Poe's eyes were focused on the instrumentations in front of him. "Okay," he said, "we should be getting there in a couple of minutes."
Finn nodded and, sliding his hand over Poe's back, sat down in the copilot's chair, where he never had anything to do but watch his partner fly the ship look out the viewscreen. The trip had taken roughly three days, since Birken Six was so far away from Chandrila. The planet was on the outskirts of the Outer Rim, far away from trading routes, but infinitely close to the Unknown Regions, from whence the First Order had emerged all those years ago. It made Finn feel uncomfortable even thinking about this, but of course he knew, that this proximity to First Order territory and the distance from the New Republic would have made Birken Six a perfect target for the Order's recruiting missions. Finn still wasn't comfortable with the idea of going looking for his family, especially since this trip might actually lead him to them. He still couldn't quite belief Kes Dameron had never spoken up until now, but he was grateful that he had kept his silence for almost ten years now. In fact, he wished he had kept his suspicions to himself. Finn felt a lump rise in his throat just thinking about Birken Six. What in the name of all the stars had he been thinking, when he had agreed to this trip? His feelings hadn't changed; he didn't want to find a family he had no connection to whatsoever. Finding them would only make things even more complicated and he didn't need this feeling of belonging he knew Poe had on Yavin Four. He belonged with Poe. What else did he need, really? He was so sure, that his life, just as it presented itself right now, was perfect in every sense. He was working in a field he loved, had a close circle of friends and was about to embark on the next stretch of life with Poe at his side.
But of course Poe had insisted. Finn should have known that he would, as soon as Kes had told his son about his old friend from the days of the Rebel Alliance. Poe was too much in love with his idea of what family life should be that he'd want Finn to find his as well. Even if it was with perfect strangers. But then again, they might not find them at all. Maybe, with a bit of luck, they had moved away from Birken Six to an unknown location years ago. Maybe they had never lived there at all.
"What are you thinking about?" Poe's voice dragged him out of his reverie and Finn, trying to look as relaxed as possible, leaned back in his chair.
"Nothing," he answered quietly. This was most likely the only problem they had in their relationship. Those things they never spoke about. It wasn't like they were keeping secrets from each other. Poe knew about Finn's issues with the idea of a family in his past and Finn's unwillingness to undergo Skywalker's Jedi training, just like Finn knew about Poe's constant nightmares. Over the years those had become fewer and fewer, but recently it had happened more often. Finn always woke up when Poe thrashed around in his sleep and quite often he was able to calm his sleeping partner down without waking him up, but he had been unable to do so these last couple of weeks. Almost every night Poe woke up, seemingly unaware of the fact that Finn was awake as well, and he got up and spent almost half an hour in the bathroom. The retching sounds coming from there, along with the fact that Poe had lost a lot of weight recently, made Finn uneasy. Poe wasn't doing well at all. The nightmares had been there for as long as Finn could remember, but the constant worry about his father must make things almost impossible for Poe to take. That was exactly why Finn hadn't been able to say no. The move to their new house had kept Poe busy, but then the thing with Beebee-Ate had happened and somehow things had started to go downhill again. If Poe needed to do something that might keep his mind occupied and his thoughts far away from nightmares and worries, then it had to be done. Even if it meant doing the thing Finn wanted to do least of all. And maybe, after they had discovered that Finn's family was not to be found, he and Poe could start talking about the things they didn't say aloud. Maybe he, Finn, might even find the courage to talk to Poe about the Force and the things that made him feel uneasy about it.
Poe nodded. "Okay," he said. "I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm really looking forward to meeting them."
Finn held back a sigh. Poe's optimism in this respect was nerve wrecking, but Finn wouldn't have dreamed of complaining. It wasn't exactly that Poe had been pessimistic about his future recently, or even appeared unhappy, but Finn knew that something was eating away at Poe and discouraging Poe in any way wouldn't help either of them. "I know you are," he answered instead, before deciding to humour him. "Maybe they won't even be half bad. I could live with that." It wouldn't be bad anyway, but he still wasn't sure about all of this.
"Maybe...", Poe said. "I don't see how they could be with you as their son, or brother, or whatever. Hey, maybe your parents, or at least one of them is Force sensitive."
This had occurred to Finn as well, but he wasn't really looking forward to finding out. "What if they are? Would you want me to start Jedi training?" He saw Poe shudder and knew that Poe wouldn't want that. His experience with Kylo Ren must have been beyond terrible, even if he did trust Finn more than he trusted anyone else and Finn couldn't blame him. Poe's experiences with the Force had been terrible, though he was fully aware, that at least Rey and Skywalker could achieve great things with its help.
"It would be your choice, wouldn't it? I mean, you haven't pursued the ways of the Force until now, but maybe meeting a blood relative who is also sensitive to the Force might make you want to do it anyway. What I think, or feel doesn't matter." Poe turned his head to look at him, finally pulling his eyes away from the instrumentations in front of him. His lips were curved into a barely visible, but honest smile. "I mean it."
Snorting Finn shook his head. "I know you do, but what you think or feel matters a lot to me. That's why we're here, isn't it?"
"That's not what I meant-"
"I know. Still. I have no idea what's going to happen, but let me tell you that I made my choice and I'm not going back on it. I have no idea, why I would even want to train these abilities I might have. Getting feedback from certain people at certain times is more than enough to handle. I don't want any of that mumbo jumbo of reading other peoples' minds or lifting speeders off the ground without even touching them. No, thank you."
Poe didn't answer immediately, but reached over the centre console to put a hand on Finn's shoulder. "Still... if that mumbo jumbo was the thing you wanted to do for the rest of your life, I'd be okay with that." He didn't sound entirely convinced, but Finn knew that Poe was being perfectly honest with him. Poe would stay with him and might even find a way to live with Finn's Jedi training. But that was beside the point. As far as Finn was concerned, it would never come to that. It would ruin the life they had now. He wouldn't be living in their new house with Poe. He wouldn't be able to find the time to be as much with Poe as he wanted and start that family he had been secretly dreaming of. Poe had always been great with children and Finn couldn't wait to see how great he'd be with a child of his own. Finn had even started to look at facilities they'd need to consult once they had decided on this course of action.
The display in front of them started blinking and Poe focused his attention back on the instrumentations. "Okay, hold on tight."
The ship shuddered and the stars in front of them returned to their normal shape, as they slid out of hyperspace and Finn's heart rate picked up almost at the same moment. This was it, the planet where they would start looking for his parents. As soon as his eyes fell on the red and blue planet beneath them, he felt a sense of foreboding creep up on him, a slight tingling on his skin at the back of his neck. Something was wrong, and it had nothing to do with the family he didn't want to find.
The Pinn, the small ship Poe had received for services to the Republic after the end of the war, moved quickly through the planet's atmosphere, heading towards the coordinates where the settlement was supposed to be.
"Poe, is something going on down there?"
With a frown on his face, Poe turned to look briefly at Finn. Birken Six was a minor mining outpost so far away from most trading routes, that it was considered a miracle for the settlement on the southern part of the planet's biggest continent, to have survived these last couple of years. The operation had been set up after the Galactic Civil War by Rebel veterans. So far Kes Dameron's intel had been correct. There shouldn't be anything wrong out here however. Nothing at all. The settlement was too unimportant, too small to be considered of value by anyone, so why would there even be trouble.
"Let me check..." Poe said, turning to a small set of instruments and after typing in some brief commands, the display embedded in the viewscreen showed abnormally high activity and heat signatures. "What the-"
Ahead of them the mining outpost they were flying towards, they could see smoke rising from the one huge warehouse which could be made out. Finn's heart sank, as he spotted the oval shaped ship hovering above the small town like a spider waiting to strike for the deathblow. Its laser cannons opened fire at the houses scattered around a cobbled town square and when Finn saw the people fleeing from their houses, away from the fire and the destruction, he saw shuttles emerge from the ship's hangar and felt a lump rise in his throat. "Poe, that's the ship that was stolen a couple of days ago...", he whispered, as Poe decelerated.
Poe nodded briefly. "I know..." His voice was calm, but Finn saw his hands fly over the consoles. The Pinn was a mere passenger ship, not built for battle, but for civilian travel. Still Poe had some modifications made to their transport. Weapons however, were not part of that. "This is Commander Poe Dameron of the Republic's Navy", he said, his voice decisive and cool, after he had turned on the Comm to send out a distress signal. "I am on Birken Six aboard the Pinn. We have encountered the Endeavour attacking a mining outpost. I repeat, we have encountered the Endeavour on Birken Six!"
"Poe, shouldn't we get out of here?" It was a miracle they hadn't been discovered yet, but now, that Poe had sent a transmission to the next planet in the Republic, the crew about the Endeavour was bound to notice them.
"Yeah, we should." Poe pressed his lips tightly together. The Pinn was neither a fast, nor a very manoeuvrable ship and Finn knew, just by looking at Poe that they were in trouble. As the Pinn turned around to speed away from the assault on the village, as Finn felt his heart drop and his body being pressed into the seat, when he thought of the people down there they couldn't help, their ship jerked forward and Finn was being catapulted out of his seat, unable to break his fall. With a muffled groan, he hit his head hard on the copilot's console and he slid to the floor.
"Finn!" The panic in Poe's voice was unmistakeable, but Finn knew that Poe couldn't focus on him now.
"I'm fine, just get us out of this." He scrambled to his feet, his hand flying to his temple. The sticky, warm substance on his skin made him flinch. This couldn't be happening! How could they have ended up in this situation?!
"Sit down and fasten your seat belt! We've been hit."
Finn blinked, slumping down on the chair and doing as he was told. Not only had they been hit, they were tumbling towards the ground and Poe was doing his best to keep the crash as controlled as possible. The dark red earth was drawing ever closer and so were the houses of the settlement they had been about to turn their back on. "Poe! What are you doing!?" Finn's breath caught in his chest and he had to force himself to keep his eyes open, as their ship raced towards the ground.
"All I can!" Poe said through gritted teeth and pulling up as much as possible. They were so close to the town now, almost level with the roofs of the houses. Finn's fingers dug into to armrests and he felt all muscles in his body tense up, as they flew over the last of the houses. Humans and other sentient beings assembled on the town square, dashed to the side, but Finn couldn't help but feel the slight tremor going through the ship as they hit someone despite Poe's best efforts.
"HOLD ON!" Poe's voice echoed through his head as the Pinn touched down on the ground and Finn pressed his eyelids tightly together, unwilling to see what was going on in front of them. He felt the impact of the ship hitting one of the biggest buildings in every bone of his body, felt the seatbelt cut into his chest and waist, felt his head being thrown forward and heard Poe's muffled groan. But he was alright. Poe was alright. Finn felt it deep within him. Even though he had never wanted to be able to feel it, he was glad that he felt it now. The ship had come to a complete stop and breathing heavily, Finn's eyes snapped open. The cockpit was dark, except for the warning lights flashing in front of them, the rubble of the building they had hit, blocking out every ray of sunshine that might have penetrated the viewscreen otherwise. The frontal shields had saved him and Poe, though Finn didn't even want to think about who they might have hurt when they hit the building. With trembling hands he unfastened his seatbelt and jumped to his feet, immediately feeling how dizzy he was. But Poe was more important. Poe, whose eyes were still closed.
"Poe...", Finn murmured, kneeling down next to him, his hand on Poe's arm. "Babe, are you okay?" Despite Finn's knowledge that Poe was perfectly fine, his eyes scanned Poe for any visible external injuries. Nothing. Poe breathing was steady, even though it was more than shaky. "I'm okay...", Poe whispered, opening his eyes and looking directly at Finn. His pupils looked normal and Finn let out a relieved sign.
"I know," he said quietly. "We should get out of here." There was nothing they could do for anyone, not even themselves if they remained in here. He heard the noise of laser beams hitting their surroundings, could hear the shouts of people holding their own against an enemy they had no chance of holding off.
With shaking hands, Finn made to undo Poe's seatbelt, when, all of a sudden a painful und irritating burst of laughter broke out of his throat. It shook him to the core, broke out of him and he was unable to hold it back.
"Finn!" Poe's hands were on his cheeks, thumbs gently brushing his skin. "Calm down." Neither his voice, nor his touch were able to help Finn achieve that. His insides hurt like something had just hit him so hard across the chest that he was sure he would break from the pain of it. His mind was racing. All of this was happening so fast. Way too fast and there was nothing they could do but run out of here and get thrown into this battle that didn't concern them at all. It was as if the war had never ended. As if seven years ago nothing of significance had happened and all he could to was laugh, because the alternative was unthinkable.
"Our second crash, huh?" Finn shook his head, freeing himself from Poe's grasp. The reference to the first time they had met, to the flight from the Finalizer and their spectacular crash in a stolen Tie-Fighter, was the only thing with which he could even begin to explain what was going on with him. "I'm fine," he said, breathing heavily and forcing himself to hold in the inappropriate and mirthless laughter. "I'm sorry."
Poe nodded, his brown eyes wide. "Don't be," he answered and his voice was just as calm as it had been, when he had sent the alert to the Republic. His face, however, showed all too visibly that he was just as shocked by what had happened, as Finn was. "Our last crash was a bit more theatrical, though. Plus, you got my jacket out of the last one. You're not getting mine this time." Poe laughed breathlessly, grabbed Finn's face again and pressed his lips against Finn's.
So this was it? A last kiss, before it could all be over? Finn felt the ship shudder around them, as it was hit by what must have been salvos fired from blasters, but the only thing he was focusing on was Poe. Poe's lips on his, the feeling of Poe's warm breath on his skin, Poe's hands on his cheeks. Finn moved closer to Poe, returning the kiss with an urgency, which made his heart beat so fast, Finn felt like it might just about burst out of his chest.
All too soon, Poe ended the kiss and took Finn's hand. "Let's go," he said huskily and the look in his eyes told Finn, that he was just as scared of what was waiting for them outside.
They had brought blasters, but they were nothing more than small arms, and Finn would have felt better with a proper blaster gun in his hands. But this was all they had to protect themselves with and they'd be lucky to do even that. He was standing next to Poe, trying not to look at the bed they had both slept in, the blanket not as neatly tucked beneath the mattress as Poe liked. Finn had done it, not caring about how it looked, but now he wished he had done it properly, just to please Poe. But now it was too late.
Poe looked at him one last time before stepping forward, blaster in hand, and overriding the door lock, which had sealed itself upon impact. As the ramp crashed to the ground, the hydraulics apparently badly damaged by the impact, Finn's breath caught in his chest. It was as if they were truly back fighting the war they had not fought in seven years. He pushed past Poe, towards the smell of ozone in the air, of smoke, burning buildings, towards the noise of screams, whirring laser beams and screams of wounded. There were so many people out there! More than they had seen when they had crashed into that building. All of them armed with blasters and firing at the attackers. Finn's eyes roamed over the people not in uniform, the people putting up a fight. Not five feet from him, an older man toppled over, a sizzling, black hole in his back. Finn's pulse had slowed down, as a routine, he had almost forgotten, kicked in. He immediately turned around, blaster tightly in his hands, his eyes on those coming from the shuttles, storming towards them. The only chance they had, was to get away from here as quickly as possible. But where to? They had no chance of escaping, he knew, not with their ship nothing more than a wreck and it was unlikely they'd get away from here aboard another ship with the Endeavour hovering threateningly above them.
As Finn pulled the trigger for the first time in seven years, he felt his heart contract painfully. He had hit an enemy, whose face he couldn't see. But these weren't Stormtroopers, or at least they didn't look like them. Not entirely anyway. This wasn't as painful as it had been during the war, he realized, and, as Poe stood next to him, firing simultaneously with him. Moving with their backs towards the inhabitants of Birken Six, they slowly made to get away from the soldiers. From the corner of his eyes, Finn saw a woman, whose swollen belly made it hard for her to even move, stand up behind a toppled over crate firing at the attackers, behind her an elderly woman, trying to bandage up a younger man's arm, while the blaster fire heated up the air around them. The obviously pregnant woman turned to look at Finn, and, as their eyes met, just for a second, Finn felt something tug at something deep within him, stirring something he hadn't felt since he had first met Poe, but utterly different and then a green bolt of laserfire, hit her straight in the chest, toppling her over. Before Finn could react, before he even fully realized what had happened, he felt a burning, almost mindwrecking pain emanating from his arm, as he himself was thrown backwards.
"FINN!" Poe's face was over his, his dark hair in stark contrast to the light blue, almost whitish background of the sky above him, before Finn even knew that he had crashed to the ground, thrown backwards by the force of the shot that had hit him. He didn't even hold his blaster anymore, he realized. All the wind had been knocked out of his lungs and he struggled to normalize his breathing again, while Poe examined his arm as best he could.
"It's fine. Nothing a bit of bacta couldn't put right." Poe sounded relieved, but Finn knew that they most likely wouldn't have a chance to get his wound looked after.
Finn nodded anyway, unable to speak and only now did he realize that the firing had stopped. He turned his head, looking for the woman he had seen not two minutes ago, but he was unable to find her again. Black boots entered his field of vision and he knew, what would come next, even before he heard the words.
"Get up. Hands over your heads. You're coming with us."
A/N: So I have had some trouble focusing on this story, and I am really sorry. I'm still working on it, though! I am currently writing chapter 12 and I gave chapter 9-11 to my beta reader today and I hope I'll be able to upload chapter 9 some time next week. Thank you guys for reading!