{ Weaving Stage IX: Order, Pt. 2 }
"A natural child..."
Khan turned from the window and gave me one of his rare expressions of confusion, pensiveness- vulnerability.
"I've...," He hesitated."...always wanted to give someone- someone a natural birth, parents and a family..."
Atch'axah led me to another Sick Bay bed and I fell exhausted against the mattress.
My breasts felt like hot, heavy stones- almost like each vein stung sharp with electricity.
Head was spinning and spiking an aching complaint.
And there were vibrations- vibrations from something I couldn't detect-
Something familiar, so familiar that I felt myself begin to panic over my desire recognize it.
McCoy entered the room with an extremely somber expression. It's weight nearly slowed his stride.
He gave me a concerned glance. "Are you doing alright, Wrenne?"
"Just- dizzy-," I murmured, perplexed and overwhelmed by his emotions.
/dread, sadness, regret
doubt, pity, resigned-/
"I'll be with you in just a minute," the doctor sighed tiredly. "Lore'lei, take a look at this." Officer Atch'axah came up to him. McCoy extended a tablet toward her and she tucked her long, blue dreadlocks behind her ears as she bent over the screen.
She exclaimed a strange phrase- something from a different language.
/shock, surprise, fear
concern, worry, fear, fear-/
"What..?" I tried to demand but my fatigue was overtaking me. "What is it?"
"I know this is outside your assigned duty," McCoy continued. "but since you have so much experience on Paxis in this area-."
/weight, weight, weight
dread, depression-/
"Doctor, please-!" I insisted.
I think I already knew what he was going to say.
The centuries of sleep had misplaced it all-
And I was terrified of the memory- that memory now teetering off the high shelf, teetering and about to fall into my arms.
"You've already managed your crew like a family," I tried to sound reassuring, encouraging as I leaned over him and ran a hand up his chest. "It would be different with our child- not so Spartan-."
"Yes!" Khan decided, flopping me onto my back and watched me with half-lidded, saucy eyes. "A child, a new, little family of our own-."
"Well, here we go, just jump to the objective!" I laughed, teasing him, rolling my eyes.
He ran kisses to the crook of my neck, nipping at my skin with his teeth, a gentle brush of his tongue, a passionate suckle and nuzzle.
I pushed down his pajama trousers, ran my touch tenderly over his hips to his cock- I loved the feeling of that vulnerability, the tender side of him I could hold in my hands and cradle inside myself-
But before I could relax, a troubling thought rose up.
"Khan- what about-," I gasped and giggled as he trailed his lips down to my breasts, his fingers up my inner thighs. "-no really, wait- what may happen to our kids...? How can we know that they'll be-?"
"Human?" He finished.
"-and safe..."
"Cerridwen, I'm not human- and neither are you. Our children will be a new race of human...something new- maybe the true Superior."
"Wrenne," the doctor came to my bedside, leaning tiredly, heavily against the side of bed frame.
Such weight on his shoulders...how had I never noticed before?
"Did you and- Khan- ever try to conceive?" He asked.
I felt my breathing again, that way it sometimes felt as if I wasn't getting enough air.
Hyperventilating.
"You're saying- you're saying I'm pregnant," I covered my face with my hands. "I'm pregnant- you're-you're saying I'm-I'm-."
"I couldn't care less if the kids are human- but how can we be sure they'll be safe? Iwon't have them- fall into being- into beingsubjects or-." I closed my eyes over my rising tears.
"They'll be safe," Khan swore to me with a surety, a passion, a dedication that seemed to strike straight to the center of the earth.
He took my face in his hands: "...they'll have us- and 72 uncles and aunts to protect them."
"But promise me you won't assign them as some type of police for society- some leader- that may be your choice but it might not be theirs- they should be free, even if they are a different- a different kind of human-."
"Our children," Khan assured me. "will have the luxury of choosing theirown path."
He smiled and I saw the dream, the happy plan glimmer brightly in his eyes.
"Your parents were Augments. They fled their government, andyou were born naturally.You're fine, aren't you? A fine, albeitsuperior type of human," Khan commented. "Our kids- they'll be the same: a more focused, less obvious talent, like yours but still augmented...Youare proof that this natural procreation is safer for our kind- you're stable with rare gifts...less susceptible to obsessions and delusions..." Khan thought aloud.
"As long as our children will be safe," I rose off of the lumpy bed and looked coyly over my shoulder. "And maybe if you can manage to catch me..."
Khan gave a playful growl- low and passionate, the kind he knew sent tingling heat to my hips. He leapt off the bed and I laughed as I sprinted from the bedroom.
Cliché! My inner critic chimed- chasing each other like giddy youngsters-
But I didn't care, we were newlyweds and we were free.
I darted and weaved around the wooden beams in our tiny apartment, sparing playful glances, receiving his hunter's gaze- hearing Khan purposefully landing his footsteps loud and heavy-
I made it out to the front yard and the meadow of daisies.
Quaker trees littered here and there, I'd cup their trunk in my hand to swing around- and eventually when I swung around Khan was there; he caught me fiercely, covered and gathered me completely, biting that delicate, ticklish skin of my neck.
"You don't run well enough, tigress," He tenderly licked the red circle of the love-bite. He ran his hands up my thighs, again playing his fingers along the inner side.
I loved his bites, the feeling of his teeth closing on my skin-
[...]
"I could still escape," I turned his head so I could nibble on his lips. "Come harder, press me flat, shake my bones- take me like a tiger."
I pushed him back- of course only because he allowed it- and I ran away, the grass grazing my bare feet.
I wanted our love-play, I wanted our love-making like we'd done times before- but this- I wanted amating.
Arealmating.
"You may have caught me, but you'll never conquer me," I had declared.
"I'd never want you conquered, my beloved. Never." He had answered.
[...]
My world shrunk, focused and narrowed on nothing but pleasure.
"I want all of you, branded by all of you," I insisted.
"You are mine," He growled. "And I am yours."*
It had been an intimate, cherished memory.
But now it was smudged with the fingerprints of that Commanding Officer.
Something told me he hadn't meant to find that specifically- he didn't seem like a pervert-
But then again, I didn't really know.
I felt so naked and exposed.
Even more so as I thought of the helpless life within, depending on me.
Spock had slipped into my mind and rifled through my memories.
Anger, frustration, nudity all raged through me to distract me from the more overwhelming, the more upsetting emotions-
"You are pregnant, Wrenne," McCoy confirmed. "I don't know how we didn't see the fetus in our initial body scans- when we first revived you- but..."
I placed my hands on my stomach.
"What's- what's- what's-?" I stuttered in panic. "What's going to happen?"
My whole body was shaking and shivering, nausea swiftly tingling up my system.
"Are you-are you going to set my child in shackles too? T-take my ch-child to an interrogation? Keep- keep us-."
I couldn't finish.
Khan, I thought desperately, calling out to him in whatever existence death had transferred him to- Khan, come to me, what will I do? What will I do? Where are you? Oh Khan, pass through death- come to me please, God, please bring him back to me-
"Wrenne, look at me," McCoy took my shoulders tightly in his hands. His eyes were ringed with echoes of sleepless nights but surety too, and dedication- his authority was reassuring. "You are going to be alright. Your child is going to be alright. You'll both be safe, I promise you. He'll come into this world healthy and eager and innocent- you know why? Because I believe you are innocent too. Khan's crimes are not on you or your baby."
I blinked through stinging tears, staring at him blankly.
"...'He'?" I repeated in a wispy weak voice.
The doctor nodded, letting go of my shoulders and comfortingly running his hand down my arm.
"You're having a boy," He affirmed. "...at least...one boy. You're having twins. We won't know if they're identical or fraternal until I get a pap swab from you. Do you think you're up for pelvic exam?"
"A boy...and a girl?" I stared ahead at the white wall, feeling separate from my body.
"Maybe. They could both be boys. The swab will tell. You're very early in your pregnancy, but we have the technology to determine the sexes."
Warm tears, hot tears burning down my cheeks.
I put my head in my hands, I curled into a ball on my bed, holding the curve of my abdomen, cupping the tender forms inside.
No, no, no-
But yes-! but no-
We have our children.
But without Khan- there would be no family.
Not the family we had dreamed of that twilight in a Palmyra summer meadow.
Kirk entered the Rec Room expecting to meet a boiling mob-
-but was instead met with silence, stillness.
The crew was scattered around the area, collapsed over tables, curled up on the floor, leaning against the walls-
-and sobbing.
Panicking, whimpering, weeping.
"What-?" A surprised voice exclaimed behind him.
Jim glanced over his shoulder at the gray-haired man standing with him in the doorway.
"Did you see what happened here...?" Kirk hesitated, the man's name escaping him.
"Milton, captain. Officer Milton," He strode into the room. "And no, I didn't manage to witness anything. I was at my post when Mr. Scott called me for help- I came as quickly as I could."
Milton bent over an especially distressed crewman who had his arms thrown over his head as he rocked himself back and forward.
"Yeoman Larkin- what has-?" the officer began but Larkin screamed,
"Go away! Go away! I don't know what I'm going to do! Can't you see there's no way out?!"
"No way out," someone else sobbed.
"What do you mean, Larkin?" Kirk grabbed him by the shoulder. "We're fine, we're under stress but this is nothing we haven't managed to survive before!Come out of it, Officer, you'll be fine-." Jim stood and addressed everyone. "We'll all be fine-."
"Why don't you just shut your gob, Jim!" Scotty had staggered towards him, blood running from a wound in his side. He stumbled and grabbed onto Kirk for balance. "I can't manage the engine. I always thought I understood her and I do- I do! But what if I can't? What if this is the time I fail? What-." Scott digressed into hopelessness, tears running down his cheeks.
Jim grabbed onto him and Milton flipped open his comm.
"McCoy," the doctor acknowledged.
"Officer Milton, here, sir. Doctor, what happened to the medical officers sent to attend to Mr. Scott?" Milton demanded urgently. "- and Commander Litige-?"
"They're there, Milton- they contacted me less than fifteen minutes ago! They were wrapping Scott's wound and-," Leonard was interrupted by a nurse who had secluded herself in a corner.
"I was helping him- I was doing my job, but there's no hope- even if we bandage him, he'll die eventually- we're all going to die eventually-!"
"And what the fuck was I thinking?" Another nurse spoke up. "'Medical officer'! I'm no 'medical officer'! I'll never be good enough- I'll never save lives! Dad was right- I'm too stupid, too damn useless to let people's lives lie in my hands-!"
"Bones," Kirk took Milton's comm. "get over here immediately- the entire crew is beset by some type of- incapacitating...despair- get Spock down here too- I'm going to do what I can."
"Despair?" McCoy repeated in shock. "Last I heard, they were shouting and arguing-."
"Come right now," Jim insisted, then realized: "wait- are you with 73?"
"Yes but-."
"Bring her with you," He ordered. "Something tells me her 'abilities' are much stronger and much more dangerous than she told us- but be sure she's got heavy restraints. Kirk out."
"Thank you, Milton," He flipped the comm closed and handed it back to the officer.
"Of course, captain," Milton began carefully surveying the room, stepping carefully between the grief-stricken crewmen. "Forgive me if I'm overstepping my bounds-," he continued. "-but is this '73' prisoner...is she really- Singh's wife?"
"Yes!" Litige moaned from where she lied on the floor of the far end of the Rec Room. "She's that bastard's bitch! That mother-fucker who killed my husband! He killed my husband!"
She cried fiercely, nearly howling with grief.
"-G-Gareb..." She hiccupped with sobs. "My Gareb-! He wasn't-wasn't even going to go to Section 31- we were just in London for vacation- he just wanted to drop by and say hello to an old friend who worked at the archive- it shouldn't have taken him more than twenty minutes- I'll never be the same-! Why is he gone? Why did that sadistic fucker take him from me?!"
Kirk took his own comm and contacted Spock.
"Come immediately- and bring the girl, 73. Now."
{ Continued in Weaving Stage }
*Notes and translations:
-"[...]" I've abridged this scene here, the full love scene is in the mini chapter: Wabi-Sabi.