"Now boys, I'm glad you've overcome your internalized homophobia and taken the first steps towards beginning a beautiful relationship the likes of which only two men can enjoy, ok? I think what you're doing is stunning and brave. But I think we need to have another talk about affirmative consent now that you've taken steps towards starting a physical relationship," PC Principal said, staring at Tweek and Craig.

"Now Craig, I saw you kissing Tweek up against a locker, and I didn't hear you ask him if that would be alright. Let's practice some ways to get affirmative consent, ok? Craig, I want you to think about wanting to push Tweek up against a locker and kissing him firmly but gently. Now, if you want to do that, you have to make sure that Tweek is ok with it first, alright? So you might ask him, 'Tweek, I'd like to push you up against a locker and ravish your sweet bod. Would that be alright with you?' And Tweek, you could reply with something like 'Yes you may push me up against a locker and ravish my sweet bod," or "No, you may not ravish my sweet bod at this time.'"

He stared at them expectantly and said, "Do you understand? Let's practice. Craig, let's start with you."

Craig glared up at the ceiling. He wasn't gay. And even if he was, which he definitely was not, he wouldn't want to be having this humiliating conversation about his sexuality with someone old enough to be his dad. His middle finger twitched, dying to be let free, but Craig resisted the urge for now. Flipping of PC Principal would probably led to a longer conversation about his genitalia.

Through gritted teeth, not looking at Tweek, he said, "Tweek, may I push you up against a locker."

"And ravish your hot bod," PC Principal prompted, calmly.

"I'm not gay, PC Principal," Craig protested angrily.

"Craig, it's perfectly fine to be gay or not to be gay, ok? But these are important skills for everyone to have when they enter into a sexual relationship."

"GAH sexual relationship? What the hell, man? This isn't a sexual relationship! ARgh-Asians. Asians made-RaH too much pressure!" Tweek was shaking again. He was angry or afraid this time, and Craig found himself wanting to hug the shorter boy to calm him down. That wouldn't be gay, would it?

"Craig, I need you to practice asking for affirmative consent, please. Ask Tweek if you can ravish his hot bod," PC Principal said doggedly.

"Tweek, may I ravish your hot bod," Craig said, his eyes back on the ceiling.

"NO YOU MAY NOT RAVISH MY HOT BOD. GAH!" Tweek exclaimed angrily.

"Alright, good job, boys, we took some good steps today. Just remember what we talked about today, ok? And have fun. We can talk about protection and safety next time."

Craig felt his face burning a bright red. He knew Tweek's must be as well, but he didn't look to see. He stormed out of the office and finally let both of his middle fingers fly free, flipping off the classrooms and lockers around him in an attempt to gain some control back. He did feel better. Tweek rushed up beside him.

"Dude, AH-wait up!" Tweek said, huffing. "This isn't going to stop. This is never going to stop. I mean, we're not-GAH, gay right? I mean I'm not gay, are you gay?"

Craig sighed in exasperation.

"I'M not gay! I want chicks, man! I don't like guys."

Tweek looked slightly disappointed for a second, but the next his face was angry and stressed again. Craig was sure he'd imagined it.

"Alright, good!" the blond said, "Then we have to track down the people who did this, Craig. We can't keep acting like this, and acting-GAH, gay. What if the Asians actually made us kind of gay, Craig? This is WAY too much pressure! ARgh, you kissed me, Craig! That's gay! AH! PRESSURE! But you're not gay. And I'm not gay. The Asians have us under some kind of spell. And we have taken it way too far-AH for money!"

Craig thought about it. It did make sense. He had never had anything close to feelings for a guy before the Asians started drawing their stupid pictures of him and Tweek. Maybe they had used their collective Asian powers to cast a spell on him and make him feel actually gay? Not that they had really made him gay. But things that mimicked gayness, like his love of holding Tweek's hand. Or feeling him trembling beside him in class. Or up against a locker, in his arms- that wasn't his thought. It was the Asians.

"You're right. We have to hunt down the Asians and get them to make us straight again," Craig said monotonically. He extended his hand to Tweek, who stared at it in confusion. Craig continued, "We can still pretend for now. I want to get the new rock band."

He wasn't sure why he actually still wanted to hold Tweek's hand. Probably it was the Asians that made Tweek's hand feel so good up against his own. It definitely wasn't any innate gayness. But he couldn't help but smile a little as Tweek's trembling hand was enclosed in his. Inwardly, of course. And not very much. He still gave very few fucks.

"Want to ditch school and go to Stark's Pond? We won't get in trouble if we're being gay."

"GAh-ok, but just acting gay, right?" Tweek asked nervously.

"Ya. Just acting gay," Craig said, pulling his reluctant fake-lover out of the school and towards the pond. As they walked, Craig realized that his middle finger was still out in front of him. He put his hand down by his side. His favorite gesture was more meaningful if he saved it for when it was truly necessary.

"C-Craig?" Tweek asked.

"Yea?" the taller boy replied.

"Since-Since the Asians may be making us gay anyways, do you think-GAH, do you think it wouldn't really be gay if we kissed again?"
Craig considered this. If they weren't in control of their actions, then it wouldn't really be them being gay. It would be the Asian girls being gay by making them be gay. They wouldn't have any responsibility over their actions.

"No, it wouldn't be gay," he responded in a controlled tone.

"GAh-good," Tweek said, staring at him expectantly. Craig decided to humor him and stopped walking. He pulled Tweek up against him and their lips met again. Craig crushed Tweek's body up against his own, and attacked him with his lips. Tweek met his embrace eagerly, running his hands up and down Craig's back as they kissed. Craig had never felt like this while kissing a girl. Must be the damned Asian curse. There was nothing around Craig except for Tweek Tweak right now. The shivering blond was the world, in a non-gay, friendly way. Craig felt a stirring of arousal in his groin as their tongues met, and bodies melded together. After a while, it could have been a moment or a century, Craig wasn't sure, Tweak broke the embrace. Craig stared down into his beautiful blue eyes. He wasn't sure when Tweak had stopped shaking, but he wasn't shaking now. He was smiling again.

"Let's make it to Stark's Pond and we can do that again there. While the Asians still have us trapped. To see how badly they've trapped us. We can hunt them down and make them reverse it tomorrow."

That sounded pretty reasonable to Craig, so he took Tweek's hand again and led him towards the lake in a comfortable silence.