…
Gou neatly folded the piece of the paper in her hand, one that she had been writing a letter to Seijuro on mere moments ago. She knew it was pointless, the letters never reached him but she would write 1000 of them just for that feeling. It felt like a part of her could touch him no matter how far away he was, pouring out her thoughts and feelings to him despite the distance.
It had been six weeks since she'd heard anything from him, since anyone had heard from him. Seijuro and his whole troop were missing in action.
She'd never hated three little words so much in her entire life.
Missing in action.
He wasn't supposed to be out there, he was supposed to be back by now.
I'll be home for Christmas, it's a promise.
But he was still gone, fighting a war that wasn't his own.
In her mind she would keep him safe from harm but there was always that niggle at the back, he wasn't invincible. There was only so long he could last before his luck would run out.
And maybe that time was now, although a large part of her still refused to believe this, still expected him to walk through that door at any moment.
But she knew he wouldn't, so she remained where she always did. Waiting by the phone, waiting for that moment she'd get a call saying he was coming home.
Month after month that day just never seemed to arrive.
She knew they were looking for him – or at least his dog tags – but she felt it wasn't enough, she wanted to help, she wanted to know she was doing something worthwhile.
She remembered Chigusa once commenting how sexy it was to have a lover who wore dog tags, she'd even suggested getting a pair for her own boyfriend. But to Gou it was just a horrible reminder of what could be, that one day Seijuro could possibly be no longer recognisable beyond a pair of metal chains.
The thought always sat heavy in her stomach, making her feel sick but now it seemed the moment she'd always dreaded could be here.
…
Slowly, Gou laid all the presents under the tree, perfectly staked and placed for a picturesque scene. God how she missed the days where she would snap at Seijuro for not taking enough care, only for the man to laugh at her strop and throw another gift on his teetering pile.
In the centre of the tree she placed the gift for her husband, a bright bow placed on the top for decoration. She knew it was a pointless exercise but she couldn't stop herself.
She wanted to believe his words, she wanted to believe he would be home for Christmas. And when he came back the house would be perfect, as if these last six months hadn't happened.
Breaking her out of her thoughts was the high pitched cry of her phone, vibrating against her thigh in her pocket.
"Hello?" She answered.
"Hey beautiful!" Chigusa's voice cried at her down the phone.
"Hi." She sighed, settling down on her sofa.
"How you feeling?" She asked, sympathy seeping into her tone.
"Can't complain." She lied, but her best friend saw right through it.
"Don't bullshit me." She laughed.
"I just… I miss him so much." She admitted.
"I know you do honey." Chigusa said. "I worry about you, spending Christmas all by yourself."
"I'm fine, I prefer it that way." She said, and it was the honest truth.
Everyone was happy and she couldn't stand to be around them for long. She didn't begrudge them that joy of being close to the one that they love but god how she wished she too could have that. Her friends, her brother, they all had that one person to hold as Christmas arrived.
"Is that Gou?" A muffled voice says in the background, Gou presuming it was Chigusa's boyfriend.
"Gou! My lovely!" He shouted, obviously having stolen the phone.
"Hi Kisumi." She giggled slightly.
"Please tell me you're coming to the pub with us all tonight?" He asked.
"Not tonight." She said, Kisumi dramatically gasping at her comment.
"But it's tradition!" He exclaimed.
"Not quite." She disagreed.
It was something they'd done three years ago and Kisumi, Seijuro and few others had drunkenly decided every Christmas Eve would consist of too many drinks in the pub with kebabs and chips on the way home. It wasn't that she was against the idea but without Seijuro there to force her she decided a night in was all she needed.
"But you have to come." He whined, Gou rolling her eyes at his fusses. She seriously wondered how Chigusa put up with him.
"Maybe next year." She said. When Seijuro is back. She added silently.
"Fine I'll let you off this once but I shan't be so lenient next year." He warned, handing the phone back to Chigusa.
"Please ignore my idiot of boyfriend, lord knows I do." Chigusa complained.
"Hey!" Kisumi indignantly cried in the background.
"But, if you need me you call me right away okay?" She said.
"I will." Gou agreed.
"I mean it, even if it's three in the morning I'm here for you." Chigusa told her, all hint of jokes gone from her tone.
"I know." She smiled. "Thank you."
"No worries babe. I have to go now, Kisumi's managed to knock the tree over again." She groaned.
"You have the patience of a saint with that man." Gou giggled.
"He's lucky I love him." She laughed too. "Call me if you need me."
"Will do. Bye." She said, hanging up her phone.
Silently she slipped the phone back into her pocket, gaze drifting towards the star on her coffee table. She wasn't tall enough to reach the top of her tree, place the finishing touch on. She knew she could get the step ladder they kept in the garage but it wasn't the same.
She may complain every year but Gou secretly loved it when Seijuro would hitch her up off the ground and hold her up to the tree. Each time, with a grumble, she'd put the star on top and the couple would smile up at their completed tree.
But this year she couldn't bring herself to finish. Not without him.
…
Gou watched as the second hand slowly ticked on her click, counting down towards the big day.
The fairy lights on the tree shone shadows on her as she waited, never moving as she just watched the hours slip away.
Her eyes bored into the clock as all three hands pointed up in unison, announcing the arrival of Christmas. Only it didn't feel right without Seijuro in her arms.
With a sigh, Gou pushed herself off the sofa deciding it was best to try and get some sleep. She wasn't sure what she was expecting, Seijuro would magically appear with her, his voice filling the room, his presence warming her heart.
But she was still alone as she turned the Christmas lights off, she was still alone as she walked up the stairs, she was still alone as she dropped onto her bed, she was still alone as she fell into a restless sleep.
…
The next morning Gou found herself being shock awake, a groan emitting from somewhere deep within herself.
She'd asked to be alone but of course her brother would ignore her, she should have expected his arrival, it was inevitable. As much as she loved him dearly she didn't want anyone near her today but now she'd be forced into family fun while Rin's little boyfriend would watch her with concerned blue eyes and a sympathetic smile.
"Fuck off Rin!" She growled as the shaking never seemed to cease.
"Well, isn't that a lovely greeting?" The man in her room laughed.
Gou's eyes shot open, she'd recognise that voice anywhere and it certainly wasn't Rin. She scrambled up in her bed, tangling her legs up in her covers in her excitement to get upright.
"Sei?" She asked, eye raking up and down the man's body.
It was definitely Seijuro, her Seijuro, sure he was a little battered and bruised now but underneath that layer of dirt she saw those same eyes she fell in love with.
She felt herself frozen, too shocked to move, heart beating so loud she could hear it in her ears, feel the blood rushing around her body.
"Hey baby." He grinned.
At the sound of that stupid pet name – the very one she had protested and fought against to no avail – snapped her back into action. Gou threw herself off the bed and onto her husband, arms tightly around his neck, leg's around his waist.
"It's really you." She whispered as she peppered his face with kisses, salty from the tears that slipped down her cheeks.
She didn't care how it happened all that mattered was Seijuro was back, he was finally stood in their bedroom with her once again. After counting the days for so long he was here for her when she needed him the most.
"Happy Christmas Gou." Seijuro breathed against her lips.
"Best present I could ask for." She mumbled, kissing him lovingly once again.
…