Author's note: A brief chapter, after a long day. My last author's note generated a lot of discussion in the comments, which is interesting, and also a few nasty, anonymous ones too (now removed). That's a little disappointing. Maybe I should switch off anonymous comments.
Anyway, Beckett has a lot of work to do, and it won't be easy.
Castle ate methodically, only half listening to Ryan and Esposito's banter.
The four of them were in the break room, eating a lunch of deli sandwiches that Ryan had picked up fifteen minutes earlier. They had fresh cups of coffee at their elbows, and for the moment they had the break room to themselves.
They were finally making some progress on the case. Castle had noticed a discrepancy in the employee rota at the factory, with a worker who had called in sick nevertheless still showing up, and clocking in for around 20 minutes at 3AM before clocking out again. Uniforms were tracking the man down.
Castle took a sip of his coffee, taking the opportunity to glance across at Beckett. She was watching him as she ate, and her eyes widened slightly as he caught her looking at him. She gave him a tentative smile, and he immediately dropped his gaze.
He again noticed the lilac blouse she was wearing. She'd worn it on three previous occasions – he remembered each one clearly – and he had always appreciated the feminine colour on her. It contrasted well with her hair and eyes, and softened her appearance. It was one of his favourite Beckett outfits. Or at least, it used to be.
There's something different about her today, he thought.
She had been more careful around him; she had deferred to him more than usual. The coffee cups were the first thing, but he'd interpreted that as a peace offering. Because she knows something has changed for me.
While they were working at the murder board, she'd taken great pains to listen attentively to everything he said. She had also touched him on the arm a couple of times, until she saw that it was making him uncomfortable.
He risked another glance up at her, and she was still watching him. This time, she was the one who dropped her gaze.
A few minutes later, another detective came to the door of the break room to fetch Esposito, because a call had come in for him. Ryan had gone to the men's room just beforehand, so Castle and Beckett were left alone for the moment.
He had finished eating, so he folded up his sandwich's wrapper and put it into the brown paper bag sitting on the table before reaching again for his coffee.
"So," Beckett said.
Please just let me finish my lunch in peace, he thought.
When he didn't respond after a few seconds, she continued.
"Good catch on the guy at the factory who was supposed to be off sick."
"You'd have found it," he said.
"Maybe," she replied. There were a few moments of silence.
"I appreciate you being here," she said quietly, and he quirked an eyebrow.
"This is what we do," he replied.
She glanced down at the table's surface, considering her words.
"Yeah, but you're…"
The silence stretched out for several seconds, and Castle felt his muscles tense.
"…busy, right now," she said at last. "With your writing. I appreciate you taking the time to help us out."
He nodded slowly, taking another sip of coffee. He still hadn't looked at her.
"What I mean is, I know I haven't always taken the time to say thank you for everything you do. I almost never have, actually," she said, and now he did meet her eyes.
"So… thank you," she said, keeping eye contact and willing him to understand.
His brow furrowed slightly, then after another moment he shrugged.
"It's important work," he said, looking down at his coffee cup.
"I'm not just talking about the work," she replied.
His jaw tensed, but he didn't look up again, and a few seconds later both Ryan and Esposito came back into the break room.
"Uniforms are bringing that guy up right now, Beckett," Esposito said, grabbing the remains of his sandwich and quickly finishing it off.
"Got it," she said, still looking at Castle. "Put him in room two."
"Uh-huh," Esposito replied, leaving the room again.
Ryan glanced from Beckett to Castle and back again, then picked up his own cup of coffee.
"You want to sit in on the interview?" Beckett asked, clearly directing the question at Castle, but he shook his head.
"You can work better without me tagging along," he replied, then he swallowed the last of his coffee and stood up.
That's not true, Rick, she thought. She opened her mouth to speak, then remembered that Ryan was still in the room.
"Well, you can watch from observation," she said. "In case I miss anything."
You missed a lot of things, he thought, but he just nodded and then left the room.
Beckett glanced over at Ryan, and saw that he had a worried expression on his face.
"What's going on with him?" Ryan said, and Beckett sighed.
"It's… just leave it with me."
"Sure thing," he replied. "We're, uh… we're here if you need us."
She gave him a grateful smile, which he returned before walking out into the corridor, leaving her alone in the break room.
I don't even know if I'm making things better or worse, she thought.
She shook her head, then pushed her worries aside for now. She had work to do.
Beckett stretched, wincing as her neck made a cracking sound.
It had taken almost an hour in interrogation to find out that the night worker had been paid $200 to loan his ID smart-card to a man who said he was a journalist working on a story about environmental contamination from the factory. He was told that no-one would find out, and he'd have the ID card back by the following morning – which he had indeed, finding it on the floor just inside his apartment's front door when he woke.
Ryan and Esposito were pursuing some leads, but it was slow going and it was already after 7PM.
She looked up from her desk and over towards the murder board. Castle was standing there, jotting down some of his thoughts in red marker. His jacket was folded over a nearby chair, and his shirt sleeves were rolled up.
She wanted nothing more than to walk up behind him, lay her head against his broad back, and put her arms around his waist. She closed her eyes as she pictured it, resting her chin on the palm of one hand with her elbow propped on the desk, and the mental image was incredibly vivid. She knew exactly how it would feel, and even how he would smell.
She sighed deeply, taking some comfort from the thought and allowing a small, sad smile to play across her face.
Castle put the cap back on the marker and returned it to the tray below the board, stifling a yawn. He glanced at his wristwatch and saw that the time was 7:17PM, and right on cue his stomach rumbled.
He turned towards the bullpen and then froze in place.
Beckett was sitting at her desk, and it looked almost like she was asleep. Her chin was propped on one palm, her eyes were closed, her hair fell in soft curls around her shoulders, and she had the ghost of a smile around the corners of mouth. He felt like an arrow had pierced his chest.
Damn it, he thought, feeling bitterness well up inside him.
This was exactly why he hadn't been around the precinct recently. The very last thing in the world he needed right now was to see her each day, and be reminded of how he still felt about her.
All I wanted was to stay away long enough that this won't hurt so much, he thought, his shoulders slumping. And now I'm working a case again.
Beckett opened her eyes at that moment, her gaze immediately going to him. She looked across the narrow bullpen towards him, and her smile faded at the same moment her heart rate increased.
Oh Rick, she thought. You look so… broken.
He busied himself with fetching his jacket, then shrugged it on, a frown creasing his brow.
"It's late," he said, pointing vaguely towards the elevator. "I'm gonna head home."
She nodded, rising from her chair. She didn't step away from her desk.
"Thanks again for your help today," she said, and he nodded. "Will you be in tomorrow?" She didn't even try to keep the hopefulness out of her voice.
He took a measured breath, his eyes briefly tracing across her blouse again. His frown deepened, then he tilted his head towards the murder board behind him.
"Still got work to do," he said flatly.
She nodded again, slowly, not breaking eye contact, then she took a single tentative step away from her desk and towards where he stood.
"Well, 'night," he said quickly, and then he strode off towards the elevator without looking back.