~A/N~ Chapter 3 is here and I'm hyped to get this ball swinging, so let's not waste any time with petty intros and get on with the funny.

Brainiacs and Bookshelves

Chapter Three: Tension

The store had only been open for a few minutes and people were already lined up to get signed 'quips' from Noah. Men, women, teens, children, grannies, everyone. The line was moving fast, or at least it would have been if Noah had actually been at his station. Instead, the line of eager fans had grown to stretch past the counter and outside into the elements.

As the line grew even further, Noah was discussing his profits with Mr. Massey and showing off his money-making skills.

"So you made four hundred bucks... With autographs?" Massey asked in disbelief as he reluctantly swiped pile of cash from Noah's hand.

"Uh, what did I just tell you?" Noah rolled his eyes.

"You were supposed to sell books, not signatures!"

"Oh, sorry," Noah apologized for the misunderstanding. "The signatures came with twenty-dollar purchases. See how it works now?"

"Yeah," Massey grunted. "I guess you did fine."

"Fine?" Noah asked, almost offended by Massey's diction. "What you mean by fine?"

Massey sighed. "Noah, I pay you and every other slime ball ten bucks an hour. Do the math!"

Noah wrote air numbers with his fingers and hummed the formulas to himself. "Oh, that's... Not as much as you wanted, is it?"

Massey shook his head, keeping his eyes locked on the disappointed employee.

"Well, I'll get on it. If today's as good for profits as yesterday, then you'll have enough to buy your own island within the next week."

"You have two days," Massey reminded Noah. "Remember that everyone has their eyes on the prize, not just you. Scarlett, Keith, Leslie, Aaron, Taylor, Baylor, Samantha, and Dumb Louis all want their jobs more than you do, and so far, you're still not in the lead."

Noah gasped. "How's four hundred not enough to take first place? Did Louis threaten to read people books again? I'm just asking because his speech problem is more annoying than stomach cramps, and not to mention suicide inducing!"

"Actually, our leader is Scarlett, much to your dismay I suppose."

Noah groaned and leaned back. "As much I hope that's a joke, it's not, is it?"

"Six hundred in one day is no joke, egghead," Massey chuckled. "Her work ethic is astounding when she's not around you."

"Har-dee har har," Noah mumbled. "How did she even make that much anyhow? It's not like people actually wanted to seen around her."

"She never said. Apparently it was too much of a secret."

"Which could mean she did anything to get it. You know, robbing a bank, murdering the rich, donating her eggs to science, breaking into Fort Knox!"

"Hey, I don't know how she got it, but it's money that we need, and so far, you're nearing the bottom, so chop chop!" Massey clapped his hands and shooed Noah out of his office.

Noah snorted. "Chop chop' my ass."

"Interesting turn of events, wouldn't you agree?" came a snarky voice.

Noah turned to see Scarlett twiddling her thumbs and smiling. "Oh look, it's the... You know what? I don't even care anymore. I just need to beat you to pulp in the contest and enjoy the rest of the week playing Five Night's Freddy's."

Scarlett snickered. "Even if you outplay me, the odds are that neither you nor I will be fired. So, logically you're wasting your efforts by even trying anymore."

"It never was about anyone losing their job," Noah said as he pushed past Scarlett. "I only wanted to beat you and prove that I'm the better worker."

"And so you won't..." Scarlett grinned, earning a roll of the eyes from her partner.

Noah took his seat and started signing the next round of autographs. Unfortunately for him though, Scarlett decided to follow him to his desk with a plan in mind.

"There you go," Noah said, handing the teen in line his slip of paper as he walked out with his handful of books. "Stay sarcastic, my man."

Before Noah could address the next person in the line, Scarlett cleared her throat and everyone's eyes shot over to her. "Attention, patrons," she smirked. "Why pay so much for so little when you could pay not one hundred percent, not seventy-five percent, but fifty percent of the full price for those books in your hands at no extra charge?!"

The customers suddenly left the line in front of Noah, much to his chagrin, and gathered around a smirking Scarlett. Noah tried to get up and follow, but tripped on a stack of books that he had piled up under the counter for future readings.

"Alright, patrons, listen closely." The customers became enveloped in interest as Scarlett led them to a large object, covered by a large, white sheet. "This is the newest feature here at 'Barney's Books' and you are the first to lay your eyes on it's glory."

"The real first?!" a rather large teen with acne gasped from the front of the crowd.

"Correct," Scarlett replied, gripping the tarp. "Now, feast your corneas on the latest feature at our store..." She yanked the tarp off, revealing a bin of books, haphazardly tossed inside. "The bargain bin!"

The crowd rushed forward and Scarlett was thrown aside as the customers, tugged their way through each other to get 'good reads at good prices,' exactly what the store's slogan promised.

Noah hobbled to Scarlett's side and groaned. "Nice move, psycho chick."

"Why, thank you," the young woman smiled. "I pride myself on the quality of my plans."

"Cool, but is it cool enough to make another six hundred bucks?"

"Of course," Scarlett scoffed. "It's no door to door sale, but it'll do for now."

Noah shook his head. "Door to door sales, eh? So that's how you made so much! Let me guess, there was a gun involved?"

"Only when necessary, my dear Noah, only when necessary."

"Go figure, but I think there's one small problem with this bargain bin crap," Noah winked at Scarlett.

"Enlighten me," Scarlett hissed.

"Well..." Noah walked into the dispersing crowd and pulled a copy of 'The Hunger Games' out of the pile. He flipped it over and chuckled as he read the price tag.

"Yes?" Scarlett impatiently asked as she began to grind her teeth.

"These books are full priced!" Noah blurted out as loud as he could, laughing between words. "You're a sham!"

"Shut up!" Scarlett gasped with a terrified expression plastered over her face. "You have no proof!"

"Dude, look at the price tag!" Noah laughed as a plethora of customers gathered behind him to get a small look. "These aren't half priced!"

Suddenly, the customers flung their books back into the bargain bin and stormed off, leaving Scarlett fuming mad and Noah a smirking weasel.

"How dare you!" Scarlett grabbed Noah by the collar of his shirt and heaved the shocked brainiac off the ground. "I had it all planned out!"

"Except for the part where I humorously expose your scam to the entire consumer body," Noah added. "That's pretty important, you know?"

Scarlett dropped Noah and clenched her fists. "It's not over yet. I still have a significant lead and you're out of ideas! In only a mere thirty-six hours, I will have gained the title of employee of the week and you will be the laughing stock of the town; the butt of every joke!"

Noah stood up and grunted as Scarlett walked away, stomping her feet. "Yeah, well, I'm going to play my 'Five Nights at Freddy's' so I don't care!"

Scarlett flipped him off and continued walking. Noah shrugged and calmed himself before returning to his station to sign more autographs and relax by the computer.

"No ideas?" Noah chuckled. "Oh, don't worry, Scarlett. My sleeves are full of 'em." He picked up his phone and typed a number, waited for an answer and grinned.

After the lunch break ended, Scarlett walked up to Noah and smirked. "So, how did your latest signing go?"

"Two hundred bucks," Noah said as his eyes flicked across his computer screen. "I can't talk; I'm on the fifth night and Balloon Boy's being a douche."

"What?" Scarlett asked, raising an eyebrow. "Is that the Five Nights At Chucky's thing you were talking about?"

"It's Freddy's, but yes, it is!" Noah clicked furiously as Scarlett watched him play with an unimpressed, blank stare on her face.

"Video games are a waste of time," the female genius rolled her eyes. "Studies show that they rot brain cells and lead to significant spikes in violent activities within the adolescent, male group."

"So does Total Drama, but please shut it. I only have one hour to go and that music box is being very uncooperative right now!"

Scarlett continued to observe her coworker click all over the screen and she smiled a wicked grin. Being a master of psychology, she figured that Noah's vain nature and love of distractions would allow her to slip ahead, and the game he was playing was the key to her victory.

Noah cheered as he beat the game, pumping his fists in the air and chuckling like a madman. "Four days! Four days of sweat and I've finally bested you!" He tapped the screen as Scarlett smirked. "What?" he asked her. "Did you think I'd fail?"

"No. I just thought of a rather interesting idea." She turned and walked away as Noah cautiously rubbed his chin.

Before Scarlett could retreat into the maze of bookshelves, her ears met the sound of squealing brakes and crashing. She whipped herself around and gasped as she saw the scene outside the store window.

A small, black car had slammed into a larger truck, denting it's tailgate and the car's hood, but not enough to total it completely. The door of the car flung open and a small, pudgy teen with pale skin and purple hair emerged. "Max..." Scarlett hissed as she dove behind the bookshelves and watched from behind.

Max stormed inside and turned his gaze to Noah as he crossed his arms in frustration. "You, do-gooder with poor taste in computer games, where is my sidekick?!"

"Uh, it's Noah," he grumbled.

"Oh, sorry, but Evil has no time for names, even those of fellow Total Drama veterans. Now tell me where my sidekick has taken shelter or I will be forced to use force... Evil force!" Max shook his fist menacingly, but Noah snickered and tried to hold back his laughter. Never before has he seen such a failure of a person.

"Never mind!" Max groaned, a hint of anger in his voice. "I'll just use my sidekick call; it works every time!"

Max inhaled deeply and touched his palms together, lowering them to his waist and before snapping his eyes open and screaming, "Sidekicksidekicksidekicksidekicksidekicksidekick!"

Noah finally laughed and Max shot him a glare. "How dare you disrespect my technique! Maybe I should do it again..."

"Once was enough!" Scarlett grunted as she emerged from her hiding spot with her hands over her ears. "Now just tell me what you need!"

"Well," Max explained. "This fine gentleman to my right, Noah, hit me up with a short call and relayed to me the message that you were performing deeds of the most evil caliber. Is this true?"

Scarlett clenched her fists by her sides and hissed. "If winning a stupid game is evil, then sure."

Max gasped gleefully. "Games? I love games! What are you playing?"

"Life," Noah snickered.

"Silence, fool!" Max threatened Noah. The bookworm didn't even react.

"So, I suppose you brought your self out here to out-evil me, correct?" Scarlett tapped her foot on the floor and her blood began to boil.

"Good observation, sidekick. You're more smarter than I had expected."

"Uh, it's actually smarter, not more smarter," Noah interrupted.

Max ignored the Grammar-Nazi and smirked at his former teammate. "So, if you want to leave this dump and join me in my bid to rule the world, you can. All you have to do is admit that you are by far the less evilest of the both of us."

Noah cringed at Max's grammar but didn't feel like speaking up; it's not like it would actually make a difference.

"I decline," the psycho snarled as her face turned red. "Leave. Now!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that, sidekick. I drove four hours in my high chair for this, and I'm not returning without vittles."

"Food?" Scarlett hissed.

"Uh, you. Duh! Maybe you shouldn't be so foolish and get into the current lingo if you're going to help me rule the world, foolish sidekick."

Scarlett's eye twitched and her teeth chattered as rage filled her every fiber. Then she snapped.

Max tried to speak again, but a hand wrapped it's tendrils around what little neck he had and hoisted him into the air.

As the ambulance drove off with sirens blazing, Scarlett and Noah, along with the rest of the employees, walked back inside the store.

Massey stopped Scarlett in her tracks and sighed. "Well, you just blew your money. Do you realize how much that money it's gonna take to clean the stains out of the carpet?!"

"Plenty," Scarlett hung her head. "But you should blame Noah; he called the man-child in the first place."

"But Noah didn't get blood on the carpet, now did he?!"

"No."

Massey grunted. "Just get out of my sight. You have one day left and you're gonna need a miracle to get that money back." He stormed off, leaving a depressed Scarlett and a smirking Noah standing at the entrance as the sun set.

"Good work," Noah quipped sarcastically. "You might've killed a guy... teen... baby, and lost all your hard work in one short minute. Congrats."

Noah walked off as Scarlett sighed. Her built up anger was finally released, but she never thought it would play out like it did. All she could see were images in her mind: Max crying like a baby; Max bleeding from his nose; Max bleeding from his cheek; Max in the stretcher; Max in a hospital bed with stitches all over his body. However, she enjoyed these visions. Max wasn't going to die. That was something she was sure of. But losing her job was the only problem on her mind. She loved what she did and needed it to stay sane. The only thing in her way was Noah, her tormentor. Yet, even with all the arrogance in the world, he was still a sort of friend to her. Having someone smart in school and on the streets was a relief, even though he made her want to rip her scarlet hair out of her scalp.

Noah sighed as he watched Scarlett sit down behind the bookshelves and bury her hands in her lap as her eyes closed. He couldn't explain it, but he felt almost sorry for what happened. He and Scarlett weren't complete enemies, even if they squabbled from time to time. In fact, Scarlett's presence made Noah happy, for she was always there to poke at and was easy pickings at any time of the day. He knew she was the smartest person he had ever met, and he respected her intellect, even she was an unstable psycho who slapped kids into submission and clawed man-children to near death.

Both geniuses sighed and stood up. Noah grabbed his keys and walked over to the door to leave the store and looked back. Scarlett walked over to the door that led to the storage room and locked eyes with Noah. Neither smiled nor frowned, but retained their blank expressions as they left each other's sight.

One day remained.

~A/N~ Max didn't die, people. Just to be clear, he's not dead, just... hurting. But that's what happens when Scarlett explodes in a T-rated story compared to a cartoon.

That last bit was more serious than funny, but it hopefully the jokes were good enough to garner a few laughs. Leave a review telling me your thoughts if you wish and hit that follow button so you won't miss the last two chapters. Until next time, stay snarky! ;)