The wake is tonight and the family is all gathered in the living room waiting to go to the church. George is conspicuously absent from the gathering and Amy is relieved. If she never sees him again, she feels like it will be too soon. Yet seeing as though they are all under the same roof, for the time being, a run in seems inevitable.
Neighbors have been bringing food by in a steady stream all afternoon. There is a small spread laid out but no one feels like eating. With the exception of George Jr. the Cooper clan is an exceptionally slim group of people. Amy feels like that is not by accident, her stomach is growling again but she does not want to embarrass herself by being the only person eating. Missy picks up a brownie from a plate sniffs it and gives it a half hearted nibble.
"Not as good as Memaw's." she sighs throwing the rest of the brownie in the trash. "Everything reminds me of her right now."
"If you stopped eating food, that Memaw made better, you would never eat again." Sheldon tells her.
"Oh, Shelly you speak the straight gospel! There was not a recipe in the world ,that the woman could not master." Mary says nodding her head.
"The cookie care packages she sent me are the only thing that kept me from wasting away into nothingness, that summer I spent in Germany." Sheldon says bending his head down into his chest.
"I remember that, she was so worried her little moonpie would not take well to that crazy foreign food'" Missy says to Sheldon in a voice one would use on a toddler.
"Memaw, never did trust foreign food, took us forever to get her to try TeX-mex ,even then she was mighty cautious." Mary says.
"Do you remember the time Memaw went on that cruise and she complained that the food was too fancy?" Missy asks.
"Oh lord yes! What did she say again Missy?" Mary asks.
"Well I asked her how her cruise went and she says": "It was just fine honey except the food was to high and mighty."
"So I say Memaw, what in the world did they serve?" and she says and Missy starts giggling so much she almost can't continue. Missy stops gains composure then in an exaggerated southern drawl Missy says :
" Chi-kin, mashed pertaters, corn bread."
" I said Memaw that don't sound fancy." and she says.
"Well honey weren't what it was but how a fancy they served it." Mary and Missy start laughing. Amy looks cautiously at Sheldon he looks stoic, she hopes he is holding up alright.
"Remember when we bought Memaw the computer for Christmas so she could Skype with Sheldon?" Mary asks laughing.
"She made us disconnect it because she didn't want no pre-verts a watching her on the interwebs." Missy says laughing.
"Stop it! both of you! This isn't funny! Memaw is gone and all you can do is make fun of how sweet and simple she was!" Sheldon says getting up.
"Sheldon we are not making fun of her, we are celebrating her life, remembering the good times honey!" Mary says.
"Well remind me not you invite you to my funeral! Remember the good times!" Sheldon chokes out barely able to contain the sob stuck in his throat. He so upset that he leaves the room and storms into his bedroom. Mary rises to follow him but Amy stops her.
"Let me, he just needs some time." Amy says getting up and following Sheldon. His door is shut and she knocks tentatively, "Sheldon, its Amy can I come in."
"Yes." he says muffled inside. Amy opens the door and makes sure to shut it tight behind her. Sheldon is laying curled in the fetal position on the bed his arms wrapped around a pillow. Amy makes her way over to him, unsure what to do. Amy wishes she could wrap him up in her arms and make him feel better, but she does not want to risk making him feel worse. So she sits on the edge of the bed quietly
"Amy, I miss her, and I feel so guilty, that I did not get to see her before she was gone." Amy risks it and strokes his hair lightly.
"I know, Sheldon, I know, it is OK" Amy says continuing to stroke his hair she knows nothing she can say will make it better.
"Its not OK! She was sick, and she was so worried about how I would react that she would not let anyone tell me. I could of had more time with her." Sheldon looks up at her and his blue eyes are shining with tears, his thick black lashes wet with tears. Amy has never seen him cry like this before, get upset yes, let out a sob yes, but real tears is a first for her. Seeing him like this just breaks her, he can reject her if he wants but she is going to try and give him comfort.
"Scoot over." Amy tells him and he wiggles over Amy removes the pillow from his arms and replaces it with her body. Amy wraps her arms around him and he rests his head on her chest and sobs. Amy rubs his back and let's him cry until she can feel his breathing even.
"Thank you" he says into her sweater.
"Don't mention it." Amy says.
"I never cry, I have not cried like that since I was very young." he says lifting his head up and looking into her eyes.
"It is OK to cry, it is OK to feel how you are feeling." Amy reassures him trying to not get distracted by the intensity of his gaze. How through the tears his blue eyes are shining like sapphires.
"Is it?" Sheldon asks almost sadly before moving in and kissing her on the lips. Soft and light at first, then it builds Amy is so stunned she does not know how to react. Amy kisses him back shaping her lips around his. This kiss is different from the others they have shared, it is hungry, desperate even. Amy slyly maneuvers her tongue into his mouth and is rewarded with a soft moan from him. Sheldon reciprocates and Amy is awash in sensation, together discover a new plane of existence. All to soon though Sheldon pulls away. " I am sorry." he says hanging his head.
"No need to be sorry, are you ready to go back out there?" Amy asks. Sheldon shakes his head yes. They rise Amy adjusts her clothing and smoothes down her hair she looks at Sheldon and sees he is making adjustment with his pants and she blushes. They walk back out into the living room and everyone is silent. They have learned from years of experience to be cautious around an emotional Sheldon.
"I am sorry, there is a chance that I may have overreacted,." Sheldon says to his mother and sister.
"Honey, don't you worry about it! We all miss her, and we all have different ways of showing it." Mary assures him. "Now it is time to go to the church, are you alright to go?" Sheldon shakes his head yes.
Missy has left Ayden with a friend and insists that she sit shotgun in Mary's car. Sheldon and Amy get into the backseat, Sheldon crosses his arms testily.
"You know that I get carsick if I do not sit up front." he tells Missy.
"As your twin I know and you know that I do to. With baby number two on the way there is more of a chance that ,I will barf than you." Missy says twisting around in her seat.
"You are well past your first trimester, the chance of you still having morning sickness…" Missy cuts him off by twisting around again and pretending to retch into his lap.
"Fine! You win! Mother, do you see this juvenile display!" Sheldon pleads to Mary.
"Children!" Mary chides looking into the rearview mirror. " Ya'll are in your thirties! I should not have to break up fights. Do not make me turn this car around!"
"I will behave if Shelly does." Missy says sticking her tongue out at him, when Mary is not looking. Sheldon responds by scrunching up his face sticking his hands in his ears and wiggling them in a moose gesture. Amy cannot help breaking down and giggling, the gesture is just so… un-Sheldon.
They make it to the church without further incident, they are there early but it was already crowded. This is just the visitation, Amy wonders what the turnout for the funeral will be like.
"There are a lot of people here." Amy tells Sheldon quietly
"Yes, Memaw was a pillar of the community, just about everybody in town knew her. She was on the ladies auxiliary, she was on the list of church deacons. Not to mention all of the family that is here today." Mary says overhearing them.
The church itself is rather large, in her mind Amy had been picturing a quaint country chapel. This structure looks more like a YMCA complete with an aluminum gymnasium tacked on. They enter through the front double doors the lobby is festooned with flowers and there is a large blown up picture standing in the middle. Amy is left to presume that the woman in the portrait is Memaw. Again Amy's mental image had failed her, she had always envisioned her more like her own grandmother. Tiny and frail with a cap of gray curls. The image shows a full body shot, the woman in the picture is tall and thin, with striking features. Her hair while gray, is long and swept back from her face with jeweled clip. Amy is struck by how much the woman resembles an older Missy.
"Missy, I never knew how much you and your grandmother resembled each other." Amy tells her.
"You should see a side by beside photo of both of us at my age, If no one told you different you would think it was the same person. Kind of nice to know exactly what you are going to look like when you are older." Missy tells her.
"Not exactly alike." Sheldon amends. "Memaw had green eyes, and you have blue." Missy slaps him on the shoulder and Sheldon grabs his shoulder wounded. "Owww!"
"Close enough damn it, and you are just mad because you look like uncle Stumpy." Missy hisses.
"Take that back!" Sheldon tells her angrily.
"Children!" Mary says in a warning tone. Missy gives Sheldon a haughty look and flounces into the chapel. Mary goes in after her, Sheldon and Amy follow, he is keeping his arms wrapped tightly around his chest as he walks, like he is trying to hold himself together.
The casket is in the front of the chapel there is a small group of people standing in front of it. When they move on Missy and his mother move forward to stand in front of it. Sheldon hangs back, and Amy urges him forward.
"Don't be frightened, part of the healing process will be seeing her one last time." Amy tells him.
"I am not frightened, Its just that…" Sheldon pauses trying to compose himself.
"What."
"I am not like you Amy, I don't deal with cadavers on a daily basis. I don't think I have seen a dead body since my grandfather died. When I saw him laying there in his casket, I fainted." Sheldon confesses.
"True, I have more experience working with the deceased than you do. The ones I have seen have been strangers, who I have no emotional attachment to. Seeing someone you love, like this is always hard, but I will be standing with you, I won't let you fall." Amy says.
"I hardly think you could support me if I fainted." Sheldon tells her but never the less he moves forward to join his family. Amy hangs back and let's them have a moment together.
"They did a good job, real natural, like she could almost be sleeping." Mary says holding a hanky to her mouth.
"Mama! Oh my gosh!" Missy says startled.
"What is it sweetheart." Mary asks alarmed.
"We got to call the funeral home, either they forgot it or someone, stole it!"
"What honey?"
"Memaw's ring! Her wedding ring Momma, she told me she wanted to be buried with it, and its not on her hand!" Missy says tears rolling down her cheeks. Sheldon looks at his mother concerned.
"I thought, you said you would tell her?" Sheldon asks his mother.
"Tell me what?" Missy says confused.
"Now honey, nows not the time, let's what til we are back home." Mary says patting her on the arm.
"Tell me what!" Missy says with steely determination.
"Well sugar, you see, when we went to the lawyers we discover Memaw had made some changes in her final arrangements." Mary begins.
"What do you mean changes, we talked just last month, I asked if I could have it when she was gone. She told me it had been on her finger fifty years and would be on there a hundred more." Missy says.
"Memaw left me the ring." Sheldon says simply.
"I don't understand, why would she leave it to you, you have no emotions. You don't care about anything, nothing means anything to you, its all just there to serve you a purpose and nothing else. Memaw knew how much that ring meant to me." Missy says hurt.
"Now, is not the time to discuss this!" Mary hisses at her. "It is tacky to talk about, who got what at her visitation! Now I was going to sit ya'll down and tell ya'll everything tomorrow now hush up! We still gotta do the receiving line, George Jr. is back at the house sleeping one off. I won't have ya'll a fussing and fighting!" Mary says angrily.
"Your right momma, I am sorry," Missy says but there is a quiet determination in her voice, Mary can tell the discussion is far from over.
"I am impressed Sheldon, you handled the rest of the evening very well. You even shook hands with everyone in the receiving line." Amy is even more surprised that Mary insisted that she be a part of it. Amy tried to sit down, but Mary pulled her right back up . She was sandwiched between Sheldon and his Uncle Stumpy shaking people's hands all night. Amy thinks most people assumed she was one of Sheldon's distant cousins. The few people she got to explain who she was too, looked at her like she was a crazy person. That was with her standing next to a man with one arm and a lazy eye ,wearing a button down Tasmanian Devil shirt.
"I know, I will probably pay for it with a violent cold before we even get on the plane back home." Sheldon says already sounding stuffy.
"Your Uncle Stumpy, is an interesting character, he has some rather strong opinions." Amy says trying to stifle a laugh remembering how she had been cornered by the man and regaled with numerous conspiracy theories.
"My Uncle Stumpy, is insane, did he tell you how the president is switching all his medications with thought control drugs. Or did he tell you how aliens abducted him in the eighties and stole his idea for the movie E.T.?" Sheldon asks.
"Both actually, and a few others as well, I am exhausted ." Amy says laying her head on the pillow it has been an overwhelming day.
"Amy?" Sheldon says tentatively.
"Yes?"
"Is the trundle uncomfortable?"
"Its not as comfortable as my bed at home but I have slept on worse." Amy assures him.
"I don't think the mattress has been changed since it was purchased in 1987. It is probably filled with dust mites or bed bugs.
" Not exactly a comforting thought before bed Sheldon." Amy says.
"Maybe you ought to sleep up here with me, just in case the mattress is infected." Amy smiles into her pillow so he liked their snuggle time earlier.
"You know maybe you are right, I should probably sleep up there." Amy says.
"Of course I'm right." Sheldon says scooting over to make room for her and Amy climbs in beside him. Sheldon holds out his arms indicating he wants her to fold herself into them like earlier. Amy eagerly obliges and rests her head on his chest this time listening to the frantic drumming of his heart. Sheldon rests his hands on her back his hands making nervous circles between her shoulder blades.
"Are you alright?" Amy asks looking up at him. The only light in the room is from the glow in the dark stars, they cast his features into shadow. It almost reminds her if a photo negative all she can see of him is the sharp planes of his face, the angle of his jawline, and how his eyes, seem to be boring into her own.
"Its hard to say." he says running his hand down from her shoulder blades down to the small of her back. He scoots closer to her and Amy's eyes widen in surprise, he is obviously aroused. Amy has read about this in one of her journals, in response to grief, the body tries to seek out pleasure to numb the pain. Amy is torn, she so desperately wants to be the balm that soothes his tortured soul. Then again she does not want him to regret anything, it is one thing to be in their insular world in Texas. Where it felt like it was them against the world. Soon enough they would be back in California and it would break her heart if he acted like none of this had happened.
"Sheldon…"Amy begins, refusal on her lips but he stops it with kiss.
" Please…" he moans softly against her lips, and she is lost. Amy kisses him back letting her hands roam down his back. Feeling each individual muscle and bone mapping his physiology with her hands Amy grows bolder has the kisses deepen hand his hands take greater inventory of her flesh. Amy let's her hands roam downward seeking the intruder that has been poking against her nightgown since she first climbed into bed with him. At first he his shocked and his body stiffens, then relaxes as Amy's hands do their work. Amy first strokes him through his clothes, then as his breathing takes on a labored quality she grows bolder. Reaching through the flaps of his pajamas she takes him gently into her hand. The feel of it surprises her, she has never held a man in her hand before she expected it to be completely rigid ,and it is but it also soft and silky. Amy teases the malleable skin, rolling her hand upwards and they down again. She is rewarded with a moan and Sheldon burying his face into her neck. Amy tests it again, gaining confidence with each stroke, his breathing is heavy in her ear as he nips and kisses her neck. Sheldon makes a noise like a strangled sob and Amy stops her ministrations.
"Why'd you stop?" he pleads.
"I just thought I might be doing it wrong." Amy whispers.
"No, I assume that you are doing everything extremely right." Sheldon says kissing her again deeply and pushing himself against her side. "Not that, I would know though, I have never been touched like that before, not even by my own hand."
This statement sends warring sensations and emotions throughout Amy. On one hand her libido seems to be enflamed, thinking that her hand his the only one to illicit such a response from him. On the other hand her brain feels like it has been doused in ice water, she is taking advantage of him. Amy felt like she was using his vulnerability at this moment to get what she wanted.
"Sheldon, we should stop." Amy sighs
"Why, I thought that this what you wanted?" Sheldon asks confused.
"It is, more than anything, but I feel like I am taking advantage of you. I mean you have never even touched yourself before. I just feel like that maybe your brain is seeking out a release of dopamine and serotonin in response to your grief. If you still feel like this when we are back home well then we can think about it again." Amy says kissing him gently on the fore head.
"That sounds reasonable, maybe I am acting a bit out of character. Thank you Amy as usual your brain seems to understand the few things that are out of my grasp. For the record I never said, ahem, for lack of a better term, that I never touched myself at all, I just said not like that." Sheldon says.
"How do you touch yourself?" Amy asks curiously.
"Amy, that is kind of personal." Sheldon sighs.
"Fair enough, I will stop prying. Do you want me to go back into the trundle?" Amy asks him.
"No, like I said there could be bed bugs and dust mites down there." Sheldon says.
"Very well, Good night Sheldon." Amy says turning around.
"Good night, Amy." Sheldon says wrapping his hand around her waist.