p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"A/N:/strong I'M BAAACCKKKKKK!/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Let me just say first that I love every single one of you who reviewed or liked or favorited my story – or even just read it and didn't flame me – You guys are completely awesome. RL has been truly horrible. (Hint: Here comes my excuse for not updating in forever. Let me just say it is the most valid reason I have ever had in my entire life. But if you have no wish to read it, feel free to skip to the story.)/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Irony of ironies, this story has turned into my real life. I have been suffering from depression, one scarily similar to Edmund's. I had absolutely NO intention to write about my life in this fic when I started out, it was meant to be entirely fiction, but that's just how the cookie crumbles. And for anyone thinking that my description of depression is unrealistic, let me just say it is very realistic (sometimes I wish I didn't know how realistic it is). It has been one of the darkest points of my life, even darker than when my dear grandma died. Unlike Edmund, though, I don't have observant relatives or Aslan or the professor to help me. I had to realize that my behavior and thoughts were unhealthy on my own, and tell my family. I'm getting help, and it's a slow recovery process, but I am recovering. My therapist wants me to get back my interest in things I used to love – i.e. writing. So, this is my homework. So if I don't update in a month or something, you have every right to yell at me, dear readers. Just please don't tattle on me to my therapist! *runs and hides*/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Also, just getting those emails that say "So-and-so reviewed/followed/favorited Vivere" really just brightened my day every time. So thank you. I don't think you truly understand how much positive input matters to me. I actually get fairly little of it in RL./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Ugh, ok, enough with this – I don't want to think about it anymore. But I felt that I owed you an explanation./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"On with what you all came here for: CHAPTER 3!/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Chapter 3/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Caspian was having a very good night, for once. He was actually able to fall asleep fairly quickly, and even deeply enough for him to have dreams. This was very unlike all the nights previous, in which he tossed and turned, and then got up and stared out of his window at the sea. One more point to plus side of this night was that his dreams were of the em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"very good /emkind, if you catch my drift. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"So, of course, something had to disturb this night, as it is the way of life. In this case, it was a someone, and they were knocking rather persistently at Caspian's door./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Not wanting to get up, Caspian groaned and rolled over, sticking his head underneath his pillow in a futile attempt to block out the sound./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"But it was to no avail. If anything, the knocking seemed to get em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"louder/em. Resigned, Caspian pulled himself out of bed, grumbling the whole time. He was just thankful that his painful erection from his em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"very good/em dream had wilted somewhat. He pulled open his door, a glower planted firmly on his countenance. Not that it did anything to deter the frantic servant that was on the other side of the door./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""What?" Caspian bit out, his voice still rough with sleep./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Your Majesty, we, I mean, the guards, they found the ki-, well, I guess it's just one of the – "/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Whoa, whoa there." Caspian interrupted him, rubbing a hand over his face, to try to clear it of sleep. He dared anybody to try and understand what that jabbering meant, even when they weren't half asleep. "How about you slow down, and try that one more time?"/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"The poor flustered servant took a deep breath to calm his nerves, thankful that Caspian was already proving to be more patient and understanding than the other nobles he had served in the past./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Majesty, the guards sent me to fetch you because they have found one of the Kings of Old passed out in the courtyard."/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"A deep breath signaled that the servant was not done, but Caspian had heard enough. He threw on his cloak and the closest pair of shoes he could find and before the servant could say any more, he was out the door, racing towards the courtyard./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"The servant sighed, thankful that the spotlight was off him for now, and rushed after his king./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Caspian raced down the halls, cursing the distance between the two points the whole time, all the while a mantra was forming in his mind – it was a desperate prayer to Aslan that it was who he was hoping for and that he was all style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"When Caspian finally reached the courtyard, his eyes zoned in on the figure lying splayed on the ground, barely even noticing the guards kneeling next to him. The guards had noticed him, though. One of them quickly stood up and approached him and bowed quickly./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Sire, he – "/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Which is it? Peter or Edmund?" a breathless Caspian interrupted, never taking his eyes off the boy in the distance. He was desperately hoping that Aslan had seen fit to answer his prayers by sending –/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""King Edmund, sire."/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Caspian's body actually sagged for a moment, he was so filled with complete and utter relief and joy./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Praise Aslan." Caspian murmured, pushing past the guard to get to his Edmund, ignoring the guard's "But sire, he – " as he did so./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Ed!" he cried as dropped to his knees next to the boy./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"He reached out and grasped Edmund's shoulders, pulling his unconscious form against his own body in a tight hug. As he embraced Edmund, Caspian frowned, noticing the boy's slight weight. He was almost positive that when he hugged Edmund goodbye as he left, the boy had felt more substantial./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"He released him, but not completely, holding him at arm's length, and examined him. He unhappily took in the gaunt form and the pale and wan face, with dark purple bags under his eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""What happened to you, Ed?" he whispered to himself./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"As he continued his perusal, he noticed something. There was a bag of smelling salts next to where one of the guards had been kneeling. Finally turning his attention to the guards standing over him, he asked:/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""He won't wake?"/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"They both shook their heads, as the guard who had intercepted him earlier spoke. "No, sire. That is what I was trying to tell you earlier. He won't wake, and we've tried many methods. We were just about to check for a pulse when you arrived."/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Caspian's happily flushed face suddenly drained of color. "A pulse?" he asked weakly./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"He had not even considered the possibility of Edmund being dead. It would explain why Edmund had appeared here, quite alone. Perhaps Aslan expected him to repeat his journey to Aslan's Country, except this time, he wanted Caspian to deliver Edmund to him. Well, Caspian wouldn't do it. Edmund was em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"his/em, he thought possessively as his actions echoed his thoughts. He had pulled Edmund close to his chest again, as his thoughts turned dark./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Wait! His mind yelled at him, telling himself that he was jumping to conclusions. Edmund could very well be alive. Caspian once again released Edmund and put two trembling fingers to Edmund's pulse point, trying to feel something, anything./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"After a moment, he sighed in relief. Edmund's pulse was there and it was strong, if slow because he was unconscious./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""He's alive." He said, addressing the two waiting guards./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Sire, would you like us to set him up in some quarters?" the second guard asked, speaking up for the first time./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""No." Caspian said vehemently, as he scooped Edmund up in his arms, holding him bridal style. "I will take him to my quarters in order to watch over him. Please fetch the healer and send her to me."/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"The two bowed respectively and set off, leaving the two kings alone. Caspian shifted Edmund's body closer, if that was even possible. He couldn't help himself, he thought that this boy was lost to him forever, and now that he was here, Caspian wasn't about to let him out of his sight, lest he disappeared again./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"He walked back to his rooms, slowly this time, taking his time to savor the feel of Edmund in his arms. Once he reached his destination, he set Edmund down on the bed and tucked the rumpled sheets around him./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Caspian sat down on the edge of the bed and just watched Edmund's chest rise and fall, hardly able to believe that the boy who haunted his dreams was finally in his bed./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"This boy was the real reason why Caspian couldn't commit to a courtship. How could he marry someone else when he still loved Edmund? /p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Let me just say first that I love every single one of you who reviewed or liked or favorited my story – or even just read it and didn't flame me – You guys are completely awesome. RL has been truly horrible. (Hint: Here comes my excuse for not updating in forever. Let me just say it is the most valid reason I have ever had in my entire life. But if you have no wish to read it, feel free to skip to the story.)/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Irony of ironies, this story has turned into my real life. I have been suffering from depression, one scarily similar to Edmund's. I had absolutely NO intention to write about my life in this fic when I started out, it was meant to be entirely fiction, but that's just how the cookie crumbles. And for anyone thinking that my description of depression is unrealistic, let me just say it is very realistic (sometimes I wish I didn't know how realistic it is). It has been one of the darkest points of my life, even darker than when my dear grandma died. Unlike Edmund, though, I don't have observant relatives or Aslan or the professor to help me. I had to realize that my behavior and thoughts were unhealthy on my own, and tell my family. I'm getting help, and it's a slow recovery process, but I am recovering. My therapist wants me to get back my interest in things I used to love – i.e. writing. So, this is my homework. So if I don't update in a month or something, you have every right to yell at me, dear readers. Just please don't tattle on me to my therapist! *runs and hides*/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Also, just getting those emails that say "So-and-so reviewed/followed/favorited Vivere" really just brightened my day every time. So thank you. I don't think you truly understand how much positive input matters to me. I actually get fairly little of it in RL./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Ugh, ok, enough with this – I don't want to think about it anymore. But I felt that I owed you an explanation./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"On with what you all came here for: CHAPTER 3!/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Chapter 3/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Caspian was having a very good night, for once. He was actually able to fall asleep fairly quickly, and even deeply enough for him to have dreams. This was very unlike all the nights previous, in which he tossed and turned, and then got up and stared out of his window at the sea. One more point to plus side of this night was that his dreams were of the em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"very good /emkind, if you catch my drift. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"So, of course, something had to disturb this night, as it is the way of life. In this case, it was a someone, and they were knocking rather persistently at Caspian's door./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Not wanting to get up, Caspian groaned and rolled over, sticking his head underneath his pillow in a futile attempt to block out the sound./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"But it was to no avail. If anything, the knocking seemed to get em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"louder/em. Resigned, Caspian pulled himself out of bed, grumbling the whole time. He was just thankful that his painful erection from his em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"very good/em dream had wilted somewhat. He pulled open his door, a glower planted firmly on his countenance. Not that it did anything to deter the frantic servant that was on the other side of the door./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""What?" Caspian bit out, his voice still rough with sleep./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Your Majesty, we, I mean, the guards, they found the ki-, well, I guess it's just one of the – "/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Whoa, whoa there." Caspian interrupted him, rubbing a hand over his face, to try to clear it of sleep. He dared anybody to try and understand what that jabbering meant, even when they weren't half asleep. "How about you slow down, and try that one more time?"/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"The poor flustered servant took a deep breath to calm his nerves, thankful that Caspian was already proving to be more patient and understanding than the other nobles he had served in the past./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Majesty, the guards sent me to fetch you because they have found one of the Kings of Old passed out in the courtyard."/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"A deep breath signaled that the servant was not done, but Caspian had heard enough. He threw on his cloak and the closest pair of shoes he could find and before the servant could say any more, he was out the door, racing towards the courtyard./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"The servant sighed, thankful that the spotlight was off him for now, and rushed after his king./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Caspian raced down the halls, cursing the distance between the two points the whole time, all the while a mantra was forming in his mind – it was a desperate prayer to Aslan that it was who he was hoping for and that he was all style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"When Caspian finally reached the courtyard, his eyes zoned in on the figure lying splayed on the ground, barely even noticing the guards kneeling next to him. The guards had noticed him, though. One of them quickly stood up and approached him and bowed quickly./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Sire, he – "/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Which is it? Peter or Edmund?" a breathless Caspian interrupted, never taking his eyes off the boy in the distance. He was desperately hoping that Aslan had seen fit to answer his prayers by sending –/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""King Edmund, sire."/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Caspian's body actually sagged for a moment, he was so filled with complete and utter relief and joy./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Praise Aslan." Caspian murmured, pushing past the guard to get to his Edmund, ignoring the guard's "But sire, he – " as he did so./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Ed!" he cried as dropped to his knees next to the boy./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"He reached out and grasped Edmund's shoulders, pulling his unconscious form against his own body in a tight hug. As he embraced Edmund, Caspian frowned, noticing the boy's slight weight. He was almost positive that when he hugged Edmund goodbye as he left, the boy had felt more substantial./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"He released him, but not completely, holding him at arm's length, and examined him. He unhappily took in the gaunt form and the pale and wan face, with dark purple bags under his eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""What happened to you, Ed?" he whispered to himself./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"As he continued his perusal, he noticed something. There was a bag of smelling salts next to where one of the guards had been kneeling. Finally turning his attention to the guards standing over him, he asked:/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""He won't wake?"/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"They both shook their heads, as the guard who had intercepted him earlier spoke. "No, sire. That is what I was trying to tell you earlier. He won't wake, and we've tried many methods. We were just about to check for a pulse when you arrived."/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Caspian's happily flushed face suddenly drained of color. "A pulse?" he asked weakly./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"He had not even considered the possibility of Edmund being dead. It would explain why Edmund had appeared here, quite alone. Perhaps Aslan expected him to repeat his journey to Aslan's Country, except this time, he wanted Caspian to deliver Edmund to him. Well, Caspian wouldn't do it. Edmund was em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"his/em, he thought possessively as his actions echoed his thoughts. He had pulled Edmund close to his chest again, as his thoughts turned dark./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Wait! His mind yelled at him, telling himself that he was jumping to conclusions. Edmund could very well be alive. Caspian once again released Edmund and put two trembling fingers to Edmund's pulse point, trying to feel something, anything./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"After a moment, he sighed in relief. Edmund's pulse was there and it was strong, if slow because he was unconscious./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""He's alive." He said, addressing the two waiting guards./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""Sire, would you like us to set him up in some quarters?" the second guard asked, speaking up for the first time./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal""No." Caspian said vehemently, as he scooped Edmund up in his arms, holding him bridal style. "I will take him to my quarters in order to watch over him. Please fetch the healer and send her to me."/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"The two bowed respectively and set off, leaving the two kings alone. Caspian shifted Edmund's body closer, if that was even possible. He couldn't help himself, he thought that this boy was lost to him forever, and now that he was here, Caspian wasn't about to let him out of his sight, lest he disappeared again./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"He walked back to his rooms, slowly this time, taking his time to savor the feel of Edmund in his arms. Once he reached his destination, he set Edmund down on the bed and tucked the rumpled sheets around him./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"Caspian sat down on the edge of the bed and just watched Edmund's chest rise and fall, hardly able to believe that the boy who haunted his dreams was finally in his bed./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"This boy was the real reason why Caspian couldn't commit to a courtship. How could he marry someone else when he still loved Edmund? /p