"And God, Levi, they're so young!"

Levi grimaced at the display before him. Has nobody ever taught manners to this brat?

"Disgusting. Don't talk while you're chewing."

Eren swallowed his mouthful of biryani before continuing, "Um, sorry. I forgot your pickiness."

"It's not my 'pickiness'; it's basic human decency for fuck's sake."

Eren raised an eyebrow, "For fuck's sake?"

"Yeah, for fuck's sake, do you have a problem with it?"

Eren's judging gaze turned into a self-satisfied one and he shrugged his shoulders while carefully ripping a piece from his garlic naan, "So as I was saying, they're so young! God, Levi, I felt too old for a moment there with them."

"And you're telling that to me, because, what? You want confirmation from an old man that you're not too old at twenty-five? And stop stuffing yourself in a rush. We still have an hour before we need to be back."

Eren rolled his eyes, "No, I was just… sharing my feelings. And you still look too young. But here I am, getting crinkles at the corner of my eyes at mid-twenties. Also, I can't help it okay? The food is really good. I mean the place doesn't look much, so I never expected but this is ridiculously delicious."

"You're getting crinkles there because you laugh too much. If you cackled less, it wouldn't be a problem. And of course the food is great; this place is on Michelin Guide '14."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm… so, you think I laugh too much and I shouldn't laugh?"

"I… I didn't say that."

Damn brat.

Eren beamed devilishly for a second, softly biting his lower lip and Levi thought just how unfair it was. Just a simple touch of teeth and there I go, fuck. Teasing little shit.

"They were all so lively and bright and just… just wonderful. But guess what happened? The best and the weirdest coincidence!"

Oh good. At least he went back to the previous topic. Note to self: don't make comments about Eren laughing or smiling. Ever. Also: don't give him any chance to do that lip-bite thing. Unless you want awkward boners in public. No, you don't. You're not a goddamn teenager for fuck's sake. Levi feigned interest in the subject of their LBF interns, "Hmm, what?"

"There was someone named Umut!"

Despite Levi's confused stare of "so what" Eren continued to beam and started explaining excitedly after that pause, "Umut! That's a Turkish name! Like, I knew he was Turkish the moment I saw that name on the list but I was conflicted if I should say anything because y'know, I don't use the language at all… Plus, I'm like what, only a quarter Turkish? Even mum had an accent to begin with. So I wasn't sure if I should talk with him in Turkish or just ignore that connection…"

"But?"

Eren outright grinned at the successful guess, though it would be near impossible to guess wrong given how attuned Levi was to Eren's gestures, overall impulsive behaviour, and current obvious cheer.

"But I braced myself, told my frail self-confidence to buck up, and when I was introducing myself to everyone personally, I told him, 'merhaba' and you had to see his face! He was so surprised."

"Hmm…"

"Then we talked in Turkish a bit and he actually said my accent was cute and in no-way unintelligible. It's been years since I actually spoke to someone in Turkish… it was really nice."

"It was good then…"

"Good? It was great. And the kid is just… like yeah, all of them are really mature and involved. I mean when I was their age all I did was shouting at rallies during the day and playing WoW all night. They are nothing like the no-good me. But Umut. Damn. He outshines even the others. He does so many amazing things, and he is so cute and confident… I was really taken aback."

"Are you infatuated with him?"

The instant words made it out of his mouth, he himself was the first one shocked at their existence and downright insolence. Shit. Why the fuck are you asking him that?

Eren's softly smiling lips turned down into a confused frown, partly gaping, he wondered out loud, "Huh?"

Shit. Shit. Shit. Nice going old man. Now you sound like a controlling boss. Or worse yet a jealous ex. Fuck, you are a jealous ex. I can't believe this shit. How did I become this… It's just… Does he have to smile so genuinely when talking about a goddamn teenager… Yeah, well, Mr. Hypocrite Arsehole, he was a teenager when you hit on him. When you literally fucked him.

"You just seemed too fond of him."

'Too'? Fuck. Could you show how pathetic you are any more clearly? Fuck you old man. Fuck you for not yielding this one time, you could've just let it go, turn that creepy blunder into a joke, or just change the subject, but no, you have to insist on it, why because you're goddamn—

Eren's face suddenly bloomed into an understanding tenderness and he almost… simpered. Levi was rather baffled at the sight and his spoon stirring the curry stopped.

"Levi," Eren spoke; God, does he have to sound so gentle? Why don't you get mad at me and tell me it's none of my business? Because it's not. It's none of my—"Do you know, he setup a hate crime tracking site with his friends? They map out hate crimes reported across the city. He apparently also volunteers at a vegan community kitchen and has a poetry book published, mostly on themes of being an immigrant's child and the sense of rootlessness… That – that right there. That hits too close to home. That's something I would've loved to have accomplished. But I…"

God damn it, you stupid asshole, you had to make it about yourself when it was obviously… about him.

"It's like… I wish… I was him. That I was like him. Instead of… how I was. I wish I was a cute, confident teenager who did amazing things, cared and nurtured others… But I was just so angry. I guess I was justified in that but… I wish I had more time not to be so angry all the time… Does that make sense? It's as if everything I tried my hand at turned to dust and despite how much I tried, I achieved nothing… I was just a constantly furious, miserable kid who couldn't do anything meaningful with his pain… But Umut? Kids like him…. They do. They somehow manage to do… I just—Wow. I am officially rambling."

It hurt.

Like a bloody dagger sank right into the centre of his chest, crushing his breastbone into tiny shards that prickled the tender flesh and he felt… guilty. Guilty, because why hadn't he paid more attention? Why had he been so lost in his oh-so-grand problems and thought Eren's struggles were not worthy of deeper consideration? 'Teenage angst' he had thought so many times and how awful that was—that he had dismissed the aching of the person he loved, because what? It seemed less significant than competing with others for grants or dreams of becoming a tenured professor in a decade? Pain was pain, insecurity was insecurity, anxiety was anxiety; how could he not recognise and pay the due care for his lover's needs?

I'm sorry.

Perhaps he had been more of a brat than Eren had ever been. He fell into silence, not knowing what to say, or perhaps he he should kneel on the floor or beg forgiveness, for frankly, he felt the urge to do so though he could never do – despite how clean the floor looked, who knew what kind of germs infested it and his pride was too intact and high, like always. Still...

I'm so sorry I didn't tell you how amazing you were as many times as you needed…

Eren's smile wavered but did not dissolve and he simply nodded, his eyes dropping back to the dish in front of him and he resumed; "So, no, I'm not infatuated with him… More like envious. And I know it's stupid but—"

"You were."

"Eh? Stupid you mean?"

"No. I mean you were cute. Cute as fuck."

Eren's mouth fell agape and he blinked. Then blinked again.

"What?"

"No need to be envious of some random kid, because you were a cute little shit at that age too. You hurled yourself into fights against hordes of fratboys whenever they harassed others and if that doesn't show your confidence and care, I don't know what the heck would."

And you still are. God, you still are a cute little shit of righteous fury and selflessness.

Eren chortled and immediately veiled it with a fist over the lower half of his face, as if the gesture could hide the beautiful sound reverberating in the air around them and gently caressing the aching chest of Levi. Ah. Cute little shit, indeed.

I'm sorry. I should have told you that more often.

"Y'know," Eren was still choking with little chuckles as much as he tried to calm down his laughter, "you're saying 'little', but I was literally bigger than you back then too."

Cute or not, little shit, indeed.

"You were also literally not shit, but I see you don't mind that part?"

Eren exploded into another round of genuine laughter, his grin deepening and showing his white teeth.

"Thank you Levi…"

"You don't need to 'thank' me, I was not complimenting you."

"Oh?"

"I was just stating a fact. You… you've really got nothing to be envious of."

Darn, no. Don't do this to me. Don't look me at me with those huge saucers shimmering with expectancy and hope.

Eren stared at him with such pure interest and appreciation that Levi thought, he had to, he had to continue, he had to say this – Eren deserved it and the guilt still eating his insides definitely commanded it and heck, he was definitely not kneeling down on the ground in a restaurant, but he still had to find a way to make this right. It was important, he realised; very important for himself and perhaps for Eren too.

"I mean it. I… I'm sorry, if I didn't show it clearly enough back then. But I always thought you were amazing… Angry? Sure. But deservedly so. Plus, why the fuck are you comparing yourself to others? Everyone is different."

Suddenly, he felt thirsty; though he wanted to attribute it to the meal, matter paneer he was having surely did not spice up his palate enough to be so parched and scorched. Eren was still looking at him with the same affected eyes and Levi found himself unable to calm down despite what his stoic demeanour suggested.

Were they having a moment? Was this what it was?

Damn Hanji for leaving us alone for lunch like this. They were supposed to be here too. Last minute emergency, my ass.

Did he want to have a moment? If he had to be honest, yes, hell yes, but he did not want to be honest. He really, really did not want to be honest.

"Thank you."

"I said—"

"No. Thank you. I mean it. Not because I regard what you said as mere politesse but for being actually thoughtful. For being 'you'. Thanks."

Damn. Damn. Damn it, Jaeger.

Levi's legs felt a ton and a heavy realisation sank into the pit of his stomach as Eren's gaze finally tore away from Levi's face to his own lunch and he nonchalantly started eating again, blabbering more about these "brilliant interns" who were going to "be a big help at LBF". Levi listened but did not hear or heard but did not listen – one of the two, or whatever, really, his mind was too occupied with emotional turmoil than to discern semantics; ultimately, he was perceiving the sounds but not focusing enough to make anything intelligible out of them. All his concentration converged on the new burden he felt deep within himself.

I like him. Jesus Christ. I like him. A lot.

Do something. Do something about it. But do what?

"When do you finish with the kiddies?"

Eren rolled his eyes; "At around 4:30, I think?"

"I'm going to be leaving the office around then too… I'll go out for tea."

"Okay? You don't have to tell me every time you grab tea you know…"

"I mean 'tea' as the meal…"

"Oh… I never had afternoon 'tea' like that."

Great. And you like trying new things, don't you?

"Well, you can join me if you want. Since you've never done it before I mean. It would be something new to try."

That was not very smooth but hey, Jaeger not catching on when I explicitly stated my plans wasn't smooth either. Maybe I'm not too bad at this, hmm…

Eren grinned as happily as ever and nodded, "Yeah, I'd love to, actually."

And suddenly, Levi felt thirsty again.