Unreasonable Doubt
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. This story is on an AU track.
Chapter 2: Can't Be Left Behind
Olivia had the file open on her desk. "Allison Mayfield, twenty-five year old judge's clerk, leaves work and as she's getting into her car sees she has a flat tire. A man walks up to her offering to help, and while she's bent over her trunk clearing things out so she can get out the spare, he puts a gun to the back of her head and forces her into his car. He drives her to an abandoned parking lot, rapes her, and drives away."
Amanda had been pouring a cup of coffee, but when she heard the unit Sergeant describing the crime, she had to set the coffeepot down quickly before she dropped it. "The White Knight."
"What?" Nick gave her a confused look.
"Just before I left Atlanta, we were trying to catch a serial rapist who matches this MO. He'd tamper with a woman's car in some way and then show up offering help. They'd be trying to fix the problem and suddenly he'd have a gun on her. It's the same right down to driving her to an abandoned location, and Allison fits the victim profile. All of the Atlanta victims were young women in low-level positions in careers that were traditionally considered men's careers. The press nicknamed him the White Knight because of the whole swooping in to help thing."
Olivia leaned forward intently. "How many victims?"
"Four when I left, but as far as I know they never caught him. Could easily be more than twice that many now."
Olivia gathered up the file quickly. "I'll brief Murphy, have him call Atlanta for the file. If this is the same guy, we need all the intelligence we can get."
She sat down at her desk, aware Fin was watching her closely. "What is it?"
"Are you okay?"
She swallowed hard, trying to compose herself. Thinking about the White Knight had brought back the memories of her own rape at the hands of Sergeant Blaine. She had never told anyone what had happened to her that night. A few weeks after that, a Deputy Chief had gotten drunk and groped her during a retirement party, and had only been stopped from actually tearing her dress off when her captain had walked in and intervened. It had been terrifying, especially considering she was still reeling from being raped, but it had also been the excuse she needed. The next day she'd gone to the same captain and told him she could no longer work in that department and asked him to help find her a transfer. He'd been so helpful she'd almost felt guilty lying to him, but she couldn't tell him the truth. The lie had gotten her out of Atlanta.
For a moment she almost considered telling Fin about Blaine, but she couldn't. Not after keeping silent for so long. So she did what she'd been doing since the rape. She lied. "I just hate the ones that got away, you know? This guy was a nasty piece of work and every lead was a dead end."
"He hasn't gotten away from us yet," Fin countered. "I'm not conceding defeat before we've started. We'll get him."
xxxxxxxxx
When Amanda walked into the squad room, she thought at first that she was trapped in one of her nightmares.
She had this nightmare every so often, rooted, she guessed, in the weeks between her assault and her transfer when she'd been forced to work in the same office as Blaine. She'd walk into SVU and he would be there, sitting with her colleagues. But a quick, hard bite to her lower lip confirmed what she didn't want to believe. This was no nightmare; this was real.
Fin turned and noticed her. "Hey, Rollins. You two have met, right?"
Blaine turned now too, and his eyes sized her up. She fought the instinct to shiver. "Yeah, we've met."
"I called for a file, Atlanta PD sent us an officer," Murphy explained, unaware of the young detective's discomfort. "This guy's attacked nineteen women in Atlanta since 2011, and they haven't been able to make any headway on the case. Five of the victims were seriously injured. And as soon as the Chief of Detectives and the Commissioner got wind of this, they've insisted we make it a priority before someone gets hurt here."
"Allison Mayfield barely had a bruise on her," Amaro pointed out. "We sure it's the same guy?"
"The other fourteen victims weren't hurt either," Blaine replied. "At first, we thought it might be a copycat, but there were details that we didn't release that showed up in those cases too. Then we figured out the pattern. The five who were hurt are the only ones who fought him; the others complied as soon as the gun came out. It's the same guy."
"DA's office is sending one of their investigators too," Murphy added. "Everyone's afraid of what happens if we don't get this guy."
"Great," Amaro grumbled. "The last thing we need is some paper-pusher looking over our shoulders while we work."
"I'm insulted," said a voice from the doorway.
Blaine just looked confused, and Murphy looked worried that they'd ticked off this guy before he'd even sat down, but the mood of the rest of the team lightened considerably in a matter of seconds as they turned to face the newcomer, who was grinning.
Olivia stood up and ran over to hug the older man. "John!"
"DA's office must've screwed up, they actually sent us someone useful," added Nick, who was right behind her. He hesitated for a moment, then hugged the unit's former Sergeant too.
"Useful my ass," Fin groused mock-seriously. "Instead of a paper-pusher, they sent us a paranoid nutcase." But he quickly couldn't hold back his own smile as he slapped the older man on the back. "How've you been, man?"
"I take it there's some history here," Murphy said, visibly relaxing when he realized there were no hard feelings among the group.
"John Munch, Lieutenant Declan Murphy." Olivia finally seemed to realize that the unit commander was out of the loop. "John used to have my job."
"In other words, I'm used to this kind of thing," he said, shaking the other man's hand. "You don't have to babysit me."
Rollins didn't join in the momentary joy. She was happy to see Munch; she'd missed him just as the others had. She'd never known anyone like him, and his absence was keenly felt. But her terror over seeing Blaine was more than enough to cancel that out. She felt like she was going to be sick.
xxxxxxxxx
Amanda closed the door of her apartment, locking it firmly. She was aware, in some distant part of her mind, that she was repeating the same actions she'd taken on the night she'd been raped, but she felt helpless to stop it. She just wanted to feel safe. Unfortunately, the apartment didn't do it for her either. Everything in it was less than two years old, all bought after her sister had cleaned her out.
Tell the team. But she couldn't. Maybe a year ago, but not now. The looks in all of their eyes after her undercover operation with Murphy were so clear in her memory that she might as well be still standing there in that moment. She'd lost all of their trust because she hadn't been able to control her stupid urge to gamble. If Murphy hadn't turned out to be an undercover officer, she would have lost even more. She was alone, and she deserved to be alone.
xxxxxxxxx
"Some people never learn, do they?"
Amanda's body stiffened at the hated voice, and she turned to face the man. "W-what?" The rational part of her brain was telling her not to engage him, but her instincts were still stuck in that awful night and the feelings that had dictated that experience. If I oppose him, if I resist him in any way, he'll hurt me.
"I saw you with that detective earlier. What's his name, Amaro? You were flirting, anyone could see that."
Her rational center finally managed to interject a tiny bit of sense into the interaction. He doesn't really know about you and Nick. The people you work with every day still haven't figured out you're together. This is just about his attitude, he doesn't realize how right he is. Don't give him the satisfaction.
Blaine kept talking, not waiting for a response. "You're still here, carrying that badge, and yet you're throwing yourself at that man. You'll never be like a man; you should stop trying."
He walked away before she could say anything, and she leaned against the wall until the ground felt solid under her feet again. Her relationship with the other detective was one of the few positive things that existed in her life, and now Blaine had cast his shadow over even that.
xxxxxxxxx
"How are you holding up?"
Amanda looked over her shoulder at Nick. "I'm not the one who spent the last two hours interviewing a traumatized victim."
He gave her a gentle smile. "But you've been dealing with this case the longest - well, you and Blaine, anyway." She had to resist the urge to flinch at his name. "We all know what it's like when there's that one guy you just can't seem to get."
"It's not as bad as it could be. I wasn't that close to the case; I barely touched it, really. It wasn't my case, I only got involved when they started pulling in additional officers."
Amaro nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Blaine's been on it from Day One, hasn't he?"
Again, she had to force herself not to react. Don't say his name! she screamed internally, but aloud, she just carried on the conversation. "Yeah, I think so."
"It was strange, though. Liv offered to let him sit in on the interview. He didn't want to."
Of course not. He wouldn't want anyone to realize he sympathizes with their attacker. "I don't think he did the interviews in Atlanta either."
"Well, I guess he's not really like an SVU detective. He's not used to dealing with live victims."
She hoped he couldn't see that she was trembling now, just remembering how Blaine hovered over her, constantly poking at a barely-healed wound. He doesn't seem to mind dealing with me.
Apparently, he didn't. "You want to get some dinner?"
She did. She wanted to be able to spend some time alone with him. She felt safe with him. But the memory of her conversation earlier in the day hung in the back of her mind. "I'm not sure we should."
"Amanda." He finally seemed to realize something was off. "Are you okay?"
No. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just - Blaine said something that made me think he thinks something's going on between us."
For a fleeting moment, she almost hoped he'd reject her explanation, push her harder. But instead, he nodded. "Oh, okay. Well, that's no big deal. We're not really doing anything wrong. We're not partners. We were going to have to disclose at some point anyway." He leaned forward and gently kissed her cheek. "Come on, I want to spend a little time with you away from here. Please?"
"Okay."
Couldn't leave one of my favorite SVU characters out of this story, even if he's not on the team anymore! Besides, he's important later in the story.
This chapter references the SVU episode Gambler's Fallacy. For purposes of the story, that episode and the subplots that lead up to it are canon (in case you couldn't tell by the fact that Murphy's in command) and the arc will actually be kind of important in this story. Rollins and Amaro's relationship gets a minor mention in the episode Reasonable Doubt (the similarity between the title of that episode and the title of this story is total coincidence).
Please review.