There is not a single face among our ranks that is free of tears this night.

Since our near discovery all those months ago, we have 8een much less lenient in our security. So then why could we not protect someone so very dear to us? We num8ered only four at our highest, how will we go on with our already small 8rigade diminished? How could I have not seen that disaster was imminent?

Perhaps I should start at the 8eginning.

Our l8est refuge was 8y the sea. We understood the risk of the loc8ion, 8ut we also agreed that it would 8e the last place that they would look for us. We never went off on our own, always sure to remain in the company of another. On more than one occasion, Captor and our friend would run off for prolonged periods of time, leaving only a note st8ing that they would return.

On our journey here, we were quite nearly apprehended. Thankfully, Ampora was not among the Agents who discovered us. While I would not mind 8eing the one to put an end to him, we would have 8een fairly equally matched, and there is no way to 8e sure that I would have emerged as the victor.

I thought that we would surely 8e defeated. Terezi unconscious, myself in a headlock. Captor was prepared to attack, 8ut they threatened to kill me were he to make another move. However, in an instant, the warmth of 8lood coated the 8ack of my head in violet.

Our adversaries seemed to have made the same incorrect assumption that I myself had. Just how he managed it, I will never 8e sure, 8ut I discovered that the one mem8er of our party I had thought would 8e most vulnera8le in confront8ion was, in reality, potentially our 8est asset in 8attle. He moved with skill, wielding a pair of sickles which we stum8led across in an a8andoned 8arn only weeks prior. It was at that moment that I silently vowed that I owed him my life.

To have seen him fighting! Every movement was fluid and with purpose. Determin8ion filled him, and yet he did not give off an air of viciousness. I saw him in this moment for what he was. Not helpless, 8ut insistent that we survive. He fought not 8ecause he wanted to, far from it. He fought 8ecause it was our only hope. He fought for peace.

We had gotten word that Ampora and his troops- He has troops now! What a thought!- were growing closer, and that 8efore long, they would close in on us. That 8eing said, we had learned that it is 8est to make a plan of action 8efore simply heading off as we had done in the past. I noticed our friend remained oddly silent as we discussed strategy, speaking only when prompted to 8y Captor.

We would leave in the early evening and head south. A shelter could 8e 8uilt of trees, and I volunteered my cloak as a roof, despite the fact that the cold had returned. Terezi offered to share her heat with me, and I find myself wondering if perhaps what we have is 8ordering on moirallegiance. I pushed the thought aside for the moment, determining for myself that there were far more important things at hand.

Food was scarce tonight, 8ut despite our hunger, we made the situation enjoya8le. Terezi told stories of some of her most exciting cases. Captor revealed that he was an aspiring inventor and disclosed information on some of the projects that he had 8een working on 8efore finding us. Our friend sang that age old hymn for all to hear for the first time. I myself only illustr8d the event, unaware that it would 8e the final moment of peace we would all know as a group.

I was awoken 8y frantic shaking of my shoulder, It was still only early evening, and yet Terezi was terrified. She informed me that the other two mem8ers of our company had vanished without a trace. Never 8efore had they left without informing us, never 8efore had they given us reason to fret.

We risked going off on our own in order to cover more ground. Surely they had not 8een captured? If so, the two of us would not have 8een left. All four of us would have 8een 8rought to judgement, not just half.

In time, I was a8le to make out 8ootprints in the damp soil. Two sets, one pro8a8ly made after the other. Had they simply gone out? Why had they not told us? I reminded myself to scold them when we were at last reunited.

I feared that I would walk into the midst of a 8attle around the time I 8egan to hear the lapping of the sea against the sand in the distance. That energy filled the air, and I knew at once that Captor had to 8e near8y. I called out for him, and in time I saw his silhouette, illumin8ed only 8y the occasional sparks which crackled around his head. I felt relief upon seeing him uninjured. However, my calm faded as soon as I was a8le to make out his face. Those sparks were not from 8attle. And they were not the only thing spilling out of his eyes.

He was weeping.

And he was alone.

And he was holding an all too familiar 8ranch.

Captor all 8ut collapsed against me, so8s wracking his 8ody as I desperately 8egged him to tell me what had happened. The inform8ion he gave me was of no comfort.

Though he had told no one, Captor is plagued 8y a mut8ion of his own. He claims to hear the voices of those who are f8ted to die in the near future. "The Imminently Deceased", he refers to them as. He was started awake, he told me, 8y screams of our mutual friend. If this had not terrified him enough, it nearly caused him to cry out for himself when he discovered that they were not of the physical variety. He only pretended to sleep for the rest of the day, and when he managed to leave without waking Terezi and I, Captor followed close 8ehind.

He revealed himself only when they had arrived on the 8each, where a 8rief heated exchange took place.

Our friend explained that he too was aware that he was to die this night. When asked how, he turned his gaze of darkness to the sea and informed him that his life was to end 8y his own hand. He claimed that he had 8een running for so very long, and that should he die, he wished to have his life cut short 8y his own methods. He claimed that doing it this way would 8e "A 8ig 'fuck you' "to Ampora.

Captor had pleaded, had physically restrained him in an em8race. 8ut our friend had struggled, and 8oth red and gold tears had mingled. Each 8egged the other for one of two outcomes. Captor crying for him to stay, to return to us and keep fighting, our companion wailing for Captor to please just let him finally end it, to let him go.

And he'd let him go.

He'd watched as he took a 8reath of salty air, as he'd taken the first few steps into the frigid water. As he'd swum out farther. As he'd turned 8ack to offer one final small wave, despite having no way of knowing whether or not he received one in return.

Once he'd disappeared 8eneath the water, he did not 8reak a8ove the waves again. 8ut in time, the 8ranch 8o88ed to the surface, Captor having fallen to his knees in grief long 8efore it finally washed ashore.

I felt as though I would 8e ill as I unwillingly pictured the sight. Of him taking one last 8reath 8efore su8merging, letting it out in a stream of 8u88les, sinking slowly with his cloak dancing around him as it had so many times in the 8reeze, of his grip going slack as his soul departed.

Had he truly felt so despondent? Had all hope truly fled him? The three of us wept for what felt to 8e an eternity when we found and informed Terezi, mourning all that seemed to make up the world. At one point, I mentioned that it was unfortun8 that he was celi8ate, and therefore 8eforus would not know another of his 8lood. Terezi agreed. Captor said nothing and turned his gaze away.

A8ove all else, I am angry.

I am angry with the Empress for forcing this f8 upon us all. I am angry with the rest of my race for treating culled trolls so poorly and leading him to desire an escape. I am angry with him for giving up, for leaving us when we all cared for him so very dearly. I am angry at Captor for not insisting that he listen to reason. I am angry with myself for not 8eing a8le to save him, for not seeing until now that his actions had ceased 8eing driven 8y the will to survive, 8ut to 8e sure that the rest of us did. I am angry with all people and all things, and for the first time, I wonder if perhaps this is what he experienced on a daily 8asis. Pain. Rage. Fear. Sorrow.

Captor explained his guilt regarding the fact that he found himself too 8roken to venture out into the water and retrieve his 8ody. Terezi and I pacified him as 8est we could, reminding him that he pro8a8ly wanted Ampora or another sea dweller to find him.

We have no reason to run anymore. We ventured into a nea8y city and found lodgings for the day, and while it is nothing luxurious, it is all we can afford with what little funds we possess. When we first entered, it filled me with a sense of overwhelming familiarity. And in time, I recalled just when I had seen these surroundings 8efore.

It had 8een two sweeps since then, and just like the last time, winter had settled in. This was when I saw him. His horns are unmistaka8le. Slipping away from the others, I pushed through the thin crowd. A well-8uilt indigo 8lood stood 8y his side, and he looked honestly confused as I fell to my knees 8efore the four wheel device, 8egging Tavros Nitram for forgiveness, which, despite recognizing me, he willingly gave.

None who knew him shall ever forget he who had the 8rilliant red flowing through him. His loyalty and kindness were masked 8y a distrusting, harsh exterior in much the same way that his 8lood was hidden 8y his skin. And yet, he had no name to refer to him 8y. We have nothing we can call him.

Or rather, we didn't.

I recalled the hymn he always sang, and the words of the language long since dead. "Or8io irka it klo van gau vl'kl vo laetk gaislk; klato tas ag ar8o laetk rars t'rko rogk klo vaur8 ag klo kar, dik klo kat tlaer'k oq'u vou'tl" In modern speaking, "Grant unto us the peace for which we hast fought; those warriors of olde hast long since left the world of the living, 8ut their ideals shan't ev'r perish." From this, we have pieced together a name for the nameless. One which fits him well. The first transl8s to "Living ideals", the second "Peace warrior".

None of us shall ever forget Karkat Vantas.

Tomorrow, I plan to turn myself in to the first Imperial Agents I can find. That 8eing said, I am not throwing my life away. I do not wish to die, not after having 8een through so much to stay alive. Not when I have a legacy to inform the masses of. I will attempt to convince the Empress that I was merely attempting to gain his trust in order to 8ring him in more easily, and that I simply got caught up in the game, as has happened in the past. It will 8e difficult to sell this to her, 8ut I must try. If I am successful, I will check in the next time I am a8le. If not….. well, that hardly needs explaining.

I do hope that this will not 8e my final entry.

~Vriska