Chapter 6:
AN: I am so sorry for the delay, between testing in school and having horrible writer's block, I haven't been able to write for the past month or so. I hope you enjoy.
It had been a week since the case after Emily's return ended, and Spencer still hadn't spoken to JJ. They only shared passing glances, JJ didn't know how to make it better and Spencer was too upset to try.
"Spence, I need to talk to you." JJ told him as they were leaving for the day.
"What's here to say JJ?" Spencer asked getting into the elevator with her.
"I don't know how to make this better, but we need to talk about it, we can't keep avoiding each other. The boys are starting to miss you and so am I." JJ told him in a solemn voice.
"Alright, come to my place later and we can talk." Spencer told her with a slightly cold tone. They both got off and headed to their cars. When JJ got home both the boys were there with the nanny who takes care of Henry.
"Susan, do you think you could watch the kids for a while longer, I have something I need to do." JJ asked hoping things would work, as much as she wanted to avoid the whole mess, they needed to work something out.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Jareau, but I have plans for this evening." The young nanny told her.
"That's okay, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." JJ told her, they exchanged goodbyes before she left. It looked like she was going to have to call one of her friends to watch the kids.
"Hey AJ, how did your day go?" JJ asked as she picked up Henry for a hug.
"It was fine. I think I'm going to head to my room to finish the rest of my homework." AJ told her shortly as he collected his things. He was upset with JJ for what happened as well.
"Alright buddy, I have to go out to do something in a little while so one of your aunts or uncles is going to come." JJ called out to him, she then pulled out her phone to make a few quick calls to figure out who could watch the kids.
Soon enough the doorbell rang and JJ rushed to get it. "Thank you so much for doing this for me, I really need to fix things with Spence. There's money on the counter, and pizzas on the way for you and the boys, I'll call you when I'm on my way home." JJ told Emily who was standing in the doorway with an amused look on her face at JJ's list of directions.
"It's no problem, I need to catch up with the boys. Go talk to Spencer and take as long as you need." They both embraced for a second before JJ had to go. She drove in silence, except for the soft buzz of the radio. She got to Spencer's apartment and knocked quietly on the door.
"Hey." She said as he opened the door getting a small greeting in response. As soon as they sat down at on the couch the conversation started, "Spence, I really don't know what to say. I had to do what was best for Emily, I had to protect her."
"Why didn't you trust us; why didn't you trust me?" Spencer asked quietly.
"This had nothing to do with trust, Spence. I trust you with my life, I trust you with the lives of my kids. I did what I had to do to protect Emily and I am so sorry that I hurt you in the process."
Reid let out a sarcastic laugh at this, "You did so much more than hurt me. JJ you broke me, you sent her away and then told me she was dead. I cried for her in front of you for ten weeks, I let you watch me brake and you helped me, you did, but you could have completely fixed it and now that the truth is out it makes what you did worse. You watched me as I suffered. I showed you my darkest place and you brought me a candle down there, but now that candle is tipped over and burning the place down."
"Spencer, I'm sorry." JJ told him with tear filled eyes.
"I know but I just can't forgive you yet. I showed you my vulnerable side, I let you into every part of my life, I told you all of my secrets but you couldn't do the same."
JJ went to speak again but Reid cut her off, "I know why you did it, I know that you needed to protect someone you love. I want to forgive you but JJ I just can't. You hurt me so much with this and I can't forgive you yet. I feel hurt, betrayed, and there is one feeling that overthrows all the others and I hate it, that feeling is love, JJ. Love for you that won't go away no matter what, I love you with every part of me no matter what you do but I don't know if you feel the same, I don't know if you have the same amount of love as I do."
"How could you question my love for you? You don't know how guilty I felt for doing this, but I will do anything to keep a member of this family safe. I know that what I did hurt everyone, especially you but that was the only choice I had to keep her safe. I love you with all of my heart, I know that for a fact. I'm sorry for hurting you with what I did, but I am not sorry for doing it, I would do it over and over again if it was the difference between Emily living or dying." JJ's eyes were red and her voice was shaky, but she refused to cry.
"Jennifer, I love you more than anything, but I don't know how to trust you anymore. I understand why you did what you did but I can't stop the pain I feel. It hurts that you lied to me, that you let me cry on your shoulder about something that you could have stopped with four words. I love you JJ but I don't trust you." The words stung JJ and she had to force the tears not to come out.
A single tear forced its way down JJ's face as she spoke, "I don't know what else I can say to try to make this right, Spence, I really don't. I'm sorry for making you hurt and for losing your trust and if there was any other way I could have done things without risking Emily's life believe me, I would have done that to avoid the pain everyone had to feel."
"I know your sorry and I know that you didn't want to hurt me but JJ, I just can't forgive you yet. I can't stop the bitter and angry feelings from rising up when I think about what you kept from me. I think that maybe… maybe we should take a break." Spencer stuttered out the words and regretted them slightly afterwards.
JJ's voice quivered as she started to speak, "You're breaking up with me?"
"No, I just think that we need a little time apart so that I can get everything through my head and we can move on from here." Spencer answered quickly, trying to explain his words.
JJ let out a bitter laugh and shook her head, "You don't need to patronize me Spencer, I can understand when I'm being dumped." She stood up from her spot on the couch and walked to the door, "Goodbye Spencer."
Spencer jumped up from his spot on the couch and started to follow her, "JJ wait, I just need some time. I love you, and I will never stop loving you. I just need some time to think." JJ gave him a small nod and headed out the door. Spencer sat back on the couch and held his head in his hands as he contemplated everything that just happened.
JJ sat in her car for a few minutes to calm down before driving the conversation had gone worse than she had expected and she couldn't help but feel hurt. She let the tears fall silently as she started her car and headed back home. The streets were mellow and JJ was able to get home quickly. Once she was parked in her driveway she stayed in the car until she could get control of her crying and make sure her eyes weren't red and puffy.
JJ got out of the car with a sigh, she headed inside to see both of her boys curled into their aunt. The three of them were watching a movie, well two of them as Henry had already fallen asleep. "Hey Jayje" Emily greeted as she looked away from the movie.
"Hey Em" she replied quietly, "Hey buddy" AJ looked towards her and then turned back to the TV. JJ sighed, it seemed no one was willing to forgive her. Emily noticed there was some tension between the mother and son and decided to give them a minute.
"I'm going to put this little guy in bed." She said as she stood up and lifted Henry gently. As she left the room JJ walked over to AJ and sat next to him.
"Did you have fun with Aunt Em?" She asked him quietly. He gave her a small nod but didn't look at her. "Bud, you can't be mad at me forever." JJ told him.
"Maybe not, but I honestly don't know how to feel about everything, so for now I'm going to go with anger." AJ spoke for the first time, still not looking at JJ.
"I know your upset about everything but I had an important reason for what I did. I'm sorry that I hurt you in the meantime but it was all that could be done given the situation. You may not always like what I do but you have to trust that there is reason behind it."
AJ nodded his head slightly but still looked kind of upset, "Alright, you kept Auntie Em safe so I guess that's what really matters. I can't say I'm completely over anything but I do understand. I'm going to head to bed goodnight mom." JJ gave her son a small hug before he headed up to his room.
JJ sighed as she let herself fall back into the couch and accept everything this day had brought with it. She saw Emily walking back into the room a few seconds later, "How did everything go?" based on how JJ looked at the moment she had an idea of what the answer would be.
"Not very well. Spence decided that he needs time to think things over, which is basically code for I'm breaking up with you for now, I might come back later." JJ told quietly as she was still trying to accept it.
Emily sighed as she looked at her broken friend, "Jayje, I'm not sure if I would take it that way with Reid. I know that I haven't really been here so I don't know everything but it was obvious before I left that he was in love with you, you know how he is, he needs to take in every thought and feeling before he comes to a conclusion on anything. Based on his love for you there is no way that he doesn't want to be with you and as long as you feel the same way, which I know you do, I think everything will be fine between the two of you."
"What happened to not profiling members of the team." JJ asked her with a small smirk trying to lighten the mood even though it was obvious that she was still hurting.
"I'm not, I'm profiling my friends to help my best friend understand that everything will be okay." Emily told her with a smirk of her own.
"I really missed you Em." JJ said as she leaned into her friend, giving her a small hug.
"I missed you too Jay." Emily said as she embraced the younger agent that was leaning into her.
AN: I didn't really like how this chapter came out, as I said I have a severe case of writer's block, I will try to get the next chapter out as soon as I possibly can but I don't know when that will be. As always I appreciate you reading and commenting on these stories and I hope you liked this chap more than I did.