Chapter 9: Baby Steps

Finding his son in the fade was quite easy for Solas, and he found it kind of odd that the place in Da'Fen's dreams was the very same location in which he had just recently fallen asleep - Elessa's quarters at Skyhold. That his son would dream of Skyhold made perfect sense because it was unlikely that the child had traveled much in his young life, and Solas found himself wondering about the extent to which his son could manipulate his dreams.

He was curious how much Elessa had taught him and wanted to sit back and observe quietly, but given the events of the day, not putting up any protection from spirits was a risk that he was not willing to take. Solas stood in the throne room as he casted a huge barrier that encompassed the entire area. He knew that his son would sense the interference, but the boy would not be able to find the culprit because Solas had made himself undetectable.

Once undetectable, Solas stood at the top of the stairs and observed his son. As Da'Fen played with his horses on his mother's bed, to Solas' surprise, Elessa was suddenly conjured right before his eyes. Solas was quite impressed with his son's ability to recall the specific memory so vividly, as most adult mages didn't possess that particular talent. It appeared that his mother had taught Da'Fen a great deal, and Solas silently approved.

Perhaps most of all, he was overjoyed to see Elessa and learn that his son had retained intact memories of her. Both father and son smiled from ear to ear as her beautiful voice filled the room with lyrics from a popular elven nursery rhyme.

Solas had never heard Elessa sing, and his eyes lit up as he gleefully listened to the tune, completely mesmerized by his vhenan's song. Her voice was absolutely breathtaking – both feminine and angelic. Why had he never heard her sing in the past, he wondered as he blissfully absorbed the moment.

"I'm so happy you're here, Mamae," said Da'Fen exuberantly as Elessa weaved her fingers through the young boy's long, brown hair, still singing. Da'Fen looked up at his mother lovingly as she said excitedly, "Your hair has grown quite long, da'len. I can't believe you are turning four today!"

As Da'Fen went back to playing with his toys, Elessa asked enthusiastically, "What would the birthday boy like to do for his special day?" The boy stopped playing with his toys and didn't reply. He just looked up at Elessa, who continued to smile lovingly as she said, "As you wish, da'len. Do you want to hide first or me?"

Of course, a game of hide and seek, Solas thought as he shifted his position in anticipation to better allow himself to more closely observe the game. Da'Fen scurried hurriedly to the closet and hid among his mother's leather jerkins as Elessa counted to ten. Solas was amused that his son couldn't resist the urge to peep outside the door and watch his mother.

Solas was bathed in euphoria as he hungrily observed Elessa's search around the room. She had no doubt heard Da'Fen shifting in the closet but pretended to search every other location before making her way towards him. "I'm coming to get you," she announced softly as she tiptoed towards the closet.

"Could my beautiful son be somewhere over here," Elessa proclaimed mischievously from the doorway as a grin permeated her face. Solas watched as she snatched the child and began tickling him across his stomach and ribs. As mother and son burst into a symphony of laughter, Solas continued to smile adoringly. Bearing witness to such happiness set his heart aflutter, and he wondered if he would ever witness a more perfect moment in time.

Once the tickles and laughs subsided, Elessa questioned, "Would you like to hide again?" This time Da'Fen replied gloomily, "I'd rather you come back to life and live with me again." Of course she would never respond to this statement because this was a memory, and like all memories, it was doomed to repeat the same course of action for all eternity. "I'm closing my eyes," Elessa announced happily.

Solas frowned as he watched his son saunter to the desk and hide underneath while Elessa started counting slowly to ten. The excitement that had plastered Da'Fen's face earlier had completely vanished as he joylessly continued the game, becoming more morose with each passing minute. At one point, the child stood near the fireplace and watched from across the room as his mother looked underneath the bed and squealed, "I found you," and reached excitedly for nothing.

The memory was no longer happy because Da'Fen knew exactly where his mother would find him and exactly where she would hide. Solas grimaced at the understanding that even his young son realized that nothing could be done inside of a memory to change its course of actions.

The once happy memory now stimulated feelings of hurt for the boy, as his mother was so full of life and smiling while Da'Fen became sadder by the minute. Elessa's continued happiness now felt like an insulting slap in the face, and her child now bawled uncontrollably from a corner as he continued to watch the memory play before him.

Seeing his son's pain hurt Solas as well. He might as well have been looking into a mirror. He was all too familiar with what Da'Fen was experiencing, as he had been grappling with the same issues over the past few days. Once again, Solas' heart ached, and he wished that there was something that he could do for his son.

In his grief, Da'Fen made a motion with his hand and everything familiar disappeared. The child was suddenly engulfed by a sea of dead grass, and his back was slumped against the trunk of a hollowed out, dead tree at the crest of a small hill. Settled below the hill, a dense, thick fog of familiar green tint pervaded the rest of the area and stretched endlessly.

The only area visible above the immense green haze was the tiny island on which Da'Fen cried in despair - his head hung low and cradled between his small arms. The sight was one of the most heart-wrenching and depressing things that Solas had ever witnessed in the fade, and it was too much for any parent to bear.

With the wave of his hand, Solas replaced the entire landscape. The tree supporting Da'Fen was suddenly green and lush, and stretched out gloriously, as if it had grown undisturbed for hundreds of years. Similar trees dotted the landscape as far as the eye could see, and in place of the dead grass was a beautiful sea of green spotted with wildflowers of all different colors. The lush foliage was set against a brilliant, blue sky with puffy white clouds rolling end over end in the distance.

Da'Fen continued to bellow, oblivious to the magnificence surrounding him, until he was interrupted by a soft nudge against his shoulder. He looked up to see a massive black wolf whose face was almost the size of his entire body. Though the boy was briefly stunned in amazement, he was still overwhelmingly sad.

In stubborn defiance, Da'Fen tucked his head once again between his knees and stayed in that position as the wolf began to whine softly. After a few minutes of whining and being ignored by his son, Solas finally nudged him again, only this time hard enough to knock the boy over on his side.

This time Da'Fen stared rebelliously into the wolf's blue-grey eyes and questioned, "Are you my father?" In response, the wolf nudged him again, only this time putting his nose to the boy's stomach, where he knew his son was ticklish. As Da'Fen rolled around and began to giggle, Solas licked his face, leaving his entire head drenched with saliva.

The boy continued to laugh and roll around in the grass as Solas pawed him gently. Finally Da'Fen was feeling better and transformed into a fluffy, white wolf cub. He promptly jumped up and tried to pounce on the older wolf's head only to slide down the side of his muzzle and land on his back on the soft ground, where Solas continued to paw him playfully.

Once Da'Fen was on his feet, his father bolted through the beautiful field of wildflowers. It didn't take long for the cub to pursue, and as the two ran swiftly through the lush vegetation, an overabundance of bright yellow pollen was released effortlessly through the air and carried away by the wind.

The two wolves ran carefree across the terrain for what felt like hours, stopping periodically to play with each other or roll around on the ground together. The elder wolf accompanied his cub until Da'Fen finally woke up the next morning, full of energy and excited to tell Cullen and Cassandra all about his adventures in the fade.

Though Solas had initiated the activities out of desperation to help his son get through his anguish, he realized that he had needed it just as much as Da'Fen. As Solas blinked away the last remnants of sleep and welcomed the scent of elfroot and jasmine, he began to feel as if he no longer needed to suffer alone.

Da'Fen needed guidance, and Solas needed purpose, and perhaps with each others' assistance, father and son could support each other through this difficult time. If they were lucky, they might even form an unbreakable bond in the process. Though he knew that there would be plenty of trials ahead, Solas felt quite content in the moment.

He smiled and wondered what the rest of the day would have in store. He was once again looking forward to spending time with Da'Fen and began to wonder how long he should wait before revealing his true identity to his son. Should he ask Cassandra or Cullen for advice?

*Thank you so much for the comments. Your continued support means a lot and keeps me encouraged. As always, I will update whenever I'm able, and I am open to suggestions for future chapters.

Lillian52323: I am in the process of replacing the motherboard on my laptop and won't have it back until at least late next week. I also have bronchitis :/ Lately I've been able to get a chapter out every 2 or 3 days. Once I get my computer back, it should speed up.