A/N: Aaaaand we're back, ladies and gentlemen :) I'm so sorry about the HUGE delay. Real life happens. Anyway, good to be back, let's go on with the story.
Damn, you phone is loud. You growl and shift in your sleep, eyes still closed. What's with people and calling you at dawn on weekends anyway?
You search blindly for the speak button, too sleepy to formulate words. You make a noise to let the other person know you're listening. There's a laughing sound.
"Rise and shine, bitch", another noise. "Yeah, okay, you don't need to talk if you don't want to. Just sneak me in, won't you?"
"What the fuck, Fabray?" You manage to say, confused, rubbing your eyes.
"Are you hangover or something?"
"Got home late last night", you mumble, even though you won't be able to explain that you crashed on Brittany's couch with her and woke up like, 3AM or something to get back home. "Why are you even-"
"Good Lord, I forgot you get dumb before noon", she scoffs. "Just let me in, I'm outside."
"You can't be outside, your place is at the other side of the country", you growl again. "Plus, you don't know where I live."
"Rachel is visiting her parents in LA for a few days, I came along", she explains patiently, sighing. "Sam gave me your address. C'mon, just wake the hell up and open the door already."
Your mind clicks.
"You're seriously here", you snap, going to a sitting position in seconds, your voice raspy.
"Don't tell me", her voice is bored, but you hear the smile behind it. "And I hope you're decent, because Brittany is here, too."
"WHAT?"
"Yea, life is funny. I was at Starbucks with Rach and Sam and she came over. Then I invited her to your house. I know you don't mind."
At this point you're already putting some jeans on and looking for a shirt on your closet, checking the mirror just to find out your hair is a mess. You curse under your breath when you trip over a pile of dirty clothes.
"You've got-", you trip again. "Shit. You've got to be kidding!"
Quinn laughs soundly on the other side. "I am. But now that you're already up, open the door."
"I hate you."
"Yea, yea, fine. As long as you let me in, you can hate me all you want."
You didn't realized you much you missed your best friend until she's standing at your door with an amused smile and several bags in hand. She looks happy, but a different kind of happiness, you think; you don't think you've ever seen her like this.
"That's not 'few days' baggage, Q", you joke, helping her organizing the bags on the floor. You notice there's a figure still at your doorstep seconds later. You smile. "Well, you must be Rachel Berry. I'll just assume you know all about me already, I hate introductions. It's nice to meet you, even though Quinn is making my ears bleed from talking too much about you."
"Oh so lovely, Satan", Quinn deadpans, throwing herself on your coach. Rachel steps in unsurely and closes the door, offering you a shy smile. "Come here, honey, she won't bite you", she looks at you and quirk an eyebrow. "At least she didn't use to."
"Quinn, that's mean", her voice is playful and concerned. "Don't be rude or she'll change her mind about letting you stay."
You blink slowly. "'Letting you stay?' Quinn?"
Quinn shifts uncomfortably on the couch, smiling apologetic at you and shrugging. "Just for a couple of days. Rach is going to LA and I'll stay around, because…"
"She's refusing to meet my parents", Rachel finishes, sitting beside her girlfriend. "Personally, I think you're being irrational about that matter, Quinn. Meeting parents is an important part of any relationship, and you have the perfect opportunity to-"
"Rachel!" Quinn spats, looking worried to Santana before starting again, with a softer tone. "We talked about that. Another time, okay? You said you were okay with it."
You looked at the interaction with curious eyes. Suddenly you have so many questions. Is it hard, to let people know? What do they say? Are they mean sometimes? How do you deal with it? Quinn used to be so scared about everything, it's weird to see her so open about something like that. They're snuggling on your couch now, Rachel is taking something off Quinn's cardigan, and they look so in love you want to laugh and mock at them, but at the same time you get a sting on your chest and have to look away from it.
"You can stay", you breathe, because you could talk to Quinn about a thing or two. "I mean, of course I'll cover your coward ass, Fabray", your tone is playful, but you see Quinn deflate a little when you say coward, even though she's smiling. Old habits die hard. "You are welcome to stay as well, Rachel."
"Oh, look at you, so nice", Quinn teases. "Brittany has domesticated you alre-", she stops shortly, cover her mouth with her hand, her eyes wide.
Rachel looks at you curiously, because apparently Quinn hasn't told her everything about you. You feel yourself blushing and fidgeting with the thought of telling someone you don't really know you – even though she won't judge – that you have a girlfriend and all the things that come along with the confession.
"I didn't mean to, you know", Quinn mumbles.
You blink twice. "She doesn't know I have a girlfriend?"
Rachel smiles brightly at you. "I suppose you're not very comfortable with your lady lover status, yet, Santana, but yes, from the phone calls I've heard – not on purpose, of course – I happen to know about your little issues with that matter, and I ask you not to be afraid of it, it's a wonderful part of who you are and I'm glad we can share this."
"She doesn't breathe when she talks. God", you deadpan, looking at Quinn, who shrugs apologetic. You turn to Rachel. "And ahn, thank you, Rachel, for your… Speech", you look everywhere to change the subject, until your stomach makes a loud noise. "Wanna grab lunch?"
Quinn shots you a devilish grin. "No plans with Brittany today?"
You tilt your head. "I don't know, but she didn't say anything yesterday", you try to search in your mind for something she might have said before and after you woke up wrapped in each other arms on her couch. The thought makes you smile. Quinn is laughing at your expression, it seems.
"Call her. Tell her you're going to pick her up for lunch", her tone is bossy and it looks like she's teasing, but she gives you a firm nod and her eyes says something else. "It's about time you get your girlfriend out that cave where you two are hiding."
She's not stupid; she knows it's a big step. And you know she's just saying that because they'll be there for you and Brittany is something weird comes up. Suddenly you feel like she's tutoring you and that feels funny. How To Be Gay 101. You grab your phone.
"I didn't mean to wake you up, Quinn made me call", you say instead of greeting. Brittany just laughs on the other side and God, you love the sound. "Hey there."
"Hello beautiful", she says softly.
"Put her on the speaker!" Quinn half shouts from the couch.
"Bite me", you reply, turning around to the kitchen. "No, not you, Britt", you low your tone a little. "I mean…"
"Maybe later, huh?"
"Q-Quinn wants you to have lunch with us. I know we went out yesterday, but… Can I pick you up?"
"Are we going to be around people now?"
You take a deep breath, knowing what she's asking. "It'll be fun, promise", you answer both questions like that.
"You don't have to convince me", she chuckles. "It's not like I'm not missing you anyway."
"Cheesy", you tease. "But I am, too. You have ten minutes."
"Okay, bye."
"You're just too cute."
You roll your eyes. "Yea, sure", you feel your cheeks heating. Damn. "I have to get ready. Make yourself at home. No, scratch that, or you'll have sex on my couch. That is not gonna happen."
Quinn doesn't miss a beat. "You're rambling, Santana. Jeez, anxious much?"
"Go to hell", you mumble before closing the bedroom door.
She has no idea.
You come up to Brittany's apartment because she asked you to, and it's a weird sensation. Suddenly you are hyper-aware of every single neighbor she has and what they'll think if they knew you're picking her up for a double date with two of your friends – also girls, who date each other, like you and Brittany date, yea.
When your phone rings, you almost can't pick it up, because you were startled for a moment. You see Brittany's name on the screen and pick up immediately.
"I'm going up, Britt", your tone is lower than usually, an unconscious fear of someone eavesdropping.
"Just making sure you still know the way, you're taking forever!"
"Traffic, baby. I'll be there in less than 5, okay?"
"You better, I'm getting hungry."
"Yea, I bet. Alright, talk to you soon. Bye."
Something bumps into you and you're so immersed on thoughts of being caught – doing what? – that you almost miss your name being called. You don't know why you're acting like a criminal, it's not like you've never been here before.
"Hey Santana!" You hear again, and turn your head slowly just to be greeted with your worst fear.
"Sebastian", you nod shortly, with full intention of walking away as soon as you can. It's been a long time since you don't see him, – since you turned him down to your professor because he stole supplies from the hospital's pharmacy and trying to sell it – and the way he's smiling at you right now is kinda unsettling, you don't know if he knows it was you. "Long time no see."
"Yea, I'm a little behind on schedule now, you know how things are", he looks at you from head to toe.
"Is that so?"
"Looking nice", he cuts the subject and offers you a grin. "What's the occasion?"
"Quinn's visiting", you reply, smiling politely. "I'm sure you remember her."
He presses on. "Didn't know you lived at the building."
You freeze. "I, hm, I don't. I'm picking up-", please don't start stuttering, please…
"Brittany", he smiles like he has caught you. And he did, he's looking at the package you were trying to hide behind your back. "Her brother is an old friend."
Of course.
He goes on. "Flowers? And they say chivalry is dead."
Fuck. A thousand times. Fuck.
You laugh with no humor at all. "It's not-"
He seems amused about seeing you this nervous. "My mother taught me to pick up my dates, you know? Like a boy should. Being a nice guy, compliment, to be on schedule. Flowers."
This time you want to laugh for real, because he is almost as gay as you are, but it's suicide if you say that out loud. You just nod and smile again, looking at your cellphone to check the time.
"I'd love to talk, but I'm already late. See you at the hospital, I suppose."
"Oh, that's a cruel joke", he fakes a pout. "I would tell you a funny story about a guy expelled from med school, but I think you know that one by heart already. Nice job."
You freeze in place. It's possible to hear a needle dropping on the floor.
"It's very brave of you, you know", he steps forward, walking around you. "Being all open like that."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Picking Brittany up, bringing flowers… I'd say… So charming."
"T-that's not-"
"Santana Lopez, are you stuttering?" He laughs and stops short right behind you. "You know, I'd love to know what happened with the bitchy version of yourself. I guess you have… A lot to lose now."
Your legs are shaking.
"How's the work at the hospital? The clinic? I heard you're doing well now. Making everybody proud, huh? Who's daddy little girl?" He pokes your cheek and you snap his hand.
"Knock it off, Smythe. You got what you deserved. The. End. Now leave me alone, or-"
"Or what, Lopez? Huh? You're the one who should watch your steps."
"Is that a threat?"
"I don't know, you tell me. Apparently I know something about you that you don't want to… spread. Am I right?"
"That wouldn't take you anywhere", your voice is nothing but a grunt.
"You really don't know how stuff works, do you? It's a bad, bad world, Santana. And unfortunately, being gay nowadays is not as easy as they show on tv. Think about it. Think about how they're going to react at the hospital. At the clinic. The professors. Your patients. Your family."
"You can't prove-"
"All I'm saying is: don't make mistakes. I'll be watching. As soon as you know, you'll be so deep down in shit that even your dad won't be able to help you. I bet he wouldn't anyway, if he knew the toys you've been playing with", he nods toward the flowers and smiles. "See you around."
You don't even know how you got to the elevator and pressed the number of Brittany's floor.
She's at the hallway waiting for you with that smile that makes you forget about everything else. You try not to look as worried as you are as you offer the flowers behind your back for her. Her smile grows and she takes them.
"You're really cute, you know that?" She blushes and it's the most adorable thing.
"I try", you whisper as you put your hands around her waist, kissing the corner of her mouth. You hope she doesn't notice you're shaking.
She does.
"What's wrong?" You see her moving her head, searching. "Come inside."
She closes the door behind you and waits. You're still shaking.
"Well?"
"Do you know Sebastian Smythe?" You blurt. "I didn't know he lived here."
"He and Matt used to hang out, but it's been a while", she shrugs, and pats the sit beside hers at the couch, where you sit and let her wrap you, your back against her chest. "Breathe, Santana. You're scaring me."
"He was my classmate", you start, wishing you weren't shaking as much as you are.
"Was?"
"Some doctors noticed that the pharmacy supply at the hospital were decreasing fast", Brittany nodded, holding one of your hands to stop it from shaking, caressing it with her thumb. It makes you relax a little. "Sebastian and I, we always had this weird competition between us, since high school. He said I was using my father to get into places", you scoff. "Of course he wasn't the only one who thought that, but he said out loud more than once. I got angry, of course, because it's not true at all, but I didn't do anything, it was pointless."
"You never told me about your father", she whispers against your hair, just above your ear.
"It's not important", you shrug. "Anyway, one day I caught him selling some pills to a bunch of addicted guys at school. I wanted to turn him down on the spot."
"But you didn't."
"I didn't. I called him, in private, and told him that I knew and that he should stop. He looked so scared that I thought for a second that he would. He said so and I believed him", you don't know if you're crying, but when you feel Brittany's hand on your cheeks, it's wet. "But then he tried to plant evidence in my stuff. I saw him talking about some of the guys he was selling pills about it. Then I turned him down and they kicked him out. It wasn't about revenge, I swear."
"I understand", she turns you and you see concern on her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Santana."
You scoff. "He saw the flowers. He knows about me. About us. And I don't know if he can use it, or how… Hell, I don't know if something might change if anyone find out, but he said... I think he can do something with it, and I don't know if I want to know what it'll be."
Brittany frowns and bites her lower lip, running one hand through her hair and releasing a breath. "Okay", she says. "Do you remember what I said about this being about you, right?" You nod. "I… I don't want to be trouble for you", you open your mouth to protest. "Shh. Listen. There's no way he's using this – us – to blackmail you or anything like that", she holds your face with both hands. "Trust me on this one."
"I really do, Britt", you reply with a shrug. "I just don't-"
"Your fears are yours and yours alone. No one can put them against you", you can't explain why you're scared now. It's not like you haven't thought about it before. But seeing Sebastian and knowing what he can do was like a reality push. "You're not worse because of it. You're just as amazing, if not more. You're going to be the best doctor of the world and it's so unfair if someone is making you doubt that. So unfair."
Your phone starts ringing. You don't know how long you two are talking, but Quinn must be pissed, she hates waiting. That makes you think about what you're about to do. Being around people. PDA. You're not so sure.
"Hey Quinn", Brittany takes your phone before you can think. "It's Brittany. Yea, she's fine. Actually, can you come over? We have a… Situation here. No, it's nothing serious. I mean… Just come over and I'll explain everything. I'll text you the address, okay? Right, bye."
Brittany is still looking at you, her lips pressed in a thin line.
"What are you-"
"We're not doing this", she says, adamant. "I'm not putting your head on the line like this. We still have a bunch of things to figure out, we need time. I'm giving us time", she sounds so worried and serious that the intensity of it makes you a little uncomfortable. "Quinn's coming over, we'll eat here and have our double date, okay? I don't want you to worry."
"Okay, I can see how that could be a problem", you're all sitting on Britt's living room while Quinn paces around so fast that you're starting to feel dizzy. "But I can't see how that is a problem for you right now, Santana."
You just wait. Quinn has this annoying habit of start explaining stuff and stopping short 'for effect'. You trust her logic as you trust a few other things, because it got you out of trouble several times in high school. You hope it'll do the same this time.
"Sebastian was expelled for a crime. He's out of med school", she continues, and you keep looking at her waiting for some new information. "And you are still there, doing a good job, as far as I know."
You nod, but still don't get.
"Personally, I understand your fear, considering the whole scenario. But you must consider that his influence is not exactly outstanding comparing to yours", she nods to herself, seeming satisfied with her point.
"She's right, Santana", Brittany bumps your shoulder with hers. "It's his word against yours, and he's not selling confidence around, as far as we know."
You don't know if she's right, and you don't say so. You can't find yourself calming down. Sebastian knows people, and he has a way around them you certainly don't. Your father always said that was the key to succeed, knowing people, what to say, how to say. If you wanna go somewhere, you must ask the right questions to the right people. Sebastian knew all that and he used the tools really well while he could. You're not so sure about yourself in this aspect.
"I suppose", you say with a shrug, "Sebastian is so good dealing with people it's scary. I can tell he had a good influence there before the whole expelling thing. Even if he doesn't have it anymore…" you stop short and take a deep breath. "It's not hard to get evidence to prove his point. The opposite, though…"
"I don't believe it's a wise decision to hide in fear, Santana, if I may take part on this discussion. That might be exactly his plan, and once you cope with that, he'll have the evidence he needs to succeed in exposing you."
Rachel has a point, but how can you act cool when there's a douche trying to fuck up your life and career once you make a mistake?
"You know what? It's okay. Let's not overheat your brains trying to think about something that might not happen. I'm sure he was just saying bullshit trying to scare me", you put your best brave face and snake your arm around Brittany's shoulder.
Quinn's expression changes to a grin. "I say we continue our bonding time", she turns to Brittany. "So, Brittany, Satan here has been keeping me in the dark about you. Tell us a bit about yourself."
You see Brittany shrinking a bit near you. "Uh, I'm majoring in dance at Berkeley, I have an older brother, my parents live in Arizona, I grew up there", she shrugs. "Not much to tell."
"Dance? That's nice. Santana and I used to be cheerleaders in high school", your face drops. That was not supposed to come up in conversations. It's not that you're ashamed or whatever, just… Not a good idea. Quinn goes on, excited. "We ruled the school. Top bitches, really. Everyone worshiped us."
You fake a laugh. "I'm sure it wasn't exactly like that, Q…"
"Oh, seriously. This one?" She points you. "Freshmen worst nightmare."
Brittany's smile is weird when she pokes you. "Is that so?"
"It's not like I actually did anything", you shrug. "Just a little terrorism. At the time, we thought it was fun. No one ever got hurt", you give Quinn a glare, but she doesn't seem to get. "Quinn was the real nightmare, to be honest."
"Oh, good times", Quinn laughs. "So, Brittany, how about your high school? I'm sure you kicked some ass at your cheerleading squad."
Now Brittany looked visibly uncomfortable.
"No cheerleading squad", she said, in a neutral tone. Santana discovered too late that it was the wrong subject to talk about. "Even though my brother was the football superstar, I just… It wasn't for me."
Quinn's face fell for a second, but she recovered in record time. "I'm sure it was their loss. Santana said you're gorgeous when you dance."
Brittany's eyes get brighter when she looks at you. "Did she?" She asks, looking at you with a playful smile.
You smile back, dying to release the tension Quinn built asking about her past (even though you're dying to know why she avoids it so much). "It's true."
"Ugh, you guys are disgustingly cute", Quinn replies, just to get a shoulder bump from Rachel. "What? They are!"
"Let them be. I can think of several occasions in which you were disgustingly cute as well, sweetie."
"Ooooh Rachel, do tell!"
"Ooooh Rachel, do not tell!" Quinn makes a perfect imitation of your voice as she gets up. "See, we gotta go. Rachel and I didn't separate our bags, to I need to put my stuff at your place so she can pack to travel."
"Are you sure you don't wanna go, because-"
"YES, I'M SURE! I mean, Rach, honey, we talked. Another time. Okay? You promised."
You and Brittany start giggling, and you realize you'd do the same Quinn is doing if you were her. You probably will do the same when your turn comes. With that thought, you stop laughing.
"Here, grab my keys. I'll stay around for a little bit", you see Quinn's smile as she reaches the door. "And Quinn, my room is off limits, you disgusting person."
You think you hear her saying 'we'll see', but she closes the door before you can reply anything.
Once you're alone, you spend time in silence. It's something you both like doing, especially after sharing that much information with Quinn and Rachel. Brittany breaks the silence first, her hands clasped tightly around your stomach, as she rests her chin on the top of your head.
"Are you curious?"
"About earlier?" You feel her nodding. "I suppose you'll tell me eventually."
"But are you?"
You snuggle closer. "Maybe a little."
"Let's just say that… School didn't work for me."
"Because people are jerks and you got picked up, right…?" You try to follow.
Brittany sighs. "Not just that. My grades, I… I couldn't learn. I was incapable to learn anything using their regular process of teaching."
"That's why you didn't manage to get in the cheerleading squad", you blink. "Damn, Britt, I'm sorry."
"I'm not", she smiles sadly. "The girls were bad and the fact I am my brother's sister would make it even worse even if I managed. Plus, I didn't need it to get in college, anyway, so."
"What do you mean, about your brother?"
Her body tenses. "Nothing", she says a little too fast. "It's just a lot of pressure, since he was the quarterback, the superstar, perfect grades, early admission and stuff."
You hear 'head cheerleader, perfect grades and early admission' when she speaks, but you don't show any trace of reaction, you just feel bad.
"I'm sorry. I kinda know how it is", yea, but not your side of the story.
She shrugs. "I got over it. After my dad helped me finishing high school, things got better", she plays with your hair. "Of course there's the whole home schooled thing, but since no one knows about it, they can't say anything."
"Home schooled?" You blurt. She stops short like you got her. "Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"It's fine", she takes a deep breathe. "I can talk about it."
You smile sadly. "Wanna sit on the floor? Maybe it'll help?"
"Sure."
You get up and take her with you to the floor. Her eyes look guarded and careful, like she's about to tell you something really important. You feel tense because of it, but you don't say anything. She sits in front of you and grabs your hand, looking down at it as she speaks.
"I managed high school just fine until the end of sophomore year. On the summer before my junior year… Something happened", you nod for her to continue. "And my family kinda… Broke."
"Money or…"
"No, we just… Broke. We didn't look like a family anymore, because of what happened", you nod again, knowing exactly the feel, but not daring to ask what was it. "It was… The worst year of my life. And I failed. I couldn't learn, my brother refused to help, my dad was busy taking care of… Stuff, and my mom thought I was hopeless."
You honestly don't know how she managed to tell that without a single tear. Her expression was totally blank.
"When I failed, they tried to change schools. I couldn't handle another school. Mom thought that nothing could be done. Then she gave up. Stop caring. At this point dad decided to help me, that's when he started teaching me at home. He did it for two years, so I could finish high school. And so I did."
You don't know what to say. You feel angry, sad and relieved all at once.
"Damn, Britt, I'm so sorry", there's so much you want to say, but you can't bring yourself to speak. You look at the hard expression she has now and you just want to hug her and punch her mother, and thank her father, and… "What about your mother? Are you guys okay?"
"I understood her behavior. After all that happened, I… I just asked too much. It's the worst feeling ever, to fail. But to fail as a parent, that's something I can't even imagine. And she thought she was a failure, when I was a failure. That was killing me. When I got accepted, one year late, I felt like things were changing, you know? Like everything was going back to place. She came around and I forgave her, because I knew that, somehow, it was my fault."
"But she let you down, Britt. When you needed the most. That's so… I don't understand how a parent could do something like that."
"I let her down, too. More than once", Brittany shrugs, as she squeezes your hand. "But she forgave me too, didn't she?"
"Because you're her daughter, that's what parents do."
"And she's my mother, that's what daughters do."
You try hard not to cry and she notices. She just pulls you closer and your lips meet softly. You let her, your body sinking slowly as she holds you still. You don't realize you're shaking until she holds your shoulder and whispers for you to relax.
You think about your father and immediately you understand how she felt. And you understand less and less how Brittany could forgive her mother. Because you're not sure you'd ever forgive your father.
All you hear is a sharp breath. The next thing you see is Brittany, waking up and stretching. You don't realize how long you two were asleep. You still feel dizzy when Brittany holds you closer and start dozing off again. You go with her until you hear a loud noise of something heavy being dropped on the floor.
You see a few boxes on the floor. Then you move your eyes up and see an old Berkeley shirt and messy blonde hair.
Shit.
"Hey Britt, mom asked me to drop by because you forgot some boxes-", you see Matt turning around slowly, and Britt is not waking up and moving at a decent pace so you won't be-
"Oh. Hi Santana", he smiles brightly at you, snuggling on the floor on his sister's lap. "What a surprise."