Assassin Drones: The original saga
Exposition Arc. De Arimasu!
By Alex Young
The Keronian drop site, Afghanistan. 7:50 am, April fools eve, 2002
Jared had just woken up after only four and a half hours of sleep. He had survived another sleepless night guarding his temporary post. The drowsy Jared lumbered on in the beacon room, which had been open ever since he touched its mural wall door 13 days ago. This door was, according to ancient legend, made so that it can only be opened by those enlisted in the "army of prophecy."
Jared continued dragging himself into the beacon room. There he touched the beacon; a very tall, slender, three pronged structure, and it glowed in a very intense lavender. The glow continued to intensify, until that energy was released violently into the Earth itself. Jared was totally dumbfounded by this to the point that he would report this finding to EX.W.A.T.I high command.
Meanwhile, at the gates to Furinkan High
Ranma and Akane were going about their usual business on their way to Furinkan High. When all of a sudden, Ranma felt a brief but intense seizure in his chest. "Ranma! Are you okay?" Akane asked out of concern. After that instantaneous seizure however, Ranma's eyes, blood vessels, and body began to glow in lavender. "What doth be matter with thee Ranma Saotome? Too busy cowering before mine supremacy? HAHAHAHAHAAA!" Kuno bellowed in as grandiose and flamboyant a fashion as ever, for him that is.
"Come at me, I dare ya." Ranma requested in an unusually calm tone. Kuno gladly obliged and charged at Ranma, bokken first. Ranma punched downwards, connecting with the back of Kuno's head on the left, then with the ground below. This sent Kuno into a horizontal whirling dervish. Ranma took his other fist and slammed his bokken toting opponent in the back with it. After which the lavender surge of power went away just as suddenly, if not more so, as it appeared.
That, and Ranma made Kuno fall flat on his back with a defeated rictus grin on his face, all with a swift flick of his wrist. "The hell was that all about?" Ranma pondered to himself in apparent confusion. "Ranma, what just happened?" Akane asked as she ran right up beside him. "Well, whatever the hell it was, it sure ripped Kuno a new asshole." Ranma remarked in satisfaction as he and Akane went on with the task at hand; going to school.
Kululu's computer room. 10:00 am
Kululu was in a frenzy over this new surge of seismic data coming from the beacon, whereas Keroro was pacing around the outside of the room replaying the events of the St. Patrick's day incident. {Hmmm. The Pekoponians have moved in on our drop zone that the Garuru platoon were posted in, and attacked without provocation. Then they requested that we provide back up for their defense, but the Pekoponians reacted with lightning fast reflexes, thereby forcing us to evacuate the zone. Now the Pekoponians have discovered why we even put up a fight for our drop zone in the first place.}
{The defense beacon had just been activated, which makes our mission of invading Pekopon that much harder than it already was. Interesting. Most interesting, indeed.} Keroro was very much absorbed in thought ever since then, even to the point of successfully building a few Gundam models without him ever realizing it.
"Watcha doin, Mister Sergeant?" Tamama blindly queried. "Kero kero kero. Well, Private. Let's just say that the St. Patrick's day incident forced me to think about how we're to invade Pekopon without those EX.W.A.T.I. bastards ever trying to stop us." Keroro replied rather eloquently for a Gundam otaku like himself.
"Tch, I know that this news may be 10 days old, but no need to worry. Keron has already sent out two assassin squads to spy on different aspects of EX.W.A.T.I. itself. That is, after having learned of our misadventure with one of their strike forces dubbed 'the cat pack.'" Kululu reassured, for that was enough to take a massive bite out of the Sarge's worries concerning the EX.W.A.T.I. special forces.
The rooftops of Nerima, after school at 3:00 pm
Ranma was also lost in thought as he leapt across the rooftops in suburban Nerima. After a while, he stopped and sat down staring blankly into the streets below. "Guuooh man oh man, would I do for an explanation fer that shit back there right about now." Ranma bemoaned to himself when Mousse approached him from behind and swung a longsword at his victim's neck. Ranma managed to counter this aggression by catching with his hands by the blade and kicking it aside.
Mousse being the master of concealed weaponry, pulled out a Naginata literally from up his sleeve. Ranma used Mousse's thrust to once again disarm his near sighted aggressor, only to quickly follow up with a double kick aimed squarely in the chest. This knocked Mousse off balance for a second or so before getting back on his feet.
"W-why? Why do you love Xian Pu so much as to YOW!" That of course, irritated Ranma enough to interrupt Mousse by smashing his lower jaw in with a devastating right hand hook. "WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!?" Ranma screeched in so doing. This was such that it clocked Mousse over the edge and into a very leaky water pipe. That of course turned him into a white, bespectacled duck. Ranma hopped into the alley to grab the duck by his neck.
"Listen, duck for brains, I ain't got the time of day to be playing out this whole fiancee business, a'ight? I mean, I'm only about as interested in Shampoo as I am in having to put up with your bullshit, I've already got Ryoga for that, now just leave me alone!" Ranma rebuked as he cast the love lorn duck to the wayside and walked all the way home. Of course, there was Happosai, who so happened to have been shadowing Ranma ever since he arrived on shore with the rat pack just last night.
The upper floor of the Tendo residence, 6:00 pm
It was pretty quiet upstairs, with no one else even trying to barge in on Ranma's privacy, not even Akane. Nabiki was in her room, very much bored out of her mind. However, she began to concoct another get rich quick scheme after taking a brief listen to Happosai crawling in the vents above. "Hey, old goat! I heard that you were out for blood, am I right?" Nabiki hollered.
"Kyeh! You got that right, sister!" Happosai hollered back. "Maybe I can incentivise you with my bra, if it's possible." Nabiki offered as she stripped down to her light blue bra and panties. "WHOA, SWEETO!" Happosai cried out in perverse joy as he leapt for and grabbed at Nabiki's near naked chest.
"Um, if you're done groping me like that, then I have a plan for you." Nabiki asked in subtle disgust. "Sure, I'm plenty open for suggestions." Happosai swiftly replied afterwards. "Here's the plan..." Nabiki asked before inaudibly whispering the rest of her plot to the perverted grand master of anything goes martial arts.
Ranma's room, 10:00 pm
Father and son were snoozing the night away when Happosai made his move. He slid the door open, and crept up to Ranma's side. "Ohh, friggin P-chan, tryina zzz, take that!" The still sleeping Ranma weakly growled as he literally brushed Happosai off to the side. The old letch came running back, only to have Ranma kick him up the ceiling. One attempt of Happosai's to get at Ranma after another was foiled, that was the case until...
"...n-no. Akane, you don't understand. That damned P-chan's tryina kill me, no, wait. UAAAAGH!" Ranma screamed as he woke up from his nightmare. Apparently, his dreamscape ended when Akane tried to mallet him for harassing "P-chan" when he found out that it was Happosai who was doing the harassing. "Heh, so it was YOU THIS WHOLE TIME!" Ranma snarled as he knocked Happosai right out. He then hogtied the lecher to the floor.
"Hey pops, got an octopus pot around at all?" Ranma queried to Panda Genma, who had just woken up from the ruckus. [I'll try to find one if you want.] The panda replied as he lumbered around in search of the aforementioned octopus pot. He did eventually find one only to see Ranma having further bound Happosai's body up in duct tape. He even shut Happosai's mouth with duct tape as father and son mixed cold water, a small bottle full of rubber cement, and ash together to form a crude ash concrete.
Ranma did the honors by placing Happosai's still bound-up-in-duct-tape form into the mixture contained in the octopus pot. The panda was even allowed to hold the closed up octopus pot so as to further hamper any of Happosai's attempts to escape. However, Happosai did manage to escape on hour later and made the effort to wring some of that crude cement on Ranma's body, thereby turning him into a girl according to his jusenkyo curse.
Happosai brushed it all off and dragged Ranko out into the hallway where Nabiki stood waiting with Akane already being carried on her older's sister's shoulder. {Geez, what took him so long?} Nabiki pondered to herself as she continued with Happosai into the dojo where she would set up an adult oriented stage performance, featuring Happosai as the main villain. Nabiki carried both girls to the dojo where the play would commence.
As soon as they arrived, Nabiki simply left Happosai to finish the preparation as she returned to her room to contact Kuno. "Hey there, is this Kuno baby at all?" Nabiki quipped on the phone. "Um, no. It's Sasuke Sarugakure, I-I'll get master Kuno for you." Sasuke stammered on the other side. "Nabiki Tendo!" Kuno cried. "What doth be of such import as to call me at this late an hour, hmm?" He then questioned.
"Simply put, the old goat seems to have captured my sister, Akane and your pig tailed girl." Nabiki deadpanned in response. "GADZOOKS! I had best be on mine way, then!" Kuno bellowed in sudden outrage at this news before hanging up. Nabiki smiled as the pieces of her plan have already fallen into place, and it was only a matter of time before the cash starts to roll right in.
The Tendo dojo. 6:30 am, April fools day, 2002
Ranko and Akane woke up to the cheering and jeering of an audience consisting of young adult men aged from their later teens to early thirties, and they're all very lecherous to multiple degrees. Both girls were wearing playboy outfits and were both hog tied next to each other on the dojo floor. "WAAAAGH!" Ranko and Akane both screamed as they realized their predicament. "WHAT THE HELL'DJA DO TO US YOU OLD LETCH!?" Ranko screeched.
"HYAA hahahahahaaa! Why it's a little something called 'revenge,' my dear." Happosai answered, clad in an ivory tuxedo, crimson bowtie, and ebony cape. "Well, you sure as hell didn't have to drag me into all of this!" Akane snarled as she kicked the old lecher's face in. "If you want me to let you go, then sorry, no can do, hahaahahaaa!" Happosai chortled much to the chagrin of his female captives.
"HOOOOLD, FIEND! Tis I, Tatewaki Kuno, the blue thunder of Furinkan High, here to rescue mine damsels in distress!" Kuno boomed in his most bombastic way possible. "What the hell're you doing here? Can't you see that I'm busy groping these fine young ladies over here!?" Happosai growled at Kuno. "Hath ye not forgotten that I doth come hither to slay thee, oh villainous old lecher?" Kuno growled right back.
"You just try and come at me." Happosai challenged. "Hm, gladly. Now prepare thyself KAAA-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!" Kuno responded with a flurry of thermobaric bokken stabs. "Ha! You're two centuries too early for theatrics like that to work against me!" Happosai boasted haughtily. "If ye thought for but an instant that I hath missed, think again." Kuno smirked as Happosai found himself on fire and too weak from the air pressure bursts to put it out. Kuno then tossed the scorching letch across the dojo and out its door, much to the delight of the somewhat perverted stage audience.
An hour later would see Nabiki counting down her earnings from this escapade. "...97, 98, 99, 100. 100,000 yen in total." Nabiki smirked in apparent satisfaction. The reason being that she made a killing of 100,000 yen from this somewhat risque adventure. "One question; why would you do that ta me an Akane? I mean whose side are you on, anyway?" Ranma queried sternly to Nabiki.
"The reason being, I only wanted to make a few yen out of the old goat's vendetta against you. I also threw Akane into the mix to sweeten the deal for him a little. That, and to give Kuno enough of an incentive to want to kick his ass. Now that's entertainment, and money." Nabiki replied in a pragmatic overtone. "Man I hate you, sometimes." Ranma muttered to himself with a hint of angst as he went out for an early morning walk.