Two Steps Back
Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic will dive into MPREG, so I'll be using my go-to MPREG explanation like I did in When We're Older aka the Reddin gene. The gene is based on the Reddin character from the 1994 movie Junior. You should really watch it if you like mpreg. It's a good movie, I promise (I also don't have any rights to it either!) I also don't really own anything mentioned in this except for the crazy storyline so... I OWN NOTHING. The title is inspired by a Paula Abdul song called Opposites Attract by the way.
Returning to the halls of McKinley High was like being forced into a pot of boiling water and having the lid smashed down on top of your head. It was hard to breathe, hard to take in the thick smelly fog of the school's essence without wanting to puke. The air was too hot, too thick, and it made him gag. Wrinkling his nose, Kurt shoved his gloved hands into his coat pockets, rolling his eyes when several curious glances fell upon him as soon as he stepped in the doorway. Being back there was literally the last place he wanted to be, but since it was his senior year and he still had stuff to do before graduation, he unfortunately had to come back to the sea of idiots and finish his education... or lack thereof considering how pathetic McKinley's teaching methods were.
A flash of pink on his right startled him for just a second, his heart rate dropping to normal when he realized it was just Quinn coming to greet him. The girl punched her fist into his arm, muttering a quiet hello as she walked side by side with him to his locker. "Welcome back, Papa Smurf."
"Papa Smurf? Really, Quinn? Really?"
"What? It's the first thing that popped in my head! You're a dad now and you've got blue hair, so..." She trailed off, smirking at herself before she broke off to go to her own locker. Kurt hovered beside her, watching as she twisted her combination into the lock before she carefully pulled books out of the bag at her side and replaced them with others. No matter how rough she looked or acted, Quinn was one of the best students in their grade and Kurt admired her tenacity, especially with all the unnecessary hatred she dealt with daily.
"So because part of my hair's blue, I'm a smurf? I can honestly think of seventeen billion other things - people - I could be, yet you picked a smurf. And you're one of the smartest people I know too. Funny."
Quinn flipped him off and slammed her locker shut, turning on her heel to head towards his locker. As they walked, more people stared and Quinn shot them all dirty looks, sidling up closer to Kurt as they pushed through the crowds of onlookers. "You'd think you just gotten out of jail with how much people are staring."
"None of these cattle have lives. Heaven forbid I leave school for a month to take care of my kid," he hissed, voice loud enough to cause some of the starers to look away ashamed. Running a hand through his multicolored hair, he walked up to his locker and popped it open, smiling at the picture of him and Blaine that he'd hung up inside. There were a few ultrasound photos in there as well that he knew he'd have to exchange for actual pics of Lily, but until then, they'd have to do. Just looking at them made his heart throb at the thought of how much things had changed; Lily was a month old now. My, how time flew.
Shuffling his books around, he let his thoughts wander, his mind floating away to something that had been bothering him since the second he ran into Quinn. After the remark about his hair, all the thoughts he'd been battling with during his break came flooding back. After Lily's birth, it was like his attitude had taken a complete turn around. No longer was he feeling like the guy he used to be; the dip-dyed hairstyles, the piercings, and dark wardrobe felt wrong in all kinds of ways. Holding Lily for the first time and seeing her beautiful dark brown hair and bright blue eyes reminded him of the way he used to look. As a child and even into his teens, his looks favored his mother's - eyes like a cloudy sky and hair a russet color. After the bullying picked up and he decided to change himself, he left his eyes alone, but his hair color went right out the door. Over the years, the upkeep on his locks cost him quite a bit of money and time and now he just didn't feel it was worth it.
He wasn't sure how to tell Quinn though.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Kurt turned to look at his friend, smiling slightly as he thought about how to phrase his issues without offending her, considering she too dyed her hair and changed her whole look to make herself more invisible. "I... I've been thinking-"
"Uh oh, that's never good."
"You're telling me." He chuckled, shutting his locker. The two made their way towards the courtyard entrance, planning to slip away to their usual safe place under the bleachers until first period started. Squeezing through the herd of students, Kurt kept talking, his voice only loud enough for Quinn (and Quinn alone) to hear. "Ever since Lily was born, I've been thinking about my look."
"Your look?"
"My hair, my clothing style... you know? Everything that I changed after the bullying got really bad. It just... doesn't feel like me anymore. I... I've been thinking about everything and how stuff's changed since Lily was born and I just- I miss the old me, you know?" Beside him, Quinn nodded, reaching in her coat pocket for a pack of cigarettes. They were almost to the doors to head outside, but before Kurt had a chance to step outdoors, Quinn's hand on his arm yanked him back, the girl grumbling that she left her cigs in her locker and needed to go back. "Fine. But let's hurry. I don't think I can stand these assholes staring at me much longer."
Quinn jogged to her locker, Kurt on her tail, the two of them yet again pushing through the crowds to get to their hall. People were congregated together, talking like they hadn't seen each other in quite some time and it annoyed him, especially since Allen County's snow days hadn't been too high of a count so far. Rolling his eyes, he pressed himself back against the locker next to Quinn's, listening to her mumble as she dug through her stuff for her cigarettes.
"Anyway, as I was saying, this version of me doesn't feel like the one I want to be anymore."
As she tossed her stuff around, Quinn answered him, her voice strained like looking for her smokes and speaking to him at the same time was difficult. "But Blaine fell in love with this you, not the old one. Why the sudden change?"
"You met Lily. She looks just like me before all this and, when it comes down to it, she looks just like my mom. I kinda miss looking like that. Sure I like rocking the rainbow hair, the piercings, the dark wardrobe, and everything but I miss being me, the old me."
For a second, Quinn paused in thought, her expression blank as she pondered Kurt's words. It was hard to hear him say he wanted to go back to his prior look. The two of them had slipped into Skank mode right around the same time and they'd been best friends ever since. Before her downfall, neither of them ran in the same circle. Kurt was an outcast, she was popular. After her pregnancy and later abortion, she fell from grace so hard that she really didn't have anyone in her corner but Puck and even he wasn't a reliable friend. Kurt, at that time, was changing his whole persona. Gone was the fashionable, snarky boy that she'd seen in the halls sometimes being bullied by the football team. Within a few months, he transformed from that bullied boy to this whole new badass guy that took her under his wing. They protected each other like siblings, loved each other just as much.
They'd been through it all together and now he wanted to go back... and where would that leave her?
Selfishly, she hated that he was even entertaining the thought of going back to becoming that boy he once was. However, she knew that Blaine's presence and the birth of their daughter was quite the swaying point and she was gonna lose him no matter what. Since his mind was really set on it, he'd do it. Kurt Hummel wasn't one to play around and during the last few years that she'd really gotten to know him, Quinn knew that it was only a matter of time before Kurt came walking in McKinley's front doors with his old hair color and his former fashion sense.
She just hoped he wouldn't ditch her in the process.
Before she could respond to her best friend's comments, a loud bang ran through the hall and she jerked to the side, eyes widening as she watched Kurt slam against the lockers, body bouncing off the metal with a harsh thud. She barely had the chance to breathe, to curse at the person who shoved him before a familiar looking cup came swinging towards his face, dousing his upper half with icy red slush. Kurt gasped, sputtering as the frozen beverage soaked his hair, face, and clothing and as he slid to the floor in shock, the voices of several members of the McKinley High hockey team laughed out, "Welcome back, faggot!"
Welcome back...
::::::::::
Lily screamed, her shrill cry startling Blaine from where he stood in front of the bottle warmer. It was just the two of them that morning. Everyone else was off at work and school; Kurt had left earlier in a sad mood, upset that he had to go back to McKinley while the loves of his life were back at the Berry abode. Blaine promised him that they'd be fine and that Kurt would have all the time in the world to hang out with Lily once he got home from school that afternoon, but his boyfriend still seemed brokenhearted as he left earlier. So, with thoughts of Kurt on his mind, Blaine found himself dragging around, zombie-like and aching for his best friend. It was strange not having Kurt around. Hell, it was weird not having anyone around really. Leroy was supposed to be at home, but he had a work related emergency to deal with, so he rushed to the office and that left Blaine on his own with the baby.
That within itself was mind boggling. He was Lily's dad, but the idea of being on his own with the little girl scared the shit out of him. She was just so small and fragile. She relied on him for everything and since he was all by his lonesome with her, he couldn't make a single mistake without it impacting her entire well-being. Lily needed him to be perfect and he just wasn't sure he could be that for her.
Another cry shrieked from the baby, causing Blaine to jump yet again as he rushed over to her and scooped her up out of her carseat, rocking her in his arms as he went back to the warmer to gather her bottle. By then, it was completely heated, so he screwed on the nipple and pressed it against Lily's lips, relaxing when she easily took the bottle.
"You were hungry, weren't you, Lilypad?" Kissing the top of her downy hair, he lowered himself into one of the dining room chairs and leaned back a little, closing his eyes while he fed his daughter, some of the tense tightness in his muscles oozing out of him as they both rested. For a while, Lily ate undisturbed, sucking down her formula like a champ before she finally pushed the bottle away from her mouth and grunted, ready for burping. As he raised her to his shoulder, the infant made a strange noise and then there was an explosion of hot wetness on his chest. She'd vomited everything she'd eaten all over him, bursting into screaming tears as a string of milk-laced spit dragged from her mouth to his shirt. "Oh no. Oh no, honey."
Cooing (whilst being highly disgusted and horrified), he stretched his arms out to lay her back in her carseat, making sure that the chair was safely resting in its temporary spot on the dining room table before he pulled his nightshirt into a makeshift apron and ran across the room to the kitchen where he could dump the contents of said shirt into the sink. Regurgitated formula ran down his arms and dripped onto the floor, making more of a mess of things as he ran. His bare feet slipped on the tiles, causing him to almost lose his balance before he made it to the sink, but once he was there, he let go of his shirt, stripping it over his head to toss in as he ran scalding hot water all over it. His skin was moist, dirtied from the vomit and it smelled rather gross, the scent making a knot well in his throat as he yanked a strip of paper towels off of the holder to wet in order to scrub at his soiled skin. Tears burned his eyes, panic setting in as Lily continued to scream to high heavens; it finally clicked in his mind that this was his reality. He'd be doing this much more often now - being alone, taking care of his daughter on his own.
Once Kurt got his head out of his ass and realized that NYADA was where he needed to be, Blaine would be by himself when it came to providing for Lily. He couldn't take her to New York, not with how little she was and would be at that time. There wasn't any money put away for such a silly thing, so he'd be stuck back in Ohio while Kurt started his education in the Big Apple. Kurt would go off, get seduced by the bright lights of the city, and he'd end things with Blaine, probably fighting him later for custody of their daughter. Then Blaine would be all alone completely and...
The sound of the front door slamming shook him back to the present and he quickly rubbed the tears from his eyes, ducking his head under the now cooled spray of water to wash the residue of his act from his cheeks. Footsteps creaked down the hall, soft and quiet, and then object of Blaine's thought appeared in the doorway, hair damp and flopping in front of his eyes.
"Kurt? Why are you home so early? What happened?"
"Nothing happened. What happened here?" The subject changed so quickly that Blaine barely had the time to think about his boyfriend's demeanor before he found himself bombarded with questions about why Lily was crying and why there was puke all over the floor and in the sink. Still nude from the waist up, Blaine turned away from his boyfriend and went back to cleaning up, doing his best to explain that Lily got sick and he was in the midst of making sure everything was wiped up. Kurt grunted in response, gently sliding Lily from her seat to cradle in his arms, leaving the room without another word, the action sending a set of chills down Blaine's spine.
Whatever was bothering Kurt would pester him for a while.
::::::::::
"So where's Kurt?"
Blaine turned, eyes falling onto his sister and Finn. They were both hovering in the doorway to the laundry room, watching Blaine as he folded up Lily's onesies and stuffed them into the hamper that rested on the washer. He wasn't sure how long they'd been there, but nonetheless, he jumped whenever Rachel questioned him. "I think he's upstairs. I don't know. He came home in a bad mood, grabbed Lils, and ran off. I went to get Lily's dirty laundry and he was in our room with the door shut. I didn't bother him; he was acting like he wanted to be alone."
"He got slushied today," Finn admitted and the onesie Blaine was in the process of folding fell from his fingers, dropping to the floor.
"He what?"
"The football team targeted him today when school started. Quinn said he didn't even have a chance to avoid it - one minute he was talking to her and the next, he was getting slammed into a locker and having slush dumped on his head."
"Oh my god-"
"He went to the locker room to clean up and then he just didn't come back. I was able to explain to our teachers that he had to leave and they gave me his homework, but he'll have to come back tomorrow or he won't be able to perform with us-" Rachel rambled, picking up her niece's outfit off the floor as she gauged her brother's reaction. Blaine looked horrified at the thought that the bullies came after Kurt. All these months without having to worry and now this? Poor Kurt.
"Can you finish folding these please? I need to talk to Kurt." Without waiting for an answer, Blaine rushed off, jogging up the stairs and skidding down the hall until he froze in front of his bedroom. Everything upstairs was silent; his door was closed, but Blaine knew that Kurt was hiding somewhere in there. The nursery was empty and there wasn't anywhere else for Kurt to go unless he decided to sneak into Rachel's room or even Hiram and Leroy's room. Kurt would never do that though, so Blaine raised his fist and knocked twice, waiting patiently for his boyfriend to answer.
"Come in." For the first time in forever, Kurt's voice sounded broken. Even throughout the last few weeks with how hard everything had been since Lily's birth, not once had Kurt sounded like he was about to crack. Now, however, his inflection showed everything - he was upset about something. Frowning, Blaine opened the door and stepped into his bedroom, heart falling as he took in his boyfriend sitting on his bed, Lily on his raised legs. The baby was asleep, body stretched out with her little arms scrunched against her chest. She looked peaceful laying there against Kurt, but her papa was a completely different story. Kurt looked crushed.
"What's wrong?" Blaine whispered, slowly making his way towards his family. Kurt glanced up at him for a moment, eyes watery, glimmering in the soft daylight and the sight broke Blaine's heart. "Oh Kurt-"
"I don't understand people."
"I don't either." Climbing onto the bed, Blaine scooted his way to Kurt and sat next to him, sliding an arm around his lover's waist as he nuzzled his nose against Kurt's strong jaw. Once their bodies were tucked close, Blaine could feel how jumbled his best friend was - Kurt's body shook like a leaf in the wind, his skin was unusually warm, and even though it was just the two of them, his boyfriend's stature was tense, bordering painful. "You can talk to me, you know? That's what I'm here for."
"Blaine..."
As his words trailed off, Kurt leaned forward and lifted Lily off of his thighs, cradling her against his chest as he looked over at the boy beside him. Blaine looked genuinely concerned, amber eyes glistening as he waited for Kurt to speak, like the words about to come out of his mouth could otherwise make or break them. The poor guy looked scared, like Kurt was going to shatter him with what he was going to say. Or maybe he knew something? Either way, he looked upset and Kurt turned in his arms, leaning so that he was now resting against Blaine's chest.
"Remember how we had that conversation a while ago about how you weren't feeling like yourself?"
"Yes."
"...I have a confession."
"Okay?"
"I don't feel like myself either." When Blaine hummed in thought, Kurt continued, "Ever since Lily was born, I haven't felt like dealing with this charade any longer-"
"Charade? What charade?"
"Like... this, being me." He sat up, tilting his head in Blaine's direction, allowing the rainbow colored swoop of his hair brush Blaine's nose. "I don't feel like Kurt anymore. The old Kurt Hummel was proud of himself. He might've hated that he was chubby and short and that he looked more like his mom, but now I miss it. I miss looking in the mirror and seeing that boy I used to be. Like, yeah, I've gotten taller and lost my baby fat and that's fine, but when I look in the mirror now and see these- these piercings and this hair, I can't help but feel like I'm trying to be someone I'm not."
Blaine closed his eyes, his heart aching at the tone of his boyfriend's voice. Gently, he ran his fingers through Kurt's blue hair, kissing the multicolored strands of his bangs as he rested his cheek there. Memories of the first time they met played through his mind - the day that Kurt popped up beside his locker and Blaine had fully been able to take him in, piercings and all. That day would be forever burnt into his memory because that was the instant his life changed for good. They wouldn't be here now without that time period and to know that Kurt felt like he was dressing up as someone else made Blaine's stomach ache for him. "I didn't know you felt that way-"
"I just... I've always felt different; whether I'm wearing designer clothes or the grungy shit I wear now. But- But now, looking at Lily and seeing how beautiful she is... it just- it reminds me of my mom. She used to look at me and smile and tell me I was handsome just the way I was. I would come home crying because the kids at school made fun of my freckles or teased me about nose and my mom would tell me that they were just jealous because I was beautiful. It took me a while to believe her, but then I started hearing people say how much I looked like her and I always thought she was the most gorgeous person on earth and-"
The knot in Kurt's throat caused him from continuing. Blaine smiled sadly, allowing his fingertips to squeeze Kurt's waist as his lover cried against his shoulder. Meanwhile, Lily slept on, unaware of the emotional scene surrounding her. It was a small blessing that she didn't stir because after that morning, Blaine wasn't sure he could handle both her and Kurt having a meltdown on him. He wasn't ready for that, no matter how much of a wonderful boyfriend and father he tried to be.
"Your mother was a stunning woman. Every time I've looked at pictures of her, I swear she looks just like Amy Adams. Your mom was a freaking Disney princess, babe." He pressed a kiss to Kurt's hair again. "You look just like her, rainbow hair or not, so you're my Disney prince and Lily is another little princess. You're all beautiful and I'm incredibly honored that I get to be a part of this gorgeous family-"
"You're gorgeous too, Abs." Kurt whispered, glancing up through his waterlogged eyelashes. He offered his lover a smile and then rested his head back on Blaine's chest. For a moment, he remained quiet, busy glancing down at Lily while she slept in his arms. "I... I just wish I could walk through McKinley and not have to wear this mask again."
"You think of this as a mask?"
At the feeling of Blaine's fingers back in his hair, Kurt nodded, sniffling as he shut his eyes and cuddled closer. "It was easy at first, coming home and changing myself. I got stronger after I finally snapped and the bullying didn't phase me as much, but I- I... after I met you, I realized that not only did you meet a completely different person than I used to be, but you fell in love with him too. What if... what if you don't love the real me?"
Blaine shoved his shoulder, pushing Kurt away from him as he stared down in horror at the words that slipped from Kurt's lips. "Don't you ever say that again. Ever. You hear me? I love you, all of you, no matter what. You could've had purple skin, scales, and breathed fire when we first met and I still would've fallen for you! You can go in that bathroom right now, shave your head, and tattoo a curse word on your cheek and I will still love every little bit of you. You didn't change Kurt, you adapted to what you had to do to protect you.
"Do you think I was the same person at Dalton as I was at my old school? My first day at Dalton, I was scared to death because I was terrified that they were gonna hate me the way my former classmates did. So I put on a front. For the first few weeks, I darted around there like a mouse trying to hide from a cat. I was scared but I did what I had to do to protect myself. It wasn't until I met the Warblers that I came out of my shell. It wasn't that I wasn't Blaine beneath all that. I was still the same boy, but I did what I had to in order to keep myself safe. That's what you did. You're still Kurt. The only difference is that you dyed your hair, got pierced up, and merged into a lifestyle that protected you."
When Kurt didn't speak, Blaine continued, "This right here-" He pointed at Kurt's heart, later resting his palm there to feel the thump thump thump of the organ beneath, "-has always been the same. You love so deeply, Kurt. You're kind and generous and always looking after others. You might think you're cold and maybe you can be to some people who deserve it but to those you love, you're amazing. I mean, just look at us. If you were an asshole, I guarantee you I never would've looked in your direction. The only thing menacing about you is your badboy persona, but when people get to know the real you, they get to see how protective and loving you really are."
"You don't know-"
"If you're gonna say that I don't know the real you, you are wrong. The real you was holding my hand as I gave birth. The real you was the one who cried when you cut the cord. The real you carried around Lily this morning and wiped at your eyes as you left because you didn't want to leave her - and if you think I didn't notice you wiping away those tears, Kurt Hummel, you're dumb." Smiling, Blaine tugged Kurt back into his arms, settling the two of them back against the pillows. His heart felt like it was swelling as he took in the scene before him: Kurt holding their daughter, snuggling against him needing comfort and reassurance that everything was going to be okay. He'd not seen Kurt like this much and to have this beautiful boy before him opening up like that, well... it really meant a lot. Leaving another soft kiss on Kurt's forehead, Blaine tightened his grip on his family and kept speaking. "You've been here all along. Nothing's changed except your haircolor and the clique you hung out with at school. If you're uncomfortable with any of that, fine, change it. But don't say that you aren't you just because your look differentiated over the years. Kurt Hummel's always been Kurt Hummel, he just shook it up a bit."
The boy in discussion bit back a sob, melting away into soft whimpers as Blaine kissed all over his face and hair. Finally, it was all coming out: his insecurities, his fears, his everything. However, with Blaine speaking the way he was and with the way he reassured that everything was going to be okay, Kurt found himself starting to believe it. He really did.
::::::::::
Hours after Kurt's minor meltdown, Blaine took Lily from her sleeping papa's arms and wandered downstairs, letting Kurt rest while he went to feed their daughter. As soon as he stepped into the foyer, he spotted a few extra pairs of shoes on the rack next to the front door and he smiled, ignoring the kitchen to head into the living room instead. There on the couch sat Burt and Carole, the two grinning up at him as he stepped into the room. "Hey guys!"
"Long time no see, eh Blaine?" Burt greeted, waving his arms at the boy to get him to bring Lily to him. Over a week and a half went by since the Hummels had seen the baby. Both of them were busy at work and weren't sure if they'd be able to stop by for family dinner that week, but there they were, ready and waiting to bond with their granddaughter. In the weeks since her birth, everyone made time to spend what they could with her; most of the time Blaine stayed at his house and Kurt did too, not wanting to leave his daughter or boyfriend behind. Occasionally, they'd pack up some of Lily's things and they'd stay at the Hummels, but usually Burt and Carole stopped by to visit. It was easier that way instead of uprooting the baby all the time, so that's what they did and it worked. "Where's my son?"
"Sleeping. He had a rough first day back."
Burt frowned, allowing Carole to steal Lily for a moment while he stared down his son's boyfriend. "You mean that he had a hard time being away from the baby? Because I can understand that-"
"No, he..." Blaine took a seat opposite Carole and twisted the ends of his shirt nervously as he watched Burt's expression darken. "According to Rachel and Finn, he got slushied by the jocks today. I don't know the basics because he wouldn't tell me, but I do know that. Plus he left this morning in one outfit and came home in another and his hair was damp so..."
"He's getting bullied again? Are you kidding me? Goddamn that school, I swear to god I'll-"
"He came home kinda early too," the teen whispered, staring down at his socked feet. "I don't even think he was in the building long before they got him."
Burt continued grumbling under his breath and Carole shook her head in sympathy, finally standing up to give the baby to her husband before she beckoned Blaine to follow her into the kitchen. "How about we let grandpa and Lily have a moment while we fix her bottle," was all she said before he got up and went with her into the other room. Once they were out of earshot, she pounced. "It's a shame what happened to Kurt, but honey, you look a little worse for wear too. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Carole. Just worried about Kurt."
"Really? Because I've seen your worried face and this looks a little different. You look a little frazzled today honey. Did something else happen while Kurt was at school? It was your first time home alone with the baby. Was it too much? Because I know how that is-"
At her gentle questioning, Blaine felt his walls collapse. Everything he'd been keeping stuffed up inside shattered a bit and he sniffled, turning away from her to start making Lily's bottle. Carole waited patiently behind him, watching as he robotically put the formula and water mixture into the bottle before he shook it up and stuck it in the warmer. As soon as his hands weren't busy, he leaned heavily against the counter, quiet sobs quaking through him whilst Carole rubbed his back, pressing her fingers into the dip of his spine.
"It's okay, sweetheart. Parenting is hard. Doing it on your own is even harder-"
"B-But I'm not doing it on my own. I have help! I just- I can't-"
"Can't what, sweetie? What is it?"
"I just- I... today Lily just kept on screaming. She wouldn't stop. I couldn't get away from it; I couldn't leave. You can't just walk away from a baby! A number of things could happen, but she just kept on crying and I was so... so annoyed. But I love her! I love her so much and it scares me to think that her crying annoys me! Like why? Why do I think like that?" His cries got a little louder, blubbering more as the words fought to come out of his thickened throat.
Taking him into her arms, Carole ran her hands down his back and allowed him to cry into her shoulder, holding him tight as he broke down in her arms. As much as she had faith that the boys could do it on their own, reality proved to be harder than she assumed. When Burt first told her that Blaine was pregnant, she worried for them, knowing how hard they'd had it in Ohio, being gay and all. A long time ago, Finn confessed to her how much he knew (and had to deal with) Kurt's bullying and Carole was horrified at the notion that people had broken the poor boy down so harshly, especially her own son. They'd talked for the longest about everything and Finn was doing everything in his power to make it up to Kurt and even Burt considering his stepfather had been awfully affected by it all too.
Then Blaine and Rachel came along and Finn pulled her aside one day and told her that Rachel mentioned the reasoning why she and Blaine were in Lima and when Carole heard that, she broke down. Because that polite young man who'd been sitting at her dinner table only days before had been brutally attacked and left for dead all because of who he was born to love.
It was heartbreaking.
And now the two boys were parents. Parenting was hard. Being the sole provider and support for a whole 'nother person was one of the most difficult things in the world. A baby requires a lot of responsibility and sacrifice; you're no longer thinking about yourself, but also thinking about them. They come first, their needs when they're so young surpass yours by lightyears and Carole could see the toll raising Lily was taking on her boys.
"I know your dads are helping you as much as they can right now and they're doing a wonderful job, but Blaine, if you need anything else, you need to tell us. You have four caring grandparents to watch Lily and there are an aunt and uncle who would love to take her off your hands for a few hours. You and Kurt are still kids yourself, you still have a lot to do, and I'd hate to see you lose yourself in the process because you've pulled yourself too thin."
When Blaine shuddered against her, she stepped back and cupped his cheeks in her hand, looking deep into his liquidy gold eyes. "You and Kurt deserve the world. You two are some of the most amazing kids I've known. You and your sister and my two boys are some of the best kids and me, Burt, and your dads would bend over backwards for you. You just have to tell us when you need a break. Sometimes we can't see that for ourselves - we're a little dumb like that - so if you need help, just call us. We'll happily take Lily so you two can have a break."
"Thank you," Blaine sniffled, ducking his head when Carole pulled away and yanked a few paper towels off the roll to give him to wipe his wet cheeks and runny nose with. "I don't know what I'd do without you guys."
"We don't know what we'd do without you either, sweetheart. Now take a seat. I'm gonna take this bottle in to Burt so he can feed the baby and then you and I are going to have a little talk about what happened today. Fire up the Keurig! It's time for some coffee and a parenting chat."
::::::::::
Even curled up in the warmth of Blaine's arms, Kurt felt colder than ever. The room was toasty, Blaine's body was a fucking portable heater, but nothing seemed to shake the chill from his insides. Nothing felt right and he really felt like there was an itch he couldn't scratch. The calming words his boyfriend spoke to him hours ago still rang true in his ears, but the self-questioning about what he was going to do still bothered him. Blaine told him that he supported whatever he did, whether it be taking all of his piercings out and changing his hair or doing something completely different. No matter what, those that mattered would still love him and that's what's important, right?
But Kurt was still confused.
Huffing, he wiggled out of Blaine's arms and rolled out of bed, careful to not wake his resting love as he jumped up and walked around the bed to where Lily's bassinet rested. Inside, his daughter was surprisingly awake, her blue eyes staring up at the ceiling like she was trying to make herself fall back asleep, but to no avail.
With a smile, he leaned down and lifted her up, quietly tiptoeing out of the room and down the hall to the mostly unused nursery. He turned on the lamp beside the rocking chair and sat down, leaning down to smell the crown of Lily's head, smushing his nose against her smooth brown hair as he breathed her in. It was such a weird act to him, to be obsessed with your baby's smell. But he adored the way his daughter was scented (except for when she had a dirty diaper but once she was all cleaned up, it was fair game.) She smelled like baby powder/shampoo/lotion, that strange scent diapers have, and a little bit of Blaine. Every single time he held her, he gave her hair a little sniff, eyes darting around to see if anyone noticed. His dad caught him once during a visit home and all Burt could say was that he'd done it too... and then he proceeded to tell Kurt what he smelled like as an infant.
(The same as Lily, but with a hint of his mother's perfume.)
Nonetheless, spending quality time such as this was really what Kurt needed. He loved his tiny family more than anything. Hell, he loved his extended family too. It took forever for the Berrys to warm up to him after the Scandals disaster, but they came around when they realized how far in Blaine was and then when Lily was born, it was like Kurt was their second son. The same went for Blaine when it came to the Hudmel household. They were one huge tight knit family and Kurt adored that. But even though he had a lot of support systems, sometimes he really felt like he needed to sort out things on his own.
That's where he and Blaine differed: he liked solving problems by himself or with very little help; Blaine, on the other hand, melted down if he had to struggle with his issues on his own. He needed a comforting shoulder to cry on or someone to help guide him. Perhaps it was his age (though Kurt was sure it wasn't) or maybe it was his insecurities from the trauma of Sadie Hawkins bleeding out, but Blaine needed contact of all kinds.
For Kurt, after being slushied, he felt naked, stripped of his former identity as an invisible entity. The Skanks were largely left alone at McKinley; they weren't considered to be at the bottom of the totem pole like others. Mainly, they weren't even important enough to even be considered a pair of the food chain at McKinley. No one wanted to deal with the Skanks and their reputation. Kurt only got pulled into shit whenever someone got bored or when his old tormentors needed a bit of a pick-me-up, so to say. It wasn't common for him to be targeted and yet, he was.
After Blaine's pregnancy was revealed, the school watched him with curious eyes, wondering what was going on with the boy they'd hardly noticed for the last few years. Underclassmen whispered to each other about him, asking others if he really was a skank like the rest of his crew. Upperclassmen snickered as he walked by, muttering under their breath that he lived up to his name. The whole school was intrigued by him and that honestly should've set off an alarm in his brain that things were changing. Instead, he focused in on Blaine and the baby and forgot about it all.
Then the jocks came at him, shoved him into the lockers, and tossed a slushie in his face. Just like old times.
Sneering, he cursed under his breath and then turned his attention to Lily, schooling his expression into something nicer considering how closely his daughter was staring at him. For only being about a month old, she was quite observant and, while Kurt didn't know how great a baby's eyesight was, sometimes he felt like she was watching him a little too close. It was strange.
"Can't sleep, Jellybean?" Reverting to the name he called her while she was still in the womb wasn't something he did much either. Usually he called her Lilybug or something with her name in it, but Jellybean was what he dubbed her when she was just a wee little humanoid in Blaine's stomach so he sometimes used it.
Plus he was quite fond of the name.
"Do you think I should go back to my natural look? I mean, you don't even know what my natural look is. You've only known me with all this metal in my head and with bright colored hair. Hell, I probably look like one big splotch of mush to you. Who knows?" He chuckled under his breath, sliding an arm out from under the baby to boop her tiny nose. "But everyone says you look like me. I can see bits of your daddy's looks in you too though, but I'm not gonna lie. You do look a lot like me."
The baby yawned, her cute button nose scrunching up as she struggled to fight the sleep that plagued her. Kurt cooed at her, kissing her forehead before he changed his position in the chair and brought her to his chest. As he normally did, he held her against him, one hand behind her neck, the other on her bottom and he hummed quietly, letting the vibration of his chest lull her back to sleep. She was out within minutes.
And there, sitting in the nursery with just his thoughts and a sleeping baby in his arms, Kurt realized what he needed and wanted to do.
::::::::::
"So this is what you really want? Because you know I'll support you no matter what you do. I just want to make sure that you're not doing this because of what happened the other day."
Blaine and Kurt were standing in Kurt's bedroom. Lily was downstairs with her uncle and some of the other members of New Directions while her daddies took a break upstairs. Puck made a few jokes about them getting back into the groove, but everybody knew Blaine's body wouldn't be up for any hanky panky for a few more weeks considering the trauma of the birth. So, instead of fooling around, the boys stood before Kurt's bed, staring down at the things scattered all over it after Kurt dumped out one of his many messenger bags.
"This is what I want to do. I'm not doing it for anyone else but me."
"Well that's good then. Because you should never change yourself just to please someone else."
"And that is something we're gonna teach Lily someday-"
"And we can use you as an example." Smiling proudly at his boyfriend, Blaine wrapped his fingers around Kurt's bicep and gave him a peck on the shoulder, resting his cheek there while he listened to Kurt's soft, soothing breaths puff from his lungs. On the bed were a few boxes of hair color, plus a thing of bleach and some of the other items needed for Kurt to make a change. He'd bought them a few days prior, the day after he'd been slushied actually, and even though he wasn't exactly sure when he was going to use them, it was nice to have them on hand.
"You're gonna wanna leave me when you see how I look with brown hair."
"I've seen you with brown hair before, dummy. There are pictures all over this house of you with your natural hair color. I think the only thing that'll be a little different for me is if you remove all of your piercings. I don't know you without them and your facial structure's changed over the years. You're more chiseled... more-"
"Attractive?"
"You were always attractive," Blaine said with a roll of his eyes, swatting Kurt's forearm playfully. "I was gonna say that you... actually, you made me forget what I was gonna say! I hope you're happy!"
"Very. I'm pleased." Teasing, Kurt stepped back and slid behind Blaine, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist as he stared down at the hair products on his bed. "I can't believe I'm gonna do this."
"It'll be fine. You do you."
"I'd rather you do me."
Blaine scoffed, his eyes rolling so hard that he was sure he dislocated something in the sockets. Swatting Kurt's hands away once again, he spun around, wrapping his own arms around Kurt's shoulders as he leaned in close and stole a few sweet kisses from the love of his life. "You know we have to take it slow. Your daughter wrecked my body and I need to recuperate."
"I know, but as soon as your body is ready-" Now it was his turn to roll his eyes when Blaine snorted at the phrase, "-I want to make love to you like you deserve. When we're not drunk and stupid."
The look in Kurt's eyes made everything within Blaine melt into a puddle of goo. Murmuring jibberish under his breath (that's how much Kurt affected him), Blaine leaned heavily on his lover, sinking into him as they kissed and held each other, Kurt turning them around so he could kick all of the product off his bed before he lowered Blaine to the mattress and kissed him silly. Downstairs their choirmates cooed over the baby and upstairs, Kurt and Blaine made the most of their time together, panting against each other's lips as they celebrated the rare alone time they were given.
"Is this- are you- are you sure you'll still love me if I-"
"Shh," Blaine whispered, pressing his fingers against Kurt's damp, kiss-swollen lips. "I told you. I'll love you no matter what you do. Brown hair, pink hair, grey hair. I'll love it because I love you. You and only you." He reached up and threaded his fingers into Kurt's locks, pulling the other boy down towards him with vigor. "Now, shut up and kiss me."
Before Kurt did so, he smiled and as he leaned in, Blaine smiled back.
A/N: I'M SO SORRY! I didn't think it was gonna take this long to update, but it did and I owe you all a bunch of apologies. The next chapter shouldn't take as long to post (hopefully) but I hope you're all still reading. If you are, drop me a line please? I'd really appreciate it. Also, there will be a bit of a time jump in the next chapter like I mentioned before. I just didn't get around to it in this one. Also if there's a bunch of mistakes, I'll be sure to fix them soon - I decided to post this without going over it as thoroughly as I do the others because I wanted you all to have something to read while I'm away for the day. So hopefully this update isn't terrible. Please review - I'll love you forever (though I already love you for reading, so I guess that sentiment doesn't really matter...?)