Chapter 5
Blaine can barely breathe as he steps through the familiar door.
Before either of them can say anything they hear the voices coming from the kitchen – and Blaine freezes completely on the spot.
Because ... there are more than two voices reaching his ears. "What are they doing here?"
"Dad insisted he and Carole be here, as soon as he heard. He thought it might make things easier on you," Kurt answers in a hushed voice as Blaine drags him away from the kitchen towards the stairs leading up to his room, feeling utterly nauseous now and needing to sit down.
Blaine burrows into Kurt's embrace, "Make what easier? I still don't know what this is really all about."
Two minutes they just sit there breathing together, being together, and then Carole is right there in front of them, alongside Blaine's mom, who is still standing somewhat stiffly as Carole is already crouching in front of the boys. "Hi there! I thought I'd heard the door."
Blaine lets out a huffing breath before looking out at the world surrounding him, finds Carole smiling at him, and his mom right behind her with a somewhat unsurer smile on her lips. "Hey, Sweety. Kurt."
Carole sits down next to Kurt as Blaine's mom hesitantly approaches her boy.
Blaine is clearly on the defensive, fidgety in Kurt's arms, and whole body drawing in on itself even more as his mom sits down next to him, railing of a staircase decidedly too narrow for four grown people digging into her side.
"Mom?"
"Sweety, he, your dad, ... he ... . There are some misconceptions about him that he is afraid you might still have that he wants to clear up. He's so scared it will be too late one day. That he has let it go on for too long already. He loves you."
The words taste bitter, as the dark thought forms on his tongue,"He loves only who he wants me to be."
"No, Honey, just ... no. He loves you, as you are. Please give him a chance to prove it to you. Please?"
Carole reaches over then, palm resting warm against Blaine's shoulder, "Blaine? Burt can be right there with you, all the way, and Kurt too if you want him to."
"How about you two?"
Carole smiles at Blaine, "Sure, us too, if you want that."
Then Blaine's mom adds, "But honestly, we wouldn't want to make too big a thing out of it. It is only a talk with your dad, after all."
Carole catches Blaine rolling his eyes, and offers him an understanding smile. 'How is it that his parents don't realize how big of a deal this is to him?' she cannot help wonder.
"Yeah. Sure. A talk. With my dad. I have those all the time, after all," Blaine replies sarcastically.
Blaine feels a warm squeeze at that from Carole's hand, the warmth of Kurt's arms still encasing him firmly, and with a deep breath he says, "Okay. I want Burt there."
"Not me?"
Kurt sounds hurt, Blaine can tell. "Kurt, it's not ... I ... ."
And with one glimpse caught of Blaine's gaze Kurt knows the why 'Still trying your hardest to keep me safe' – even at the cost of Blaine's own discomfort.
And Kurt wants to protest.
And Kurt wants to shout ... at someone.
But he does not.
He nods and loosens his hold on Blaine, and then he gets up, steps back, says "I'll be right back," ... and leaves.
Blaine is hit by that sinking feeling he knew all too well before Kurt ever existed in his world.
Out of Blaine's reach, out of Blaine's sight Kurt steps into the kitchen, filled by the hum of two voices caught in an exchange.
"Dad," Kurt says stepping closer, "Hello, Mr. Anderson."
"Good evening, Kurt," Mr. Anderson answers with a stiff looking nod.
"Hey, Kiddo," Burt replies with a smile, opening his arms for an inviting hug.
Kurt feels awkward getting hugged by his dad in front of Blaine's but, much more, he does not want to miss out on it, on anything really he and his dad have, will hold dear for as long as they can.
Burt catches Mr. Anderson looking on, eyes glazing over, sudden. Burt nods at him reassuringly, knowing what the other man is thinking. It is a thought he had struggled with too only some years ago, before Kurt had come out to him. 'How do I do anything right with him? Am I allowed to hold him anymore like I used to when he was my baby boy?'
Mr. Anderson is violently hit in the face by the realization that that decision is his and Blaine's to make together. And what are the chances Blaine will want ' ... any affection from me now ..., now that he has a family like Kurt's in his life.'
There is a hushed conversation between Kurt and his dad, and then Kurt is leading his father's way out into the hall.
Mr. Anderson remains standing in the entrance to the kitchen, glances carefully around the corner, and the lump in his throat catches once more as he tries to swallow, having to see Burt giving Blaine just as big of a hug as he had Kurt.
'I can never live up to that.'
Eight minutes later, Mr. Anderson busying himself with finishing up dinner alone now, Burt followed by a worried looking Blaine enters the kitchen. 'No Kurt?'
Blaine catches his father's eyes for the first time tonight, glances away quickly and mumbles, "Kurt s waiting outside, I asked him to."
Mr. Anderson swallows, feeling the tears gathering, 'You still think I'd hurt him?'
Burt sees the pain held in Mr. Anderson's eyes, the pain that Blaine misses, unable to look at his dad for too long, or long at all.
Burt breaks the tense silence, "Should we sit?"
And so the three men do, wordlessly, only for Mr. Anderson to jump up again a second later, startling Blaine, as he heads to the stove and turns it all off – before sitting down again getting out three glasses and filling them with water, setting them on the table and himself back on his former seat.
The seconds ticking by on the clock on the wall echo in the utter silence of the room.
Then, "Blaine, I ... I respect and love you." Charles Anderson does not know how else to start, break those layers upon layers of ice piled up between them. And who could blame a boy for trying to keep his loved ones safe.
Blaine's gaze finds his dad's, asking without a word 'You do?'
"I am so sorry about that summer. That car. I ... I didn't want for you to think ... . You are my boy, my son, no matter who you love, and I didn't want you to think I didn't believe that anymore."
"I don't get it," Blaine speaks up then, anger still there, "Kurt's dad, he, he played tea party with him as a kid. He did not ... . Why does it mean so much to you that I don't appear like I ... . Loving Kurt does not make me any less of who I am. It make me more me," Blaine chokes the last words out desperate.
"That's what I meant to let you know by rebuilding that car. You are my son, no matter what."
"Well, excuse me for not feeling that to be true, when I had to listen to you that summer say stuff like, Nice to get some real men's work done, isn't it? This car has such a pull with the ladies."
"That was about me and your mom, we met at a car show she and her mom had been to. As for the real men's work, I was so lost at what to say to you, it just, it slipped out, and seeing the look in your eyes after ... I knew I had screwed up so bad. Hurt you so bad." Mr. Anderson runs a hand through his hair, "Damn it! Why can't we talk like Kurt and his father?"
Blaine gets up then and it is his desperation that pushes the words, the pain out in a shout, "Because his dad never, NEVER, tried to take away Kurt's means to be himself. They are not perfect either, they needed time to figure out how to be themselves with each other. But you, YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME A CHANCE!"
"Blaine," Mr. Anderson says getting to his feet now too, "I don't know what we are talking about."
"NATHAN!" Blaine shouts.
Burt does a double take at Blaine, 'And I'd though Kurt was his first boyfriend too.'
"I don't ..., what about Nathan?"
"After Sadie Hawkins, after that night," things click in Burt's head then, 'Oh, okay, that kid,' Blaine brings out, voice growing more and more watery, "you were sitting there with mom, and then you told her you would go see if you could talk to Nathan ... . I never saw him again. What did you tell him, mmh? That I am a bad influence, that it was my fault what happened? That he should stay away from me if he knew what was best for him? What? WHAT?"
As Blaine breaks out into open sobs, whispering to himself more than the room, "And you expect me to bring Kurt into our lives?" Mr. Anderson makes his way around the table and pulls an reluctant Blaine into his arms, ... for the first time in years.
"Blaine. Blaine, please, listen."
Blaine stops fighting the arms around him then, shocked by the familiarity and strangeness of those arms trying their best to hold him.
"I need you to know that I love you, just as you are. I never tried to keep anyone away from you." Charles listens to Blaine mumble something he cannot quite make out into the space between them, but he can guess, "Nathan, I, ... I thought you were still out cold from the painkillers, I never knew you even had any idea I went to see him. His parents wouldn't let me. They said it was my fault for letting you go out, for letting you even ask out Nathan to begin with." Blaine's sob cuts through the quiet, makes Charles tighten his hold as he talks on, "I never told you any of that because I didn't think it was fair to you to bring it up. Nathan and you had made that decision together, to go to that dance that day, and ... I'd ... I was." Blaine's dad breathes in and out heavily before he goes on, "I was so scared for you, but even more so proud."
"You were proud of me?" Blaine presses past his lips in a shaken whisper.
"Oh, Blaine. I've always been proud of you. I always will be."
"And you don't wish me to be someone else?"
"Never."
"And you are not trying to make Kurt leave?"
"Now why would I want to take someone away from you who is all you've ever dreamed of? Who loves you, any who you love."
Blaine steps out of his dad's hold then, his own arms still folded around him as they had been all this while in his father's hold. When Blaine looks at his dad he sees fear there, fear of losing '... me', and so much love too, '... for me?'
Wordlessly burying himself back in his dad's arms, openly crying, Blaine is hugging his father ... for the first time in years, for the first time since he had come out to his family.
Nothing is perfect, but for the first time in forever Blaine feels loved by his father ... exactly for who he is.
A/N: This is it. I might add a small epilogue though at some point. I hope you enjoyed the read!