I'm insanely sorry. Med school is a tough cookie, writer's block sucks and break ups are bitches. That's pretty much it. Sorry again, everybody. Back on track, enjoy the ride ;)
You couldn't breathe. Brittany's brother stood like a giant in front of you, an amused expression making his face more similar to his sister's, who was still half asleep holding you in a tight grip. Matt remains near the boxes as you try despairingly to wake Brittany up so she can, you know, get her hands off you and make it less weird.
Not that it's even possible to do so.
"Britt", you try once again. "Wake up. Matt is here. Britt."
She sighs soundly and moves a little, eyes opening just a bit. She sees her brother standing on her living room and immediately sits up, dropping you a shameful way on the floor.
"What are you doing here?"
Her voice is cold. So are her eyes. She assumes a different posture, standing right in front of you like a wolf. You never saw so much hate in her tone as you do know.
"Mom asked me to deliver those boxes you forgot", he shrugs, too casual.
She walks towards him and you're sure she's gonna punch him, but she checks the boxes instead. Her face drops for a split of second, but she manages to hide it so successfully that you wonder if you're seeing things. You know you aren't when you see the corner of her brother's mouth twitching upwards in a sickening smirk. You catch a glimpse of the closest box, but Brittany closes the boxes before you can see anything else besides brown fur and red fabric.
"Is this-", she chokes on words and manages to find her brother's gaze. "How dare-"
Matthew doesn't even flinch on her incredulity. The smirk remains in place. He points at you with his eyes and arches an eyebrow.
It's a challenge. Brittany gulps.
"Thank you" her tone matches her eyes, cold, but you notice how she's struggling to keep her posture. "Now can you plea-"
"How're you, Santana?" He gives you a hand, and you can hear Brittany actually growling on your side.
"Matthew", it's a warning.
"It's okay, Britt", you take his hand and get on your feet as he smiles politely at you. "I'm pretty fine, Matt, what about you? Tons of stuff to do, still?"
You don't trust your casualty, because the scenario is too weird to process properly, but still. Matthew stands almost confused while Brittany seems so tense her shoulders are moving up and down as she almost pants, and her posture reminds of someone about to fight. Or break. You walk around her, so you can be between her and brother, because that's sounding like a good idea.
"Guess you can say so", he answers easily, clearly looking for a conversation. "How did your last assignment go?"
His eyes switch from you to his sister, who's almost boiling behind you. You really need to get a grip on the situation.
"Really good, I got it back just- actually, Britt, can you get my backpack so I can show Matt my last report? I'm sure I can get some pointers from you, right? I mean, you've been there."
"Sure", she says between her teeth and leaves.
Matthew's shoulders drop when she does, and you watch his posture changing just slightly to something more relaxed. He drops himself on the small couch near the door and runs his hands on his hair.
"I'm sorry about that", he sighs, looking tired.
You frown. "About what?"
"Brittany and I, we… I guess you know by now, I mean, you guys seem close, but-"
"I don't know what you're talking about", you freeze, checking behind your shoulder to see if she's coming back.
He sighs. "It's hard, to talk about it. I've been trying to reach her, but she's always so angry at me, I don't know how. I really don't."
You blink a few times. Your mind is still too focused on the scene he just caught you two on, and it's hard to put together any thought besides the one in which he starts talking about you dating his sister. But he's talking about… Family problems? What even?
"I don't know what to say", you go for honesty on this one, and continues with a shrug. "Brittany seems like an accessible person, I really don't get why you guys have… I don't know, relationship problems. Just talk to her, I'm sure she will-"
"You don't understand", he gets up suddenly and you feel like bolting, but you don't. You take your time looking at him and taking all the similarities and differences in. Apart from blonde hair and skin tone, he's nothing like Britt: his eyes have this foggy, stormy gray mixed with the blue shade behind his glasses, and while Brittany has almost a cat like look, his stare is harder and really difficult to sustain. His face, as Brittany's, has an almost delicate sculpture, except for his jaw, square and strong. He's handsome, you can tell, but somehow it's really hard to look at him.
"P-probably not", you stutter, taking a careful step back. "But… Do you want me to talk to her? I mean, we're not… I don't know what happened, and I don't-"
"She didn't tell you?" He sounds amused. "I figured she would, I mean, I don't know how long you guys-"
"We what?" You panic. How much does he down? Did Sebastian say anything? Why would he?
"I couldn't find it", you hear Brittany saying behind you, with an annoyed tone. "Why are you still here?"
Matthew looks at you like he's proving a point. He walks to the door and nods at his sister. "I didn't mean to bother; I'll find my way out. Nice chat, Santana, talk to you later, I guess."
"Yeah, sure", you answer, still trying to catch your breath.
As the door closes and you don't have to worry about your knees giving in anymore, you breathe heavily and watch as Brittany paces carefully around the still closed boxes. Her face is impassive.
You move and touch her shoulder. "Is everything okay?"
She nods. "Yes."
But her face doesn't change and her tone is anything but the usual.
"Want me to help with those?"
You might be pushing.
"I got it."
And you guess you shouldn't be.
Brittany lifts the boxes easily and walks toward her room without another word. It's your turn to pace, fidgeting your hands not knowing what to do with them. You stare at the end of the corridor and try to wait as patiently as you can.
She takes her time and you can't help you notice her nose reddened a bit once she walks back to you. You struggle with words to say, knowing better that you shouldn't say anything. Brittany avoids your gaze and when she bites her lip you feel an urge to apologize even without a cause. So you do.
But Brittany cuts you mid-sentence. "Not your fault", her voice is raspy and makes you regret every word you said since her brother left. You just nod and find your way to the door, and you can't figure why it looks like a walk of shame when you reach for the doorknob.
You're halfway out the door when she calls your name, just above a whisper.
Bracing yourself, you turn around. "Yes?"
She's holding a sob like a pro, but you can see through that. Her lip trembles between her teeth and her fists stay clenched like she's trying to get some sort of control, but they're shaking too. You hold her right before she breaks, barely supporting her weight when her knees collapse and she falls, her face pressed hard against your chest and her hands holding your shirt for her dear life. You stand motionless trying to keep a strong hold.
"What do you want me to do?" It's a plea and you're sure she can't hear you because your voice is not even a whisper.
Brittany's body shakes with a sob and you make your grip tighter.
"Don't leave me alone", she lifts her head just enough so you can meet her eyes. Another sob. "Please."
You kiss her forehead and let it linger until she sighs heavily, breathing in small puffs.
"I'm not going anywhere."
But that's not entirely true, not when you have to be at the clinic tomorrow, not when Quinn's waiting for you at home, not when you got lectures and a lot to read since finals are coming up. You hate yourself because you're as lost as you were when Matthew came over, and your first instinct is to find some closure to think about what you saw, but Brittany needs you even though you're not sure you're in place to help her.
"Santana", you hear her voice mumbled against your skin. You're not sure how long you've been quiet, but it looks like she's not shaking so badly anymore when she lifts her head to meet your eyes.
"Hi", you whisper back and kiss her nose, resting your foreheads together, tangling your hands at the small of her back to keep her from falling. "Are you okay?"
She shifts uncomfortably on your lap and blinks quietly, nodding as she gets up a little faster than you expected. Then she steps back from you with a weird expression as her ears turn pink and she refuses to meet you gaze again.
"Britt", you try again, standing closer and grabbing her hands, not bothering to make her look at you if she doesn't want to. "It's alright. You don't need to tell me anything if you don't want to."
You watch as she gasps silently and shakes her head. Your chest aches with this cold feeling spreading all over, and you really don't know why you're feeling like she's betraying you because a few minutes before you were freaking out thinking that her situation might be too much for you to handle. If you should be relieved she's not sharing this weight with you, why the fuck you're not?
Apparently Brittany decided to look at you, because her expression changes like she just realized she did something wrong, scrunching her nose and tilting her head. You find it adorable even though you're not supposed to.
"I'm sorry", she blunts suddenly, "I don't- you don't have- it's-", you're there to support her afraid she'll start crying again, but she stands her arms, signaling for you to back off, which you do, surprised and hurt. "I think you should leave now."
Wait, what?
"Did I do-" You start asking because what the hell did you do?
Brittany shakes her head again, and her hands just run over her hair like just doesn't know what to do with you or the situation, you're not sure which.
"I'm sorry, Santana, I'm so sorry", she repeats over and over, pacing around the room again until she sits on the couch with her hands hiding her face. "I can't deal with-", she stops and takes a deep breath, and you watch her shaking hands again, waiting until she gets herself together. Then she starts over. "Look, I know you're busy, and even though I want you to stay, – and I do, really bad – you can't just ignore your schedule because of me. I appreciate everything you're doing, but I really need to deal with my own shit. By myself."
You wince, but just like that you're walking to her door again for the second time on the same day. You give her a confused look thinking about how she literally just said she didn't want to be alone, and now she's asking you to leave.
She follows you to the door and her eyes bore into yours for what looks like hours. You break your staring game and sigh, trying to be more comprehensive and less confused and upset than you feel.
"Can I call you later?" She whispers, holding your waist and bumping your nose with her own.
You nod slowly and shrug, but don't kiss or hold her. "If you want to."
She rests her lips on yours slowly and you don't want to kiss her back because you're mad at her for throwing you out of her house out of the blue like that, but you do it anyway because apparently your heart and your brain are not following the same protocol on the situation.
Also she's Brittany and you really can't do without kissing her.
Quinn's waiting for you at home, but you don't have anything to say. You sprint to your room and just let your mind wander, trying to wrap your mind around the things you saw and heard today. It's a lot for you to process, and as your own feelings get on the way it only gets worse. You want to help Brittany, you want to be there for her, but you have your own issues and damn, if she wanted your help, she wouldn't keep you in the dark about her situation, whatever it is, right? So she doesn't want your help.
But you're her girlfriend. You're supposed to help, aren't you? You freaking signed up for this when you guys started dating. Even though your relationship is not exactly where you want it to be, because of you and your damn insecurities, you were getting there. Until she pushed you away like that.
Now you feel a weight on your chest, heavy and cold, spreading like your body is about to freeze every time you think about how she didn't trust you at all even after she broke down and you were there, holding her without asking a single question. How you made a promise and said you wouldn't leave her and she made you break it because she didn't want you to stay.
But then again, even though you're her girlfriend, it doesn't mean she has to share everything with you. You know Brittany, you know she likes to keep things for herself, as you do, so really, maybe you shouldn't be feeling so bad.
Yeah, knock it off, Lopez. You're not being fair.
"Santana", you hear Quinn's voice outside your door, "open up."
"Go to hell, Fabray"
"C'mon, you know I can play this game all day, so you might as well just open the door so we can talk about whatever is making you feel like shit this time."
Apparently Quinn takes your lack of response as one and opens the door, finding you lying face down on your pillow. You hear footsteps and feel the edge of the bed sinking as she sits beside you.
"What did you do?"
You refuse to lift your head from the pillow, so your answer is a grunt. Quinn pokes your back harshly until you turn sideways to face her. "What makes you think I did something?" You repeat, frowning.
"You have this puppy eyes thing going on and I know you better than you like to admit, that's what."
"Well, I hate to disappoint you, Quinnie", you sit up. "But I didn't do anything. In fact, I was pretty much perfect, and still, perhaps Ms. Pierce doesn't like perfect people, because she kicked me out without further explanation", you say it with a bitter tone, smashing your hand on the table when you start pacing.
"You won't elaborate that, will you?"
"Not planning to, no"
She doesn't say anything. You look at her, expecting an outburst that never comes. Quinn gets up, turns to leave and that's it.
"What, you're not going to say anything?"
"Not really. You're an adult, in an adult relationship, and if you have a problem with your girl, you're supposed to know by now that the best solution is to talk to her instead of locking yourself in your room throwing a self-pity party."
Well, ouch.
"She said she would call", it's all you say, feeling like a child all of a sudden in a way only Quinn and her maturity can make you feel.
"Then she'll call, Santana. Now can you stop making a big deal out of it and join me on the living room?"
You follow her with another grunt, trying to figure how the hell you manage to stay friends for so long.
Brittany doesn't call for days and you're seriously worried, but there's not much you can do, since she said she would call and Quinn keeps saying you won't give your girlfriend enough space if you start calling and tracking her steps like a mad woman.
She has a point, although you're not breathing any easier because of that.
So when Sam calls you practically threatening you to see him at work, you gladly put your books aside and go, considering how much you need to be distracted.
"Hey Santana!" He's engulfing you on a hug before you can say anything. "Where's Brittany? Are you guys still-"
"Christ on a cracker, Trouty, do you want a megaphone or something? No, she's not here, in fact I don't know where the hell she is, because she didn't call-"
"Here we go again", Quinn interjects behind you, boredom all over her tone. "Hey Sam, hope everything is fine and all, now let's not talk about the B thing or Santana is gonna freak out for an hour at least.And I'm sure no one wants that", she finishes with grin, patting Sam's shoulder.
He throws you a confused glance and you stop talking so you can glare at Quinn. "What are you talking about? What did Santana do?" Sam tries again, switching his gaze to Quinn.
"Why everybody thinks I did something?"
"Something happened and Brittany had some problem she needed to solve alone, so she asked Santana to leave her house, and that's all I've been hearing for the last two days, because apparently she should've called and she didn't, so now Santana is flipping shit thinking that she's a bad girlfriend", Quinn summarizes with a shrug.
"That's not even how it went and I'm so not flipping shit, Fabray", you hiss, sipping on your coffee. "Plus can you say girlfriend a little louder? Because I don't think that guy near the door heard you!"
"Okay, smartass, so what happened?" Quinn rolls her eyes at you while Sam appears behind the counter again after finishing a costumer's order. She shifts his head between you two and you take another sip of your coffee as you prepare to speak.
"Something went down her house-"
"Okay, we already know that-"
"Will you let me finish?" You give Quinn your best glare and Sam just looks at her mouthing 'let her finish', with eyes wide. "Why, thank you! So, her brother was there, some weird shit happened and she got sad. Then she asked me to stay, and I stayed. Then she asked me to leave, and I left."
"What made her sad?"
"Jackpot, Sammy! I don't fucking know! If I did, I wouldn't be here flipping shit like this."
"So you are flipping shit", Quinn points out, raising her finger.
"Shut up", you slap Quinn's hand. "Thing is, she said she would call me, and she didn't. It's been days", you see Quinn making two with her hand and shrugging, "okay two days, but still. I'm worried. She was sad."
They look at you sympathetically and you kinda hate it, but it's fine.
"Do you think her brother made her sad?" Sam asks, frowning and scratching the back of his neck.
Yes. "I don't know, she didn't say anything."
But she wasn't sad until Matt was gone, that's a fact that sure as hell says something. You put the pieces together, the boxes, how he said they didn't talk, how she was acting around him and after he left...
"Maybe you should call her", he nods, thoughtfully. "If she was sad and stuff, maybe she needs support. You guys are..." He lowers his tone, "girlfriends, after all."
Quinn is sporting a weird look, which means she probably has a theory of some kind for the recent events, which might be most likely correct, although you'll never say that to her. That's why you're not surprised at all when she turns to you with a raised eyebrow, resting her hand on her chin and supporting her elbow on the table.
"What you know about her brother?"
"Are you really trying to play detective here, Q?" You scoff. "I don't know much. He goes to Berkeley, med school, but I don't have a clue if he's a senior or whatsoever. He's friends with Sebastian. Brittany mentioned he was a quarterback back in high school, got an early admission and pretty much everyone loved him", you don't know about the last part, but you figure it's true based... On yourself?
"Sebastian as in Smythe?" Sam interjects. "So he knows about you and Britt, then?
"I guess we can assume that. And the fact that the guy is a jerk, too. Right?"
You shrug. That's really not the place to have this conversation. "I don't know, I mean, Brittany didn't mention anything specific about it, not openly at least. And he didn't act like a jerk around me when I met him. But if his friends can tell anything about who he is, then yes, it's safe to assume that."
"And Brittany is not a big fan of his either, is she?"
"Apparently not", you shift uncomfortably. Your coffee is cold when you take a sip and Sam goes to the machine to make you a new one when he sees your disgusted face towards the cup. "Look, I'm not really okay with discussing Brittany's life without her, or in a public place. I'm sure she would tell me if she wanted me to know."
"We used to wonder about people's lives all the time, Santana."
"I know, Quinn, but she's not 'people', she's my girlfriend and I care about her, so let's just drop it and I'll talk to her, alright?" You scoff and cross your arms, annoyed. "Plus, you said I was a grown up and that I should talk to her instead of... Whatever you said."
Quinn comes closer, shielding herself so no one else can hear what she's saying from outside where you are. "Thing is, maybe there's something bigger going on, she's saying she doesn't need any help when she actually does. So if you can find a way to help without her knowing that you are, she might let you in. Got it?"
"I'm confused"
"Of course you are, baby Trouty", you tease, pinching his cheeks. Jokes release some tension and you could use that. Sam frowns at you but smiles anyway. "I get it, but this is so not the place to talk about that. And seriously, let me call her first. She might have solved the problem already and we're wasting our time thinking about it."
You quickly grab your phone and excuse yourself to call her, a worst case scenario shaped thought in your mind already, just because.
It rings three times before she picks up.
"Hey", she sounds pretty normal. Maybe she forgot she was supposed to call?
You feel like yelling, considering how casual she's being. "Hi", you say, instead of lashing out.
"So..." She drags the word like she's waiting for you to fill up the subject.
"Are you okay?" You finally breathe, sharper than you intended to. "You never called"
Brittany gasps and curses under her breath so you know she forgot she needed to call you. Before you know it, a sigh escapes your lips and you feel relief.
"You must be super mad, right? I'm really sorry", there's worry on her tone and you tell she's really sorry because you can hear her pouting and scrunching her nose in that adorable way she does. "I really suck at those relationship things"
The last part was spoken lower, like she was ashamed of it somehow. If you were upset before, you certain are not anymore. Still worried, though.
"You don't, Britt", you purr softly and smile just the tiniest bit so she can hear it in your voice. "I was just worried about you. I figured you were probably busy or something and I just wanted to know if you were okay. That's why I called."
Deep sigh. "I'm alright", you hear struggle when she pauses. "I didn't mean to make you worry, I mean, you don't have to"
You turn to face the wall and take a step towards it to make it harder to listen. "Well, you're my girlfriend, I guess your well-being matters the most to me"
She giggles. "You're a charmer, baby."
The pet name catches you off guard making you blush and grin like someone just gave you a cookie. You miss completely how her tone seems off when she speaks.
"Listen, I gotta go", she brings you back to earth. You nod even though she can't see you.
"I kinda wanted to see you", you try, almost hopeless.
"You can pick me up tomorrow, my last class finishes at 5", she pauses and adds carefully, "if that's not too much, and if you want to, obviously"
That tiptoeing thing sets you off sometimes, but you only get mad at yourself for being so stuck. You feel the warmth that the expectation of seeing her soon gives you spreading all over yourself and can't help but smile.
"When is your first class?"
"I don't have classes until noon, but I have early rehearsal at 8. Why?"
"I can pick you up before my classes so we can have breakfast together and you won't have to worry about your car after class."
"And I can see your pretty face in the morning", she says, half teasing. "Sounds like a win-win"
"Cool. I see you tomorrow", you beam, excited. "Miss you", it escapes from your tongue before you can process.
"Miss you too", she says before hanging up, weirdly, like she's not used to saying it.
You release a giant sigh and let your shoulders drop for the first time since you left her place.
Next chapter is halfway done, so hopefully I won't leave you guys hanging again. Thanks for sticking around, btw, you're all pretty awesome.