SOOOO. I'm a special little cupcake and forgot to copy and paste like...an entire segment of chapter 18 when I originally uploaded it. I've added the snippet back to the chapter, so if you read it before December 16th please feel free to mosey on back and read the first chunk again. It is different :D
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After an hour of running Tenzou was pretty sure his arm and one of his legs was going to dislodge and pop off his body. Kakashi wasn't even that heavy for a grown killing machine, but Tenzou was running at top speed and he wasn't exactly working with a full tank of gas. If he was honest with himself, it was kind of excruciating.
Unfortunately, Kakashi was hyper aware of his surroundings considering how low on energy he was. Tenzou could feel the tension rise with each minute that passed, as if his Senpai knew how hard it was for the Mokuton user to carry him. However, Tenzou had it easy. At least Kakashi was conscious and was able to shift his weight and help the other captain out a little. Gai's passenger was completely and utter dead weight. When Tenzou looked back at his friend, there was a constant blanket of sweat covering his face and neck. No one was having a good time.
Finally, Tenzou lifted his fist and called for a break. They stopped in a fairly large canopy and Tenzou leaned Kakashi against the trunk before manipulating the foliage around them to shield them from sight. That done, he slowly walked back to the other captain and slunk down beside him.
"I'm sorry." Kakashi murmured.
Tenzou nearly pulled a muscle whipping his head around. Kakashi hadn't spoken throughout their entire commute.
"Senpai...you would do the same for anyone else. There's no need to apologize."
The air between them thickened considerably. Kakashi had a weight on his shoulders that was palpable in his very aura. Even with his mask on, he seemed to be frowning. Tenzou felt his stomach clench with nervousness. He had no idea what to expect from his Senpai anymore.
"That's not necessarily all I'm talking about..."
It seemed like it took a lot out of Kakashi to say that. He sagged like a rag doll, his arms laying uselessly in his lap. Meanwhile, Tenzou's heart was racing. It drove him mad that Kakashi would toss something ambiguous out there like that and not explain himself. Sorry for what? For breaking up with him? For ever getting together in the first place? For being fucking impossible like 40% of the time? What?
"What are you talking about, then?" Tenzou asked with a surprisingly sturdy voice.
Kakashi merely shook his head, which the mokuton user was expecting. This wasn't exactly the time nor place to have this conversation. Which is why it shocked Tenzou when Kakashi actually answered him.
"I haven't done well by you at all."
The air completely escaped Tenzou's lungs; it felt like his entire chest was made of lead. Kakashi looked away, signalling the end of their conversation, but the Mokuton user couldn't stop staring at him. He felt his throat close with emotion, but fought it down. It was impossible to pinpoint exactly how that simple sentence made him feel. Part of him had been waiting for Kakashi to admit that for what felt like their entire relationship. Another side of him was terrified as to what that really meant. There was obviously a part of Kakashi that was petrified of getting close to someone, of hurting them. If he thought (correctly) that he'd hurt Tenzou, that could mean a permanent break of their bond. Deep down, Tenzou had been hoping Kakashi would snap out of his ridiculous "break during the war" phase, but now that might not even be their biggest issue. It may be that Kakashi would be too guilty to ever be with Tenzou again. Somehow, that was even more frustrating.
With a loud exhale Tenzou stood quickly. He needed to clear his head; he had FAR more important things to worry about.
For the next half hour he made the rounds checking on their makeshift team. Gai was gaining his energy back quickly. One of the injured had actually regained consciousness, and Riku was slowly healing people's minor wounds. All in all, it wasn't a horrible situation. They were still far from the village, but if they didn't encounter trouble, they could make it.
Tenzou let them rest for a bit longer before deciding they needed to keep moving. They were combing back through the way they had initially come because they had encountered no resistance the first time. Wordlessly Tenzou made his way back to Kakashi and lifted him against his shoulder. He turned back to Gai, watching him load his still unconscious cargo onto his back.
"Are you good to take him, Gai?"
"Yes, yes. It is excellent endurance training!" The grinning shinobi exclaimed with his usual energy.
Tenzou smiled and leaned back to grasp Gai's shoulder affectionately. "What would I do without you."
Gai waved him off with an embarrassed blush that spread to his neck. The group took to the trees again.
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They had to stop another five times throughout their two day journey back to the village. Thanks to solider pills, they managed to have enough food rations for the entire trip. But the supplements did nothing to strengthen tired muscles, heal injuries or avert exhaustion. Kakashi's attitude actually picked up within two hours of their short, but intense, conversation. Not that the poor copy-nin could really do much, but he was less testy when offered food or blankets. Although he seemed to be completely in his own head, Tenzou could tell he was still on high alert. A few times during their breaks Tenzou had come back to his captain staring into the canopy silently.
"What is it?" Tenzou had whispered.
"Just a bird, thankfully."
Someone in the sky was clearly looking out for the rag-tag group, as they made it to the gates of Konoha without further incident. Luckily for them, an ANBU guard was stationed at the gate. He called for backup and the injured were handed off immediately, including Kakashi. It was with hesitance and a little fear that Tenzou handed his teammate to the other ANBU. Kakashi glanced up, locking eyes with the mokuton user, and for the life of him Tenzou could not interpret what he saw there. It made his heart twist painfully to be reminded of how closed off his Senpai was to him. How Kakashi couldn't see that this was far worse than simply missing each others company eluded the young captain completely.
The group who were still (relatively) able bodied headed back to the base together. Tenzou didn't want to keep them any longer than possible, so he basically set a date for a report meeting and then dismissed them. Like hell anyone was going to be able to write right now. The only thing he had to do was update Hiruzen.
Tenzou turned to Gai with a long exhale. "Alright. I'm just going to go to the Hokage and make a report. You're free to go back to the rooms and relax, buddy. You're an absolute beast."
Clearly, wrong choice of words.
A strangled sound escaped poor Tenzou as his trachea was crushed under Gai's armpit.
"THE BEAUTIFUL GREEN BEAST OF KONOHA!"
"Y-yes...yes..."
When Tenzou finally escaped Gai's death grip he slowly made his way to Hiruzens office. He needed a nap, real food and a serious massage. Hopefully the Hokage wouldn't require too many details from him right away.
As he entered the office, Hiruzen levelled him with such a bright smile that Tenzou nearly let the door slam on his face in distraction.
"Uh...Hiruzen-sama...I suppose you heard we were back?"
"I did indeed." The Hokage responded as he walked up to Tenzou. He placed his pipe in his mouth, smiled so wide it made his eyes glimmer, and placed both of his hands on Tenzou's shoulders.
"Well done, my boy. I am really quite impressed."
Tenzou blushed furiously and bowed as well as he could with Hiruzen holding onto him. "I did my best."
"I haven't had a chance to get too many details, but there are far less casualties from Kakashi's team than I initially expected."
A light smile ghosted Tenzou's lips. "Kakashi-senpai takes good care of his team. He's crippled with chakra exhaustion from the amount of enemies he personally decommissioned."
Hiruzen nodded. "I expected no less. They will all get plenty of care and rest, and a little bonus for their troubles if I can conjure it up." The Hokage seemed to realize something and levelled Tenzou with an even stare. "And...how are you feeling?"
"Ah...I'm tired, I'll admit." Tenzou answered with a little bashfulness.
That was all the Hokage seemed to need to end their conversation. He lifted his hands from Tenzou's shoulders and shooed him out of the room. "Go and rest. You more than deserve it."
Tenzou bowed low to his Hokage with a warm smile. "Thank you. For...everything. It, uh...it felt good to bring him back."
The raging blush on Tenzou's cheeks did not subside when Hiruzen answered with a knowing grin.
Ten minutes later Tenzou entered his beautiful, wonderful bedroom and tossed himself face first onto his bed. He was still wearing the same clothes he'd donned for nearly four days, but he couldn't care less. There were no adequate words in their language to describe how amazing it felt to lay on a soft mattress. Initially, his mind buzzed with thoughts of Kakashi, but exhaustion soon overtook his mental abilities and he was in a deep sleep in no time.
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"FUCKING ASSHOLE!"
"GAAAH!"
Tenzou nearly punched Genma square in the nose as he leaped up in bed, his defences on high alert. Panting, wide eyed, he stared into the pouting visage of his teammate who was perched at the end of his bed.
"G-Genma! Damn it. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
His brunette comrade merely flipped his hair in response. "I think the more adequate response is 'Gee Genma, so sorry I went off on a super dangerous mission with everyone but you and failed to mention that Kakashi is totally out of commission for probably the remainder of the Conflict. No big deal, whatever.'"
Tenzou rubbed at his bleary eyes in confusion. "Okay, first of all, you were on a mission the entire time we were gone. Second, I better have been sleeping for at least ten hours before you woke me up or there's going to be trouble. Third, what? I thought he just had chakra exhaustion?"
Genma crossed his arms over his chest. "Okay, so first of all, not an excuse. Second, you guys got back yesterday so you've been sleeping for like twelve hours mister Pouty Pants. Third, yes he does, but Kakashi's sharingan gets pretty damn nasty when he abuses it. Like he is bed ridden for a week minimum, not including the time he needs afterwards to get his legs working again. That's at least two weeks. Judging by the intel we just got, the Conflict isn't going to last longer than a week tops."
The mokuton user leaped out of bed and nearly smashed into Genma. He grabbed the front of his shirt with wide eyes.
"What did you say? What did you just say?"
A large smile spread across Genma's face. "Intel just arrived. Sand and Stone are finally working their shit out. Stone has taken some serious casualties, most likely because of our involvement, and is ready for negotiations. Sand doesn't want to sacrifice any more lives and Konoha isn't really willing to support them any longer, so they're up for it, too. Pretty great, eh?"
Tenzou wanted to cry. He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it, in case things changed. Maybe now everything could go back to normal. Tenzou could have his team back. Maybe...
Maybe even...
"Great doesn't describe it." Tenzou breathed with thick emotion. Genma brought him in for a tight hug and the two stayed like that for a moment.
"Glad you're back safe and sound, buddy."
"Thanks. We missed your presence on the mission, Genma."
After another second of manly hugging, Genma pulled away from Tenzou with a look on his face like he had just smelt garbage.
"So...fourth point? Have you not changed at all since the mission?"
Tenzou turned completely red. "I...I was really tired."
"UGH." Genma playfully shoved Tenzou away, looking thoroughly disgusted. "Go and shower you nasty bastard. I'll be in Gai's room talking with him, who clearly has far more stamina than you since he's been up for a few hours."
Tenzou flipped Genma the bird and his friend responded by blowing him a kiss, accompanied by a sultry wink.
Having his team back would mean the world to Tenzou.
He dared not even hope.
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As soon as Tenzou was freshened up and in a pair of clean clothes he made his way to Gai and Kakashi's humble quarters. When he entered, Genma and Gai were clearly deep in discussion. They both smiled at him as he sank down on the bed next to Genma.
"Good to see you looking so well rested, my friend!" Gai exclaimed.
"Same to you. How are you feeling?"
Gai threw his arms up, flexed, twisted, flexed again and grinned. "Like a new person! What a fantastic workout I received!"
Both Tenzou and Genma snorted and shook their heads. Only Gai would see a mission like that as a work out. At least it kept him chipper.
"We were just talking about Kakashi. I went to visit him; he's out like a light. The nurse said he may be asleep for another day. He can barely feed himself." Genma explained solemnly. Tenzou felt his heart clench at the mention of his senpai. At least he wasn't injured; chakra exhaustion just needed time.
"Let's all go together to visit him tomorrow, then." Tenzou suggested with a smile.
"Oh? You don't want alone time?" Genma asked with a wicked grin.
Tenzou tried not to lose his smile as he answered. "Not particularly."
Gai looked slightly concerned but Genma thought it was hilarious. He laughed and slapped his knee. "Ouch! Well, can't really blame yah. He can be a huge pain in the ass."
It was really tempting to answer Genma in the affirmative, but it felt wrong for him to badmouth Kakashi to the rest of the team. Especially when he was currently laying in the hospital practically paralysed.
Besides...pain in the ass was a severe understatement.
"I'm sure everything will work itself out." Was Tenzou's calm response. For some reason, that seemed to worry Genma more than Tenzou's original statement. His face changed slightly, one to a kind of concerned questioning look.
"Anyway." Tenzou corrected, desperate to change the subject. He really didn't know what to say about the situation between he and Kakashi, regardless. "How was your mission, Genma?"
That started a massive, hilarious rant that had Gai and Tenzou in stitches the entire time. Apparently, it hadn't gone so well.
"Then the total knob decides he's gonna jump right in there and attack this heavily-jutsued ninja without even consulting our captain -I mean, do I even need to say why that's stupid? How the hell did this fuck nut get promoted to ANBU?"
Tenzou wiped a tear from his eye and merely shook his head, words needing oxygen he didn't have to be produced.
"Oh, oh, oh -this is the best part. So he gets his ass kicked, clearly, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I was able to sneak around this tough Stone bastard and toss senbon RIGHT behind both his knees. So this guy just goes down, flat on his face, and right on top of King Brainless. We had to rush in there to make sure he didn't get shanked right in the throat. I mean, it was mission accomplished, but hot damn. If he doesn't get demoted to guard duty I won't even know what to think."
Gai and Tenzou continued to laugh, to the point where Genma joined in with them. It felt so good to relax with his friends and talk about utter nonsense. The idea of the Conflict coming to an end soon and this being the norm again almost turned Tenzou's tears of mirth to ones of relief.
"Whoooboy. Man, that felt good." Genma sighed, rubbing his aching abdomen.
"You should relay that hilarious tale to Kakashi when we see him. It is sure to brighten his mood! He does love hearing about incompetence." Gai suggested.
Genma didn't look so sure. "Man, won't I like, hurt him if he laughs too much?"
There was a moment of silence.
Genma grinned like mad man.
"Mwahahaha. Donezo."
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The rest of the night passed in amicable spirits between the three friends. They went down to the cafeteria for dinner, had a bit of desert, then Gai and Tenzou were far too exhausted to stay awake anymore. Gai went back to his apartment to sleep and Genma and Tenzou entered theirs.
"Man, change your filthy sheets, Tenzou. You slept in them with blood soaked clothes."
The mokuton user groaned and stared at his bed. His friend was right, but he was so tired.
"It's not like I haven't slept in blood before..."
Genma 'tsked' and stepped around him. "Geeze. I'll help you out. I think I'll throw up if I see you get into that den of disease."
That seemed a little dramatic, but Tenzou agreed to the help. He thankfully had a spare set of sheets on the shelf above his bed. No way in hell was he doing laundry, otherwise. Once everything was in order and to Genma's liking, the two scrubbed their faces and brushed their teeth together in the shared bathroom before collapsing on their beds.
Tenzou had to give it to Genma on this one; fresh sheets felt pretty amazing.
"Night, buddy. Fingers crossed for the official word on the end of the Conflict." Genma yawned with a little smile.
"I could cheers to that." Tenzou mumbled. He smiled back at his friend. "Goodnight."
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Tenzou woke the next morning feeling sore, but otherwise, in good spirits. Hard not to be happy when your head was on a (relatively) soft pillow instead of the branch of a tree. Yawning, he stretched and turned to see if Genma was awake yet.
He was gone. Long gone by the neat state of his bed.
Tenzou grabbed at his clock with anxiety. Damnit, it was 1 o'clock. Tenzou had no idea he would sleep in that late. Tossing his sheets aside, he dropped the offending time piece and skipped out of his room. Something in his gut told him his friends had done something he wasn't going to be happy with.
He knocked on Gai's door.
He waited.
He waited some more.
His palms began to sweat.
"Oi! Gai!" Tenzou called, knocking again. Even if Gai was in the shower, he would have heard him. He was a ninja after all.
Tenzou rested his forehead none-too-gently against the door. They'd gone to visit Kakashi without him.
He'd kill them.
Storming back to his apartment he got dressed with lightning speed. If he hurried, they might still be there. A little voice in the back of his head told him he was being ridiculous, but a much louder voice told that voice to die in a fire. Tenzou was sick and tired of always having to be the one to put himself out there and initiate salvation. This entire situation was Kakashi's mess; if he wanted to fix it, he could do it all by himself. Tenzou wasn't going to give him a single inch.
Running so fast he startled at least half a dozen ANBU, Tenzou booked it as fast as he could to the hospital wing. The receptionist squeaked when he skidded to a halt in front of her.
"Kakashi-san?" Tenzou blurted.
"Uh...no, I'm Mika-"
"-Where is Kakashi-san staying?" He corrected with such little patience that the nurse nearly dropped her papers.
"U-uh...he's...here he is, room 113"
Tenzou threw a thank you at her from down the hall. The door came at him much faster than expected and the mokuton user had to back peddle slightly. Taking a deep breath, he stood on his tip toes to glance through the window of the hospital room.
He could see the end of Kakashi's bed and Kakashi's legs, but no other sign of life. Chances are, they were gone.
Fucking assholes. They did this on purpose and he knew it.
He leaned against the door and closed his eyes. Technically, there was nothing was stopping him from leaving and refusing to come back unless he was with his team. Except that Kakashi had already been in the hospital nearly two days without a visit from Tenzou; another day would be cruel. He didn't want to be cruel, he was just sick of dealing with drama. Tenzou would have given his spleen to have his relationship with Kakashi back, he'd never been happier in his life than he was with him, but there was only so much one person could take.
Thinking about what 'had been' brought a little bit of sympathy to Tenzou's mangled heart. He took another deep breath, put on his Big Boy Panties and opened the door. Kakashi glanced up immediately and the look on his face was pretty classic. It almost seemed like he hadn't been expecting Tenzou at all. It made Tenzou slightly giddy to think that Kakashi had been thinking of him and suffering at the same time. Good. You suffer. You did this all to yourself.
He sure hoped he wasn't going to have a complex after this mess...
Tenzou approached the bed silently and took a seat in the chair by Kakashi's side. He noticed a little card with Gai's exaggerated handwriting on the bed beside his Captain and nearly hissed at it. Freakin' Gai. Stupid Genma.
"How are you feeling?" Tenzou finally asked. There was definitely a thinly veiled awkwardness hanging between them. Like they were, indeed, ex's who hadn't had the best breakup who were reuniting under circumstances that weren't entirely of their own control.
Kakashi sighed and rubbed his neck. "Well, I can move my arms now. So that's something. Otherwise, not great."
"It was a relief to see you uninjured. From the debriefing I got, I thought I was going to show up to a slaughter house."
The mood around Kakashi instantly changed. He looked almost like a kicked puppy as he gazed at his kouhai. "Thank you, Tenzou. For getting us out of there. You were on point the entire mission. I'm proud of you."
It was obvious there was far more to it than that, but Tenzou bowed his head at the compliment. "I am where I am because of you. So...thank you."
Kakashi's eyes glistened and Tenzou had trouble looking at him. Something had clearly changed in his Senpai, but the mokuton user refused to hope for anything. Maybe it really would be best if they just-
"About...what I said. In the forest." Kakashi began quietly, still unable to meet Tenzou's gaze. Something flared up in the younger ninja's chest and he ferociously tried to beat it down. You never had any idea what the hell Kakashi was going to say. Tenzou remained silent and waited for his Senpai to continue.
"...I had a lot of time to think on that mission. Things seemed to have turned out the best that they possibly could have in this 'conflict'. You've obviously been promoted, even if it isn't official. I'm a useless mess, but alive and on a fairly simple road to recovery. Maybe, maybe it's partly because of the decision I made for us; we'll never really know. But...what is certain, is that your strength, intelligence and talents are what brought us to this point. I find myself looking back and asking if I didn't put you through hell for nothing."
Tenzou's jaw was clenched so hard he could hear his teeth scraping against each other. Kakashi paused for a few moments, seemingly to get his bearings. Tenzou nearly closed his eyes in preparation for what was to come, almost as a kind of shield. As his mind raced trying to guess what Kakashi was going to say, Tenzou realized he would have no idea how to respond in any situation he could think of. When it came to their relationship, Tenzou was a gigantic mess internally.
"...What stands out the most to me..." Kakashi continued after swallowing lightly. "...is something you said a while ago. 'This isn't about us, it's about you and your fears.' While I have no doubt that I was acting in what I was certain was your bests interests, I'm starting to realize you weren't wrong. I projected my paranoia about losing all who are close to me onto you. I saw our situation match my past far too well, and I didn't know what to do about it. When I sat down and thought about what I could do differently this time to avoid tragedy, my only thought was separating us. As if...somehow, I was the catalyst."
Kakashi tensely rubbed the back of his neck as he took another small break in his speech. Tenzou was fighting with every ounce of his self control not to cry. Nothing Kakashi was saying was a surprise. If Tenzou hadn't figured it out himself, Gai or Genma had said it to him. It seemed like Kakashi was the only one who didn't know, and unfortunately, needed all this time to figure it out.
Thankfully, it didn't seem like the ANBU captain was expecting Tenzou to say much. He seemed to gather a few more of his wits, turned, and for the first time that afternoon stared Tenzou straight in the eyes.
"I meant what I said. I haven't done well by you at all. I'm not a good partner; I have too much fear. That fear shouldn't affect you, it has nothing to do with you, and yet I let it happen. Part of me wants to take credit for how well this conflict has gone for you, but I just can't. I know you're strong and capable of succeeding no matter what obstacles there are. I wish I'd just been content with that at the time, but I couldn't have been."
Tenzou rubbed at his eyes and shifted in his chair. A million things were flying through his head, but he had no idea what of it to vocalize. He wasn't expecting this kind of a confession from Kakashi. He wasn't expecting him to own so many of his decisions. Everything he said was true, but Tenzou had loved him then and still loved him now.
The mokuton user's voice cracked as he answered. "I...I'm not sure what to do. On one hand, you...this conflict was so much harder for me because of what happened between us. I had no idea what emotional turmoil really was before our...separation. If I wasn't in outright pain, I was numb and angry. My solo missions were the hardest, where I had far too much time to myself to think..."
Kakashi gently buried his face in his hand as Tenzou spoke. The one consolation the brunette ninja had was that his Captain, regardless of how he acted, clearly loved Tenzou. There was no doubt in Tenzou's mind that his words caused the Copy-nin pain.
"...On the other hand, you...you're responsible for my growth, shedding my fears of the mokuton, breaking out of my lonely lifestyle. Almost every wonderful memory I have has you in it. When I think about where I would be without you, it's...scary. It's terrible."
He had to stop and swallow thickly. It was getting increasingly hard not to be overly emotional, but Kakashi meant a lot to him and he needed this conversation to be perfect.
"I wish...I wish I could remember our relationship before ANBU. But I know you saved me. You were the first person to truly love me. So...I guess, you get a bit of a bonus point for that."
There was a moment of thick silence between them where both Kakashi and Tenzou were unable to look up from their laps. Deep breathing was the only sound to penetrate the void in the room. The issue with Tenzou was that he didn't want to come out and say all was forgiven, because really, it wasn't. He was still in pain. Kakashi would need to really, really work on himself for their relationship to continue from this point on. Was he capable of that? Tenzou had no idea.
It seemed Kakashi had no idea either from the extended silence. His brows were furrowed as he gazed into his lap, as if the bed sheets had all the answers. A thick inhale pierced the soundless atmosphere as Kakashi took a deep breath and finally looked up.
"When I ask myself what I want, the answer is obviously and clearly you. But the very idea of saying that, of asking for you back, after everything I put you through makes me nauseous. It feels wrong."
Kakashi dared to catch Tenzou's eyes. The mokuton user was stone still, his look almost fearful, as if he couldn't believe what Kakashi was saying. As if it could all be an illusion. Kakashi wiggled to the edge of his bed, a move that clearly caused him at least some pain, but his goal was to be as close to Tenzou as possible. Tentatively, he reached out and placed a very light hand on his lovers leg.
"I know you may not believe me, but for your peace of mind, when I said I loved you I meant it. Despite my distance, my feelings for you never changed. I wanted you to be safe. I was terrified you would die because of me. But, I'm an idiot...my solution to everything is to distance people. In all this time, I haven't figured out another way to protect those I care about. When I openly try, I fail. Failure was not an option in this case."
Tenzou filled his lungs with a shaky breath and roughly scrubbed at his eyes with his palm. Blinking away the rest of his tears, he looked back to Kakashi, his expression as resolute as it could be considering how much the conversation was affecting him.
"Senpai. I understand your motivation...actually, I think I knew it all along. What worries me is the future. It's alright to be afraid; sometimes what I feel scares me, too. But you can't break my heart every time you want to run. I can't go through this again. It's horrible."
"I..I'm sorry, Tenzou." Kakashi breathed, his expression twisted with guilt and pain. "I shouldn't have started any of this. I'm trash, I'm not good for anything but missions. Time and time again I prove it, yet I never learn..."
"Stop." Tenzou ordered firmly.
Kakashi continued, unaffected by Tenzou's change in demeanour. "I don't know if I can change. I don't know if I'll ever be capable of anything but failure."
"Well, look at how your talking!" Tenzou shouted, gesturing to Kakashi in his frustration then dragging his fingers through his hair. "How are you ever going to get anywhere if you just keep berating yourself with 'I can't do it, I'll just fail, I'm trash.'. How can a Captain of ANBU be trash? How can someone Gai and Genma care about so much be trash? The only reason we're even having this conversation is because you didn't trust yourself. Stop over thinking things. I can't believe I just told someone else not to over think things, but really!"
Tenzou panted and Kakashi stared in open shock. Clearly, what had been said struck a cord with him. He couldn't deny any of it.
"I bet. No, seriously, I will place actual money on the fact that if you stop stressing about how I'm going to die or you're going to mess up and our relationship is going to crash and burn, it'll turn out just fine! It was fine, wasn't it? Weren't...we happy?"
Kakashi answered instantly and firmly. "Yes."
"Okay." Tenzou responded with a helpless gesture. "So...you said you want me. Do you? I...I really need to see that. I need to see you...trust yourself. Trust us and trust me. Can't you do that?"
It looked like someone had asked Kakashi to saw his own arm off. Actually...he probably could have done that with a lot less agony. Kakashi's face reflected an intense conflict inside himself. Like there were two personalities fighting to take over; the one that was eager to embrace their relationship, and the one that was terrified of ever getting close to anyone again.
Watching Kakashi struggle was just as hard for Tenzou as it was for his Senpai. It was like a roll of the dice; he had no idea what the outcome would be.
"What overwhelms me...is how I'm supposed to make this up to you." Kakashi whispered, his voice almost haggard.
Tenzou smiled weakly. "You can do what I just asked."
Kakashi blankly stared at his hands for a few tense moments. He looked up at Tenzou, his eyes displaying a resolution and strength that nearly made the other ninja cry out in happiness.
"I trust you. Me...that will take some time. But I owe it to you, Tenzou. I don't want to let you down again."
It was hard not to be overly giddy, but Tenzou managed to keep his reaction to a warm smile. He dragged his chair closer and rested his hands over Kakashi's. Their eyes were locked together, Kakashi's determined and a little scared.
"Time isn't a problem, Senpai. I'm going to need time, too."
Kakashi ducked his head. "Of course..."
Tenzou craned his head around and glanced at the wall clock behind him. Wow, an hour had passed. He still needed to write the report for his mission. He looked back to Kakashi.
"I have to go. I'll...visit soon." Tenzou murmured, hesitant to come back too soon as he wanted the two of them to have some space to think. Kakashi needed to know what he signed himself up for. No way was Tenzou putting his name down for another ride on the Bullshit Train.
Kakashi merely nodded and smiled softly. Tenzou stood, cracking his back. He supposed Gai and Genma would be pleased with themselves. This was clearly what they'd hoped for.
A moment passed between Tenzou and Kakashi where they silently regarded one another. Deciding to give into what his mind was screaming at him to do, Tenzou bent and placed a soft kiss on Kakashi's forehead. When he stepped back, the look Kakashi gave him made the mokuton user grateful for listening to his instincts.
"Thank you." Kakashi whispered.
It was such a loaded gesture that Tenzou hardly knew how to respond.
"It's...not so easy to give up something you love." The mokuton user answered. He turned and left then, not ready to go deeper into that conversation. He was still reeling from the fact that they had basically just made up, when he thought they would never be together again. The Tenzou of a few weeks ago would have been over the moon, but this Tenzou was sceptical of getting his hopes up. Kakashi was tired and bed-ridden...he would see how he acted when he was back to his usual self.
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