A/N: Well, that got done quickly. Probably because I'm dying waiting for the premiere on Sunday, and this is my way of coping. :)

Also, I realized that the title was inspired by a song from the If/Then soundtrack, "Always Starting Over." So, I figure I need a disclaimer for that, and any other references that this story will probably have. I do not own If/Then. Just all the Outlaw Queen feels the soundtrack gives me.

One morning, about two months after the celebratory feasts for her first anniversary with the king, she summoned him at an early hour. For a moment, he thought he was surely imagining it, for he neversaw her before noon. But the sound repeated, and he went to her chambers. She bade him enter, and took in the expression on his face.

"You look confused,"

"I confess, I am. I don't know that I've ever seen you before noon."

"You have, once before," she recalls. "The day after we met. You came in the morning to tell me where my apple tree had been planted."

"Ah, yes, of course, how could I forget?" Indeed, how could he forget. He had tried, certainly, but the sight of her that morning, in her nightclothes, hair mussed from sleep, was burned into his memory. He had, in fact, made a point not to try to see her before noon in order to avoid seeing her like that again, if at all possible. Besides the fact that it was incredibly inappropriate for him to have seen her in such a state, that memory affected him more than he cared to admit. The woman was gorgeous. But, he reminded himself constantly, she was also the queen.

"What… what did you want, my lady?" He asks after a moment, distracted by the memory.

"We've such fine weather today, and it'll be getting cold soon. I wanted to take advantage of it, and pick some of my apples. If you'd care to help me?" She says with a smile.

"Of course, my lady. I'd be happy to." He responds, and they head to the courtyard.

They pick apples in silence for a while, enjoying the nice weather. She wobbles a bit on her toes when she reaches for a ripe apple just out of her reach, and he puts out a hand to steady her.

"How touching," comes an unfamiliar voice from behind him. "And who is this, dearie?"

Robin whirls around, startled, and there's a strange man standing there. How did he get there? Robin wonders.

"Moved on already?" The man addresses Regina, ignoring Robin. "Wasn't it just… two, three months ago? You were begging me–"

"He's a friend." The queen interrupts, surprisingly unafraid, stepping towards the stranger. Clearly, she knows him. "What are you doing in my home?"

"You've been neglecting your lessons, dearie. It's been… what? Three days now you haven't come? I thought you were sick. Clearly, I was wrong. Do we need to have another talk about your commitment, dearie?"

"Oh, what's the point?" she snaps. "As you said, it's been a month, and if the one thing… the only thing I want isn't even possible, then…" she trailed off.

"What's… what's going on?" Robin begins, trying to make sense of what's happening. Regina jumps, startled. She had forgotten he was there. "Regina… who is this?" he asks.

"I am Rumplestiltskin," the man introduces himself with a flourish. "Come, Regina. Let us finish this discussion somewhere a little more… private."

With that, both the strange imp and the young queen disappear in a cloud of smoke, leaving Robin all alone with the apple tree.

He doesn't see her at all the rest of that day. When he brings her the evening meal, there is no one in her room, and he doesn't find her with her apple tree or in the library or anywhere else he's accustomed to finding her. He grows worried, and decides he will have to report her absence if she has not returned by tomorrow.

To his great relief, his knock on her door with the at noon the following day is met with a soft "Come in," from the queen.

"Robin," she greets him. She looks unsure of herself, standing in the middle of the room, wringing her hands.

"Regina," he replies, also unsure of himself.

She looks at him awkwardly, unsure what to say, as he begins to set out her food.

"I'm sorry I… Disappeared. And I… I guess you probably want… an explanation, or…"

"I… I'll admit to being curious, my lady, but I'm sure none of my business. You certainly have every right to your secrets."

"Still…" she begins hesitantly, "we're… we're friends, aren't we? I at least owe you an explanation."

"My lady, you needn't–"

"No–no I really think I do. I'm sure you're making wild guesses, and I'd rather… put them to rest. Besides, I need to – to talk about it with someone… someone else. Someone who's not …"

"Who's not… that man? Who was here yesterday?" He finishes his task and stands to face her.

"Yes," she nods, "Rumplestiltskin. He's a… powerful sorcerer. And…" she takes a deep breath, "he's been teaching me magic."

"… oh," was all he could manage, stunned. He had guessed, of course, that there was magic involved. That was immediately clear, considering she had disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"I suppose you disapprove?" she asks resignedly. It's a reasonable assumption, after all. Very few people in the kingdom have any experience with magic, and it was almost universally feared and mistrusted.

"I… it's not really my place to approve or disapprove, my lady."

"Stop." she said exasperatedly. "Please, Robin, don't do that. You're… you're my friend. The only one I've got. I really, truly want to know what you think." She wants approval from somewhere, she realizes, someone to tell her that she is taking the right course of action. She feels like she's been stumbling around in the dark since Daniel died. Completely lost, barely knowing where she wants to go with no idea of how to get there.

"Well…" he begins hesitantly, "I'm not sure I disapprove. But, magic? I've heard stories, and… they're not usually good. Magic is… it can do terrible things. I'm… well, I suppose I'm worried about you. If you get too involved in magic…" He trailed off, realizing as he spoke just how worried he actually was. How relieved he had been to see her today, safe and sound, after disappearing before his eyes the previous morning.

"Oh, I know. Trust me, I know what magic can do," she says harshly. "I know all about the pain it can cause." She whispers, dropping her gaze to the floor.

"Then why… Why would you want to involve yourself in that?"

"Because I… I need it." She says frantically. "I need it," She repeats in a whisper. "Without it, without magic, I'm powerless."

"Regina , you're the queen. You're— How can you say you're powerless?"

"The irony has not escaped me, I assure you." She laughs humorlessly, moving to look him in the eye once more. "I am the queen. That should give me power, should give me choices. That was the point, after all. But all being queen has done is take away the one choice I want— the only option I want to take."

"And what is that?"

"To leave!" she exclaims, whirling around and walking away from him to the large window behind her that overlooked the forest. "I want freedom," she whispers, dangerously close to tears. "To leave this stupid castle, to live my own life."

He approaches her carefully, and lays a hand on her shoulder. "Regina," he begins. But he doesn't know what to say to her, doesn't know her well enough at all, he realizes. She's never been this open and honest with him before. As friendly as they've become over the past year, he's only seen glimpses of the woman behind the mask. But now, he's suddenly seeing her raw pain, and he desperately wants to help. He wants to know what to say to soothe it, to do anything he can to give her the freedom she so fiercely desires.

"He doesn't love me," she whispers, jolting him from his thoughts.

He is silent, unsure what to make of her declaration, and she clarifies: "The king. He doesn't love me. Surely, you can tell. Surely everyone can. He's not very discreet about it," she says with as much scorn as she can manage, but the effect is ruined by the tears in her voice.

"I know," he replies softly. "You're right, I can tell. And I can also tell… you don't love him, either. Do you?"

"No," She says flatly, still not looking at him. "I don't."

"Then, is there someone else you love? Someone you want to be with?"

Daniel, she thinks, but she's not ready to talk about him, not yet. Perhaps she never will be.

"No," she says with finality. "There's no one. But I'd rather be alone and free out there than alone and trapped here. If I just leave, the king will assume I've been kidnapped, send search parties. I need the magic so I can escape, be free, without always looking over my shoulder." She pauses. "Robin," she continues after a moment, turning to look him in the eye. "I… I know this is… unusual. That I'm the queen, I mean, and you're my valet, and we've been friendly, but… you're the only person I can talk to. And I really need a friend right now. Please," she implores him, "please, don't tell anyone. About magic. I just… I need—" she breaks off, holding back tears of frustration.

"I won't tell anyone," he promises, looking at her intently, taking in her vulnerable expression, her unshed tears. "Anything. I promise. Regina, you have my loyalty," he assures her. "And my friendship. If you ever need to talk… I won't tell anyone," he repeats. "You can trust me."

"Thank you," she breathes, giving him a weak smile.

A/N:And here you have some Rumple! I hope I did okay with him, he's hard to do. When I was writing him, I could hear him in my head, but a lot of Rumple's mannerisms are hard to put into words. And if I tried too hard I was just gonna be editing Rumple to death instead of working on the relevant parts of the chapter, so... you get what you get.

Hope you enjoyed. Leave a review! Pretty please?