitting up on the couch to drop his head to his knees. "Do you miss her?"
"Every goddamn day, Kurt. I miss your mom all the time. Hell, I have Carole now and I love her, but I still miss your mom. There was no one like her, even though when I look at you, I see a lot of her shining through you."
"I don't see how. Mom was a great person and I'm... not."
"Bullshit. You're just like her, Kurt. You probably don't see it, but we all do. You've got your mom's old soul, bud. You're her to a T, that's for sure."
"I bet mom didn't hurt the people she loved as much as I do."
"Your mom had her moments and so do you, but you're not a bad person." The older man turned to look at his son, frowning when he saw the blank look on the boy's face. "You wanna talk about what's got you so upset? Or... do you wanna tell me about what happened between you and Blaine now?"
"How did you-"
"The only time you're ever really upset anymore, it has to do with that boy. I'm not dumb, Kurt. I may be old, but I'm not stupid."
"It's just-" Kurt whispered, voice shaking. "It's complicated. I don't even understand what's going on."
"Well, what's making it complicated? Is it him? Is it you? The baby? His family? What is it?"
"It's... me."
"Oh. Well, what about you?"
Kurt sighed, turning his body around so he could lock eyes with his father. As soon as he caught the patient look in his dad's eyes, he dropped his gaze again and looked down at the hands that lay linked in his lap. "I... love Blaine. I really do. I never thought I could care about anyone as much as I do him, but I do. I see him and I want to hold him. I talk to him and I want to kiss him. I want to make things better for him, but I can't... because he needs protecting and I can't do that for him-"
"What are you-"
"He needs to be safe, but the biggest thing he needs protecting from is... me." He ran a hand through his thick hair and frowned. "I keep hurting him and I don't know how to stop. He keeps putting himself out on the line with me and I just keep snapping that line over and over and I think he's finally done trying to reach for me."
"Blaine cares about you. Anyone with eyesight can see that. And what in the world are you on? Blaine needs protecting from you? What in the world?"
"The night we slept together - the night I got him pregnant - I hurt him. Not physically, but emotionally. I left him, dad. I told him about what happened with me and then I ran off and didn't check to make sure he was okay. I left him alone to deal with the backlash by himself instead of manning up like I should have. Because I was in that situation before and if anyone could've helped me out back then, it would've made my life a lot easier. But... instead of being there for Blaine, I ran off. That's what I do. I keep running."
"Bullshit. You've put up with more stuff in your life than many people in their later years couldn't dream of dealing with."
"So? I bet a lot of those people would've handled their situations differently too. I'm a coward. I always have been and I always will be."
"I don't ever, ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth again, bud. You hear me? You are not a coward. You're one of the bravest kids I know and for you to have dealt with all this crap before you've even hit your twenties really impresses me. You're a good kid, Kurt. I just wish you'd see it like I do."
Kurt nodded, trying to appease his dad as the older man watched him closely, but while he acted like he was agreeing with his dad, deep down, he felt even more disgusted with himself. To be compared with his mother like that hurt his soul; his mother was the perfect woman, a kind, gentle soul who could never hurt a fly. She was always giving to others, always taking care of everyone else before herself, and she was never selfish - not like Kurt. She loved wholeheartedly and ached when the ones she loved hurt... and Kurt wasn't like that at all. Not in his eyes.
He was not his mother. He was nothing like his mother. He was a wretch, a terrible person who kept hurting anyone who got in his way.
And the problem was, he didn't know how to stop it.
::::::::::
"You're such an idiot," Kurt quietly muttered to himself as he could as he stood in Blaine's bathroom and wiped at the mess in his briefs. His fingers came back sticky with drying come and he cursed, digging out a few baby wipes from the container on the toilet to wipe himself with. Outside the door, he could hear Blaine humming something familiar, the other boy happily entertaining himself while Kurt had a mental breakdown in the bathroom.
That blowjob never should have happened. It was a mistake, much like every other physical interaction with Blaine had been.
Kurt never should've laid a hand on Blaine. Never. He should've kept to himself and ignored the ache down there, ignored the lust that burnt deep within him and that he saw reflected in Blaine's own eyes. What happened shouldn't have occurred and now Kurt was facing the consequences. Because he couldn't get out of this one without hurting Blaine again.
And hadn't Blaine been hurt enough?
God, to know that he really cared about Blaine made everything worse. Because if there were no feelings involved, this would be just fine. He could treat these hook-ups like he treated his past flings - as just that: a fling. Nothing more. But with Blaine, everything was different. Blaine made Kurt's heart race, made his palms sweat and his mouth dry. Blaine made him want to be a different person, a better person... the old Kurt. Blaine made him want to ditch smoking, ditch the funky hair colors, ditch the piercings, and go back to that boy who dressed in women's clothes sometimes and who wore bright colors just because he knew he looked good in them. Blaine made him want to be that Kurt again and it ached because Kurt knew he couldn't go back to that. Not again.
He was too scared.
In the last few months alone, he felt like he'd been snapped back to those awful days when he was getting picked on and tortured by his classmates. Because he saw Blaine going through those same things; Blaine got handed all the drama and anguish Kurt dealt with years before and seeing Blaine go through it made Kurt relive the pain over and over again.
Hearing people say things about Blaine in the halls, hearing the way they called him names and made fun of him pissed Kurt off. Blaine was a better person than anyone of them could dream to be, yet because he made a mistake (well, because Kurt made a mistake - as Kurt's mind repeated over and over and over again), he was considered tainted and wrong. As if teen pregnancy was something new, as if there weren't several reality shows on tv that documented the struggle of teen parenthood. As if Blaine were the first person ever to get pregnant in high school.
That's what pissed Kurt off the most - because people thought they were better than Blaine because he now carried a child. Sure, if they wanted to say shit about Kurt, fine. Let them. But he couldn't stand them saying things about Blaine, not when Blaine hadn't done a thing to them.
And now Blaine was sitting at home, missing out on his senior year because a bunch of idiots thought it would be cool to try and ruin his life.
Scowling, Kurt finished cleaning himself off and fixed himself up, washing his hands thoroughly once he was sure everything was clean. Outside the door, the sound of Blaine's humming faded into something quieter, like the boy was finishing his song - that or trying to listen for Kurt, and when Kurt finished drying his hands and went to listen a little closer, he found his heart thudding hard in his chest when he heard Blaine begin humming 'Somewhere Out There', the song that Blaine overheard Kurt singing to himself all those months ago, way back when they were barely friends but slowly falling for each other.
God, he couldn't do this.
"Sex is better when there's no feelings involved," he repeated to himself, his breath barely a whisper. Those words were ones he once heard the Mack, one of the skanks who hung out with Kurt and his friends under the bleachers, tell the group one day. She'd arrived at the lair with a hickey on her neck and a grin on her face and when Sheila went to ask her what she'd gotten up to that weekend, the girl went to town telling them about her booty call sexcapades with some truck driver she met up with at a gas station.
"Like," the girl gushed, "he was so good and, like, it's easier for us to be friends with bens because we don't have to worry about the feelings shit. Like, I can go in there and get a good orgasm and he can get what he wants and voila! Nothing more! It's the best. Sex without feelings is fantastic."
Kurt, at that time, nodded in agreement and took another puff on his cigarette, smirking to himself because he'd had a few sex-without-emotional-attachment hook ups and while they were quick, they were satisfying so he completely understood her raving. As she kept on talking, the Mack also brought up sleeping with an old ex of hers and how that guy still liked her and it only made things complicated.
"Never sleep with someone who has feelings for you," Puckerman added, making a face at Quinn... which was met with a face full of stale curly fries that Quinn plucked out of the trash and threw at him. "Hey!"
The group laughed and the Mack went back to talking, pointing at Puck before she looked back at her girls. "The Puckman's right. Having sex with someone who cares about you only drags them in further, so don't do it. No strings attached is your friend, you guys. I'm just saying. I had the best sex of my life last night and I don't give two shits about that guy."
"You betta preach it, sista." Sheila added and then the group catcalled at each other, yelling and laughing with the best of them while Kurt leaned back against the fence and puffed on his cigarette, rolling his eyes at his "friends" while they joked with each other.
At that moment in time, he totally agreed with them... and now, standing in Blaine's bathroom, he remembered those words burning so deeply within him.
Never sleep with someone who has feelings for you. Having sex with someone who cares about you only drags them in further.
Once again, Kurt Hummel made a terrible mistake. He was so good at that though. So fucking good. Grumbling, he took one last look at himself in the mirror and then stepped out of the bathroom, immediately going to grab his things before he headed towards the door.
"You're leaving, aren't you?" Blaine whispered, his humming stopped once he noticed Kurt gathering up his things to go.
"I have things to do tonight. Sorry."
"It's okay," was all Blaine responded with before Kurt walked out of the room, heart in his throat as he left Blaine and his conflicting feelings alone back in the bedroom.
::::::::::
"Ugh! Why won't he pick up his fucking phone?!"
Finn swallowed the mouthful of leftover pasta he was chewing and glanced up at his brother, brows raised as he watched the other boy throw himself down on the sofa dramatically. "You okay, dude?"
"Blaine won't answer my calls. It's been two weeks, Finn! I can't get ahold of him. He won't talk to me. He won't even answer my texts! Why won't he answer my texts?!"
"Well, what'd you do?"
"Finn!"
"Dude, like-" He set his empty plate down on the floor and took a drink of his soda. "I don't mean to tick you off or anything, but Blaine's been just fine when I've seen him. So if he's not answering you at all, then it must've been something you did." He raised his hands up in defense when Kurt glared at him. "No offense."
"Ugh, I just... it was one stupid mistake. He knows I didn't mean it; it was just... bros helping bros!"
"Bros doing what?"
"Nothing! I just wish he'd answer me at least once. Like, to tell me to fuck off or something. This silent treatment's really pissing me off!"
"Well, maybe you should give him some space? Obviously he's upset about something, otherwise he'd answer your calls. I mean, it's not like he's not down for seeing anyone. Some guy was over there earlier and-"
What? "What?"
Finn blanched, glancing up with a shocked expression, like maybe he should've kept his mouth shut. "Umm-"
"Finn... what do you mean some guy was over there earlier? Explain."
"I... Kurt, I really don't see how that's your business. I mean, you've said it over and over that you two aren't a couple so if Blaine-"
"Finn!"
The taller boy reared back, struck by Kurt's jealous anger and he smirked, shaking his head as his brother glared at him. Boy was sooo jealous. "It was just some guy. Kinda your height, maybe a little taller. Tall hair, like dark blonde or maybe light brown. I dunno. He had on cool clothes though."
"Which means that he must dress to look like an eyesore if you liked his clothes. No offense."
"I- hey!" Finn frowned, looking down at his clothes. "That was rude."
"Yeah, well, tell me more about this guy."
"Well, umm-" Finn launched into what he saw during those fifteen minutes he was waiting on Rachel for their date. There really wasn't much to tell. The guy showed up, said hello to Finn (he seemed kinda shady from the three or so words they might've exchanged), and then he headed upstairs. After that, Finn didn't see him again and when he asked Rachel, all she said was, "Oh, that's some guy who used to like Blaine" and then she didn't say anymore.
Not like that made Kurt feel any better. Angrily, he whipped his phone back out and texted Blaine once more, hoping that for once in his life, the other boy would text him back.
He didn't, surprise surprise.
:::::::::::
"I can't believe you're pregnant. What a bummer."
"Bas! C'mon now. How is this a bummer?"
"Yeah, Sebastian, how is that baby a bummer? Babies are awesome!"
"Thank you, Jeff."
"You're welcome."
Blaine settled down on the sofa and placed a hand over where the baby seemed to be practicing her kickboxing moves. Around his living room sat several of his old friends from Dalton, various members of the Warblers who he hadn't seen since the summertime. They all came by to see him while they were in town which was pretty awesome and even though Blaine really wasn't up for visitors, he had to make time for his old friends. Jeff, Nick, and Trent were sitting on the floor, Sebastian was sitting on the couch just a few feet away from Blaine, and David, Jon, and Thad were passing out slices of pizza as they all settled down to eat dinner and talk.
"Thanks for the pizza, guys. I haven't had it in so long."
"Well hopefully it agrees with you. When my mom was pregnant with my sister, she said pizza gave her serious heartburn."
"Oh my god, Trent, don't say that! Heartburn's the last thing I need. I've been so sick these last six months that I don't know how much more I can take. It'll be worth it, yeah, but my god does being sick all the time suck!"
"I still can't believe you're knocked up," Sebastian repeated. He'd been looking at Blaine like the pregnant boy had grown another head since Blaine first told (and showed) everyone the news. "You leave Dalton and bam, pregnant! How in the world did you manage that?"
Jeff smirked, "Well, Sebby, when two people love each other-"
"Oh my god," Blaine said, his face turning bright red. "That is not how it happened."
"So it was a one night stand then?"
"Sebastian!"
Nodding, Blaine looked down at his plate of pizza, lip tucked between his teeth as the murmurs of his friends quieted around him.
"Blaine?"
"It was a one night thing. We got drunk at a party... for the New Directions actually. I woke up the next morning and we'd slept together. He wasn't there when I woke up; he freaked out and left. A few months later, I got sick and that's when I found out about her." A soft smile overtook his face and he patted his belly gently, glancing up to find his friends watching him quietly. The only one who seemed unnerved was Sebastian, but Blaine knew why he was reacting so differently. Sebastian Smythe had tried to bed Blaine since the moment he met him and Blaine always responded with, "I don't do that kind of stuff Sebastian. I'm not a one night kind of guy. I like relationships and you don't. It'd never work." So when Blaine thought about it, he knew Sebastian was wondering what in the world was so special about this guy that took Blaine's virginity. "Anyway, it happened, but I don't regret it. I got her out of all this, so it's fine."
The guys returned to chatting about the baby and how excited they were and then everybody went back to talking about random stuff - Dalton, the Warblers, and so on and so forth. It wasn't until Nick mentioned that the Warblers were going against New Directions that Blaine perked up again, surprised to know that his new choir was going against his old one at Sectionals.
"I wasn't in school long enough to know that. No one even told me! How crazy is that! Are you guys nervous? The New Directions are really good."
David rolled his eyes, "Nah. We should be good this year. At least we're not going against Vocal Adrenaline. The Songbirds got them this year." Around the room, quiet whispers of those poor girls filtered through the group before David continued speaking, "I'm just glad that we don't have to sing during Thanksgiving break this year. Last year sucked."
"I'd say. I had to leave Maine early just to come back for Sectionals and then we didn't even win!" Thad complained and the others nodded along, adding in their own complaints about last year's competition. Blaine remembered it too; he and Rachel were stuck at home practicing for their respective Sectionals while their dads went to visit one of their elderly relatives in Cleveland. They weren't able to go see any of their family until after the competitions were over, but by then, they'd missed out on all the fun festivities. This year would be different, however. This year, they were celebrating the holidays at home and Sectionals wouldn't be until after Thanksgiving.
"Are you going to compete or are you not going back to McKinley?"
Blaine looked up at Nick's question and shrugged, his hand rubbing circles over his belly. He sunk back down into the couch cushions and sighed, "I really don't know. I want to go back because homebound is boring as can be... but I don't know if I want to deal with all the rumors and the backstabbing. The glee club has my back, but everyone else in the school's so busy talking about me that if I went back, who knows what they'll say? Plus there's the whole football team of it all. I really don't want to deal with that again." Those who knew about Blaine's past nodded solemnly and then Jeff spoke up.
"Well, if you don't come back to compete, you should still come see us wipe the floor with your friends, okay?"
Laughing, Blaine rolled his eyes and threw a decorative pillow at his friend, choking back a laugh when the item smacked Jeff right in the face. "You're so dumb! I'll root for both teams!"
"Traitor!"
"Shut up!"
"Once a Warbler, always a Warbler! You know that! You'll always be Blaine Warbler to us!"
"God," Blaine smiled, shaking his head at his silly friends, all of whom were smiling at him. "I love you guys!"
"We love you too!" And Jeff added, "-traitor!"
::::::::::
"So, you down for coffee tomorrow?" Sebastian asked as he leaned against the doorway. Blaine crossed his arms over his chest and watched the rest of the crew head outside in the chilly autumn night, their laughter and joking floating through the wind as they all went to their cars. It was late, well past the time for the Dalton boys to get back on the road before they missed their curfew, so Blaine walked them to the door, waving them all goodbye - except Sebastian, who decided to hang back.
"Bas-"
"I just wanna catch up. You really think I'm gonna hit on you now that you're about to pop?"
"I'm only six months along!"
"Well, you're bigger than you used to be. Excuse me for being shocked."
The remark earned Sebastian a smack on the shoulder and he barked out a laugh, ducking away from Blaine's fist when it came back to punch at him again. "I can't believe you called me fat," the dark haired boy yelped, hitting Sebastian in the arm.
"Uncle! I said uncle! Jesus, Blaine, you hit hard!"
"Boxing," Blaine beamed, grinning cheerily as he stepped back and leaned against the doorway. His phone buzzed angrily in his pocket and he glanced down at it, rolling his eyes when Kurt's number popped onscreen. "Ugh, not again."
"Uh oh, baby daddy drama?"
"It's stupid. I'll call him later."
"Is he in the dog house? Trouble in paradise?"
"We're not together, so it doesn't matter." He shivered as a gust of cool air blew into the house, "So do you still want to meet up at the Lima Bean tomorrow? I can't have coffee because it's bad for the baby, but I can get a hot cocoa or something. You should buy since you suggested."
"Fine."
"And maybe you can get me a cookie?"
"Quit flirting with me, preggers. I'll text you when I get out of class."
"I wasn't flirting. I'm just trying to get myself a free cookie." When Sebastian smiled, Blaine grinned in return and stepped into the house, rubbing his chilly arms as he watched his friends hop into their cars and get ready to go. "Bye guys! Thanks for coming over!" He said a little softer, "See you tomorrow, Smythe."
"Tomorrow, Anderson-Berry. Don't forget."
Then they were gone, three separate vehicles heading down the road as the group of guys went back to Westerville. Blaine waited until they out of his sight before he shut the door and went back to the living room, carefully clearing the cups and plates from the coffee table before he tidied up the kitchen and went to head upstairs. He was halfway up the steps when his dad came creeping out of his bedroom, smiling when he spotted Blaine coming up the stairs. "Your friends go home?"
"Yeah. They're probably gonna be late getting back to the dorms, but that's what they get. They're the ones who didn't listen to me when I kept telling them the time."
"They probably missed you. I bet being late doesn't matter to them."
"I missed them too." Sighing, Blaine paused at the top of the steps and rubbed his aching hips, stretching upwards to pop the kink out of his lower back before he straightened himself up again. "I am so ready for bed."
"Well, hop to it then. Your dad and I are gonna go watch the news and I think Rachel's on the phone with Finn or somebody, but if you need anything, call for one of us, okay?"
"Will do, but I should be fine though, dad." He leaned in and gave the older man a hug, grumbling when his phone vibrated against his hip. "G'night."
"Night Blaine. Love you."
"Love you too." Once he was in his bedroom, he pulled his phone out of his pants pocket and tossed it on the bedside nightstand, ignoring yet another text from Kurt as he climbed into bed and pulled the covers over his body. His phone buzzed again and he closed his eyes, ignoring the pang in his heart as he disregarded yet another one of Kurt's attempts to reach out to him. He wanted to answer the phone. God, he wanted to message his baby's father back so bad, but then the memory of we're just friends and all the other accompanying pains would flood his mind and it would hold him back.
Shaking his head, he tugged the blankets over his face and closed his eyes. His phone could beep and vibrate all it wanted too. Kurt could wait a little bit longer. Waiting wouldn't hurt him. Not one bit.
A/N: I mentioned in the last chapter's author's note that chapter 16 was already written and that I needed to sort this one out first before I did anything else. Well, now I have to add a little bit more to 16 before I can post it, but it should be very, very soon. Umm, other than that, this chapter kicked my ass because it did not want to be written and it didn't really come out the way I wanted it to, but I hope you liked it anyway. Super long chapter, am I right? Anyway, let me know what you thought and what you think's gonna happen in the next chapter! Reviews are always greatly appreciated and they let me know that there's still people interested in this! Thanks!