Earth Year 1264
"Valen, what's wrong?" Catherine asked as she walked in on him standing beside their newborn daughter's cradle. "You look so sad." Valen turned and whispered back.
"I am," he sighed, then walked back out into the hall so as not to wake their sleeping infant. "I've been thinking about Garibaldi; how much I wish he could be here to see the baby. How I wish I could have seen him before I left."
"You did what you had to do."
"But did I really?" Valen asked, sitting down on the living room couch and gesturing to her to join him. "I left him a note. Not a long vid or a letter, not a detailed goodbye, I left him a note. Two, maybe three sentences, after all the time we spent together, all the times we saved each other's neck." Catherine leaned into his shoulder and just listened. "I was his best friend and I ditched him with barely a word. He'll find out second-hand what happened, that I'm here. I avoided him to prevent him from coming back with me, but maybe I should have given him the choice. Didn't I owe him more than I left him with?"
"It's not like you had a lot of advance notice yourself."
"I should have found the time."
"You're too hard on yourself. You must have been in shock, having just read that letter and learning what you had to do."
"And if I had done it to you, how would you feel?"
"Hurt. But I would understand, as I'm sure he does."
"Bullshit. You'd be furious. You'd never forgive me. You'd write off our experiences together as a lie."
"Is that what you'd do if you were in his shoes? I really doubt it. You're so caught up in feeling guilty you're not giving Michael any credit at all."
"He acts tough, Cath, but it's all an act. Privately he's really hypersensitive. How do I know my leaving like that didn't send him back to the bottle?"
"You can't know. But I have a unique perspective on things. And he'd be sorry if he'd come back here with you." Valen looked at her with shock and dismay.
"You regret staying?"
"No, of course not. But I have you and now a baby to counter the loneliness. Having a friend around isn't the same as having a spouse. Garibaldi would have been even more isolated than I am. He'd be the odd man out. As time went by he couldn't help but become resentful of what you and I have together."
"But I could have said more … thanked him for our friendship."
"You still can, you know. Leave him a letter for after you're safely gone and the rift is closed. You don't even have to do it now – you've got a lifetime to live, you can fill him in on it anytime. After all, your deadline isn't for another thousand years." Valen smiled.
"You're a lot smarter than me, you know that?" he said.
"Saying that is going to come back and bite you one day," she laughed.
"Yeah. But it was worth it for the advice." He leaned over and kissed her. "I think maybe I'l start it now, tell him about Delenn being born."
"Good. Put in a hello from me too." Valen sat down at his desk and began to write.
Earth Year 2260, June 27
"Ivanova!" Garibaldi shouted at her the second she came through the gate, her face grim. "What the hell happened out there? Where's Jeff?" Ivanova looked at him and saw the desperation in his eyes. She glanced over at Sheridan.
"Do you need me in C&C?" Sheridan looked back and forth at the two friends and shook his head no, an understanding expression on his face. "Marcus – come help me with this?" she asked as the Ranger disembarked. He nodded his assent. "Come on Garibaldi, I'll make us some coffee."
"I don't want coffee, damn it, I want answers!"
"I can't give you answers here," she said, gesturing at the crowd of people in the departures and arrivals lounge. "You'll have to wait until we're in my quarters." Garibaldi followed her, steaming all the way and resentful as well of Marcus Cole's presence.
"Alright, we're alone. Now tell me what the hell is going on."
"Sit down," she instructed, "you're gonna want to be sitting down for this. Now, what I'm about to tell you is something only the two of us," she indicated Cole, "Sheridan, Delenn and maybe Lennier know. And it needs to stay that way."
"Susan, come on, this is me. He's my friend – where the hell is he?"
"I know, I know, but this information could completely destroy Minbari society."
"It would undermine their religion, their culture, their history, their government," added Cole.
"What does Minbari society have to do with Jeff?" Ivanova handed him a cup of coffee.
"You know that Sinclair is – was- Ranger One. What you may not know is that he's also Entil'Zha – 'the one who brings the future.' There has only been one previous Entil'Zha," Cole continued.
"Okay, that's mildly interesting. Now get to what's going on," Garibaldi demanded.
"Jeff got a letter while he was on Minbar," Ivanova began.
"Fine. So the Minbari have regular mail service. So what?"
"He got a letter from the distant past." She exchanged glances with Marcus Cole.
"It was from the first Entil'Zha," Cole continued, "you have probably heard the Minbari evoke his name – Valen. He is their most holy and revered historical figure. A man who was both priest and warrior. He defeated the Shadows, founded the Rangers, created The Grey Council, on and on. He's rather like a combination of Jesus Christ and King Arthur, and like them, it's said he will return again."
"So this old letter was left by the first Entil-whatever to the second."
"Not exactly," said Cole.
"It was left for him by name," Ivanova explained.
"How is that possible?"
"It gets better," she added. "It was written in Jeff's handwriting."
"That makes no sense!"
"Jeff couldn't come back here – entering the time rift in Sector 14 again aged him twenty, thirty years. If he'd returned with us it would have killed him. He had to stay with Babylon 4, go where ever ..."
"Whenever," Cole interjected.
"Whenever it was going. It was going to the past – to a thousand years ago where it served as a base in the first Shadow War."
"What are you saying?"
"Jeff left that letter for himself. Jeff was Valen."
"How ..."
"He used the Chrysalis device to transform himself, to become half-Minbari the way Delenn is half-Human. And as Valen, he led the Minbari to victory against the Shadows." Cole said, turning briefly to Ivanova and commenting on Garibaldi's shocked expression. "I believe he's gobsmacked."
"I'm still pretty gobsmacked myself. It's hard to get my head around it – I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't have been there myself." Ivanova reconsidered her words. "Sorry, Garibaldi."
"So why didn't he tell me himself?" Garibaldi complained angrily.
"If you'd known, would you have stayed behind like Sheridan ordered?"
"Hell no!"
"If you'd gone back to Babylon 4 you would have aged just like Jeff did."
"You couldn't have come back here," Cole elaborated.
"Well hell, I would have stayed with him – he's my best friend!"
"Think about it Michael," Ivanova implored, "there's only one Chrysalis device. Delenn used it. Jeff used it. They balanced each other out. You would have been marooned on Minbar, a thousand years ago, the only Human there."
"If he could get used to it, I could get used to it! Damn it, Jeff!"
"But he wasn't Jeff Sinclair anymore, he was Valen."
"You think I'd care what he looked like? God damn it, Jeff," he muttered the last under his breath.
"Well, this is how he wanted it, Michael, I'm sorry." Garibaldi slumped down in his chair and dropped his head into his hands.
"How could he have done this to me? How could he have left me behind … and to be all alone ..."
"He wouldn't allow me to go either," Cole began. "Did the Entil'Zha tell you about the mission he, Catherine Sakai and I went on last year?"
"No. Clearly he wasn't very good at keeping in touch," Garibaldi mumbled bitterly.
"It was probably too painful for him to talk about. He turned quite inward after it happened, which for the Entil'Zha, well, I didn't think he could be more cryptic but he was. Anyway, the long and the short of it is that there was a battle with the Shadows and Catherine's ship disappeared into the time rift, to when and where no one could say."
"He lost Catherine? Damn. They'd gotten engaged and everything – remember, Susan?"
"This is news to me as well," she said, "I was wondering just now on the trip back how he could leave her. I assumed they broke up while he was on Minbar and we just never heard about it."
"No, they were quite together," Cole assured her. "Anyway, I've wondered since the accident … the Vorlons supplied us with three time stabilizers and I clearly caught the Entil'Zha swapping his out for hers. I didn't say anything, it wasn't my place. But it's left me wondering could it have taken her to where and when he was supposed to end up? Maybe he wasn't alone, maybe he found her. Oddly enough, while there are thousands of pages in thousands of books about Valen, they're very vague on his personal life. From what I've gathered there was some kind of scandal about his wife and kids. I like to imagine he found her back there, had a companion who knew his life story."
"Sounds like a lot of wishful thinking to me," Garibaldi said cruelly.
"That's just mean, Garibaldi," Ivanova snapped back, "I think its a nice thought, Marcus. Not that any of us will ever know."
"I gotta get out of here," Garibaldi grumbled angrily. "I've heard enough bullshit for one day. Thanks for the coffee," he said insincerely, thrusting his full cup back at Ivanova and heading out the door without looking back.
"I didn't mean to upset him more ..."
"I'm sure Jeff didn't want to either, but ..."
"Do you think he believed us?"
"He believed us, but I don't think he'll ever be the same."
Garibaldi was on the couch in his quarters, slouched on his sofa and staring at his gun when his door chimed.
"Bug off," he muttered. It rang again. "Go away!" he called audibly. Again, another chime. He shook his head, then holstered the gun. "Alright, come, damn it." The door swung up and open to reveal Lennier standing outside.
"My apologies for disturbing you so late at night, Mr. Garibaldi … may I come in?"
"Yeah, sure, fine, whatever."
"Is something wrong? Perhaps I may be of assistance."
"Fat chance," Garibaldi looked up and caught Lennier's wounded expression. "Sorry, look, this has been a really bad day for me. What do you need from me?"
"From you? Nothing. I came to deliver something for you from Ambassador Delenn. You see, two days ago she received a letter ..."
"A letter, huh?" Seems everyone is getting them these days. Is she going to sprout fairy wings and fly off into the future?"
"I'm afraid I do not understand the reference. But no matter. As I say, she received a letter from Entil'Zha ..."
"The first or the second? Oh right, they're all the same."
"Ah, I see, then the situation has been explained to you. I must say it's the most profound and meaningful experience in my life, to know that I actually walked alongside, talked to ..."
"Yeah, yeah, what a perfect guy, that Valen." Garibaldi mocked sarcastically. "If you want I probably have a glass he drank out of once lying around here. If I find it, you can have it and enshrine it."
"Do you really?" Lennier asked curiously. "But I must perform my mission here. Delenn received a letter ..."
"Yeah, got it, real old stationary, Sinclair's handwriting, what does any of this have to do with me?"
"Along with the envelope for her, was another envelope. It came with instructions that it was to be delivered to you the night after Delenn returned from Babylon 4, but not a moment sooner. So here I am." He proffered the envelope with shaking hands. "And here is the letter. Forgive me, but I envy you greatly." Slowly, frowning dubiously, Garibaldi reached out and took hold of it. It was thick and fairly heavy. There, on the front was his name, written in what looked like Sinclair's handwriting. He lifted his brows and looked up at Lennier, who was waiting expectantly. "I hope you don't mind ..."
"No, fine, stay here," Garibaldi said distractedly, tapping the envelope against his right hand. With another glance at Lennier, he began to tear it open. Inside were a stack of pages and he unfolded them to the first one. "Well I'll be ..."
"What does it say?" Lennier asked eagerly.
"Hello, old friend, it's been a while. Leaving you was the
hardest thing I've ever done – harder than coming back here in
the first place. You'll have to trust me that it was for the best.
You would not have been welcomed here on Minbar and the isolation
would have been profound. I was here alone for the first few years
and it nearly broke me. At any rate, I couldn't wait to tell you that
Catherine just gave birth to our first child. We've named her Delenn ..."
The two exchanged amazed looks. "So he found her after all. That's great, just great," Garibaldi flipped through the pages. "There's gotta be thirty pages here – and look how small he wrote … it looks like his life story is in here ..."
"This is for you alone. I will leave now."
"Don't you want to hear what else he said?"
"Why yes, but ..."
"Sit down, let's read this together. 'But let me go back to the beginning,' he writes, 'to when I first arrived ...'"
Eagerly the two men sat together all night, reading. The highlights of Valen's whole life were in there; minor triumphs, major failures, details of the Shadow War, random recollections of their friendship, children's births, arguments with Catherine, his discomfort with the growing cult around him, the move to another planet, Catherine's demise. In the morning they finally came to the end:
"I think it's time to bring this missive to a close as I don't know how much
more time is left to me. It's been a good, long life; I've been Valen for
almost 100 years. In case you haven't been keeping score, I have not only
six children but eighteen grandchildren and fifty great-grand-children. Catherine's still with me in a Soul Hunter's globe – we talk every day.
As for me, 'my purpose holds/ To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths/
Of all the western stars, until I die.' Perhaps we'll meet there yet again.
Goodbye, old friend; I've never forgotten you.
Jeff"
Slowly, Garibaldi folded the letter back up again and slipped it into its envelope. Lennier leaned forward from the couch, overwhelmed.
"I cannot thank you enough for sharing that with me," he said sincerely. "I, I must go back to my quarters now and meditate on what I have learned." He rose and left the room in shock. Garibaldi tapped the envelope against his hand again, staring at his name on the front.
"Thanks, old friend," he whispered, "I won't forget you either."
XXX
EPILOGUE
Early the next morning, the door chime to Delenn's quarters rang. Delenn looked up from the candle she had been meditating upon with surprise – it was only five hundred hours and normally she and most everyone else would have been asleep. Normally. But with yesterday's revelation, would anything ever be normal again?
"Come in," she answered. Lennier entered hesitantly. "What is it, Lennier? You look … troubled."
"May I speak with you, Delenn?"
"Of course," she said with a faint smile, "you are always welcome." She stood up and guided him by the elbow to sit with her on the couch. Lennier looked over at the half-burned candle.
"I have interrupted your meditations. I will come back at a later time."
"No, Lennier. Something is bothering you; I can see it in your eyes. Come, tell me what it is."
"Mr. Garibaldi's letter … it was also from Valen."
"Yes."
"It, he, he had me read it with him, much as you did yours. It did not contain instructions however. It ..."
"What is it Lennier?" she asked, touching his arm.
"It was very long. It, it was intended for his eyes alone, but once I began reading it, I could not stop. Indeed, I have been up all night contemplating the contents ..."
"I have been meditating on him as well. I cannot stop thinking," she confessed, "cannot stop grieving. He was my friend, Lennier, and now I shall never see him again. What did he say in the letter?"
"It, it contained everything, Delenn. He wrote it over the course of many years. I do not think I was to know any of what it said. I do not think any Minbari was intended to know what it said." He hesitated. "But if any were, it should have been you, not I."
"What did it say, Lennier?" she prompted again.
"It recounted his whole life; Valen's whole life. He spoke of the Great War and creating the Rangers, of the Grey Council and the StarFire Wheel, of the city of Tuzanor. He had innumerable children, Delenn, more than any Minbari could even comprehend, let alone dream of having. And yet he was tortured, Delenn, tortured by the War, by the number of lives lost under his command, and even by the death of Shadows. I did not imagine this, did not ever before think of the impact the Great War must have had on him. And the rumors, Delenn, the rumors were only partly true – he left our people but not because we drove him away ungratefully, but because he wanted to leave. Valen … abandoned us for many, many years. He came to dread the honors our people showered upon him. He wanted a simple life. He returned only at the end of his days, to die among his vast family." Once started, Lennier couldn't stop talking. "He was everything I ever imagined, but he was someone else as well. He was that Human we worked alongside, he was Commander, Ambassador Sinclair ..."
"Yes," nodded Delenn, "we know that now. And we must keep his secret for him."
"I do not know how to do that now, Delenn. So much of what we were taught in Temple was only half true. So much was greater, so much was less. Because he was a man, that's how he wanted to be remembered; not as a prophet but as a man. Yet now that I have read what I have read, I think I worship him more. Even though I know that means I am like the other Minbari whom he fled." The two were silent for a long time, contemplating Delenn's candle.
"Was he, was he ever happy, Lennier?"
"Yes, I think so." Delenn breathed a deep sigh. "He had his wife and his many children, he had an aide he was very fond of, several priests with whom he was friends; in so much as anyone could be friends with such a great figure. The Grey Council was always faithful to him. He had a sense of humor, Delenn, something I never learned about in Temple; Valen's humor. And you should know this, Delenn; he never stopped thinking of us, of you. He named his first child after you." At this Delenn lost her own composure and began to cry. "But overall I think we Minbari were a weight upon him, a burden he carried for a hundred years. He never said this outright, but I could sense it behind his words. What am I, what are we to do with this knowledge, Delenn? It changes everything ..."
"It changes nothing," Delenn said firmly through her silent tears. "Nothing except that we are doubly blessed to have known him. He knew his fate, Lennier, and he embraced it willingly. His prophesies may not have been prophesies but memories, but that changes nothing about his wisdom or courage or the legacy he left us."
"But he did not want us to worship him."
"'We do not always get what we want, but what we get is sufficient,'" she said, quoting an aphorism attributed to Valen. Lennier bowed his head.
"Yes, of course. But what of the rift among our people? What if we are meant to do something with our knowledge? How can we stand by silently and watch it happen? Perhaps if they knew the Council was correct at the end of the War; that if we had killed Sinclair and his people we would have killed Valen ..."
"How have our people reacted to my change, Lennier?" she asked pointedly, and he looked down at his hands in his lap. "Can you imagine what would happen if they knew Valen was half-Human? No. Valen wanted no likenesses made of him, destroyed all records about his family. He went to great lengths to make sure no one would know. We must continue to follow his will. The Council is broken, but our people are still held together by a thin thread now, the thread that is Valen. We cannot allow that thread to be broken. We can discuss this, you and I, but perhaps from now on it is better if we do not. Valen trusted that Mr. Garibaldi would say nothing. He trusted us to do the same. As for your devotions to him, you pay your respects now in complete understanding of him; something no one has ever been able to do before. I think he would appreciate that."
"Hmm, I wish I had your certainty, Delenn."
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Lennier. Certainly Valen did not want that." Lennier nodded then rose.
"Thank you for this conversation, Delenn. With your permission I will go now and attempt to get some sleep."
"Of course, Lennier. Do not let this knowledge trouble you so. Nothing has really changed." He bowed to her, his hands in a triangle and retreated from her room. Delenn got up from the couch and sat back down on the floor beside the table the candle was on. "You will forgive me, won't you, old friend, for saying what he needed to hear?" she whispered to it. "Just as you will forgive me for my own doubts? I always thought you and I would walk together. How can I know if the path I am on now is the right one without you to guide me? How do I live in a universe without prophesy?" Delenn looked into the candle a moment longer, then wet her fingers and snuffed the wick out.