HONEY FIVE
"A poor old lady in distress is asking for me? Well, Captain Dean, you did right to ask me to come with you" said Lily White, who was as kind as she was beautiful.
Iain thought of how he usually swapped his own news with Captain Max from Passionara, by carrier pigeon. This was one piece of news he wouldn't be sharing, although he fancied that after tonight he might just hang himself in grief and shame.
Better get things over with.
He grabbed Lily and pushed her against a tree, and, drawing his sword, held it to her throat.
"Keep very still, Lass, it'll hurt less" he said. Naturally Lily didn't keep still, and was crying, more in shock at being betrayed by someone she thought was a nice man, than for fear of her own life.
"I deserve to know why you are doing this" she said, with great courage and dignity.
"Stop him! Stop him!" wailed Honey from the air. Elle bided her time.
While that was happening, Rita was wondering if she had been right to tell the talking wolf where she was going. She was sure he was a good wolf – all the talking animals in the legends she'd read were good – and so she'd told him she was off to her Granny Tess's cottage further on in the forest - "Just beyond that lovely little pool that gets snowdrops round it in winter."
Bad call. The wolf had skilfully broken the lock on the door to fool Rita into walking straight in – kicking down the door would have looked really suspicious when that fool of a girl arrived– and had found Granny Tess in bed. He'd leaped on her greedily.
"If I don't kill you, Princess, I'll be publicly hanged and my old father will starve to death without my salary."
Lily nodded sadly.
"Then do it quickly."
Iain steeled himself to cut Lily's throat. But he couldn't. Then he had a brainwave.
"I could just as easily kill a forest animal and take its heart back to Queen Constance, and tell her I murdered you. But you have to promise to run as far away as you can from Morcara."
"I'll be glad to stay away. I've gone off it quite a bit" Lily said with a faint smile, "And thank you for letting me go free, Captain Dean."
"You're welcome."
Iain hurried off on his quest to find a helpless animal. It was only then that he heard somebody screaming from a cottage beyond the trees:
"Help me! Oh, please help me! Somebody! Anybody!"
He rushed towards the cottage, kicked the door down to save time, and found a young blonde woman in a red cloak trying to keep a table between herself and a huge, evil-looking wolf.
"He's eaten my granny and now he's after me!" she sobbed.
"Aren't you even going to help that girl?" Honey wailed, "That horrid thing ate her granny already!"
"Be patient, trainee, and see what happens next."
What happened next was that Iain swung his sword and the wolf's head went flying through the door into the forest while the rest of him collapsed. It was not a pretty sight. Honey had to shut her eyes.
"You're safe, lass."
Rita sobbed:
"But Granny…"
Just then there came a furious banging from within the wardrobe.
"Rita! Is that blinking wolf dead yet? I bashed him with the bedpan and locked myself in here and I need a wee!"
"Granny! Yes it's safe!" Rita cried in delight.
Granny shot out of the wardrobe and shot into the privy in the garden.
"My hero" Rita sighed. Iain looked at her.
"I just happened to be around at the right time, lass. Mind if I take this carcase? I have – er – something I can do with it."
"Take it away, please!"
"May I see you again?" Iain blurted out. He hadn't meant to, but the young lass was so pretty.
Granny came shuffling back in.
"Tell him he can come for his tea next Friday" she said happily.
"Now did they need any help from me?" Elle asked Honey severely.
"Well, how were I to know?"
Lily had been running through the forest and was almost exhausted when she saw the cottage. She tapped upon the door but nobody answered so in she went. There were seven chairs round a table, and on the dresser, seven mugs on a mug tree. She read out:
"Stealthy, Crafty, Grabby, Snatchy, Sneaky, Lightfoot, Lofty."
Strange names! She looked around a little more and found a large room with seven beds in it.
She only meant to lie down for a few minutes but when she awoke, seven men with swords were all kneeling to her.
"Princess Lily White, it's an honour!"
Soon the bandits had made Lily a nice little bedroom up in the loft, and had even managed to rig a shower for her. It was icy cold on most days but it was the thought that counted. Lily used to wait till they were out on a job and then go and wash in the nearby stream.
The weather became worse, the nights started to get longer, and soon it was the evening of the Grand Reception at Prince Caleb's palace.
Alicia and Louise were upstairs getting themselves ready – Prince Caleb had forgotten about blocking their credit cards because he was too busy ensuring that he'd look gorgeous on the big day– and as Sophie dusted, she saw something. Poking out of Alicia's jeweled bag, as clear as anything. An invitation. She couldn't think straight and the temptation was too much for her. Her hand went towards the bag. Louise's shout ripped through the air:
"Sister, we have a thief among us!"
Alicia came running down, with blusher on one side of her face only. She grabbed Sophie's arm more painfully than she needed to and exclaimed:
"Stealing a Royal Invitation is treason! You'll be executed for this!"
Sophie's legs turned to jelly.
Just then Ethan came in. He tried to keep a sober face but the news he had to tell had made him grin – until he saw the shaking, terrified Sophie weeping.
"She was trying to steal my Invitation! It's a capital crime! It'll be a case of her being dragged to the block and, wallop! Her head in a basket!"
"Okay" said Ethan almost nonchalantly. Then he said:
"Ladies, I'm so sorry. You should have sent me out a week ago at the latest to book a coach in advance. The snow's very deep and there are no coaches to be had."
Screams of horror from the sisters, while Sophie still trembled about her possible fate.
"I have a friend who owns a sleigh and a couple of horses. He could get you through" Ethan said.
"Oh, Ethan, darling, lovely Ethan, could you?"
"I'm sure I could if I go out and talk to him in a minute. But first, about that invitation. I'm sure Sophie was only holding it to admire it. She knows very well she can't go, isn't that right, Sophie?"
Sophie nodded.
"Yes" grovelled Louise, "I'm sure she was just looking. If you can get us that sleigh, the invitation incident is closed and we'll never, ever mention it again, will we, Alicia?"
"No, I swear we won't!"
"Then I'll go and fetch my friend. I should be fifteen minutes, so if you two would like to finish getting ready-"
Louise and Alicia fled upstairs.
Sophie sat down in great relief, but said nothing. Ethan sighed as he went out. A little 'thank you' might have been nice.
Within twenty minutes Ethan was back with his friend Noel, who wore an obviously fake fur coat - it was a hot pink colour - over a hideous green suit and clashing yellow shirt. His boots were bright red. He hadn't attempted to comb out his dreadlocks. Alicia and Louise looked at him in total horror.
"Your chauffeur, ladies" Ethan said wickedly.
Noel bounced on to the sofa, saying:
"Well, I can see you two are nowhere near ready so I'll put me feet up a bit…"
"We ARE ready, snapped Alicia indignantly.
"Oh, in that case-"
Noel got to his feet again, and bundled Alicia and Louise unceremoniously through the door. Their cries of angry complaint were heard above the jingling of the horses' bridles, and then there was silence as the sleigh vanished into the night.
Sophie felt a terrible pang of emptiness.