Chapter 4

Elphaba

What were my exact feelings the day of my audition? It's hard to say. This was something that Glinda was enthusiastic about, not me. But still, Lieutenant Fiyero Tigulaar! I wasn't about to make a fool of myself in front of him. Once Tenmeadows left, bowing extravagantly, Glinda spoke up. "You asked to see Elphaba Thropp, Lieutenant. Here she is!"

"Yes, I was thinking about her for the role of Silvia," Lieutenant Tigulaar said, sounding like he was recovering from a shock. "Have you seen any plays, Thropp?"

"Yes," I said, suddenly feeling extremely shy.

"Can you remember which plays you've seen?"

"No." I honestly couldn't remember. It was just … Lieutenant Tigulaar had such blue eyes! How could eyes be that blue?

"I don't remember what they were called, but I could always tell when they were going to end badly," Glinda said. "How does this one end, Lieutenant?"

"It's called The Recruiting Officer," he replied. "It ends happily."

Glinda gave one of her habitual hair tosses. "Elphie wants to be in your play, Lieutenant, and so do I!"

"Do you think you have a talent for acting, Thropp?"

"Of course she does! And so do I!"

I could tell that Lieutenant Tigulaar was getting irritated. "Do you know The Recruiting Officer, Upland?"

"Nooo … but in all those plays there's a friend. A girl needs someone to talk to. So she talks to her friend. So I'll play Elphie's friend."

"Silvia, that's the part I want to try Thropp for, doesn't have a friend. She has a cousin, but they don't like each other very much."

"Oh, Elphie doesn't always like me."

This was getting nowhere. "Lieutenant Tigulaar," I started quietly. "May I please audition now?"

He looked extremely relieved. "Of course! Here's a script for you. Your father tells me you can read and write?" Delicately, I took the small golden book. I would hate to damage it in any way.

"Ye-."

"Of course she can! She used to read to us in the wagon! We loved it! It put us to sleep!"

"Thank you, Upland," Lieutenant Tigulaar groaned. "Thropp, let's do Act One, Scene 1. Here, I'll read Justice Balance."

"Ooo, is that her lover?"

Lieutenant Tigulaar sighed. "No, Justice Balance is her father."

"What's the name of her sweetheart?"

"Captain Plume."

Glinda squealed. "A captain! Elphie!"

Nervously, I turned to the first scene and began to read. "'W-whilst there is life, there is hope, sir.'"

"This is gonna be a good play, I can tell!" Glinda interjected again.

"Shh!" Lieutenant Tigulaar exclaimed. "She hasn't finished yet. Start again, Thropp."

I cleared my throat, determined to do better. "Whilst there is life, there is hope, sir. Perhaps my brother may recover.'"

Glinda squealed again. "Well said, Elphie, well said!"

"'We have but little reason to expect it,'" Lieutenant Tigulaar began, glaring at Glinda. "'Poor Owen! But the decree is just. I was pleased with the death of my father, for he gave me twelve hundred pounds and an estate, and now I am punished with the loss of an heir to inherit mine.'"

I was confused. "Pounds? That's not like any Ozian currency."

"This play is from the Other World, where the governor's from," Lieutenant Tigulaar explained. "So twelve hundred pounds would be equivalent to about … eighteen hundred Ozma coins." He chuckled. "This is a comedy! They don't really mean it!"

Glinda snorted. "Eighteen hundred Ozma coins! It must be a comedy."

"Upland," Lieutenant Tigulaar warned. "Now, Thropp, I would like to hear a little more. If you would turn to page 65, but this time, maybe you could be a little louder. Start there."

"'My desire of being punctual requires that you would be plain in your commands, sir,'" I read, trying not to look at Lieutenant Tigulaar's perfect fingernail.

"Good, Thropp. You read very well." He smiled at me, and that rendered me powerless to resist grinning broadly back. "Will you be able to copy the play as well? We only have two copies."

"Of course she will! Now, where do I come in, Lieutenant?" Glinda whined. "The cousin?"

"I'm not sure you're right for Melinda, Upland," Lieutenant Tigulaar said pensively. "What about … Rose?"

"Ooo! Rose! What an amazifying name! Who is she?"

"She is a country girl."

Lieutenant Tigulaar and I both cringed at Glinda's ear splitting squeal. "Eeeee! I'm from the Pertha Hills, Lieutenant! I'm PERFECT for Rose! What does she do?"

"She … well, it's complicated." Lieutenant Tigulaar sat down. "She falls in love with Silvia. But that's because she thinks Silvia is a man. And she … they … she sleeps with her." Sweet Oz, the lieutenant was beginning to blush! I couldn't help but laugh. "Rose … with Silvia. Silvia too … with Rose. But nothing happens!"

Glinda started laughing too. "It doesn't? Nothing?"

"Well, of course not! I mean, she can't …"

"Play the flute? She's not the only one around here! I'll do Rose. Come on, Elphie." I really wanted to read some more of the play with Lieutenant Tigulaar, but that probably would have resulted in Glinda having a stroke, so I obediently started following her out of the lieutenant's yard.

"Wait! I'm not sure I want you in the play, Upland! If you can't read …"

Glinda turned and grinned. "Elphie will read me my lines, Lieutenant. And I will read you your dreams." I flashed a small smile at the lieutenant, and we turned to leave again. Only to find Pfanee Mordam in our faces. Eeep.

"Ah!" Lieutenant Tigulaar exclaimed happily. "Here's your cousin."

"What?" Glinda shrieked. "You can't have her in the play! You don't have to be able to read dreams to know to know that Pfanee Mordam is going to be hanged!"

"Shut your pie hole, Blondie Upland," Pfanee growled before addressing Lieutenant Tigulaar. "You want me in the play, Lieutenant? Is that it? I'll take a look at it and let you know." She swiped the lieutenant's last script, and then bumped Glinda on her way out. Maybe it was my illegal powers or maybe it wasn't, but I was starting to get a very bad feeling about Pfanee Mordam.