Interlude: The Sexual Escapades of an Angel and his Demon
Part 3 – Flaws
Summary: Dean and Cas find a house to squat at for the night. Alex deals with her crisis of faith.
Author's Notes: This will be the last interlude. I'm sorry that I didn't have more time to write gratuitous smut or fluff, but I hope you still liked these few extra scenes :)
I'm not entirely sure why my Muse chose the lyrics that she did for this chapter. By now I'm just rolling with it…
xXx
When all of your flaws and all of my flaws
Are laid out one by one
A wonderful part of the mess that we made
We pick ourselves undone
All of your flaws and all of my flaws
They lie there hand in hand
Ones we've inherited, ones that we learned
They pass from man to man
There's a hole in my soul
I can't fill it, I can't fill it
There's a hole in my soul,
Can you fill it, can you fill it?
- "Flaws", Bastille
xXx
The angel drops them somewhere in the suburbs of Washington, still close enough to the capital to get wind of any new developments but far enough away that there's no demons patrolling the streets every two hours.
Death's scythe is tucked into the waistband of his jeans, a warm presence against his skin, as he takes in the neighborhood, letting out a low whistle.
"This is the life, Cas."
"Why?"
"Just look at these houses, man. I betcha most of them got a pool, too. Oh yeah, let's find one with a pool," Dean decides, motioning for Cas to follow him.
Most of the houses are abandoned, the owners having fled long ago. These folks seem wealthy enough to own a holiday home somewhere apart from civilization. It's dark already but the streetlights still work so Dean has some sort of idea about the houses and it only takes three tries to find one with both a pool – on the freaking roof! How awesome is that? – and enough canned food to get them through a few days at least.
"I think we require sustenance first, Dean," Cas cautions as Dean looks out of the floor-to-ceiling windows of the first floor which provides a beautiful view of both the pool and the city at nighttime.
"Yeah, yeah, you're right."
"And I believe it is not advised to go swimming right after consuming food."
"Well, we'll see about that. We'll just splash around a little. I doubt you've ever been in a pool, have you?"
Cas shakes his head and then follows Dean wordlessly down the staircase into the kitchen where Dean starts inspecting the pantry. Damn, they just got the scythe – they deserve a little celebration, Dean thinks as he finds some pie in the freezer.
They cook together – or well, Dean orders Cas around a bit and it works out well enough, so soon they're lounging on the little balcony-type thing on sun beds, eating and drinking high-end beer that Cas found hidden amongst the wine in the cellar.
If it weren't for the many fires they can see from their new digs, they'd even be able to forget all about the apocalypse for a bit.
xXx
Alex gazes into the flames a few blocks away. It's a smaller fire, so maybe just a burning truck rather than a house but the flames, observed apart from their destructive fore, are still beautiful.
Her brother would have loved the view. Tyler always loved fire, whether it was a small candle in church or a big campfire with his friends. Alex tries not to think about it too much. Imagining his expression still hurts, even more so than wondering what her father would think of her now.
Everything hinged on one stupid book and she let the demon get away, and no matter what Gabriel says, it will always be an irredeemable spot on her metaphorical rap sheet.
Gabriel.
For all she knows the archangel is still in Lucifer's clutches. Hannah said they'd have felt his death and they haven't yet.
"Gabriel," Alex whispers, without really knowing what she is going to be praying for. "I hope you're still able to hear me. I'm sorry that we haven't rescued you yet, but Charlie and I are still coordinating with the hunters and angels, and helping civilians. I hate to say it but we're loosing, Gabe. We manage to save a few every day but in the long run… Have you heard about the volcanoes in Central America yet? They say the casualties will be in the millions…"
She heaves a sigh, running a hand through her hair before hugging her knees and drawing them towards her chest.
"I know it's selfish but I could really use your advice right now. I'm sorry, I know you won't want to hear my whining when you're probably being tortured, it's just… This whole thing is fucked up. The world's ending but it's so slow and I always thought God would do something – make it end faster, just flick the switch and bam – it's Judgment Day. But that's not going to happen, is it?"
No one answers, not that Alex expects anyone to.
"So yeah, I'm a little… blue right now. I don't see the point. Why should we fight if our creator has long since abandoned ship?"
Her tone is soft and almost without inflection. There is no anger, no fury, not anymore. Alex simply doesn't have the energy ever since that truly embarrassing breakdown in front of Charlie cost her so much.
"I don't know how you do it, Gabriel. I heard from Sam and Dean that you once left Heaven for a long time to live on earth, and now you've been forced to lead Heaven because your Father isn't there to do it… And maybe… Maybe that's the key. I might not see the point in fighting, but I have to do it since I'm one of the few who're really qualified. So don't worry, I'll keep going. I just wish I had some answers."
Alex draws a shuddering breath, gripping her knees tighter.
"Anyway, thanks for listening. I hope you're alright; even if you're in Lucifer's claws. Amen."
It feels strange, closing with an 'amen'. Not because she's technically praying but because she's talking to Gabriel, who is one of the most informal people both on the phone and in person that Alex knows.
A sound behind her, like a shoe scrapping over the rooftop, catches her attention and she's immediately on her feet, knife at the ready – but it's merely Charlie, looking like a deer caught in the headlight.
"Were you eavesdropping?"
"No, I swear! I mean, I heard a but I actually brought you hot chocolate!" Charlie squeals, thrusting the mug into her general direction.
"Oh. Thank you."
"I thought you could do with a little pick-me-up."
"What I could do with is a way to kill Lucifer. Or a way to find that demon Beth."
"But as the philosopher Jagger once said: You can't always get what you want."
"He also said you might get what you need, and we both know that's total bullshit."
"True… but come on! Hot chocolate!"
Ales grumbles yet eventually relents to those big brown Bambi eyes the hacker keeps flashing her… only to let out a low moan when tastes the drink.
Charlie beams. "I learnt a few tricks in Oz."
"So it's magical hot chocolate?"
"Very much so, sister."
They sit in silence for a while as Alex sips the concoction with an occasional sound of pleasure escaping her. She can see Charlie's cheeks redden slightly in the dim light of the wanning moon.
"Anyway," Charlie finally speaks up. "I've been thinking and I guess I finally have an answer for you."
"An answer to what?"
"To this whole 'why isn't God flushing the world down the toilette' dilemma."
"Ah."
"Yeah, anyhow – I remembered that Dean, Sam and Cas, when he was still an angel with full-on mojo and all, when they were together they called themselves Team Free Will and I thought – that's it! I guess the reason why God's gone is because he gave us all free will, so all our actions are our own and interfering would be like, you know, cheating."
"Huh." Alex has to contemplate that for a bit. Charlie does have a point, at least part of one. "But what about all the suffering? The dying?"
"I hate to break it to you, Alex, but there's always been an insane amount of suffering in the world. Genocide, civil war, honor killings, natural disasters, man-made disasters… and people've been crying for God for decades and he's never answered. Why would he suddenly change his strategy only because a few more people are dying? This way we get to decide our own fate. And if we're not strong or noble or good enough to save this friggin' planet then maybe we deserve to have the world crash down around us. I mean, at least we know Heaven's real, right? So there's some hope."
"I guess."
"And I mean, yeah, it's looking pretty bleak for us out there but we gotta try, right? You're a fighter, Alex. I know you're feeling lost now, but I'm sure you'd feel even worse giving up. I don't think giving up is something you're capable of."
"I'm still here, aren't I?"
"Exactly."
"So what's the plan? Mind the web until the servers crash or demons smoke us out?"
"Well, I figured… we could look for that demon, whatshername, Beth?" Alex nods suspiciously. "Shouldn't be too hard to get a handle on her and she's pretty high up in the food chain if it was her job to get the book, which means taking her out would probably weaken Lucifer a bit… What do you say?"
"You want to help me get revenge?"
"Maybe. There's less and less need for me on the computers."
"Really? You never said."
"It's been slowly decreasing. Either the folks are dying or they're loosing their phones and computers fleeing from the bad guys."
For the first time today, Alex feels a smile tug at her lips. "Sounds like a good plan."
"Good. We'll start searching tomorrow." Charlie stops there but the look she casts Alex is sign enough that she has something else to say.
"What?"
"I, uh… Do you need another hug?"
Alex shrugs. "Not rea- wait. Do you need a hug?"
Charlie shrugs and Alex accepts it for the agreement that it is. It takes a little maneuvering but soon she has her arms wrapped around the redhead, both of them sitting comfortably near the edge, able to keep an eye on the city.
It's almost peaceful and Alex finds herself relaxing as the fruity smell of Charlie's hair fills her senses.
xXx
Castiel makes it his job to tidy up, carry the dirty dishes back into the kitchen and return with two more beers for them. He might not care much for the beverage himself, though drinking in Dean's company more than makes up for it.
It still cannot overshadow the fact of how tired Castiel is. The exhaustion sits deep in his bones, brought on by too many long days and too short nights. At least now, Castiel muses, they get to relax for an evening… Though apparently, Dean didn't get the memo. Since instead of enjoying the moment and their victory, Dean sits up straighter.
"Alright, let's talk about our next move."
"Dean."
"What?"
"It's late, we've had a few very stressful days with very little sleep. We're running on fumes. Don't you think we deserve a break?"
"Cas, for the first time since this shit started we got the upper hand! We need to figure out our next move now!"
"Fine," Castiel snaps. "Our next move is finding Lucifer, rescuing Gabriel in case he is still alive and then killing Lucifer. And to accomplish this feat we need to rest. I'm exhausted, Dean, and I know you can't be feeling much better."
"I'm fine, Cas."
"You'd be running on adrenaline if we faced anyone now. I will not allow it."
"Oh, you won't allow it?"
"No! I am your partner, Dean! I care about you and I will not let you risk your life like that."
Castiel rarely looses his calm though now he can sense it slipping away from him. Dean must see it, too, for his eyes are wide as they blink at him from the other sun bed.
"Jeez, Cas. Okay, I'll sleep for a couple 'o hours."
"Six. At least."
"What's with you playing the mother hen all of a sudden? Didn't hear you complain the last week and a half."
"I did not think it was my place but I don't care whether or not I have the right any more, Dean, because you sure as hell won't be looking out for yourself."
"I know what I'm capable of."
"It's not about being capable, Dean. It's about giving your body the rest it needs and deserves. We're safe for tonight. We have a great weapon. Let's enjoy the reprieve while it lasts."
"Is this some kinda code for pool sex?"
"No, Dean, it is not."
"Too bad."
They lapse into silence, broken only by shots that ring out miles away from them, near the fires lighting up the horizons. Castiel's siblings are at work. From time to time he can see bright flashes like miniature lightning when a creature dies at the end of an angel blade.
Castiel losses himself in thoughts like he fathoms Dean is doing as well, yet at one point when their beers are nearly empty again, Dean laughs, long, loud and completely unprovoked.
"What's so funny, Dean?"
"Ah, man," the hunter sighs, holding his stomach as he catches his breath. "It's just… to think all this crap started with a damn hunting trip."
Castiel tilts his head, brows furrowing. "What do you mean?"
"Oh, I never told you? About how Sam and I ended up together?"
"All I know is that you went looking for your father and Sam decided against returning to school."
"Yeah. Well, Dad had gone on a hunting trip and hadn't been home in a few days, you know – long enough that I started to worry. One stupid little thing. If I hadn't been so worried… I don't know. Maybe Dad would've found Yellow Eyes eventually and ganked that son of a bitch. Maybe Sam'd be a big-shot lawyer now and I…"
Castiel makes an encouraging noise, unable to help his curiosity.
"Maybe I'd've died at some point. I ain't kidding when I say Sammy saved my ass more times than not. Or perhaps, if Dad had cashed in his vendetta, maybe we'd have settled down. I'd be a mechanic, probably."
Many replies to that statement come to mind – that it was inevitable, that Dean would have ended up on Heaven's radar, or in Hell forced to break the first seal… Yet when faced with the far-away look on Dean's face, he cannot bring himself to shatter the illusion.
So instead, he says, "I find the image of you covered in motor oil very appealing."
That startles a chuckle out of the other man. "Seriously?"
"Yes. I have rarely glimpsed you while working on a car, however it was a sight to behold."
"You're impossible," Dean chides, even though Castiel has no idea as to why he is apparently impossible, but he doesn't mind if it means he receives such a languid kiss from Dean in return.
It doesn't take long until Castiel ends up on Dean's chair, pressed close against the hunter with a hand splayed against his chest. For a while they just lie there, breathing the same air and basking in each other's presence.
"You know what my biggest regret is, Cas?" Dean asks then, his tone tinted in sadness.
"What?" Dean hesitates. "Wait – is this a chick-flick moment?"
Another pause, then a brief nod. "Yeah, maybe, but roll with it, okay? Let's say tonight don't count, how 'bout that?"
Castiel looks up into those vibrant green eyes, not even needing to thing about it. "Okay. Then tell me: what is your biggest regret?"
Even in the soft light Castiel can tell that Dean is blushing, a sight both adorable and sexy.
"It's that – and this night really don't count, you hear me, Cas? No word of this to anyone, okay?"
"You have my word, Dean," Castiel promises, half annoyed with his partner's preoccupation with masculine stereotypes.
"Thanks… well. It's that I didn't get my shit together sooner. I should've asked you out a long time ago and I was too chicken-shit to do it."
"I have the same regret," Castiel immediately replies. "I could have taken the first step as well."
Dean smiles, placing a kiss on the tip of his knows. Castiel is not sure whether to find this endearing or ridiculous.
"If I had another chance, that's the one thing I'd do differently, Cas. Everything else, even the shitty parts, it all worked out in the end or it will once we kill Lucifer and free my brother's soul. But you and me, man… We missed out on so much and I don't care if that sounds selfish or bad or what-the-fuck-ever. But I can't help that I wish I'd gotten my head outta my ass sooner."
"At least we're together now, Dean."
"Shit, yeah. Together with a dude. Wanna bet my old man's rolling in his grave as we speak?"
"Your father loved you deeply, Dean. I couldn't predict his reaction but in the long run all that would have mattered to him is whether or not you're happy, not the gender of the person you are with."
Dean seems unconvinced and so utterly vulnerable. They haven't spoken about John Winchester often and whenever they did, it was mostly just funny childhood stories, never the heavy stuff which Castiel is sure exists. The stuff that ensured that no one would hate Dean Winchester more than Dean hates himself.
"I love you," Castiel blurts out.
Dean's eyes widen and Castiel can feel his own expression mirror his partner's, but only for the moment of surprise that his unplanned confession caused.
Because Castiel means it. He never figured out the right moment so maybe this wasn't chick-flick perfect as far as declarations are concerned, yet Castiel means every breath of it with every fiber of his being. So he reiterates.
"I love you, Dean Winchester. I don't need you to say it back but I need you to know that I have loved you for a while and I will keep loving you for the rest of our lives and beyond, no matter what happens."
"Shit… Cas…"
"I'm sorry this was too sappy. But-"
"No, Cas, I just… You really love me? It's not just the sex?"
Castiel grins. "While the coitus is utterly enjoyable and might even be described as 'mind-blowing' on a regular basis, I would also love you if we never had consummated our relationship."
"Cas. Never ever say 'coitus' again."
"Why?"
"It's just… Trust me on this. Don't."
"Alright."
Dean doesn't say anything else. The way he kisses Castiel then, with so many emotions pouring out of him that Castiel fears he might drown in them, conveys his thoughts more clearly than any words ever could.
That night, under the clear July sky with the city of Washington burning in the distance, they make love as if they had the rest of their lives ahead of them.
xXx
All of your flaws and all of my flaws,
When they have been exhumed
We'll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we'd be doomed
There's a hole in my soul
I can't fill it, I can't fill it
There's a hole in my soul,
Can you fill it, can you fill it?
You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve
And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground
Dig them up, let's finish what we've started
Dig them up, so nothing's left unturned
xXx
End Notes: My characters and I, we're all such saps… But believe me, we will need this dose of fluff to survive the final two chapters.