Journal of Two Winters

by VT Arkens

As winter sets in on Beforus, Vriska Serket, a top Imperial Agent, finds herself faced with a situation which throws her into a whirlwind of emotion, guilt, and uncertainty. But is the old saying true? It it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? And if so, does this apply to platonic love, as well?

2. Entry 2

On the rare occ8sion that I have time 8etween jo8s- Must leave some assignments for Ampora, to 8e fair- I often find myself wandering. More often than not, it is 8y the shoreline, again in order to recall similar nights from so long ago. However, I also have taken a liking to the forest just south of my hive. I tend to venture there in the event that I need to rest my thoughts, and do not wish to encounter even Feferi and risk them 8eing thrown into a whirlwind once again.

This particular night was an example. For reasons I cannot articul8, I was finding myself recalling the apprehension of Tavros Nitram. And is that guilt I feel 8u88ling in my core even now? I haven't the slightest clue why I would feel such a thing, not after all the sweeps I have 8een employed doing just this. However, the innocence which seemed almost to radi8 off of him remains in my consciousness. Thinking 8ack, he seemed almost timid. I know 8etter than to ask a8out his f8, though I cannot help 8ut wonder and hope for the 8est.

On this evening's excursion, I came across a rather odd sight. This deep into the forest, I did not expect to see the glow of em8ers, nor the f8nt, trem8ling 8reaths of one without sufficient protection from the chill which has settled into the air for the remainder of the season. Intrigue getting the 8etter of me, I continued ahead.

Sitting with his 8ack against one of the trees, I discovered a troll; adult, yet youthful in appearance, seated in a manner which suggested contempl8tion. I've no idea why I thought anything of it, 8ut I somehow under the impression that something a8out him was different than just another wanderer. I was cautious in my approach, however despite my 8est efforts to remain silent, I knew in an instant that he had detected me. His actions were clumsy as he attempted to clutch the 8ranch sitting 8eside him- which I had erroneously assumed to 8e there out of coincidence- and as he stood, I discovered why. To have seen him was to see a day-old antler8east 8eing startled and attempting to flee on unsteady legs. Quickly I assured him that I meant no harm. I informed him that I was moving closer, knowing that he was una8le to see this for himself, though this seemed to do nothing to ease his nerves. I quite nearly felt sorry for the pitiful creature, staring ahead with terrified, 8lind eyes as though he expected me to attack. I found 8ut one question overtaking me: What horrors has he seen to make him react so?

I was sure to speak calmly in order to encourage him to do the same. I told him my name, softly asked what he was doing there. The entire time, he clutched the 8ranch which served as his alternative to vision, and I made a note of just how thin the fa8ric of his clothing was. All of it was one shade of grey or another, save for a worn leather 8elt around his middle, 8ucling the cloth of his tunic 8eneath it, and the trousers which had clearly 8een repaired numerous times. His cloak served the most use to him, draping over his shoulders and covering the entirety of his neck. The only things of even slight value on his person were his vam8races, which, though I am no expert, I 8elieve to 8e cast in iron. His mouth was slightly agape, surrounded 8y trace amounts of facial hair which traveled up his jaw.

8y this point, fear had given way to suspicion. He in turn 8egan questioning me, and I answered as honestly as I could, save a few minor details to 8uild me in a more prefera8le light.

I thought 8ack to the hospitality Nitram had shown me, and how I had found myself in a st8 of peace which under his care despite not needing it. Acting on instinct, I offered him shelter and a good meal, as he appeared not to have eaten in no less than a week. He responded in the negative, issuing a string of curses as he did so. I am aware that I should have left him to fend for himself after his 8ecoming so ir8, 8ut the poor thing looked so helpless that I knew that were I not to intervene, he would last no more than another month.

I am reminding myself that I have used my a8ilities to make others do far worse things than come to my hive and sit tight while I care for them.

I fear that he has injured his ankle, pro8a8ly in his haste to retreat when I first approached him. While there is no 8lood, he favored his left on our trek 8ack. When I released him from my influence, I informed him of this, and insisted that he remain here until he has healed.

He did not react well to 8eing 8rought here against his will, 8ut he soon discovered that attempting to make an escape was not worth the pain of his ankle. In just one short night, I have managed to gain his trust and lead him to tranquility. However, he refuses to reveal his name or sign. It is foolish, yes, 8ut I will comply until he feels safe enough to tell me. He is gr8ful for my hospitality, despite the numerous out8ursts of explic8 language. I will admit that on occasion, I will make a sound louder than necessary just to see if different vari8tions will have more of an effect in startling him. For the moment, he appears to react the same to them all. I fear that something has triggered something within him, causing him to 8e afraid of nearly everything. He attempts to hide it from me, 8ut to no avail. Whatever my new company has experienced, it has left him paranoid and traumatized. Given how poorly he interacts with his surroundings, I can only imagine that he lost his vision no more than a few sweeps ago, and I find myself wondering if this has something to do with it. However, I know that inquiring too heavily at the moment could cause him to shut me out once again, so I will take inform8ion only as he is willing to give it.

Whoever he is, I sense gr8 things ahead for him.