HONEY'S KINGDOMS TWO
A/N: Thanks for the reviews people! Sweeet-as-Honey, in this case they really are bandits and full-sized ones. I'd have loved to have called them The Usual Suspects but have already used that in a FBG story.
Warning: Moderate violence
"I'll fall off this! I'll get dizzy!" wailed Honey as she balanced on a cloud with Elle.
"You'll be fine. Now watch what happens in the square because I'm expecting one or two things to kick off as well as Prince Caleb coming home. Ah!"
Elle's cry of triumph nearly made Honey plummet off the cloud.
"What did I tell you?" grinned Elle, "Jez the Trickster's setting out his stall."
Jez, a good looking young man with a cheeky face, was piling his stall with items and labelling them:
"Prince Caleb Diary – three Passionara Crowns. Prince Caleb photographs – ten Passionara Crowns. The cheek of it!"
"Are them expensive?" Honey asked.
"Ridiculously. These con-merchants always bump up the prices for royalty. But fools will still buy them -ah! Keep your eye on that lad with the cow."
As Jack trudged unhappily past the stall, Jez asked:
"You selling that cow, mate?"
Jack nodded.
"I want at least five pounds or Ten Passionara Crowns for her."
"Blimey, mate! For that old wreck? You'll not get it. Look, tell you what I'll do. I'll give you a bag of magic beans for her and they'll make you so rich you'll not need money for a long time."
"Err…"
Jack considered. Jez was a stallholder and should know what he was talking about.
He handed Jez the cow and Jez handed him the beans.
"Are they magic?" Honey asked. Elle laughed shortly.
"Not in the least. He'll go home tonight and his mum will beat him."
"Shouldn't you interfere or something?"
"No, dear. I want to see what he does after that. But what's about to happen now is far more important."
A fanfare sounded. And into the Town Square walked the two pretty but mean sisters Alicia and Louise from Tartford Manor. Behind them came their pretty stepsister Sophie.
"Oh look! Aren't those souvenirs of Prince Caleb gorgeous? I'm having one of everything!" trilled Alicia.
"Me too!" smirked Louise.
Sophie looked at Jez shyly.
"How much are the diaries please?"
"As if you could afford those!" sniggered Alicia.
"Three Passionara Crowns" Jez advised. Sophie looked crushed. She couldn't afford these.
Suddenly Ethan the Tartford Manor servant came over.
"I'd like a diary and a photograph of Prince Caleb please."
"Are you turning gay in your old age, Workhouse?" asked Alicia.
But, after paying for the items, and bringing out the little bouquet as well, Ethan made Sophie a polite little bow.
"Happy birthday, Sophie."
He handed over the gifts and Sophie smiled at him.
"Why do they call him Workhouse?" asked Honey.
"You'll find out in a minute."
A bell tolled. And a procession of the most miserable looking children came out from a dark building. The man in charge of them sneered.
"You can have an hour to watch the Prince coming into the square but you'll work extra hard this afternoon to make up for it."
A little girl giggled nervously. The man slapped her.
"All heart as usual, I see, Mr Self" snapped Ethan.
Guy Self, the Workhouse Owner, sneered at him.
"I thought they'd have hung you by now, Hardy. Well, no matter. Once a Workhouse scum, always a Workhouse scum, no matter where you work."
Ethan Hardy looked crushed for a moment. He couldn't deny that he'd been dumped on the steps of the Workhouse when he was just six months old, with just a little blue blanket to his name. Even his surname had been taken from the old man who'd discovered him crying there. He shrugged and dedicated his energy to cuddling the little girl whose face had been slapped by the hateful Self.
Then, another fanfare sounded. And the Prime Minister of Passionara, Sir Charles Fairhead, appeared to announce:
"My friends, and citizens of Passionara! Prince Caleb is coming into the square. Please be on your best behaviour!"
First came the young girls scattering rose petals.
Then the Passionaran Guard, led by their gallant captain Max.
Finally, Prince Caleb himself.
"He's gorgeous!" breathed Honey.
"Handsome is as Handsome does" said Elle mysteriously.
Alicia and Louise burst into tears. Prince Cal (as they liked to call him) had found a bride. That's why he was making an announcement. Sophie's heart sank.
Prince Caleb strutted on to the platform that had been erected for him. True, he was handsome. True, he was agile. Then he spoke – and, to be fair, his voice was an attractive one even though he had to shout a little.
"Good people of Passionara, I left this town to find a bride. Alas, none of them were up to my standard so I have returned with none-"
Alicia and Louise hugged each other for joy. Which was strange because they didn't actually like each other much. Sophie felt a surge of relief, even though she knew there was as much chance of Prince Cal marrying her as of Passionara United winning the World Cup.
"-So I have decided to hold a Grand Reception next month, just before Christmas. Christmas, my friends, will be an anti-climax after this event! There will be a Ball, to which every single lady in the land is invited… and at Midnight I shall choose a bride. So, mark the date, my friends… and ladies, now is the time to poison those unwanted husbands!"
Prince Cal giggled at his own joke. Ethan made a little angry growling noise and Sophie thumped him.
Suddenly, courage flowed through her veins. Like an excited pupil, her hand was in the air. Alicia tried to slap it down again but the Prince was already speaking to Sophie!
"Yes, little peasant girl?"
"Please Your Highness… every single lady?"
"Yes, dear, even shabby little peasant girls like you!"
I'll kill him, thought Ethan, I truly will kill him. Poor Sophie!
He squeezed Sophie's arm but she shook his hand off impatiently.
Jez the trickster thought of all the rip-off souvenirs he could create for the occasion. Captain Max hoped he'd get a dance with some of the guests.
Louise's hand was in the air.
"Yes, dear?"
"What date is this to take place on, Your Highness?"
"The fourth of December. So we can have lovely Christmas decorations at the Reception! Tomorrow my Prime Minister will deliver all the invitations! Well, much as it's been a pleasure, I need to go back to my Palace. I need to plan how I can continue to uphold Passionara's values-"
An impassioned voice rang out:
"Strange that you should talk about the values, Prince Caleb, when everybody knows-"
Prince Caleb's heart sank as the mysterious gypsy Carmen Miranda Zoe stood there. He shouted above the shocked whispers:
"Ah, Captain Max, this poor girl is severely disturbed! Please take her to somewhere to help her calm down in comfort."
Captain Max's heart sank as the Prince made a furtive throat-slitting gesture.
"Come along, dear" Captain Max said, his face grim.
He led the gypsy girl away and Prince Caleb began to breathe more easily. Ethan didn't. He didn't like what he'd just witnessed at all.
Prince Caleb finished his speech and departed with his retinue.
At the entrance to the woods, Captain Max stopped 'escorting' Gypsy Zoe.
"Right, you'd better try and keep out of the Prince's way from now on or he'll have my guts for garters."
Gypsy Zoe grabbed Max, kissed him greedily, giggled, and ran off into the dark forest.
Captain Max heaved a sigh of relief and went back towards the town centre, where the air was still vibrant with excitement.
"On the fourth of December – ahhh!" sighed Louise.
"My goodness, Louise, it won't be YOU!" said the poisonous Alicia.
Then she boxed both Sophie and Ethan's ears, and made a sign for them to walk behind their carriage back to Tartford Manor. At the same time, Guy Self led the unhappy children back to the workhouse.
Meanwhile, in Morcara, the seven bandits had become six.
"Curse that Wolf!" cried Crafty (real name Toby de Silva) shaking his fist.
"Damn it to hell" endorsed Sneaky (Tom Kent).
Little did they realise that somebody had found their hideout (a charming little cottage in the heart of the forest) and was even now climbing into the loft to keep warm.
As for Jack, he was still rubbing his backside from the previous night's beating when he heard his mother screeching:
"Jack, there's a giant beanstalk growing outside our window!"
Minnie Diamond stood there looking shell-shocked. But Jack's eyes lit up as he ran into the garden.
"Don't worry, mum, this will be as good a workout as joining the gym that's between Morcara and Passionara – what's it called again?"
"Moronara Trim and Tone. Jack, get down now… Jaaaack…."
She just saw a flash of her son's boots and then he was gone into the clouds.