ABOVE ALL ELSE, I BELIEVE THAT I DO NOT DESERVE THE REPUTATION WHICH HAS BEEN CAST UNTO ME.

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO WARRANT SUCH A FATE? I HAVE NEVER INITIATED, NOR EVEN CONSIDERED INITIATING ANY SORT OF VIOLENT BEHAVIOR. IN FACT, I WISH FOR THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

MANY LIVE UNDER THE FALSE PRETENSE THAT BEFORUS IS A UTOPIAN SOCIETY. AND WHILE I AM UNAWARE OF WHAT THE WORLD WAS LIKE PRIOR TO THE CURRENT EMPRESS, I AM CERTAIN THAT THE INTRODUCTION OF CULLING WAS NOT ENTIRELY BENEFICIAL.

GIVEN MY BLOOD, THERE ARE NO LUSI THAT WOULD EVEN CONSIDER TAKING ME IN. IN THIS RESPECT, I OWE MY LIFE TO CULLING CULTURE. HOWEVER, ONE MUST BE BLISSFULLY IGNORANT OR SIMPLY A FUCKING FOOL TO BELIEVE THAT IT IS WITHOUT ITS FLAWS. I BELIEVED IN THE BEGINNING THAT PERHAPS I HAD JUST BEEN DEALT A MISFORTUNE. THAT PERHAPS NOT ALL CULLED TROLLS WERE TREATED AS POORLY AS I.

IN TOTAL, I WAS CULLED BY SIX DIFFERENT INDIVIDUALS, AND ATTEMPTED TO ESCAPE THEIR "CARE" ON NINE OCCASIONS. EACH INSTANCE BROUGHT UNTO ME NOTHING BUT THE SAME. NEVER ONCE WAS I ALLOWED TO VOICE MY OPINION, NOR WAS I GRANTED THE ABILITY TO DO MUCH OF ANYTHING FOR MYSELF. THE VILLIANOUS RUMP-FED CRETINS INDIRECTLY TAUGHT ME THAT MY PLACE, MY VERY POINT IN EXISTING, WAS TO SIT AND DO AS I WAS INSTRUCTED.

I HAVE SEEN THE HORRORS OF HOW RUST BLOODS ARE TREATED, AND HAVE LIVED SUCH INJUSTICES TENFOLD. I ONCE ENDURED HALF A SWEEP WITHOUT SAYING A WORD, AND IT WAS DURING THIS LENGTH OF TIME THAT HE WHO CLAIMED TO BE CARING FOR ME TREATED ME QUITE NEARLY AS THOUGH I WERE SOMETHING OTHER THAN A WOUNDED ANIMAL.

I WAS YOUNG WHEN I AT LAST ESCAPED THE HELL I HAD BEEN ENSLAVED TO. IT WAS ON MY SIXTH WRIGGLING DAY THAT I SET OFF IN THE LAST HOUR OF DAYLIGHT. THE SUN WARMED MY SKIN PAST THE POINT OF COMFORT, BUT I HAD ABANDONED MY CLOAK, AS I HAD NEVER BEEN PERMITTED ONE THAT WAS ANY COLOR BESIDES THAT OF THE ATROCITY THAT RUNS THROUGH MY VEINS. I HAD LITTLE PROTECTION, AND I KNEW LITTLE OF THE WORLD AND NEARLY NOTHING OF HOW ORDINARY TROLLS WERE RAISED. I DID, HOWEVER, KNOW ANGER AND HATRED, AND IT WAS THESE TWO EMOTIONS WHICH I FOUND TO DICTATE MY LIFE.

I HELD NO DOUBT THAT THERE WERE A NUMBER OF IMPERIAL AGENTS SEARCHING FOR ME. THIS WAS NOT A MINOR CRIME I HAD COMMITTED. ON MY PREVIOUS ATTEMPTS, I HAD BEEN DISCOVERED BEFORE MANAGING TO GET PAST THE BORDER OF THE LAWNRING, AND NOW I FOUND MYSELF FAR FROM ALL FAMILIAR SIGHTS. TO BE FOUND NOW WAS TO FACE CERTAIN DEATH IN WHAT I AM SURE WOULD BE FAR FROM CIVIL.

AS I GREW OLDER, I FOUND MYSELF FACING THE NATURAL CHANGES ALL GO THROUGH WITH AGE. THIS PROVIDED ME WITH FAR LESS PROTECTION THAN I'D HAD PREVIOUSLY. ON ONE OCCASION, I CAME ACROSS AN INDIVIDUAL WHO ASKED ME WHY I WAS OUT ALONE, AND WHAT A YOUNG BURGUNDY WAS WITHOUT THE ONE WHO CULLED HIM. I KNEW AT ONCE THAT THIS MEANT THAT MY EYES WERE BEGINNING TO FILL WITH THE WRETCHED HUE, THOUGH I WOULD STILL HAVE TIME BEFORE IT WOULD BE OBVIOUS THAT SOMETHING WAS AMISS. SWIFTLY, I CLAIMED THAT I WAS SIMPLY RUNNING AN ERRAND, AND WAS THUS LEFT ALONE FOR THE TIME BEING.

WAITING WOULD HAVE PROVEN FAR TOO GREAT A RISK. I KNEW THAT SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE, THOUGH THE ONE OPTION I HAD WAS FAR FROM PLEASANT. GOING THROUGH WITH IT WOULD PROVE TO HAVE ITS OWN DANGERS, AND YET I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE. I WAITED UNTIL THE MOON HAD LONG SINCE SUNK BELOW THE DISTANT MOUNTAINS AND THE SUN OCCUPIED ITS PLACE IN THE SKY. THE SENSATION WAS UNIMAGINABLY TERRIBLE AS I WALKED, AND I WAS HALF CONVINCED THAT I WOULD PERISH BEFORE THE DEED COULD BE DONE. ONCE I ARRIVED AT A CLEARING, I GATHERED EVERY SCRAP OF COURAGE AND STRENGTH AND TURNED MY GAZE UPWARDS.

THE AGONY WAS HORRID. I FELT THE LOATHSOME FLUID BEGIN CASCADING FROM MY EYES AS I ATTEMPTED NOT TO CRY OUT. FINDING MYSELF UNABLE TO STAND UPRIGHT, I COLLAPSED TO THE GRASS BELOW AS I BEGAN TO LOSE TOUCH WITH CONSCIOUSNESS. IN MY FINAL MOMENTS BEFORE I WAS OVERTAKEN, I WAS NEAR CERTAIN THAT I HEARD FOOTSTEPS RUSHING TOWARD ME.

WHEN I AWOKE, THE PAIN STILL LINGERED, THOUGH IT WAS TOLERABLE. ONE CANNOT EXPLAIN THE EMOTION WHICH FILLED ME AS I OPENED MY EYES AND SAW NOTHING. YES, IT HAD WORKED, BUT I HADN'T THE FAINTEST IDEA WHERE I NOW RESTED, NOR IF THE MOVEMENT I HEARD FROM THE BLOCK OPPOSITE MEANT HARM OR WELL.

IT TOOK ONLY MINUTES TO DECIDE THAT IT WAS THE LATTER. SHE KEPT HER TOUCHES GENTLE, EXPLAINING THAT SHE HAD DISCOVERED ME WHERE I HAD LAIN IN THE SUNLIGHT, AND THAT SHE HAD BROUGHT ME HERE FOR PROTECTION. I DESPISED THE IDEA INITIALLY, RECALLING ALL TOO WELL WHAT THIS WOULD IMPLY. HOWEVER, SHE WAS DIFFERENT. SHE SPOKE TO ME AS THOUGH I HELD WORTH, AND TREATED ME AS SHE WOULD ANYONE ELSE IN A SIMILAR SITUATION.

UPON ASKING HOW SHE HAD WITHSTOOD THE DAYLIGHT, SHE EXPLAINED TO ME THAT SHE WAS A RAINBOW DRINKER, WHICH, AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, GAVE ME A BIT OF A FRIGHT. I FOUND THAT SHE SEEMED NOT TO SPARE A MOMENT TO MENTION MY BLOOD, THOUGH THERE WAS NO POSSIBLE WAY THAT SHE COULD HAVE AVOIDED SEEING IT. FOR THIS, I VOWED TO REPAY HER.

I REMAINED WITH HER FOR THREE MORE NIGHTS, ASSISTING HER IN ANY WAY THAT I COULD IN AN ACT OF THANKS AS SHE HELPED ME ADJUST TO MY NEW BLINDNESS. BEFORE I DEPARTED, SHE GIFTED ME A CLOAK OF GREY TO FEND OFF THE WINTER'S CHILL, AS WELL AS A STURDY YET MANEUVERABLE LIMB FROM A NEARBY TREE AS A TOOL IN WHICH I COULD IDENTIFY OBSTACLES.

WHILE THEY WERE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN, THERE WERE MULTIPLE OCCASIONS IN WHICH I FOUND MYSELF IN THE COMPANY OF OTHERS. BEFORE THE LOSS OF MY VISION, A YOUNG GOLD BLOOD OFFERED ME FRIENDSHIP WHICH I FEEL VERY WELL COULD HAVE MIGRATED INTO THE RED QUADRANTS WERE I TO HAVE ALLOWED IT. I HAD FELT THE BEGINNINGS OF CALIGINOUS ATTRACTION UNTIL HE SWORE LOYALTY TO ME. HE REMAINED BY MY SIDE FOR SOME TIME, NEVER INQUIRING ABOUT MY BLOOD OR LACK OF SIGN. I EVEN WENT SO FAR AS TO BEGIN A MATESPRITSHIP WITH A GIRL OF OLIVE BLOOD, THOUGH I REALIZED IN TIME THAT DOING SO PUT A GREAT NUMBER OF PEOPLE IN DANGER.

SINCE HAVING LEFT THEM BOTH, I SWORE AGAINST THE QUADRANTS, TAKING A VOW OF CELIBACY NOT OUT OF RELIGION, BUT COMPASSION FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS. IF THE IDEA OF ANCESTORS AND DESCENDANTS IS GENUINE, I WOULD NOT WANT TO RISK A FUTURE GRUB TO INHERIT MY CURSE. THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I FEEL AS THOUGH MY BLOOD IS COMPOSED OF PURE SORROW, WHICH CAN LEAD ONLY TO A LIFE OF PAIN AND SOLITUDE. I DO NOT WANT MY DESCENDANT TO LIVE SUCH A VILE EXISTENCE AS I. I DO NOT WANT HIM TO BE AN OUTCAST LEFT ONLY TO WONDER WHY HE LACKS THE ONE THING THAT ALL OTHERS TAKE FOR GRANTED.

I DO NOT WISH FOR HIM TO BE SIGNLESS.