A/N: Thanks to those who read, reviewed, and followed.
Hope you guys are still interested. This is mostly a flashback chapter showing what Karma went through.
Strong Language. Faking it is not mine.
ONE WEEK AFTER AMY'S DEPARTURE
I ran to her house. After checking my email and seeing that my 15th one went unanswered, I ran to her house as fast as my legs could take me. Tears clouded my vision but my legs knew exactly where to take me. As soon as I get there. I bang on the door like my life depended on it. Farrah answers the door.
"Karma, sweetie, it's 11:30 PM. Did you walk here all by yourself?"
My breathing is labored and my hands are shaking. My face is covered with sweat and tears.
"Why hasn't she answered my texts or my emails?." Farrah opens her mouth to say something but hesitates. A few seconds later she tries again.
"Sweetie, come inside. You shirt is soaking. You need to calm down. I'll make you some tea."
"This all doesn't make sense. There has to be something wrong. Maybe her dad is keeping her from contacting me."
"Karma that's ridiculous. I don't know what else to tell you. Amy is in good hands. She just needs time."
I chuckle sarcastically at her lame response. Its not good enough for me. I am angry and confused. I need answers.
"A WEEK! SHE'S BEEN GONE FOR A WEEK! AND NOT A FUCKING WORD TO ME! ARE YOU KEEPING HER AWAY FROM ME?" I am taken aback by my own voice. I just cursed and yelled at Farrah. Her patient and caring demeanor suddenly changes.
"Young lady, you watch your language and tone with me. I know your hurting but you cannot talk to me like that. I have already tried to talk some sense into Amy. You think I want my daughter with that poor excuse of a man she calls her father? Do you think I want my daughter thousands of miles away from me? I have tried everything I could to get her to stay. I have apologized for every wrong I have ever done to her. But she says its not me. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe she wants to get away from you. Besides me and her father, you are the only other person that can hurt her like this!"
Farrah's face are stained with tears. She looks at me with resentment and blame. I can't help but begin to sob in front of her.
"I know that! I know I hurt her. I really ….I just want to say that I am sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
For the second week in a row, I sob uncontrollably in front of the Raudenfeld-Cooper residence and had to be driven home by Lauren.
ONE WEEK AND THREE DAYS AFTER AMY'S DEPARTURE
"How long are you going to keep this up?" Liam asks me while we were eating lunch three days after I demanded some answers from Farrah. It's been a week and three days since Amy left and Liam has been patient. But I know even he has his limits. He's been trying to help me through this but I can't. I won't allow him.
"Liam can we not please?"
"Its been more than a week Karma, she isn't coming back. But I am here for you. Please don't shut me out."
"Liam, don't. I can't deal with this right now."
"Karma, when….." He was about to say something but someone slams a copy of the student newspaper on top of our table.
And just like the tabloids full of hollywood gossip, the headline states, "ONE HALF OF HESTER'S CUTEST COUPLE, A FRAUD!" an exclusive expose by Vashti Nadir. There is a picture of Amy and I kissing in the courtyard to go along with the headline. Liam reads the article out loud.
"The unexpected departure of our beloved Amy Raudenfeld has certainly left a big gaping whole in our hearts here at Hester. We are left wondering why such an important figure in our Hester community will suddenly transfer out and move thousands of miles away. In this exclusive I will reveal what I found out from a source near and dear to the situation. And we will finally get some answers as to why we were left behind without a single goodbye. Amy will be forever revered as one of Hester's sweetest, most caring, and most honest friend, student, and homecoming queen we have ever had. She rose to Hester Hall of Fame when she and ex-girlfriend Karma Ashcroft decided to make history by proclaiming their love for each other in front of the whole school and winning the first same-sex homecoming queens of any high school history. But the shocking truth was that only Amy was for real when declaring her love for Karma. My sources reveal that Karma Ashcroft pretended to be a lesbian to gain popularity and the attention of Hester's most desirable stud, Liam Booker. Amy, who has been in love with Karma since they met at the tender age of 5, went along with all of Karma's schemes. Soon after homecoming elections, they rose to stardom and became dubbed as Team Karmy, Hester's cutest couple."
"This is all gossip. We shouldn't read this." Liam tries to stop but I signal him to continue. I am too upset to read for myself.
"The lies and deceit will then continue on. Karma obtained what she wanted and poor sweet Amy fell even more in love with her. Karma knew how Amy felt all this time and used this to her advantage. When Amy wanted out, she pleaded and pouted and used her charm to keep Amy playing along with her devious plan. Their relationship takes a turn for the worse after a reported failed threesome. Karma backs out on the last minute only to carry on a secretly affair with Liam behind Amy's back.
My sources continued to reveal that on the night of Amy's mother's wedding, Amy decides pour her heart out to Karma and to attempt to win her heart one last time. Instead, she caught Liam and Karma in the middle of a lustful encounter. It was then that Amy decided that enough was enough and that she could no longer endure such pain caused by her one true love, Karma Ashcroft. Amy soon departed for Hawaii to live with her estranged father and to get away from the pain.
So there you go Hesterians, thanks to my sources, we finally get some answers. To Amy Raudenfeld, we forgive you for riding along with the lies and the deceit. We are sorry that you had to endure such torment in the hands of the person you love most. We wish you well in your next journey and may you find an even greater and more epic love."
Once Liam finishes reading, I feel about 50 pairs of eyes staring at me. The article may be half true but it is also half lies. I feel the tears coming up so I grab my bag. I needed to get out of here. Liam attempts to stop me by grabbing my forearm.
"Karma, where are you going.?"
"Away from here."
"Stop. Please. Calm down."
"You calm down. We both know that the source she's talking about is your fucking best friend Shane."
"I don't think he meant any harm."
"Why are you defending him? This is bullshit Liam and you know it."
He releases me from his tight grip and I walk towards the exit. Just as I turn around, someone slams their blueberry smoothie in my face.
I am shocked and couldn't move for a few seconds. I hear silence then laughter. I hear Liam get up to throw a punch to the person who threw the smoothie. Two of Liam's friends try to stop the fight. My legs finally start moving so I ran as fast as I could. My tears flow but are hidden behind the liquid in my face. Nothing will ever be the same.
FOUR WEEKS AFTER AMY'S DEPARTURE
Email # 25
Dear Amy,
Do you remember what you said to me after my grandma died? We were only ten years old and I couldn't understand how someone so important to me is suddenly gone?
Do you remember what you said during one of the worse times of my life and when I refused to talk to anyone for two long weeks?
Do you remember what you said to make me feel like everything was going to be okay and that the my world will be alright again?
You said there are people that are only meant to be in your life for a certain time and for a specific purpose. After they have completed their purpose, God takes them back because he needs them to do his other work for him. You said that my grandma's purpose was to teach me how to love and be loved. You said that God took her away because he knew that I have grown into a very loving and caring person. Then I asked you wether you were going to leave me too once you've done your purpose in my life? You said you're the exception because God told you that your purpose was to be with me for the rest our lives! That your purpose was to protect and take care of me forever and always! And that you would die if you left me. So that night, we promised to not let anything ever come between us and that we will never leave each other.
Then why did you break that promise? Why? There aren't many things that I deserve, but I deserve the very least, an answer.I broke you heart that night you told me you loved me. My heart breaks each day that you are gone.
Karma
ONE MONTH AND FIVE DAYS AFTER AMY'S DEPARTURE
One month and 5 days since she's been gone. School ends in three days and I honesty can't wait for summer. Since the publishing of the article, I have had about 3 cold drinks thrown at my face. Twice, my locker was filled with shaving cream and chocolate syrup. My mom's car has been defaced with the word liar and slut. There has been a life size cardboard cutout of me burned in a trash bin.
I am on my way to the art room where I usually spend my lunch time with Liam away from the hostile crowd. Liam and Lauren have been my only ally through this ordeal.
Before I even open the door, I hear a loud moan escape a girl's mouth. Then I hear a male voice telling her to be quiet.
I suddenly freeze because I know who that male voice belongs to. Then the anger takes over and finally I slam the door open. Both half naked bodies scamper behind the table to find their clothes.
"Karma, its not what you think.!" I ignore Liam and I look directly at girl. I don't know her name but I know she's a senior.
"You! Get the fuck out."
She tries to tell me something but changes her mind.
"Get the fuck out before I break your fucking face. You slut!"
She rushes out of the art room and Liam tries to hug me.
"Don't you fucking touch me you asshole…Fuck you Liam. Fuck you!" I start slamming my fist against his chest.
"Karma I am so sorry. She doesn't mean anything to me."
"I trusted you Liam. How could you do this to me. Especially now more than ever."
"Karma, you haven't been there for me. We haven't even had sex since Amy left. You barely touch or kiss me."
"Well I am sorry but I am still fucking hurting. I can't believe I chose you over her. I chose you because I thought you loved me. I chose you because I thought you had changed for me.
"No Karma, don't put this all on me. You want to know what I really think? You chose me because I was convenient. You chose your feelings for me because it was normal and easy. But deep inside I know that it's been Amy all along. Without a doubt, Karma."
"You don't know what you're talking about Liam." Liam is in tears and I have never seen him so honest. He is saying everything I could never tell myself.
"No you don't know. You don't fucking know. Stop blaming everybody else for your pain because if you only had the damn guts to admit your feelings for Amy, then none of this crap would have happened. The fake relationship wasn't to get popular or to get my attention. It was so you can have Amy without admitting that you're gay. It was so you can be with Amy without the complications of being gay.
I sit down on the couch and I silently cry to myself.
"I am so sorry for everything Karma. I am sorry for all my mistakes. I am sorry she left. But I am most sorry that you couldn't admit you're true feelings for her. You two would have been quite the couple."
He grabs his shirt and walks away. He's right. I have always known what he stated. I have always known that I was in love with Amy.
THREE MONTHS AFTER AMY'S DEPARTURE
"Ashcroft, please lets go home. You're drunk."
"Cooper.. I am not drunk. I am happy." Lauren is right. I am fucking wasted but hell I am not going home yet. This is too much fun.
"This place reeks of sweat, puke and alcohol. How did you even get a fake id?"
"Shhhhh. They might hear you . I got it from some kid. Bartender, another one of these apple vodka thingys. And one for my friend too."
"What am I going to do with you?"
"You. You can leave me too! That's what everybody's doing you know. First my Gam Gam, then Amy and Liam. Pretty soon my dad too. You know coz he has cancer in his balls. What do you call that again?"
"Prostate."
"Oh yeah that one. So he's going to leave me soon." I take my apple vodka and down it in two gulps. I see a pretty blonde walk by. Remember, I am pretty drunk right now.
"Karma I am sorry to hear that but you can't act like this especially now. And your dad is only at stage 1. The doctors caught it very early. But your dad needs you more than ever."
"Still. I know he will leave me. So I am preparing myself. How come your nice to me? Why are you being nice when everyone has been shiity.?" Lauren looks away and holds her drink.
"So what is it Lauren. Are you in love with me?"
"Hell no Ashcroft. Get over yourself. …..i just know ok. I know what it's like to be left behind. I know what it's like to never know the reason or get answers. My mother left me when I was 7. No note. No goodbye. Never came back for me."
"You miss her?"
"Sometimes. But I barely even remember her anymore."
"Amy's not coming back huh? Just like your mom.?"
"I don't know. But Amy's different. My mom was a bitch. Amy loves you too much."
"Let's go home Cooper. These drinks are making you sappy."
SIX MONTHS AFTER AMY'S DEPARTURE
Email # 85
Dear Amy,
It's been six months to this day since you left. I am writing to let you know that this will be my final message to you. I guess you have truly moved on and want nothing to do with me. I understand. I really do. Just know that I will always keep you in my thoughts and in my heart. Part of me will always wait for you to come back. What else am going to do you know? So my dear friend, I never thought I would say this but I am finally letting you go. Thank you for being a huge part of my life. Thank you for all the good times and for being there during the bad ones. Thank you for loving me the way that no one else has.
If you ever see me at the grocery store, please say hello, even if its an awkward one.
Love,
Karma
Present Day. Senior Year.
"It's now or never Karma" I tell myself for the third time. I have been sitting here in my car for about 15 minutes. Something in the back of my ahead tells me that I should have really stayed home.
I hate this school. Everything reminds me of Amy. One more school year and I am out of here for good.
The smoothie throwing, the locker and car vandalism, all that stop during my junior year because my parents threatened to reveal the secret ingredient to Principle Penelope's favorite special brownies that they have supplied her for so long. Penelope in turn, threatened to expel anyone who attempted anything with me. The gossip, the eye rolling, and the whispers behind my back also died down but not completely.
So I wasn't surprised when I heard whispers the moment I walked through the doors of Hester high. All eyes are on me today. They don't even bother hiding their gossip and their eye rolls. Some are just staring at me weird.
I walk towards the courtyard and there seems to be a commotion. A group of people has formed in the middle of the courtyard. I find this weird since we all pick up our new schedules at the cafeteria.
Even weirder is that I see Lauren in the middle of it talking to a girl with short jet black hair facing her back towards me.
Lauren must be showing the new girl around. But damn, look at those legs. And that ass is killer in those leather pants.
Lauren finally sees and her eyes grow wide. She looks upset or something. She moves past the new girl who still hasn't turned around. The rest of the crowd takes over interrogating the poor girl.
"Ashcroft, maybe you shouldn't be here right now. Lets get you to class."
"What's going on Cooper. Is that a new girl? She looks hot."
"Ok now. Lets head to class."
"I want to meet her."
"No you don't. Let's go." Lauren manages to turn me around and pushes me towards the building. Then all of a sudden, from behind us, I hear Shane shriek from across the courtyard.
"OMG! AMY RAUDENFELD! IS THAT REALLY YOU!"
The whole world suddenly stops. Like a sling shot, my heart jumps out of my chest at 100 mph. I feel Lauren's grip get tighter.
"What the fuck is he talking about? Lauren? Was that Amy?" Lauren looks like she's about to explode.
And just as I turned, the girl with black hair and leather pant turns around. Piercing green eyes meet my hollow blue ones. Our eyes locked and no one else matters. All is quiet. I cant hear anything and I can't see anyone else.
My breath is literally taken away and suddenly my heart jumps back in place at 100 mph again. We stare at each other for a few more seconds. She ignores Shane and I ignore Lauren.
I couldn't bare anymore of this. So I did what I could. I ran. I ran towards the parking lot and into my car. I drove far away from school. And when I felt like there was enough distance between me and her I park my car.
I cry. I haven't cried for her in about 9 months, since I sent her my final message. I don't know what to feel. Elated that she's back. But scared that she's back.
There's only one thing that's true. Amy's back.